The knock comes again, this time louder. I get up and walk to the front door. Ty is the other side when I look through the hole.
Opening the door, I look at him and wait. Who does he believe here?
“What is going on? I couldn’t stay at school any longer. You stole a test paper?”
“No! You know I didn’t!”
I step aside. Or rather he barges in and I have to step aside.
“Come in,” I mutter.
“I need you to start talking, Ivy. Why was a test paper found in your locker?”
I cross my arms. This question is going to get old real fast. “Iris put it there.”
“How do you know that?”
I start walking up to my room. Ty follows. “Who else could it have been, Ty?”
“All right,” he says.
I make a left into my room and crash down onto my bed. “I hate this. She’s crazy, but she’s making me look like the one who’s lost it.”
“They’ll get to the bottom of it, okay?”
He’s not really saying much, nor is he getting angry, which is how he usually reacts if he thinks someone has messed with me.
“You should get back to school, Ty.”
“Do you want me to leave? Because I don’t care about missing a few classes right now.”
“I want you to believe me. If you do, stay.”
I don’t meet his eyes because I’m scared of watching him leave. But a few seconds pass and he doesn’t move. I raise my eyes.
“You want to watch some TV?”
His lip quirks in a smile. “Where’s the remote?”
“Top drawer. I tidied.”
He walks to my bedside table and pulls the top drawer open.
“Ivy, what are these?” Ty asks.
I glance up as he pulls a small stack of Polaroids out.
“I don’t know,” I reply, sitting up on my bed.
“Why do you have these?”
I take the photos. I gasp, my hand jerking, and I drop them like they’re on fire. Pictures of my mom with a man. In three of them, they’re kissing. The other seven are just of him. Why would these be in my room?
Shaking my head, I mutter, “I don’t know.”
So that’s the guy my mom was dating.
“Iris,” I say, lifting my head. “She must have put these here.”
“Don’t you set traps in your room to see if anyone comes in?”
“Yeah, but she could have put these here before that. Clearly she did, because I have never seen these before!”
“Why would she do that? It doesn’t make sense.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been able to figure out why she does anything. Ty, I didn’t take these photos.”
“You think she followed them? The pictures of him were taken at different times. He’s not wearing the same clothes.”
I look them over again, scattered on my bedspread. “Do you think she was obsessed with him?”
“Do you know him?” he asks.
“No, I didn’t even know she was dating until after she died.”
“Looks like they’ve been together awhile, from all these pictures. How would she have kept it a secret for so long?”
His voice is low, the way Meera’s gets when she’s trying to get me to realize something I should know. When she doesn’t think I’m telling the whole truth.
“I didn’t know about him, Ty.”
He raises his palms. “All right. So Iris put these here.”
My mind spins. What possible reason could Iris have to put these here?
“Do you think it could have been mixed in with some of the stuff you brought home from your mom’s?” he asks.
“How did you know I went there?”
Ty frowns. “When you brought Iris here to live. What are you talking about?”
He doesn’t know I went to Mom’s recently. “Nothing,” I say. “This doesn’t make sense. Why would my mom take so many candid pictures of him? And someone else had to have taken the ones of them both.”
Ty watches me out of the corner of his eye and my heart rate spikes. He’s questioning me.
“Tyler, I didn’t take these photos.”
“Ivy, I believe you.”
No, you don’t.
Smiling, I say, “You should probably go. My dad will be home soon.”
Ty doesn’t put up a fight or offer to climb out of my window for a few extra minutes like usual. That’s a terrible sign. I’m sitting on this information that would make people doubt Iris, even just a little bit, but I can’t do anything because I’m petrified of screwing up for Mom. She would be so disappointed in me if I accused Iris when she’s innocent.
I don’t really care what people think of me. Or not more than I care about finding out the truth. Mom is getting justice if it kills me.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, giving me a chaste kiss.
I scoop the photos together and stuff them back in the drawer.
Why doesn’t Ty believe me?
I leave my bedroom door open a few inches so I can leave a small object behind it. A lip gloss. If Iris sneaks into my room, it’ll move. I slip inside like a ninja to see if the lip gloss has moved farther than I pushed it.
That is why he doesn’t believe me. Iris was in my bedroom the very first day we arrived home after Mom’s funeral. She could have stashed them way back then.
My twin was behind this, and I have absolutely no idea why. But it’s one more thing that I have against her. She’s getting sloppy, hiding things in my junk drawer, assuming that I won’t look.
From now on I’m taking an inventory on the contents of my room. I’m keeping everything she adds. And I’m bringing her down.
43
Since there is no evidence that I took the exam paper, although it ended up in my locker, there is little the school can do. It’s a win for me, and I bet it’s eating Iris.
One thing they have managed to do is suspend me from the swim team. Principal Grant called to inform me that I could return to school but not the swim team just yet. That’s a win for Iris and something I’m trying not to focus on. I don’t know how long it will be before I’ll be allowed to compete again. I’m trying really hard not to let Iris know it’s bothering me because I don’t want her to feel any kind of victory. She will probably know I’m desperate for the Stanford scout to want me. So I pretend that I’m okay and could do with a little time off from competition, while inside I feel like I’m breaking.
It’s fine. It’s all fine. I can train in any pool.
I think Dad played heavily on the grieving daughter thing to get me back to school. You know, if I did take it, then it’s because I’m extra stressed over my mom dying and end-of-year tests were too much.
I don’t even want to think about Mom being used like that.
My head is downcast as I walk the hall. I can’t stand to see so many pairs of eyes burning into my face. Everyone has questions. Why am I lying? Why did I cheat? Why is Ty even still talking to me? Why does Iris keep forgiving me after everything I’ve done to her?
I hate my sister.
This has gone way past sibling rivalry.
Not even my dad trusts me anymore, and I can see Ty’s doubts every time he looks at me.
My heart skips a beat.
What, I’m left with no one?
I don’t know how to repair my life and my reputation.
The fake cheating thing got me kicked off the swim team.
I have nothing left.
Nothing but the suspicion that Iris pushed my mom and killed her.
And who would believe me now? I have to find proof or get Kat to talk. She’s the only one who can back me up, tell the world what Iris is really like. Maybe then I can rebuild my life.
But I think I’ll be finding new friends. Mine wouldn’t believe me on top of everything else.
Someone grabs my upper arm. Gasping, I spin around. “Ty,” I breathe, my shoulders slumping.
“Sorry. I tried calling out, but you were somewhere else.”
“I wish I was somewhere else.”
“People will come around, Ivy.”
So far, I haven’t asked Ty whether he believes me about all the crazy stuff that has been going on. I have one person left in my corner, and I’m not ready to lose him too.
I’ll fight to keep Ty, and I’ll fight dirty if I have to.
“I don’t care about people anymore. Nothing I say makes it better. Trying to tell my side only seems to dig me in deeper.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, babe.”
My face falls. “Is that what you think?”
He shakes his head. “That’s not…” Sighing, he says, “What I mean is these people forgive actual mistakes. Whatever they believe about you doesn’t matter.”
“What you believe about me matters, though.”
He steps closer and presses his forehead to mine. “I think you’re under a lot of stress. I think your sister is also under a lot of stress, and those two things combined have made this toxic mess of drama and jealousy. She’s adjusting to a lot and she’s not doing it well.”
“Do you believe she put the test papers in my locker?” I ask.
“I believe someone did.”
“Not Iris?”
“She was swimming all morning. When would she have had the opportunity?”
I lick my dry lips. “She had help.”
“From who, babe?”
“You don’t sound like you believe me right now.”
He backs up a fraction and shakes his head. “Not saying that. I’m genuinely asking. Who do you think she got to do that for her?”
“Ellie,” I reply.
“Do you think she would do that? Ellie loves a bit of drama, but she prefers more of a spectator’s role.”
“I don’t know,” I say, rubbing my face.
“Did you sleep much last night?” he asks.
“A little. I got a couple of hours. That’s beside the point. I’m fine with the lack of sleep. I’m just sinking here, Ty. I hate that people think all this crap about me when I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you to your first class.”
Looking up at him, I smile. “Even though you’ll have to run?”
His eyes glow with amusement. I’ve missed that. “Yeah, even though I’ll have to run.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his chest.
“Do you need me to do anything?” he asks.
“Just don’t lose faith in me,” I whisper.
“Hey,” he murmurs, kissing the side of my head as we walk. “That’ll never happen.”
I can read between the lines. He might be telling the truth when he says he believes Iris is causing issues for me, but he also thinks there is something more going on with me.
Ty holds me tight as we head to my first of six classes with Iris. Despite my request to change all of my classes, I still share my schedule with Iris. I don’t know why one of us wasn’t moved but here we are. I’m not even going to mention it to Principal Grant or Ms. Hart.
I need to keep my head down until I can convince Kat to speak up. If she doesn’t reply to me when I message her again, I’m going back there.
And I’m going back to Mom’s too. There might be more proof. Things I’ve missed, things I wasn’t looking for last time because I didn’t think Iris was a killer.
We stop as we reach my class. The teacher gives me a look and heads inside. She thinks I’m guilty of stealing the test paper.
Whatever.
“You going to be okay today?” Ty asks.
I only nod because a wave of emotion washes over me, making my stomach churn.
My whole life has been turned upside down, and I don’t know where I go from here.
The first four classes pass without incident. Iris goes out of her way to ignore me. And I’m totally including everyone whispering about me in the non-incident thing. I can handle that. A bit of gossip seems so insignificant now that my sister is trying to ruin my life. It really puts the minor things into perspective.
That’s one positive to come from this, I guess.
During lunch, I meet Ty and we eat on the grass at the edge of campus.
He pops a grape in his mouth and leans back against a tree.
“You can go play ball if you want,” I tell him, noticing his eyes wandering to his teammates, who are messing around on the field.
“I’m good here.”
“Have you gotten a lot of crap for sticking by me?”
His eyes slide to mine. “I’m not going there.”
“Yes, then.”
“Ivy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. This will blow over eventually, so focus on school, okay?”
“All right.”
I’m not sure just focusing on school is going to cut it. Iris is probably still plotting. She has my friends and my swim team. What more is there for her to take?
My life?
I still can’t bring myself to believe that she would kill so coldly like that. If she pushed Mom, it was because she felt threatened. Not that it’s any better because she felt like she had a reason to. God, I want to scream it from the rooftops, but I can’t accuse her of murder until I have evidence or my word actually means something.
Ty might believe me, but he’s quieter than usual around me. He hasn’t left yet but that doesn’t mean he won’t if I suddenly drop the M bomb. Iris murdered my mom.
There’s a certain point where Ty might walk away, and I’m scared of pushing him there. Even if it’s not my doing, he might have enough of the whole situation and decide I’m too much drama or that he doesn’t want to be treated differently because he won’t walk away from his crazy girlfriend.
I’m walking a tightrope, and I’m petrified I’ll fall off.
Or Iris will push me off.
There has to be a way to expose her. She’s so transparent to me. I can see straight through her little act. It’s just a shame I can’t see into the future, so I’d know what she’s planning next.
But maybe it’s time for me to start planning too. Do things that make her look bad, start planting doubt in people’s minds about her. I’ve been on the defense for too long; it’s time I started on the offense.
Ty would be proud of me for using a football metaphor.
“Did you manage to get in touch with Meera?” he asks.
“She wouldn’t take my call, so I’ve emailed her. I hope she responds.”
“It would be good to know what she and your dad spoke about.”
I unscrew the lid of a bottled water. “I would love to know what he said to her. I don’t think she would have ditched me as a client, so he obviously pulled me from her sessions.”
“And Iris isn’t talking to you?”
“I get the odd smirk here and there. Besides that, nothing. She avoids me, especially when Dad is home.”
She has to show him that she’s scared of me. I don’t really mind that; at least she’s out of my way. I can’t stand to be in the same room as her and still sleep with my chair blocking my door in case she decides to smother me in my sleep. Okay, I don’t even know if I’m kidding there.
I do fear her. She’s proved in six weeks that she can make my life crumble. She has everyone at school on her side, including the teachers, and even made Dad doubt me. And she is the one who isn’t dealing with Mom’s death while I attend weekly therapy sessions. She deserves a freakin’ Oscar.
The bell rings, so Ty and I grab our
trash and throw it out on the walk back to class. I have a double math period. Hell for some, but at least I don’t have to think too much. You can’t question math; the answer is the answer.
Logan is in my math class, and a couple girls from the swim team. No cheerleaders, but the swim girls will probably be Iris’s spies. I’m going to keep my head down and focus on passing this class. Maintaining As is exactly what I need to do in order to show Principal Grant that I’m the same Ivy as before and I deserve to swim again.
Logan sits down next to me, and I cringe.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
“Math. What are you doing?”
“You’re not funny. You don’t even sit here.”
“I do today. How are you holding up?”
“Why do you care?”
He shrugs. “Can I borrow a pen?”
I dig in my bag and chuck a black pen at him.
“Thanks, Ivy.”
The last thing I need is for someone in here to tell Iris that I was speaking to Logan for two hours. That’ll get back to Ty and Ellie. I don’t want any more drama. And I don’t want to give Ty a reason to doubt me. He’s still touchy on the whole Logan subject. I’ve barely seen them talk since, and that’s only because they have to.
“Are you going to the swim meet this afternoon?” he asks.
“Why do you ask that?”
“Look, last year I was kicked off the team for fighting with this older kid. I know what it’s like to be banned from something you need. Go to the meets, support the team, and show them that your mistake doesn’t define you. Be part of the team even though you’re not in the pool.”
All right. A lot of that makes sense. Actually, it does.
“Thanks, Logan.”
“Yeah.” He turns his focus to his work.
Looks like I’m going to the swim meet after all.
44
The smell of chlorine repels some people, but not me. It’s as comforting as my warm bed or a mug of hot chocolate. The pool is home, and I miss it so much. The principal hasn’t said whether I’ll be allowed back on the team next year, but I’ve overheard things my teammates have said.
Some feel that I should be back because I’m fast. Not because they like me and believe I’m innocent, but because they want the win. Some would rather lose than ever have me back.
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