All I Want for Christmas: A Contemporary Romance Holiday Collection

by S. L. Sterling

  I looked through the crowd and finally spotted Kristy standing off to the side. She stood there, her arms crossed over her chest, but when I saw her face, I knew something was indeed very wrong. It looked as if she had been crying.

  I walked over and put my arm around her, kissing the top of head, but she didn't move. She didn't step in to greet me, and she certainly didn't kiss me back.

  * * *

  "Did you want something to drink?" I asked.

  * * *

  "I already ordered for us," she said, swallowing hard turning her gaze to a crowd of people who were getting louder by the second.

  * * *

  I was about to ask her if she wanted to grab a table when someone from behind the counter called out her name and set two to-go cups up on the counter. I guess that was my hint that she didn't want to stay. She stepped forward, grabbed the cups, and handed me mine.

  * * *

  "It's crowded in here. How about we go for a walk," she suggested.

  * * *

  I looked around. I didn't want to be in this crowded place anyways. I sensed that whatever she wanted to talk to me about was serious, and I wanted to find out what it was.

  * * *

  "Sure, let’s go." She ducked under my arm as I pushed the door open.

  * * *

  We crossed the street to the largest park in the city. She walked beside me, her one hand holding her drink, her other shoved into her coat pocket. I held my free hand out expecting her take it, she glanced at my hand, but she shook her head and kept walking.

  * * *

  "Okay," I muttered under my breath. "I'm getting the hint that there is something wrong? So how about you just spill it."

  * * *

  She didn't answer me. Instead, we walked in silence through the park until we came to the first free bench. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to ask again. I had learned over my years of being married not to push. If she wanted to tell me, she would.

  * * *

  I watched her out of the corner of my eye. Something was weighing heavily on her mind, and I wanted her to lean on me. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and tell her that, no matter what, everything would be okay. Instead, she just sat there staring off into the park, distancing herself from me even more so than she had already, sipping on her tea.

  * * *

  After a bit, I glanced down at my watch. We had been sitting here for fifteen minutes exactly and she hadn’t said a word. I was about to try and strike up some sort of conversation when she cleared her throat and looked down at the ground.

  * * *

  "I lost my job today," she mumbled.

  * * *

  "What? How? Why? Does this have anything to do with what you told me about the other day?" If Tom was somehow behind this because she had turned him down, I'd go and have a little chat with him.

  * * *

  "No, it hasn’t got anything to do with the other day. They are downsizing. Apparently, my entire department has been cut and will now be outsourced. I don't know what I am going to do. I have rent, bills, my car to pay for."

  * * *

  "It's all right. No need to panic. We will figure it out," I said, placing my arm behind her on the bench. I wanted to let her know I was going to be by her side through all this. That she could lean on me.

  * * *

  "We will?" she questioned.

  * * *

  "Of course. Trust me. Everything will work out. If need be, perhaps we could find a place together."

  * * *

  She started laughing under her breath. "Trust you. That’s a joke."

  * * *

  "Kristy?"

  * * *

  "You heard me."

  * * *

  "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said, sitting forward. “When have I ever given you reason to believe you can’t trust me?”

  * * *

  "Oh, well, let's see. I was really upset when I got home. I knew you were busy at work, so I didn't call you, but then Addie called. I was about to tell her what happened when she started spouting about how she knew about us and—"

  * * *

  I closed my eyes. "Fucking Addie," I muttered. Addie had told her. My own damn sister had gone behind my back and told Kristy that I confessed after promising me she wouldn't say a fucking word.

  * * *

  "It was supposed to be a secret, Austin. Our secret, remember? No harm. We agreed."

  * * *

  "We also agreed on talking to her."

  * * *

  "Yes, together, in a week, but you took it upon yourself and went behind my back. How do you think that made me feel?"

  * * *

  "No, I told you I would talk to her, to take the pressure off of you. Remember?"

  * * *

  "Yep, I remember. I also remember asking you to wait one more week."

  * * *

  "Kristy, she cornered me in the kitchen the other night and asked me some question regarding you. She caught me off guard. She was the one who set us up."

  * * *

  "Don't blame Addie for this, and don't make things up about her just because you are in shit. You fucked up."

  * * *

  My eyes locked with hers. She was pushing me. "I'm not making it up, Kristy. She sent you up there first, and then me."

  * * *

  Kristy turned her head and looked off in the opposite direction, then I heard her sniffle and looked over at her in time to see her wipe her cheek with the back of her hand.

  * * *

  "You know, Kristy, I'm not ashamed of us."

  * * *

  "You think I'm ashamed of you?"

  * * *

  I thought for a moment before answering. "Yeah. Yes, I do. I want everyone to know that we are together. You've made me so happy, and I don't feel that we should be a secret. A secret that we keep from our friends and family. This is something that we should be celebrating."

  * * *

  Kristy stood up and threw her cup in the nearest garbage and turned to face me, both hands in her pockets.

  * * *

  "Austin, I can't do this anymore, especially right now. This, us, you, you're just a distraction. A distraction that, frankly, I don't need right now. I don't have a clue what I am going to do with my life now. I need to figure all of that out before..."

  * * *

  I stood up from the bench, the ache in my chest too much for me to handle. I studied her face and could see the tears already welling up inside them.

  * * *

  "When I said we would figure this out together, I meant it. I'm in love with you, Kristy. I know you think that it's impossible for someone to love you or impossible for good things to happen to you, but they aren't. They happened. We happened, and I do love you. I love you, everything about you."

  * * *

  Kristy let out a gasp, and the tears that followed broke my heart because I had told her the blatant truth. I had confessed my love to her in a way that I never imagined I would. I imagined lying in bed with her in my arms after we'd made love when I told her how I felt. Not standing in some stupid park freezing and fighting.

  * * *

  "Austin…" She swallowed hard and met my eyes. "I can't do this..."

  * * *

  That was all she said before she took off back in the direction we'd come. I felt her literally slipping through my fingers as I watched her run off through the park. In those seconds, I literally felt my heart break.

  * * *

  I'd stayed sitting on that park bench for close to an hour. The sun had set before I decided to get up and head back to my truck and drive home.

  * * *

  The drive across the city was a long one and I was glad when I pulled into the driveway. The house was dark, and for once, I was thankful that Addie wasn't home. I picked up my phone, calling Greg to let him know I would be back in the morning. I needed time tonight to be alone. I needed to sort everything out. The first thi
ng I planned to do was get my own place. I'd had enough. This had been the last straw. Addie had interfered one too many times.

  * * *

  I rooted through the fridge looking for anything that I could just shove into my face before I crawled into bed, but there was nothing quick. Instead, I slammed the fridge door shut and started down the hall when I heard the floor creak behind me.

  * * *

  "Austin, what are you doing here?" Addie's small voice asked.

  * * *

  "I'm going to bed," I barked.

  * * *

  "I thought you were going to the movies."

  * * *

  "Yep, so did I," I muttered, kicking my door open.

  * * *

  "You're also on the job, so aren’t you supposed to be staying at work."

  * * *

  "Jesus, who the hell made you my keeper. I think I know damn well where I should be. Don't worry, Mom, I called Greg to let him know. He approved of my decision if it’s all the same to you."

  * * *

  "Is there something wrong, Austin?" she asked, as if she didn't already know.

  * * *

  I turned to face her. She looked up at me with an innocent expression. "As if you don't know."

  * * *

  "No, Austin, I don't."

  * * *

  "Seriously, you told her that you knew we were together."

  * * *

  "So what? I also told her I was the one who set you up."

  * * *

  I laughed under my breath. "Yeah, well, she apparently didn't hear that part."

  * * *

  "Is that why you're home so early, because she got angry? Here, I will call her. She gets a little uptight sometimes. Surely, you remember. It’s nothing to get worked up over. Give me a couple of seconds." Addie pulled her phone out of her back pocket and started scrolling for Kristy's contact information.

  * * *

  "Addie, don't bother. It’s over. I don't need you to call her."

  * * *

  "Seriously, Austin, I know her better than she knows herself. Just give me five minutes to sort this out. I assure you."

  * * *

  I reached and ripped her phone from her hand. "You also assured me you wouldn't say anything. It doesn't matter, Addie, because there is no more us. She broke it off." I could hear the shake in my voice and cleared my throat to hide it.

  * * *

  "She what?" Addie's eyes bugged out.

  * * *

  "You heard me. She broke it off with me. She doesn't feel she can trust me."

  * * *

  "Please, you are the most trustworthy guy I know. Why else would I set you up with her?"

  * * *

  "Tell that to her. I told you not to mention anything to her. I told you just to stay out of it."

  * * *

  "Austin, I can fix this, really. Just give me a little bit of time."

  * * *

  "Addie, I don't need your help. You have done enough. She isn't going to forgive me. We are over. She meant it. I'm going to bed. Don’t bother me. I'll be out of here in a couple of weeks."

  * * *

  "What?"

  * * *

  "I'm moving out. It's time I got my own place again."

  “Because of this?”

  * * *

  Addie turned and headed into her bedroom, and I slammed my bedroom door shut behind me. I ripped my shirt off, balled it up, and whipped it across the room. Then I flopped down onto the bed. I lay staring up at the ceiling replaying everything in my mind that had happened. It took a while, but soon I had cooled off enough that I was able to close my eyes and shut off the noise in my mind. I fell into a restless sleep.

  19

  Kristy

  * * *

  I glanced out my apartment window and watched as the snow fell from the dark-grey sky. It looked cold out, but I had no choice. If I was going to get a tree for Christmas, I had to go today or there would be nothing left. Plus, there was a bad storm on the way.

  I turned and looked around at the mess of my apartment. I really needed to clean up this mess and stop moping around every day. It wasn't getting me anywhere. I was the one who had wanted this breakup. I had gotten what I wished for.

  * * *

  I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge to see nothing but bare shelves. I apparently needed to get groceries as well. I couldn't eat another bowl of ramen if I tried. My life had literally fallen apart in a short period of time.

  I slowly made my way down to my bedroom to shower and dress. I walked by the mirror on my closet door and took a look at my reflection.

  * * *

  I had a smear of something across my T-shirt, some remains of some dinner I suspected. My hair, a knotted mess, was piled on top of my head, held by a clip. What I noticed most of all were the dark circles that lined my eyes. They were very prominent, proving the fact that I had barely slept over the course of the last week.

  * * *

  One hot shower later and I was beginning to feel human again. I stood in the bathroom dabbing foundation under my eyes, trying hard to cover up those dark circles, but it wasn't doing any good. When I grew frustrated, I shoved my compact back into my makeup bag and zipped it closed. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and held it up with my favorite clip. I slipped into my favorite hoodie and most comfortable pair of jeans and made my way back out into the living room where I spent the next hour cleaning.

  * * *

  I pulled the boxes marked Christmas decorations from the closet and then made a spot in the corner of the living room for the tree I planned to get while I was out. Once I was satisfied with it, I shoved my feet into my boots, grabbed my grocery list from the fridge, and headed out the door.

  * * *

  I had just finished getting groceries and had grabbed a hot chocolate from The Roasted Bean before I made my way down the main drag of Hope Valley to the Christmas tree lot. The parking lot across the street was full, so I parked on a side street and walked. It would be a lot for me to carry a tree by myself, and I hoped that they would have someone who could bring it and tie it to my car for me.

  * * *

  I could hear the carolers that were always outside the tree lot singing “Jingle Bells” and I started singing along as I walked. When I rounded the corner, I came face to face with two of the guys from the fire department. They were both wearing Santa hats, collecting money for the toy drive they did every year.

  * * *

  "Fantastic," I mumbled under my breath at the sight of them. I glanced around. Thank goodness it isn’t Austin's turn to be here, I thought, so I walked over and dropped a five-dollar bill into the pot. I couldn't afford it, but at least I had a roof over my head and food in the fridge. The money went to a good cause. Most of those kids wouldn't even have a meal if it weren’t for the charity. The guys both smiled at me, thanking me for my donation as I entered the tree lot.

  * * *

  I wandered slowly through, looking for the perfect-sized tree to fill my small corner. I put my cup of hot chocolate down on the ground and struggled to lift a heavy tree out of the way to get to a smaller one behind it. As I grabbed the tree and pulled it forward, it shifted my weight. I lost my balance and almost fell over when I felt someone grab the tree from behind me. "It's okay, let it go. I've got it."

  * * *

  I froze at the sound of the voice. It was a voice I certainly wasn't ready to hear again so soon, and a funny feeling crept into my stomach. As the tree was thrown to the side, I turned around and Austin came into view. I swallowed hard. He stood there in his uniform; a Santa hat tilted to the left on his head.

  * * *

  He didn't say much, just stood taking me in. At the sight of him, I had forgotten about my hot chocolate, forgotten about the perfect-shaped tree that stood in front of me. I couldn't take my eyes from him—from those blue eyes, those strong arms that I longed to be held in. I missed him so much, that much I knew. I w
as afraid he would disappear into thin air if I took my eyes off him.