All I Want for Christmas: A Contemporary Romance Holiday Collection

by S. L. Sterling

  I stilled, knowing I needed to let him take over even for only a few minutes. I needed to get hold of myself. I stood rigid for what felt like minutes, fighting what I really wanted—his lips on mine while he held me close. When he put his strong hand on my shoulder, I leaned back into him, letting my body rest against his hard chest. I was so confused. I wanted to tell him the truth, I didn’t like lying to him, it wasn’t the way I wanted to start off. His return was proving to be more than I could handle. I was just about to confess when I felt him pull the peeler from my hand.

  “Cass, please go relax.”

  “I’ll pour us some wine,” I said as I released the peeler and grabbed the edge of the counter to steady myself.

  “That sounds like a good idea.”

  I walked over to the fridge, glancing back over my shoulder. He reached behind his head and pulled his sweater off. He was wearing a white t-shirt underneath, and I couldn’t help but watch as his muscles flexed beneath his shirt. I loved how the muscles in his forearms and hands flexed with every stroke as he peeled the carrots. I started to wonder what it would be like to have those hands on my body once again, how good they would feel doing forbidden things to me. What it would feel like to have his lips kiss me all over my body, sucking my nipples into his mouth.

  “Are you getting us wine?”

  The sound of his voice pulled me away from those thoughts, and I pulled the wine bottle out of the fridge and put another in. I poured us each a glass and took a sip before handing Brody his glass.

  “Thanks. Now, go sit down.”

  I took a seat at the table and sipped the cool liquid.

  “So, when are these upcoming books set to release? I take it you’re working away on them; how much do you have left to do?” Brody asked, stopping to take a sip of wine.

  Why couldn’t he just let this go?

  “I just started the one and maybe got a couple of paragraphs done today. It’s the other one I’m worried about,” I lied. “I just sit and stare at the screen. You could never imagine the power of a blank page with a blinking cursor.” That part wasn't a lie.

  He was quiet for a moment. “Well, can I help you with it?”

  I laughed at his question, this felt just like old times. “Sadly, you can't. I wish you could.”

  “I remember Jackson would tell me how you would bump ideas off him. Surely, if he could do it, I could help you with that too. I have a pretty damn good imagination.”

  I got quiet, remembering the last idea I had bumped off Jackson—it had been so long ago, but it had ended in a marathon of sex against the kitchen wall. The realization of what he had just said shocked me.

  “He used to tell you about that?” As the words passed my lips, I could hear the shock in my own voice, and I swallowed hard.

  “Why? What's wrong with that, Cass? He just said when you used to get stuck, you would talk to him about it. So, I thought maybe I could help you, at least listen to your idea, maybe you just need to talk it through out loud.”

  I let out the breath I had been holding with a nervous laugh. Thank God he had his back turned toward me and couldn't see the light flush on my cheeks.

  “Excuse me for a second, I just need to use the washroom.” I got up from my chair and headed down the hall. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door, looking at myself in the mirror.

  “Why are you lying to him, Cass?” I asked my reflection. Just be honest with him, he should know the truth. I stood and studied my reflection, completely disappointed with myself when I heard the phone ring. I quickly flushed the toilet and made my way back out into the kitchen.

  The evening had gone well after I returned from the bathroom. We ate dinner, enjoyed dessert and coffee together in front of the TV, Brody had even built a fire. We talked endlessly, catching up. I was disappointed when he had to leave, and after saying goodnight, I shut and locked the front door. I watched through the small window in my front door as he walked to the truck. I couldn't help but check out his ass in those tight jeans one more time before he left. The sexual tension in the air had dissipated once he had left the house.

  I'd had a hard time concentrating all evening. It was the quiet moments when the words seemed to get lost, my mind had traveled to the kiss at the store. I was constantly wondering what he was thinking when I would catch his eyes wandering to my lips. I wanted more of that and to feel what it would be like if I were trapped underneath him, wrapped in his strong arms again. I watched as he climbed into his truck and drove out of my driveway.

  I ran my index finger over my lower lip, remembering that kiss. Once Brody's truck was completely out of sight, I shut off all the outside lights and the one in the front window, then pulled the blackout shades down across the front window, so it looked as if I were asleep. I knew Ray would be home soon, and I didn't want to give him any indication I was still awake. I went down to the bedroom and did the same thing, pulling the curtain across the window.

  After I had changed, I made my way out to the kitchen and started to clean. I had finished loading the dishwasher and had put the last pot in the dishpan when my phone pinged with a message. I dried my hands and grabbed my phone.

  RAY: ALMOST HOME, YOU UP FOR A VISIT?

  I contemplated answering but thought it was best if I didn't. Instead, I shut my phone off, placed it on its charger, shut off everything else, and went to my bedroom. I had to be up early to get to work, and for some reason, I had a bad feeling telling Ray that Brody had been here for dinner and would be moving in here with me tomorrow wasn't going to go over well, but he needed to know.

  11

  Cass

  I barely had time to stop since the store opened. Donations for the book drive were steadily coming in, and even some tourists were purchasing books for the charity. When the store had finally quieted down, I grabbed a coffee and another box and started filling up some of the empty spots on the shelves. When I was finished, I took out my laptop and sat down behind the counter. I needed to get some writing done, and while I waited for the next group of shoppers, I couldn't think of a better time. I was working away when someone caught my eye. Brody walked by the front window and up to the door, the little bell ringing to let me know someone had come in.

  “Hey! I brought you lunch.” Brody strolled in, holding up a small brown bag. There was no mistaking the smell of what that small bag contained.

  “That isn't what I think it is, is it?” I inhaled deeply again, the smell of pho soup making my mouth water.

  “Sure is! I remember how much you love the stuff. I was just on my way back into town and passed this little restaurant. You'll probably have to warm it up a bit.”

  I walked over, took the bag from him, and headed into the small kitchen. I couldn't wait, my stomach was already grumbling.

  “I haven't had this in ages.” I had practically lived on this stuff after Jackson had died, it was the only thing that was easy on my stomach. It was my favorite comfort food, and since Brody had loved the stuff just as much as I did, he never minded going.

  I popped the container into the microwave and entered in the time when I heard the bell ring out front. I poked my head around the corner to see who it was.

  “Hey, May, I'll be right out, just warming up some soup.”

  “Take your time, dear, I'm just going to browse.”

  “Okay. There are some new releases in the Romance section I think you'll love,” I called back.

  “Wonderful, dear, thanks.”

  Going back to the kitchen, I removed the soup from the microwave, stirring it and placing it back in to heat it some more. “Thanks for the soup, Brody. You must have read my mind because I forgot to pack a lunch this morning.”

  “No problem, Cass, figured you might be hungry. You look a little on the lean side to me.”

  “Yeah well, most days, I don't have much time to eat anything.”

  “You should make time.”

  I grabbed my purse from the floor, ignoring Brody's comme
nt. I dug through it, looking for my spare key. When I couldn't find it, I thought for a second and remembered I had left it sitting on the counter in the kitchen.

  “Dammit, I forgot the key.”’

  “That's okay, Cass, I can just swing by after you get home. I have a bunch of things to get done, anyway.”

  “No, no, here, take my key. I normally get home around seven-thirty. If you’re not going to be home, make sure you leave the back door open so I can get in.” I removed the key from my key ring and held it out. Our eyes locked as his fingers grazed my hand as he took the key, and I swallowed hard. “Don't let Missy out, she doesn't go outside anymore.”

  “No problem, Cass, I can do that.”

  The back door opened, and I heard Ray's heavy footsteps coming toward the kitchen. I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. I hadn't had a chance to speak with him this morning, and this was certainly not how I wanted him to find out.

  He came around the corner, and as soon as he saw Brody, the smile fell from his lips. His gaze darkened as he walked over, leaned in, and met my lips, but my eyes never left Brody's.

  “How's your day going?”

  I met Ray's eyes and gave a forced smiled when he pulled away.

  “Good, been busy. I'm tired.”

  “Well, if you weren't staying up all hours of the night wasting your time working on some silly story, you wouldn't be so tired.”

  Brody cleared his throat to say something, but I gave him a look, silencing him before dropping my eyes to the ground. I was trying to get used to Ray's reactions and thoughts about my writing. If we were going to be together, I needed to get used to the fact he wasn't going to be supportive, no matter what, and nothing would ever change his mind. The microwave beeped again, and I removed the soup and set it on the counter.

  “What’s that?” Ray questioned.

  “Soup, Brody brought me lunch,” I smiled and winked in Brody's direction. Brody smiled back.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Ray glaring at Brody. “Well isn't that nice of him?” Ray huffed.

  “Cass, I have to run, thanks for the key, I'll see you tonight. Enjoy your lunch,” he winked and headed back out front, the little bells jingling as he left. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I watched him walk out of the kitchen.,

  “What the fuck was he doing here, Cass? What key?” Ray demanded, looking after him. I closed my eyes at the sound of the anger in his voice.

  “Calm down, he just needs a place to stay, he just moved here. I won't have him stay at the fire station over the holidays.”

  “Don't tell me to calm down. Where is he staying, Cass?”

  I bit my bottom lip. I didn't think Ray was a jealous guy, but maybe I had misjudged.

  “Cass? I asked you a question.”

  “He's staying at my place. I do have a spare room sitting empty.”

  “The fuck he is!” Ray answered, raising his voice.

  “Keep your voice down, May is outside.”

  “I don't give a fuck who is out in the store. Bottom line, you're not going to share your place with him.”

  This was not how I expected the conversation to go.

  “Well, I am, Ray, he's a friend, and that is exactly what I plan to do.” I had to put a stop to this before Ray continued to cause a scene. The last thing I wanted was to argue with him in front of my customers. “Now, what did you stop in for?” I glared at him.

  “I came to see if you wanted to come by tonight for a couple of drinks, but I think I've already got my answer.”

  I was so behind on my deadline, I needed to get work done, but judging from how he had reacted about Brody, I didn't dare tell him no. “I will come by for one drink. I'll see you around seven.”

  Ray stormed out the back-door minutes later. I was upset, I didn't like him telling me what I could or couldn’t do. Once I gathered myself, I took my soup back out front. May was sitting in the armchair in the front of the store, reading through the beginning of a new Danielle Steel book.

  “Oh dear, I'm trying to remember if I have read this one,” she mumbled to herself.

  “I'm pretty sure you haven't read that one,” I called over to her.

  “Well, dear, she has so many, it's so hard to keep up.”

  “It’s brand new, May, it just came out this week,” I said, giggling to myself. While May continued to look at the pile of books she had set on the small table beside her, I took a sip of my hot soup and started writing again.

  I arrived at Ray's a little after six-thirty. I wanted to get this drink over with, so I could get home. It had been an extremely busy day. I still had work to do tonight, and I wanted to make sure that Brody felt at home and comfortable.

  Ray had been so angry when he had left the store, and since I hadn’t heard from him the rest of the afternoon, I wasn't sure what mood I was going to find him in.

  By seven thirty, he was pouring me a third drink even though I told him I didn't want anymore. He was onto his fifth or sixth, I had lost count. While he was busy, I stepped into the bathroom and pulled out my cell phone. I typed a quick text to Brody, letting him know I would be home in the next hour. Almost instantly my phone pinged with a message.

  Brody: Thanks for letting me know. make sure you come hungry, I'm making dinner

  I smiled and shoved the phone back into my pocket, flushed the toilet, and headed back out into the living room. I hated it when Ray drank heavily, especially when he was angry. He came up behind me as soon as I stepped into the living room and wrapped his arm around me, holding my drink out in front of me. I took the drink from his hand and went to set it down, but instead, he wrapped his arm around my waist and started kissing the side of my neck.

  “Put the drink down,” he purred. I set the drink on the table and went to turn around to face him, but he held me where I was, continuing to kiss and suck on my neck. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the smell of alcohol on his breath. I was having a hard time feeling anything but violated.

  His hand ran down the flat of my stomach to the button on my jeans. With one hand, he opened the button and shoved his large hand inside my panties.

  “Ray, please.” I grabbed his wrist to stop him.

  “Please what? Why are you stopping me? Is it so wrong I want to fuck you that I want to taste this sweet pussy?” He breathed into my ear and sucked my earlobe into his mouth. He slid his hand deeper into my pants, pulling me tighter against him so I could feel his erection digging into me.

  “Ray, please stop. I don't want to do this while you’re drunk.” I could sense the shake in my voice as I pulled at his wrist, the smell of beer on his breath becoming nauseating.

  “Cass, what the fuck! It's because he's here, isn't it? He comes strolling into town, and suddenly, you aren't interested in me at all.”

  “Don't be ridiculous, it has nothing to do with him. You know how I feel about your drinking like this, and I've already told you once tonight, I'm not in the mood.” He let me go and pulled his hand from my pants. I quickly fastened the button on my jeans and took a step away from him. I was shaking as I walked over to the door, grabbing my jacket and purse.

  “I'm going to go, Ray.”

  “Sure go, I know you want to get home to him,” he spit out, taking another swig of his beer.

  “You're drunk, Ray. Don't bother talking to me until you've sobered up.” I pulled the door open and quickened my pace to my car. I was afraid he might try to follow me.

  Once I was inside, I locked the doors, sitting there fighting my tears. I was so upset, I could taste the bile in my throat. I started the engine and pulled out of Ray's driveway. I didn't have far to drive, so I pulled over to the side of the road and sat there for five minutes, trying to calm down before I went home. If Ray was going to continue treating me like this, I would have to take some time and figure out how much further I wanted this relationship to go.

  12

  Cass

  I walked through the laundry room, my head hun
g low. I had calmed myself down enough to be able to come home. I hung my coat and purse on the hook behind the door and stepped into the kitchen. I looked up and stopped. The lights were dimmed, candles lit on the dining room and living room tables, and soft Christmas music floated through the air. The table was set for two, full of serving dishes, and a bottle of wine was sitting in my wine chiller on the counter. A fire was lit, the wood stove doors were open, the screen mounted on it.

  I walked in a little further, running my hand along the clean kitchen counters. I went over to the table, lifting the lid off one of the serving dishes, the smell of home-cooked food making my tummy grumble.

  This should be what I should have come home to, not a drunken brute of a man who was turning out to be someone I feared I didn't know as well as I once thought. I lifted a lid on another dish and took a deep breath, smelling the hot food.

  “Welcome home.” I dropped the lid back down on the dish and straightened up. I looked over my shoulder and saw Brody standing in the hallway door, looking amazing as ever. He wore light blue jeans, ripped in a couple of spots on the legs and his black t-shirt hugged his muscles in all the right spots.

  “What’s all this?”

  “I told you I was making dinner. I hope you’re hungry.”

  I looked back at the table and back at Brody. With everything that happened at Ray's after I had sent the text to Brody tonight, I forgot Brody was making dinner.

  “This is wonderful...” A sob escaped my throat, and I squeezed the bridge of my nose.

  “Cass?”

  I held my hand up toward him, signaling him not to come any closer, but it did no good. I soon felt the heat from his body behind me, and I held it together until he placed his hands on my upper arms.

  “Cass, what is it?”

  I shook my head but couldn't fight back the tears anymore. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting his scent invade me as I buried my face in his neck. Ray had been so horrible and had scared me so much, I just couldn't take it. It was more than just that though. Having Brody back, all those unsaid feelings and thoughts running through my mind was harder on me than I thought it was going to be. Everything was fine until he came back, I thought all the want I had for him was gone. I hoped I would be able to hold it together, but from the second I saw him, he was all I wanted. When he wrapped his arms around me, I totally lost it, hard sobs racking my body.