Ty raises his eyebrows as he sees us approach.
I shake my head. Don’t ask.
He knows that Ellie and I aren’t close. He sees through her fake nice-girl act. She works so hard being popular that she probably doesn’t show one honest trait.
Is that what life was like for Iris too? Faking it to make it? What’s the point of being popular if you’re never yourself?
Placing my food next to Ty’s, I sit down.
“Fries, Ivy?” he asks, smirking at my pitiful lunch.
“One of those days,” I reply. There have been a lot of them recently. I should have picked something sweet up too, because now I have to deal with Ellie while I eat.
I push the scout to the back of my mind. Fries won’t ruin my chances. I’m back in the pool soon and will train harder than before.
“How is Ivy so thin, right?” Iris says, leaning across me.
I move back and pray her long hair doesn’t touch my food.
Ty frowns at her, but before anyone can say another word, she’s gone, turned to the side and chatting to Ellie.
I run and swim and don’t usually binge on carbs, that’s how. There is no way I could cut out fries and chocolate permanently. I’d be walking around growling and punching people.
“How’s it going?” Ty asks.
“Not too bad. People keep looking at me and Iris, though.” Like right now. I can see at least three people at nearby tables glancing over.
He shrugs. “They’ll move on soon.”
“I wish they would move on now.” I pop a fry into my mouth. “Clara in my PE class actually stammered when she said hi.”
“It’s not always easy to find the right words. I’ve been there. When it first happened, I felt like I was saying everything wrong,” he admits.
“You weren’t at all. You were perfect.”
His mouth curves in a smile. “Clara wasn’t being rude.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just hard.” I take a breath as the void in my heart grows. It’s bad enough that I’m missing my mom so much, but I have to hear whispers about it at school too.
“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks.
“No, I’m fine,” I reply, picking up a fry even though my stomach rolls at the thought of food now. Iris seems to be doing much better than me, but I still can’t leave her on her own.
“You’re not,” he whispers.
No, I’m not. I need to get through the day, though, so I’m going to pretend. When school is out, I can sit on the field and watch Ty play for a while. That time on my own in silence calls to me.
I haven’t seen Haley or Sophie yet, not since I passed them in the hall, but they said they’d meet me here.
The distance between me and Ty is about three inches, but it feels a lot wider. He wants me to leave with him, to put myself first and take some time away from a situation that’s making me uncomfortable.
Ty thinks only of me, and I don’t have that luxury anymore. I have to think like a twin now. At least until Iris makes her own friends. Which looks like it will take all of three minutes to do.
Juggling the grief, all of the changes, and trying to get back to some kind of normality is exhausting. I feel like I could sleep for a whole day.
“Ivy,” Haley calls. I look over my shoulder as my two best friends bound toward me.
Sophie, a step behind Haley, smiles and it lights up her dark brown eyes. Her hair is so light it’s almost white. I love the contrast between her hair and eyes, but she doesn’t, so she always wears her hair in a ponytail.
Haley gives me a hug from behind. “How are you?” she asks, taking a seat next to Ty while Sophie sits opposite me.
“I’m fine,” I tell them.
Sophie’s dark eyes glare. We don’t lie to each other, and I totally just did. They know, but they also know that I’ll talk about it when we’re not in a room full of people who breathe gossip.
Sophie and Haley introduce themselves to Iris and spark random small talk with her.
Haley scoops her tight black ringlets into her hands and pushes them behind her ears. It’s useless, though, because her hair falls straight back down. I love Haley’s hair. Her whole family has the curls, her older brother opting for a full Afro. She once asked me to straighten it for her, and I almost cried while doing it.
We both insisted that night that Haley should fully embrace her African American hair, and she’s never straightened it again.
Iris laughs at something Sophie said but I didn’t hear. My sister is much better at holding conversations while the world falls apart than I am. I can get through, I can go to class and do the work, but I can’t fool people.
Nothing is okay right now, and I’m scared it never will be again.
13
My shoulders sag as the relief to leave the day behind washes over me. Ty is out on the field with his team. So far no one has moved much—there has been a lot of talking.
Like, just run.
It doesn’t bother me that I’m watching him stand still, though. I’m glad for some peace, no matter how I get it.
I stretch my legs out in front of me on the bench. There’s a book in my bag and a packet of M&M’s. All I need to keep myself occupied for the next hour. I’ve been looking forward to this moment since this morning.
Iris is watching Ellie and the girls at cheer practice. She heads straight for the spotlight. I don’t know if she’s there with the aim of getting on the team or not, but I don’t particularly care. As long as she’s happy.
I open the candy and dig my hand in.
The sun above beats down on my face. If I lie down, I could probably fall asleep right now.
I don’t trust Ty and his friends to not draw on my face, though. I would totally do it to them. So I’m staying awake and enjoying the silence while it lasts.
But it doesn’t last long because I hear my name being called.
“Hey,” Iris says, sitting down beside me.
“Hi. I thought you were watching cheerleading practice,” I say with a frown.
She shrugs. “I was, but I’ve seen it all before.”
“Right. So do you understand what’s going on in this game, then?”
“Of course I do. I love football.”
I love Ty, and I don’t mind watching it when he’s playing, but I can never quite follow what’s happening.
“Good, then help me out!”
She laughs. “Don’t worry, sis, you’ll soon learn every rule.”
“Dad and Ty have tried explaining before too, but I just don’t really like it.”
Iris rolls her eyes. “Your boyfriend is the quarterback and you don’t even like football.”
“Ty doesn’t like to swim.”
We like the same films and music. We’re both horrible at bowling but go anyway. We love Halloween but he thinks couples’ costumes and even matching costumes are lame, though I definitely would have gone as Pennywise and Georgie last year. He couldn’t be convinced, though, so he was Michael Myers and I was Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
We can’t like all of the same things, but we like enough for us to work.
She shakes her head. “Ivy, Ivy, Ivy.”
“What? I’m not going to pretend to like something.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a deceitful shrew!”
Rolling her eyes, she digs around in her bag. “It’s not deceitful.”
“You’ve pretended to like things you don’t for a guy before?”
“Sure.”
“Weren’t you bored?”
“Ugh. Totally. But he was so cute.”
Yeah, I couldn’t do it. I’d go crazy sitting down having a conversation about something I don’t like for date after date. My face would give me
away too. I’m crap at lying.
“And how did that end?”
She laughs and slides her lip gloss wand across her bottom lip. “I ditched him after a month. His friend was hotter.”
Lovely.
“Did you have more in common with the friend?”
“Not really. He liked The Walking Dead, which helped.”
“One show. That’s all you talked about?”
“At least this one topic was one we mutually enjoyed.”
That’s awesome. No wonder her relationships haven’t worked out. She’s picking guys based purely on looks and pretending she likes what they like.
Is that how she picks friends too? Because she sure has found it easy to leave…ugh, no, her name still isn’t coming to me, but Iris left her behind.
“So…who on the team is single?”
“Leo and Todd for sure. Ty and Logan are not. I have no idea about the rest of them.”
“You know the relationship status of only four people?”
“This might shock you, but I don’t take a tally.”
“Oh, girl, you have got to high-school better.”
Frowning, I put my book down. “I’m sorry, what? Do it better?”
“This is your life for four years, Ivy. You still have one and a half left. To survive high school, you need to own high school.”
“No offense, Iris, but you sound insane right now.”
She puts her lip gloss away and twists her body. The football field is forgotten. Hunting down her next squeeze has taken a backseat, because she’s about to school me.
Not that I want or need it.
“It’s not insane to want to make the best of your time here. We have to do it, so why not do it right? You can coast through under the radar or you can have a freakin’ party.”
“But what do you get in the end? Because you’ll leave school with a diploma and a bunch of empty memories.”
“Stop living in the future, Ivy. We’re here now. If you want something, take it. That’s exactly what I plan on doing.”
“You’re taking the school?”
“It took me all of five seconds to get Ellie to want to be my bestie. That is the circle that will give you the best experience. Who cares if you leave with nothing but a diploma? Everyone knows you meet your lifelong friends in college.”
Not to be naïve or anything, but I plan on being friends with Sophie and Haley beyond senior year.
“So is that why you’ve ditched everyone in the city?” My eyes widen at my words. I did not mean for that to come out. Especially in the way it came out.
I raise my palms. “Iris, I didn’t mean it.”
She looks away and takes a breath. “It’s not like that.”
“I know. Of course, there is more to it.”
“This is my life now. I have to make this work. It’s that simple.”
“Yeah, I get that. Dad would let you have your friends over and go there anytime you want.”
“Not sure I want to go back there.”
“Understandable. It’s going to be hard when we have to pack up Mom’s stuff.”
Iris freezes. “I don’t want to do that. Mom’s friends have offered to do it.”
I glance at her, half keeping an eye on what Ty is doing. Which is standing still talking. They take forever to get into practice. “I don’t like the idea of someone else going through her things. Besides, you still have some stuff there too.”
“I’ll do my room. You can do hers if you want. Her friends won’t mind either way.”
My stomach dips.
“Okay,” I reply. “Maybe we can go together one weekend. It should be us. You can fill your room here with more of your pink stuff and makeup.”
A smile stretches across her face. “I do miss all of my stuff.”
I flinch. Her stuff is what she misses from that house.
Stop reading into it.
“They’re playing,” she says, shifting to get more comfortable on the bench.
I watch her vacant eyes for a second before turning my head to Ty and swallowing a lump in my throat.
14
Iris and I wait for Ty while he changes after practice, standing outside the front doors in silence. She’s scrolling through Instagram like she’s looking for something specific.
“Do you want to take the car?” I ask her.
Her thumb jams into her screen and her eyes flick to mine. “Take your car?”
“Yeah, so you can go home. I’m going to dinner with Ty.”
“Oh.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t realize you were going on a date with him after. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a third wheel.”
“You’re not a third wheel. I was going to take you home first, but if you take the car, it saves you waiting around now. Ty will drive me home after.”
“Right. Sure, I can do that…and you can go on your date.”
Her voice is low, barely above a whisper. She licks her lips and drops her phone into her bag.
“Okay,” I say. “I won’t be late home.”
She tilts her head. “Do you ever miss curfew?”
“Not much.” I happen to like being able to leave the house, and the chances of that happening decrease dramatically if I break curfew. “Do you?” I ask her.
A tight smile curls her lips. “Of course I don’t.”
Yep, she definitely sneaks out. But to where? Surely she hasn’t snuck out here? She must mean at Mom’s.
“Spill, Iris!”
“Sorry, I need to leave.” She holds her hand out, palm up, and raises her eyebrow.
Sighing, I drop the keys into her hand. She curls her fingers around them. “Thanks. Have fun.”
I watch her as she walks down the steps toward the parking lot. She has a skip in her step, which is a stark contrast to her hunched posture when I told her to go home because I’m going out with Ty.
What changed?
No matter how hard I try, I can’t quite figure her out.
“Hey, where’s Iris going?” Ty asks, throwing his arm around my waist.
Jumping at his sudden appearance, I look up at him. “Home. You can give me a ride back to mine after dinner, right?”
Lifting his eyebrow, he replies, “You need to ask?”
I don’t, but you know, it’s polite. “Take me to dinner, then. I’m starving.”
“Diner or somewhere you don’t get served fries in a plastic basket?”
“Don’t hate on the baskets. They’ve served us well for years.”
Ty shakes his head. “You’re so easy.”
We start walking, falling into the same pace since he’s not letting go of me. “I’m not sure if that’s an insult or not.”
“You know what I mean, Ivy. But I can rephrase. You’re so laid back.” He snorts. “Most of the time.”
Ah, he fixed it. I was beginning to think that he doesn’t know me. I might be laid back about where we eat or where we go on dates—basically I don’t care what we do—but with just about everything else in my life, I’m going out of my mind.
“Yeah, yeah. Ivy overthinks,” I mutter.
“You overthink and stress when there’s never any reason to. There’s nothing you don’t get done. School, swim team, whatever you want.”
That’s right. But it’s because I stress and overthink that it all gets done. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t worry about something I was doing. Whether that’s at school or stressing over an argument with one of my friends.
Logically, I know things will work out one way or another. But I’ve never been fantastic with logic when I’m in the middle of anything remotely important.
Maybe I should put Meera on speed dial.
“What the…” I crane my neck, watching Iris
drive out of the parking lot.
“You want to clue me in?” Ty asks, following where I’m looking.
“Iris turned left out of the lot, not right.”
“Maybe she had something to do first? She might be picking up some dinner.”
I stare up at him. She’s been here a week, and this is her first day at school. What could she be doing?
“Okay, maybe not,” he adds.
“She’s secretive and she’s doing weird things at night.”
We reach his car and get in. I wait until Ty starts the engine.
“What things?”
Something she said a minute ago has me frowning. “I think she’s sneaking out.”
“You think that’s weird?” he asks. “I don’t think I know one person who hasn’t. Besides you.”
“I’ve never had to. Besides, I would definitely get caught.”
Laughing, he tears out of the parking lot and heads right, toward the diner. “You know what, I think you would too. You’re a horrible liar. Your dad would never believe whatever excuse you thought up.”
I don’t think the inability to lie is a bad thing, but it certainly doesn’t help when Dad asks if I’ve ever had a drink or if I’ve cut classes at school. He’s never punished me, so he must believe me.
“But if she’s sneaking out here, where is she going?”
Ty shrugs like I’m overreacting.
“Tyler! She doesn’t know anyone.”
His eyebrows rise. “You Tylered me.”
“Because you’re not taking this seriously. Do you think we should turn around and follow her?” I ask, biting my lip.
“No. Why would you want to?”
“Because I’m nosy.”
“Really, Ivy,” Ty says, chuckling. He makes a left at the light and the square isn’t too far away. I’m so hungry; it better not be busy tonight.
“Sorry. I’ll forget my sister for a while. I enjoyed watching you practice tonight.”
“You mean you tolerated it?”
“I tolerated it in a very enjoyable manner. It was warm out but not too hot. I had a book and you ran a lot more than the last time I watched.”
The Twin Page 7