Laughing, he shakes his head. “So you really want to follow Iris? Because we could get the burger and fries to go.”
“You want to spend our date hunting down my twin sister?”
He shrugs. “It’s something different.”
“It’s different, sure.”
Pulling into a parking space outside the diner, he smirks. “We’ve never stalked anyone together before.”
I frown. “Have you stalked anyone on your own before?”
“Only you.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “What?”
“ ‘Stalked’ is a stretch. I’ve followed you at school. It was before we got together, back when I wanted to ask you out but was too chicken.”
“Where did you follow me to, you creep?” I ask, playfully slapping his arm as my jaw drops.
“To the pool.”
Why did I not know this?
“Wait, is that the day I literally bumped into you outside the changing rooms?”
His grin widens, which answers my question for me. “I needed a reason to talk to you.”
“We had two of the same classes together, Ty. You needed me to whack my head against yours to start a conversation?”
“I hadn’t planned for your lack of concentration.”
We get out of the car and head inside. As much as I want to know what Iris is up to, I’d rather just chill with Ty. My sister is taking up so much of my mind lately. There is something wrong, that I’m sure of, but I doubt I’ll figure it out by following her once.
“I wasn’t expecting someone to be standing right outside the door.”
Ty opens the door for me, and we head inside to find a table. “I wasn’t right outside. Besides, you were at Leo’s party that weekend and the rest is history.”
He definitely was standing right outside the door. I remember it very clearly because I slammed into him and wanted the whole world to swallow me. Ty had been on my radar for months prior to our bump. He was the only guy in school that I thought was hot; he was fit and didn’t exclude anyone based on who they hung out with. He still doesn’t, and I love that about him most.
We came from different circles and made one that works for us both.
Okay, so he’s dragged me into his circle a little more than I originally hoped, but not all of his friends are intolerable. I actually like quite a few of them, and I don’t really like anyone.
As we walk to a booth, Ellie passes us with a group of her friends. “I’m meeting Iris, girls. I’ll see you all later.”
I turn and narrow my eyes. What? She’s meeting Iris where? They only met today.
“Come on,” Ty says, grabbing my hand. “We can borderline break some laws another time. None of our crew are here, and I kind of like the idea of having you all to myself tonight.”
“Yeah, I’m in,” I tell him, taking one last glance back at Ellie leaving to meet Iris…at some secret place for some secret reason. They’re strangers. This is weird. Why doesn’t Ty think it’s weird?
What are they doing, and why didn’t she tell me they were meeting up?
15
When I get home from dinner with Ty, Dad is shut away in his office and Iris must be upstairs since my car is in the driveway. I can hear music coming from her room.
I want to run straight up there and grill her on where she’s been with Ellie, but I don’t think I’m supposed to know. The more time I spend with my sister, the less I think I know her. She has secrets. They’re probably not even good ones—part of me thinks she tries really hard to appear deep and mysterious. She probably just hung out with Ellie at her house for an hour.
Still…what are they doing?
In my room, I grab my pajamas and take a towel from the linen closet on the way to the bathroom.
Iris is playing Katy Perry as I walk past. I wish I could spy on her. I’m not going to—that would be creepy and weird. But she’s so protective of her room. I haven’t been invited inside since she moved back in.
I shower, dry off, and get into my pajamas before hanging up the towel and heading out of the bathroom. I tiptoe past Iris’s room and hover by the door.
The music is still playing, Lady Gaga this time. But every ten seconds or so, the music cuts out for a beep.
She’s messaging someone. Ellie? One of her old friends?
It didn’t take Iris long to not need me. Which we all knew would happen, so I’m still unsure why she had to have the same schedule. But whatever.
I debate knocking and seeing if she will let me in, but I don’t really have a reason. She hasn’t said good night to me before unless we passed each other, so it would be weird to start that.
Ah, screw it. I’m going to knock anyway.
I raise my hand at the same time the door swings open.
“Ivy, you almost punched me!” Iris squeals.
I let out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t hear you walking over your music.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”
“That’s not why I’m knocking,” I tell her. “I wanted to check in.”
She shrugs. “I saw you a few hours ago, Ivy. Nothing’s changed.”
Yeah, and I saw you drive off in the opposite direction of our house.
“Have you been in here all night?”
“Mmm-hmmm. I like my room.” She steps forward, forcing me back, and pulls her door closed. “It’s my safe space.”
Safe from what?
“I kind of hope the whole house is that for you.”
She looks toward the stairs. “This house is still yours and Dad’s.”
“Iris,” I say, the shock in my voice crystal clear. “It’s yours too. Even when you weren’t living here. You said that you want to decorate. Why don’t you do that?”
Scoffing, she replies, “I need to use the bathroom. Don’t worry about it, Ivy, I’m fine.”
She pushes past me and disappears into the bathroom.
I blink and turn to watch her close the door.
What the hell was that about?
Her bedroom door isn’t closed all the way. I could stick my head through the gap and take a peek.
I look back. She’ll be in there at least a few minutes if she’s brushing her teeth and washing her face…and maybe she’ll even take a shower. With no clue of what I’m even looking for, though, is it worth it? She probably doesn’t have a voodoo doll of me. For whatever reason, I’m the source of her anger this evening. I can live with that for a while.
It’s not like I don’t have anger too. Mine is more spread across the entire situation. Why did Mom have to run so close to the edge of the bridge? Why did it have to be raining the night before when the weather had been dry for weeks? Why us?
There is so much I miss about her, and it seems like each day something else comes up. We usually send a voice message every week to fully catch up if we haven’t managed to talk. I haven’t had a voice message in one month, to the day.
Thinking of my mom gives me courage, and slowly I stick my head through the gap and peer into my sister’s room. Everything seems the same. Her light is off, which means the only light in there is what is pouring in from outside.
Then I spot something different. An old, retro-style leather suitcase sitting on her bed. I haven’t seen that before. It could have been in one of her boxes she brought from Mom’s. Iris didn’t want any help packing or unpacking her things. Dad and I only helped to carry big cardboard boxes.
What could she have in there?
Down the hall, the toilet flushes.
Gasping, I leap back and dash into my room and quietly close my door almost all the way. My heart pounds against my rib cage.
No more snooping unless she’s out of the house.
I tiptoe backward and get into bed. I hear the water running in
the shower. Tapping my fingers on my stomach, I lie still. I could go back to her room, but my pulse is racing.
I want Iris to trust me. That’s unlikely to happen if she catches me looking through her things. Despite her helping herself to my clothes whenever she likes.
So I wait. My phone is charging and I can’t see the time, but it feels like she has been in the shower for hours.
Finally, the water cuts off.
She takes her time drying off and getting changed. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opens. I bite my lip and turn my head toward the wall.
I hear Iris’s soft footsteps on the carpet. She walks along the hall past my door. Is she going downstairs? It would be nice for Dad if she went to see him. He constantly looks worried about her.
I hear her door close.
16
I didn’t sleep well, and I have my twin to thank for that. At least I didn’t spend the first hour of lying in bed thinking about how much I miss Mom. Instead I was trying to figure out why Iris was so angry at me last night. And I keep coming up blank.
New day, new mood. All morning, she’s been chipper. We’re at school and her irritation toward me yesterday seems to be forgotten.
Iris walks a step ahead of me down the hall toward the lockers.
“Sophie!” Iris calls. She turns and lifts her hand, her ponytail swinging from side to side. “See you later, Ivy.”
Wait. Was I just dismissed?
Charming.
“Bye,” I say, watching Iris skip off to one of my best friends and frowning.
All right.
Sophie gives me a little wave, but as soon as Iris reaches her, their heads are together and they’re in deep conversation.
I shake my head and hang a right down the hall that leads to the pool. Getting in the water will help.
Pushing the door to the changing room, I walk inside and spot Haley with a towel around her.
“Hey,” I say.
Her head whips around and she grips the towel in her fist. “God, Ivy, you made me jump.” Her hair is tamed in a tight bun.
“Sorry,” I say, laughing. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to get my time up.”
“I’d recommend working on getting it down.”
She rolls her eyes and pulls her jeans on under her towel. “I’m not getting any faster. I haven’t been improving.”
“Plateaus are normal. We’ve all been there.”
“Yours lasted weeks and since then you’ve been swimming like a fish.”
It was more like months and it felt like years. Everyone tried giving me pep talks and I know how much it didn’t actually help. It felt more like Hey, you might suck now, but you won’t always. Yeah, thanks for that, champ. No help at all. “Haley, you’re an awesome swimmer. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Hmm. I’ll figure it out. Coach said I can practice a couple of mornings too.”
I hate that she’s struggling with this.
“You want to head to the community pool this weekend? Or I can come in early and swim with you next week.”
Her dark eyes fly to me. “Ivy, you don’t need to fix this.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. You helped me and I just want to help you.”
Dropping her towel, she puts on her bra at lightning speed and tugs a T-shirt over her head. I watch her with a frown as she stuffs her towel in her locker and grabs her bag from the bench.
Taking a breath, she says, “Ignore me, I’m having an off day. You all right?”
She’s having more and more off days recently.
“Yeah, I’m good. Sure you’re okay?”
She nods. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.”
Okay. She’s frustrated. That wasn’t about me. It’s so hard when you’re doing everything you can but you’re not improving. You have to push through.
I shove the changing room door open and walk around the lockers to Coach’s office. I can see her through the glass, sitting at her desk and chewing her lip. She does that when she’s worrying about something.
Is she worried about having this chat with me? Whatever the chat is going to be about. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. In fact, I’m swimming more and getting faster.
Raising my hand, I rap on the door.
She swivels on her seat and makes a sharp gesture with her head for me to come in.
Here goes nothing.
“Hi, Coach. You wanted to see me?”
“Come and sit down, Ivy.”
“All right.” I step toward the seat opposite her desk and sit down. “Is everything okay?”
Coach smiles as she lets her shoulder-length brown hair out of a hair tie. “Yes, relax, Ivy. I can hear your mind freaking out.”
My shoulders slump on a long exhale. “So, what do you need to see me about?”
“I just wanted to check in. You’ve just got back, and your first practice is coming up.”
“Oh. I’m fine, ready to jump in. I need to get in the pool.”
“I’m glad you’re finding the outlet you need when you get in that water, but are you getting help outside of it?”
We’re all encouraged to leave whatever issues we have at the side of the pool when we get in. I wasn’t aware that it’s suddenly the wrong thing to do. Frowning, I shift in my seat and clear my throat. “Yeah. Are you okay for me to come back?”
She shakes her head and places her palms on her desk. “I think the question is, are you okay with it, Ivy. You know that if you need some time, that’s all right.”
“I have a therapist,” I tell her. “Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m okay because I’m not. I miss my mom, and I’m not sure this hole in my chest is ever going to heal, but I’m dealing with it. When I come to school, I want to focus on everything I need to do, not just in the pool.”
“That makes sense,” Coach says with a warm smile. “I want you to know that this is coming purely from a place of concern. You’ve had a lot to deal with.”
“Yeah, well, I still do. Iris is home, and everything is different. But I know when I’m swimming, nothing will be difficult for a little while.”
“Does your sister swim?”
I shrug. “A little.” Where is this going?
She holds her palms up and presses her thin lips together. “Okay, I get it. This is your thing.”
Yeah, it is.
I dip my head.
“The panic in your eyes tells me a lot, Ivy.”
“I like that I have something for myself. We’re sharing a lot these days. But you know if she was a strong swimmer, I would recommend her.”
She picks up a full mug of black coffee. “That’s exactly why you’re where you are right now.”
“Nothing to do with all the practice, then?”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “You better get to class.”
“Okay, see you this afternoon.” I pause. “Since I’ve missed a couple of weeks, I thought maybe I should come in today for an extra practice.”
She lifts her eyes to mine. “Of course. I’ll see you in the pool in the morning as well, Ivy.”
* * *
• • •
I put my tray down on the table at lunch. Iris, Haley, and Sophie look up. They all have the same grilled chicken salad and water in front of them. Sophie eats healthily most of the time, but I’ve never seen her eat a salad.
“Hey,” I say, unscrewing my water bottle cap.
Haley gives me a tight smile, her full lips flattening with the effort.
She’s still annoyed from earlier then. I wasn’t suggesting that I have all the answers or I’m the best swimmer out there. Jeez, I just want to help.
“Did you get whatever you need from Coach this morning?” Sophie
asks me.
“Yeah. She was just checking in and seeing how I’m doing. We spoke a little about me wanting to get back in the pool, and I’m going to have an extra swim tomorrow morning.”
Haley arches her eyebrow almost to her hairline.
What is her deal?
“If you want to swim alone, Haley, I can do alternate mornings.” I take a sip of water, trying not to take her attitude personally.
“Is Coach watching you?” she asks.
“Yes, why?”
What else would she do during practice? It’s one thing to swim in the mornings just for myself, we’ve all done that occasionally, but if we’re practicing, Coach is poolside with her stopwatch. Besides, it’s not like she can let us swim without a member of trained staff there.
She shrugs. “Nothing. I’m being stupid.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. “Is it something I’ve done?”
“It’s not all about you, Ivy,” Iris teases.
At least, I think she’s joking.
I turn to my sister. “I never said it was.”
Iris raises her hands and then goes back to her salad.
Stabbing a tomato with venom, Haley lifts her eyes. “You haven’t done anything, Ivy. It’s awesome to see you going so fast and kicking butt in the water. But it’s hard at the same time because I feel like I’m failing.”
“But you’re not failing,” I tell her. “Take the pressure off. Trust me, you’ll be surprised what that does for you.”
Early last year when I hit my plateau, I was super stressed. The more I worried that I couldn’t improve, the worse it got. I had to reset and forget about times before I got better.
“Yeah,” Sophie says. “But that’s harder to do when we have a million meets coming up.”
Slight exaggeration.
“You’re worried too, Soph?”
“Not everyone is the star, Ivy,” Sophie replies. There is no jealousy or malice in her tone, but I didn’t realize they felt this way. Have they been discussing it?
I take a bite of my chicken salad wrap. What do I say to that? I’m not going to apologize for working my ass off to get where I am. Nothing was handed to me. I’ve put the hard work in, and I deserve to be the anchor.
The Twin Page 8