All I Want for Christmas: A Contemporary Romance Holiday Collection

by S. L. Sterling

  I grabbed my coffee and headed across the street. I pretended to be looking at her Christmas display in the window, but what I really wanted was to get a closer look at this guy. I wanted to know who and what my potential competition was. At first glance, I didn't recognize him, but when he turned and faced the window, he looked very familiar. I searched my mind and studied his face, then it came to me. It was that fucking mechanic—the asshole lied to me. He was easily twenty or so years older than her. I could feel rage build in me at the memory of his words.

  Before I did something completely stupid, I turned and headed in the direction of my truck before Cass came out from the back. I had been known to act irrationally at times and didn't want to get myself into trouble. Plus, I didn't want to come back into Cass's life acting that way to start. Instead, I sucked in a deep breath to try to calm down, climbed into my truck, and headed back to the firehouse.

  7

  Cass

  The week had gotten progressively busier with the influx of tourists coming in for the ski season. It was Saturday afternoon, Ray had been busier than normal at the garage as well and hadn't had time to come by and help me out as much.

  I was feeling defeated. I still didn't have many volunteers for the book sale, and I was desperately behind on my book for the anthology. The last few days Ray and I had been arguing, and he basically told me he wasn't going to support my venture back into my writing. Instead, he would pull me away from writing every single chance he got. I was trying not to stress out too much and was looking forward to getting home tonight to have some alone time and get some writing done. The phone rang just as I was about to shut the open sign off and start my weekly cleaning. Tomorrow was my day off, and I preferred the store ready for Monday morning before I left on Saturday night.

  “Merry Christmas, Coldhaven Books, Cass speaking,” I sang into the phone.

  “Merry Christmas? It's only November,” Ray chuckled.

  “I'm just trying to get into the spirit early, I guess.” I had little to none of it, anyway and dealing with the public you had to have some.

  “I see. Well, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to catch a movie tonight in town? I can come by and pick you up if you like.” Ray’s deep voice poured over the phone.

  “I guess, what's playing?” I let out a deep breath. I didn't feel as if I could say no, we normally used Saturday night as our date night since we were both closed on Sunday.

  He chuckled into the phone. “Well, I'm pretty sure I saw that new Christmas movie you've been talking about is playing. Thought you might like to see that, it starts at six-thirty. Do you think you could be ready by then?”

  I glanced at the clock and mentally calculated the time in my head. “It will be close, but I think I can be.”

  “Alright, I'm just about to close up here. I'm going to shower, swing by the theater, grab the tickets, then come get you.”

  “Sounds good. I'll see you soon.” I hung up the phone and finished putting away the two boxes of used books that had been dropped off for the book drive. I had pretty much cleared out the set of shelves I had set aside for the drive today, so I wanted to get more books loaded for Monday. I quickly mopped the old wooden floors, finished counting the till, and was about to head back to the safe when I heard a gentle tap on the front door.

  Bugged at the fact Ray should know better and enter in through the back, I turned to answer the door but stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I saw the face peeking in the window.

  I couldn't believe my eyes. He stood at the door, dressed in a Coldhaven Fire Department jacket. I couldn't move from my spot, it felt like I was seeing a ghost. The last time I had seen him, he had been walking away from me, down the front steps of my house back in Greyfield, in a rush to get away, to leave me. In those couple of seconds our eyes met, everything came rushing back. The way it felt to be comforted by him after Jackson had died, all the secrets we had shared, the fear I had felt when he couldn't be reached after that big fire, the complete joy I had felt when he had come striding up my front steps after I thought the worst, the greatest sex I think I'd ever had, and the worst mistake I had made that drove him from my life. I was ashamed to admit, I still dreamed about that night, and after I woke, the anger and resentment I had felt when he left without a word, never to be seen or heard from again would always come creeping back in.

  He held his hand up in a wave, a small smile coming to his lips, then he pointed to the door handle mouthing the words can I come in. I swallowed and took a hesitant first step forward, unsure whether my legs would hold me, or if I would fall to the ground. I turned the deadbolt and pulled the door open, the frigid cold hitting me in the face. Brody stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

  “Is it really you?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “It's really me, in the flesh. How have you been, Cass?” he asked, not taking his eyes from mine. In that instant, I had a moment of weakness. I just wanted to have him hold me in his arms, against his chest, and I wanted to tell him everything that had happened in the time we had been apart and beg him to make it better, but I couldn't. He couldn't be my weakness, I had to keep my guard up.

  “You doing okay?”

  “It's been a while. I'm doing well, how are you?”

  “I'm alright.” The air in the room was thick, and I could feel the tension mounting. “I was hoping that you would reply to the messages I sent you.”

  I looked at the ground, I was having a hard time keeping it together. The scent of his cologne combined with his large muscular frame was making me feel weak.

  “I'm sorry, I couldn't, I didn't exactly know what to say.”

  “I'm sorry to just show up like this, but I needed to see you. I have to tell you how sorry I am for what I did. For leaving.”

  We stood there, eyes locked on one another, his gaze burning into me. What did he expect me to say, it was all okay? When the truth was it was far from being okay?

  I stood there frozen. I was afraid, afraid if I took my eyes off him even for a second, he would disappear again. I wanted to be excited and happy to see him, but since everything that had happened to me over the last three years had been a direct result of him leaving, it was a little hard. Despite the silence that hung between us, I didn't hear the back door open or Ray calling my name. I didn't hear his footsteps as he walked through the back of the store and came up behind me. I even jumped when I felt his strong hand squeeze my shoulders.

  “Everything okay here, Cass?”

  I took my eyes off Brody for an instant and turned my head to see Ray standing right behind me, in a rather protective stance. When I looked back at Brody, his gaze was fixed on Ray. I saw a look in Brody's eyes I had never seen before—jealousy, rage—I wasn't sure what it was, but I didn't like it. I didn't need a fight in the middle of my store.

  “Ray, it's okay. This is a friend of my husband. He was just passing through town and stopped in for a quick hello.” It was the only lie I had to offer. I glanced at Brody, waiting for him to calm down and take his eyes off Ray, but he continued to study him closely.

  Ray relaxed a bit but still stood behind me as if I needed protecting, his hands rubbing my shoulders, letting me know he was there. Finally, he leaned into me and whispered, “I have the tickets, we should get going. Movie is going to start in ten minutes.” I knew he had done that to get Brody to leave.

  I nodded, but when I turned to Brody to say something to him, his eyes were set on Ray's hands, still sitting on my shoulders. I now knew the look plastered on Brody's face was jealousy. I was just about to say something, but Brody beat me to it.

  “I thought you didn't know her, Ray?” he said through clenched teeth.

  I glanced from Ray to Brody, both men now glaring at one another. I stepped out from under Ray's hands and walked over to Brody who stood there, tense, avoiding my eyes, taking in slow, steady, controlled breaths. I placed my hand on his bicep.

  “Brody, how about I call yo
u later? When we can talk,” I said, giving him an unsure smile. I had to get him out of here. If I didn't, there was no doubt in my mind, there was going to be a fight. I knew Ray, he didn't back down from much of anything, and neither did Brody.

  “No, Cass, I want to know why Ray here didn't tell me the truth. I asked him if he knew you,” he said, taking a step closer to Ray, pushing himself against me. I felt a surge of excitement run through me as his hard chest pushed into my small frame.

  “Buddy, look, the lady wants you to leave. I suggest you take a hike before I remove you,” Ray bit out, squaring up to Brody.

  I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Jackson had always told me Brody could have a temper when he wanted. I had never seen it before, but I knew he had been right. At this point, I knew he certainly didn't need to be provoked. Ray may have been bigger, but I knew Brody could take him. Jackson had told me too many stories, and Brody was almost twenty years younger after all.

  “Ray, could you leave us for a moment,” I asked harshly.

  I didn't look at Ray, just kept my focus on Brody, listening for Ray to leave. I knew when we were alone—Brody had visibly started to calm down. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ray had indeed left the room.

  “Cass, please, for the love of God, tell me you’re not dating this guy? He's got to be twenty years older than you. I mean is he even able to get it up?”

  “Brody, please, can I call you later? We can talk then, get reacquainted.”

  He studied my face. “Sure, answer my question first.”

  I didn't say anything, just stood and looked into his blue eyes. They were darker than I remembered, maybe it was because he was angry, but they were still the same blue eyes I had loved to get lost in. Brody came closer and brushed a loose strand of hair from my eyes, his warm, strong hand cupping my cheek as he looked down into my eyes. I could feel the heat from his breath on my cheek.

  “Cass, just answer me, I need to know,” he whispered.

  Placing my hands on his chest, I could feel his strong tense muscles underneath his shirt. “We've been seeing one another for about a year,” I whispered. “Now, please, I'll call you later.”

  Brody's looked back to the curtain that separated the front of the store from the back. “Am I too late, Cass?”

  I frowned, I didn't know what he was talking about, and I wasn't sure if I should ask, but my curiosity got the best of me.

  “Too late for what?” My voice was low, the last thing I wanted was for Ray to come out here.

  “Fuck it.” He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to mine, pulling me into his embrace. I closed my eyes, kissing him back—I had been dreaming for the last three years about this kiss. He took hold of both my hands and wrapped my arms around his neck, running his hands down the side of my body, his thumbs grazing the sides of my breasts, finally resting his hands on my hips as he deepened the kiss, forcing my lips open, sweeping his tongue through my mouth. It was exactly how I'd remembered, maybe better, and as his teeth grazed my bottom lip and his tongue swept across mine again, I felt my knees go weak. My body was on fire—he had awakened parts of me with his kiss that had been dead since he left. When his lips had been on mine, I felt completely whole, but as he pulled away from me, I felt completely empty and lost. He looked over my shoulder, toward the back of the building, smirked, then looked down into my eyes.

  “Call me tonight. I plan to fight for you Cass, but judging from your reaction to that kiss, I'm not going to have to fight too hard even if you've been with him for a while, and remember, I have a sexual appetite you can't quench, I can go for hours, in case you’ve forgotten,” he whispered into my mouth, kissing me one more time.

  I remembered all too well as I watched him walk across the street toward his truck, the little bell over the door bringing me back to reality.

  “So, he’s finally gone, are you ready to go?” I didn't answer him I just locked the door quickly. “Cass, is everything okay?” I felt his hands on my shoulders as I watched Brody pull away from the curb.

  I nodded, I didn't trust my voice, so I swallowed hard before answering.

  “Yep. Let me grab my purse and coat.” I shrugged, pulling away from him. I reached up to wipe the tears away before turning around. I had no idea I was even crying. I grabbed my purse, and we left from the back door. The last thing I wanted to do was go and watch a movie, I really wanted to take my car and head home. But since Ray had already bought the tickets, how could I say no? The phone call I wanted to make tonight would have to wait.

  8

  Cass

  I pulled into the driveway and sat in the car, waiting for the garage door to open. When I had been married, not a Christmas went by without the house being decorated in outdoor lights. There was a time, I would have already been driving Jackson crazy about getting a tree. I parked the car in the garage and walked into the house, throwing my purse on the counter and looked around. There was nothing that would say Christmas was just around the corner. I should have had this whole place decorated by now. Regardless, I was happy to finally be home. It had been a long and emotional day, and I was exhausted. Even though the movie was good, and it had been a nice break, it seemed to go on and on. I was ready to head home, but Ray wanted to take me out for a bite to eat. At first, I refused, but my stomach gave me away, letting out a large groan at the mention of pizza.

  While we ate, he kept asking me questions about Brody. I really wasn't ready to talk about him, and I was pissed Ray would have lied to anyone who came around looking for me. I really wanted to ask him why he would do that, but I just didn't have the energy to get into any sort of argument or discussion about any of it tonight.

  The conversation between us died after we left the restaurant. I sat quietly, looking out the window as Ray drove back to the store so I could get my car. Just as I was about to get out of the car, Ray cleared his throat.

  “Why don't you come back to my place tonight, spend the night with me?” he asked, placing his hand on my knee before I got out of the car.

  I kept my head turned away from him. I didn't know how to tell him I wanted to be alone.

  “Cass?”

  “I think I'm going to go home tonight, I’m tired.” Ray went silent, and I felt his hand slip off my knee.

  “Whatever, Cass. Go home.” I could feel the disappointment in the car.

  “Please don't be like that, Ray.”

  He didn't respond, just stared ahead. All that was on my mind was Brody and how he lit me up like the fourth of July when he had kissed me tonight.

  The first thing I did when I got home was put the kettle on, then pulled all the blinds closed across the back of the house. It was cold tonight, and the glass from the windows and sliding doors was just magnifying that temperature. I needed to build a fire and was happy I had brought in lots of wood before leaving this morning. Missy came running and greeted me in the kitchen, meowing like crazy.

  “You must be hungry, huh, Missy? Sorry, I'm so late,” I said, giving her a pet and grabbing a can of food out of the fridge for her. She danced happily around my feet as I put food in her bowl and set it down on the floor. I watched as she attacked it viciously.

  Once I had everything done, I looked at the clock. It was only nine-thirty but felt so much later. I grabbed my laptop from the table and curled up in my favorite chair with a blanket while I waited for the fire to finally start to heat the house. I needed to get some words out tonight, and I hoped it would provide a distraction from the thoughts running through my mind. The store had been so busy today, and it had taken away from my plans of writing. However, there hadn't been any quiet time, which wasn’t a bad thing, but with my deadline looming, I needed to get this book written. I was starting to feel super stressed which wasn't going to help matters.

  The TV droned on in the background while I reread the few paragraphs I had written the night before. I needed to get into my characters heads. I was just about to start writing when my cell
pinged with a message. I had a good mind not to answer it, I needed no more distractions, but when it went off again, then again, I felt I had no choice. I had the alarm company who monitored the store set to message my cell phone if anything was wrong and three messages in a quick period had me wondering. I grabbed it from the table.

  As soon as I saw that the first two messages were from Ray, annoyance set in, but when I saw the third message, a surge of heat ran through my body as my heart began to pump a little harder. A soft smile formed on my lips as I reread the message from Brody. I was going to reply, but instead, I dialed Brody's number, a funny flutter floating in my stomach.

  The phone rang a couple of times, and I was just about to end the call when I heard him pick up. As soon as his deep voice came over the phone, I felt it travel straight to my center.

  “Hey, Sexy.”

  “Is now a good time?” I said, ignoring his comment.

  “Anytime is a good time to talk with you.”

  “What are you doing here, Brody?” I had to cut right to the point, I couldn't risk getting hurt again.

  “I got a transfer.” the line went quiet. “I went to see you down in Greyfield, but you moved.”

  “I didn't have much of a choice. Things got pretty tough for me.”

  The line was quiet for a moment. “Because of me?”

  How was I supposed to answer that? Indirectly, it had been because of him, but I didn't want to put all the blame on him. Lying in bed for months on end with no will to do anything had also put me in that position. I thought for a moment.