Perfect Imperfections

by Unknown

  What was I thinking? — Dave asked himself. He just wanted to go home. Being here was not the best idea after all. But a part of him wanted to know how Kim was doing. What had she been up to these past months? He had made sure that he never asked Bill how Kim was doing. So there was no way he had any clue of how she had been.

  Kim was shocked when she saw Dave walk in behind Bill. She felt anger and guilt all at the same time. She was seeing Dave for the first time since that night. He looked so tired, she thought, like he has not been getting enough sleep. Have I had enough sleep? — she asked herself. If you haven’t had enough sleep, then how do you expect Dave to have? What closure does he have for what you have done to him? If you struggled to find answers for yourself, how do you expect him to have any answer why you choose to humiliate him in front of these very people who were in this room tonight?

  Kim wanted to talk to Dave, but she didn’t know what she would say to him. Does he expect me to apologize to him? — she pondered at that thought. She didn’t feel sorry. She felt bad that things went the way they did, but she wasn’t sorry that she was not ready to get married. It was not that she had planned to hurt him. If only Dave had thought it through. If only he would have spoken to her first. But was that necessary? Hadn’t they been in a relationship for over four years? Was it not clear that an engagement would be the next step?

  She looked across the room and saw Dave looking at her. They held each other’s gaze for a bit, and then they both looked away. It was too soon — Kim thought. There would be no good from facing Dave tonight and she sought to distract herself in the various conversations people were having around her.

  The night felt long and even though Kim was more than happy for Bill and Beth, but she couldn’t help feel a little sad and hollow inside. It was not that she was not excited for the new chapter in Beth’s life, but it just made her realize that while people around her were moving forward, and she was moving in the exact opposite direction. She wanted to run away and hide; she wanted to be alone but she couldn’t do that. Where could she go and from whom could she hide? She had to sit there that night. She would have to deal with this like a grownup. You cannot keep running and hiding all your life, Kim!

  Kim was lost in her own thoughts when Sam came and jolted her back to her senses. “Kim, let’s go. Jake and Cheryl are waiting for us,” she said. Kim got up, almost as if she was on autopilot. She went and congratulated Bill and Beth and they bid their goodbyes.

  “Jake?” she asked, when she realized what Sam had said. “When did he get here?”

  “Have you been at the same dinner as the rest of us?”

  Kim shot Sam a look at her sarcasm.

  “Well,” Sam said raising her hands in surrender. “He came in a while back and now we have to go if we want a lift home.”

  “I told you I should have got the car.”

  “Yes, and I told you that we’ll get a ride back home.”

  The way back was a quiet ride. No one spoke. They all knew it had been a hard night for Kim, seeing Dave so unexpectedly, and happy at least on the outside. Though they knew it was a little harsh that Bill had invited Dave, no one held it against him. There was no reason good enough not to invite him. And they knew it was time that Kim dealt with whatever her feelings were on her own, and sooner than later. Kim and Sam sat there in the rear seat while Cheryl sat in front with Jake. He looked at Kim in the rear view mirror occasionally and saw her deep in thought, almost lost somewhere else. But he didn’t say anything. Sometimes you have to work things out on your own, he thought.

  CHAPTER 20

  Seeing Dave after so many months should have stirred more guilt within Kim, but it just propelled her to start fixing her life back.

  “What have you done to yourself?” Olivia, Kim’s hairdresser, said raising her hands skywards, “Jesus, have mercy!” she exhaled.

  “Hey Oli! Yeah, I am in need of your miraculous touch to fix my hair,” Kim said sheepishly.

  “Hair?” Olivia exclaimed. “I hope you have nowhere else to go, and if you do, you can cancel all of that. I am keeping you here till I have fixed you, and I mean all of you.” she motioned a circle to cover Kim’s entire frame.

  It took a little over three hours when Kim finally got home, and she felt so much better already. Kim walked into the room to find Sam in the kitchen.

  “Ah! Finally I see you went to the salon to fix yourself. I must say Olivia has outdone herself,” said Sam, coming up to Kim and circling around her to get a good look. “Kim, you look gorgeous! Please don’t waste it sitting at home.” she made herself comfortable in the living room by the window.

  “Why don’t we go out partying tonight?” She sat up in the couch as the brilliant idea dawned upon her, and she started preparing a long list of things she would say to Kim to convince her to go out, but just as she had opened her mouth to start bombarding Kim with those, Kim simply said, “Okay!” and went into her room.

  ***

  It was Wednesday Ladies’ Night at the local pub the girls had decided to go. Ladies’ Night meant a lot of free booze, and Kim could do well with some booze and good music. Cheryl, Beth, Suzanne and Jacqueline were already there when Sam and Kim walked in. They all greeted each other, making it as normal and comfortable for Kim as possible. Sam had warned everyone to behave as normally as they could, with no special treatment towards Kim, but Kim noticed that quite well. She silently thanked Sam for that.

  They all went to the bar to fire up the night with a round of shots and then off to the dance floor. Kim didn’t feel like going to the dance floor and so she sat back with Beth, who hated dancing anyway. They started chit-chatting and Beth began to catch up Kim with all that had been happening with her and Bill. They kept ordering martinis and didn’t even realize they were down four, until Beth started dancing in her couch and Kim was moving too, swaying to the music.

  Sam knew this was the time to get them to the dance floor and, without any hesitation, the two joined the rest on the dance floor. Kim had not been out in a long time. At times, she felt she had outgrown this when she was with Dave, but today Dave was not here and she danced like she always enjoyed dancing. It was a little over half hour when the girls realized that they were starving and came back to the bar and ordered some starters for themselves, and another round of martinis for Kim and Beth, and Corona beer for the rest.

  Kim couldn’t remember when, if at all, she had been so carefree. She was glad she had done this. The girls enjoyed the attention they were getting from the group of guys from across the bar on the other side. And since all other than Beth were single, they thoroughly enjoyed it.

  Cheryl turned to the girls, “If these guys come up to us to ask for a dance, remember the one in the beige jacket is mine.”

  Just then the guys were joined in by two more and, to Sam’s surprise, she knew one of them. It was Jake!

  Jake didn’t notice them at first but then one of the guys from the group gestured towards the girls and that’s when he noticed them. He noticed Kim. Since Jake knew the girls, it got easier for the guys to come up to them. It was surprisingly fun once they were over. The conversation flowed and Kim too began to enjoy it. The night went on and soon Bill joined them as he had come to pick up Beth. They left soon after, and as the rest of the girls were not particularly in the condition to drive on their cars they decided to call a cab and crash at Cheryl’s place.

  Jake who had not has any drinks, offered to drive them to Cheryl’s place as it was on his way home. Bill felt comfortable to let him take the girls, and a little relieved too as he confessed, “Thanks, bro! These girls have done this to me for the longest of time.”

  Sam sat in the front with Jake, while Suzanne, Cheryl, and Kim sat in the rear. Kim sat right behind Jake that he could see her in the rear view mirror. The drive was not too long, or at least, that is how it felt to Kim.

  “You girls have these crazy nights often?” Jake asked, taking a quick look at his rear view mirror look
ing at Kim. Kim was staring out of the window, though she could not have seen anything outside for it was almost completely dark. She was clearly not there with the rest of them, but she looked at peace. Sam continued talking to the rest. And before they knew, they were below Cheryl’s apartment.

  “Here you are, ladies,” Jake announced.

  They all got out and Jake bid his good night to them all.

  “Cheryl, that’s my apartment. Three blocks down,” Jake said, pointing towards a pale orange building.

  “That’s nice; we can meet up more often then,” Cheryl said with a hint of flirtation in her voice.

  “Sam, you okay with me flirting with Jake right?” Cheryl asked Sam casually as they got into the lift.

  “Why are you asking me this?” Sam replied with a smile. “I have nothing to do with him anymore than with Kim or Suzanne. Flirt away!”

  It didn’t take them long to fall asleep and, knowing that the next day they would all have to call in sick, they could all sleep a little longer.

  ***

  It wasn’t until noon the next day that Sam and Kim got home. They decided to drop in at Judith’s and take her out for lunch. It had been forever since the three had been out together.

  “Ma, what are you doing?” Sam called Judith.

  “Hi Sammy, I was just wondering what to order for lunch? Did you girls have a fun night? Have you had your lunch?” Judith asked as she fidgeted with the takeout menus.

  “That’s why I called you. Come down, we are below your office. We’ll go to the bistro around the corner for a family lunch,” Sam shrieked in excitement.

  Kim wondered why they had never done something like this before.

  CHAPTER 21

  The afternoon was perfect. The girls talked about the crazy night they had had. Sam told them about the new assignment she was helping with at work. Judith told the girls that she was being considered for a promotion. Kim patiently listened to them. She couldn’t imagine how absorbed she had been in herself that she just didn’t know what was happening in her family. She felt a little guilty at that thought.

  “Ma, I was thinking... I should start looking for a job,” said Kim after a thought. It felt as if she wanted to say something more, but did not know exactly what. Then she almost regretted it when she saw Judith’s and Sam’s faces.

  “Well, that’s nice.” That is all Judith said and continued eating.

  “I’ll see you girls at home,” she said and quickly kissed them on their cheeks and rushed back.

  Sam was already on the phone as they sat back. “Hi, Suzie, you wanna go shopping?” Kim cleared the bill and waited for Sam to be done. “All right, I’ll pick you in about twenty minutes? See ya then.” Sam hung up and looked at Kim. “Are you coming with us for some window shopping?”

  “Nah! You girls carry on. I’ll head home,” said Kim as they started walking out.

  “All right, I’ll drop you,” said Sam as she fiddled in the bag for the car key.

  “That’s okay. I want to walk back,” said Kim, gesturing her to go ahead. The afternoon sun was disappearing behind the tall buildings. The warmth in the air was beginning to disappear. Kim didn’t know when was the last time that she had gone for a walk by herself. She couldn’t help thinking that she had lost sight of who she was.

  So lost was Kim in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she had crossed her apartment long time back and was closing up on the mall nearby. She looked at her watch to check the time and decided to get herself a cup of coffee and then head back home. To her surprise, there wasn’t a big crowd at Starbucks, and she went and stood behind the only guy at the counter, who was apparently taking forever to place her order. How did people take so much time to place an order for their coffee! Kim always found that difficult to understand. Finally, the guy was done and when he turned around, Kim wished she had not come here at all.

  “Jake!” Kim said with an obvious surprise and a hint of annoyance in her voice. She had had a really nice time with him the previous evening, but she was not looking for company right now and definitely not his.

  “Thankfully, you are behind me this time. Chances of you spilling coffee over me again is minimum!” Jake looked at Kim and winked.

  “Ah! Are you going to hold that against me forever?” Kim said, rolling her eyes skywards. “One cafe latte, no cream, no chocolate syrup.” Kim placed her order and turned around towards Jake who was already walking towards the table nearby. That was rude! — Kim thought and felt annoyed. She picked her order and walked towards Jake to let him know it was rude to walk away while someone was talking to them. But, just as she approached him he just nodded towards the chair in front of him and asked, “Would you like to give me company for some time?” Kim looked at him puzzled. She wanted to say no, but then thought for a moment and took a seat across from him. “Watched any new movie?” he asked.

  “We already covered all this last night,” Kim said as a matter of fact and sipped on her coffee with a smile curling up at the corner of her lips. They sat there in silence for some time looking at each other. Then Jake relaxed in the chair, his legs folded, his coffee mug in one hand, and looked past Kim outside the entrance glass door.

  Several minutes passed by and they had not said anything to each other. With the last of her coffee, slurping in the cup Kim realized they had not spoken to each other and were just sitting there, both engrossed in their thoughts. Kim felt odd that they barely knew each other, hadn’t spoken to each other in the last — she looked at the wall clock hanging on the wall behind her — well over half hour and that didn’t feel odd.

  Finally Kim broke the silence and asked, “So, what are you doing this weekend?”

  “Going mountain biking. Wanna come?” he asked, still looking outside.

  “Don’t have a bike,” said Kim, knowing he was just being polite.

  “You could hire one, that is, if you really wanna go? And I think you should.” He straightened up and looked at Kim. He was not joking, almost as if he was defying her to do this.

  “All right! Where can I get one?” she asked.

  “Google it, dear,” said Jake and got up from his chair and started leaving. “I’ll come pick you at 5, Saturday morning.” The last of his words were barely audible as he disappeared into the street. Kim sat there a moment thinking of what just happened. Had she just agreed to go mountain biking with Jake and she had to fend for herself to find a place that rented out mountain bikes? And she had a day to do that. Almost annoyed at herself for agreeing to have coffee with Jake, she got up and walked back home all the while telling herself that she didn’t have to do this. But she knew she would. She could go mountain biking, couldn’t she?

  On Saturday morning, Kim stood below her apartment with her rented bike. In a few minutes, a black Land Cruiser pulled in front of her and Jake got out.

  “Thank God you didn’t pick up a bike with tassels and a flower studded front basket,” he teased her as he picked the bike and strapped it to the bike stand behind the car. Checking to make sure that the bike was secured firmly he gestured Kim to get in the car. They got in and took off. Again there was the comfortable silence between them before Kim decided to break it. In her head, she was getting irritated at the realization that she was so comfortable with this almost stranger.

  “So, where are we headed?”

  “To the mountains,” said Jake and then paused. “I think you will like the view and maybe even the exercise.”

  Jake looked at her and then straight ahead at the road. And again there was the silence between them. It took them a little under forty-five minutes, and they were at a small cabin at the forest. Jake parked the car at the place marked by planks and got out.

  “Come, I'll introduce you to ‘The Guy’,” said Jake and headed towards the cabin and Kim followed.

  “Tim! How are you, my friend?” Jake said as he shook his hand in the new handshake lingo that Kim had been seeing lately. It was a mix of a handshake and a fist
-bump with a lot of other hand gestures that were difficult for the brain to register that early in the morning. Then he kept his car keys over the counter.

  “Good morning, Jake,” said the guy named Tim. “I see you have brought company this time.” He tilted his head towards Kim who was standing beside Jake. “Hello ma’am,” he greeted as he waved at Kim.

  She waved back realizing that Tim was not a ‘normal’ guy. She felt rude at her choice of words. She smiled at Tim wanting to over correct herself. “What a beautiful smile you have ma'am." Tim said sheepishly and turned around to the back wall placing Jake’s car keys on the numbered board.

  “Hey Tim, you are not planning to steal another of my girls now, are you?” Jake said casually and winked at Kim.

  “I can’t help it, Jake, if they find me more charming than you,” Tim said with a laugh as he Hobbled back to the counter with two phones like devices attached to a florescent loop. “Your mobile phones, please?" He asked as he handed both of them one each of the handsets.

  “Left those in the car like you told me last time.”

  Jake turned around and started walking out. Kim followed, and said to Tim, “See you!”

  “In two hours, Tim,” Jake added, without looking back. Once outside, Jake waited for a moment for Kim to catch up with him. Then, he went back to the car and unstrapped the cycles. Kim hopped on hers with excitement. She had never done this before but…

  Two hours! She thought to herself. That was too much. Jake started cycling towards bike trail. Kim felt a little annoyed with the way he would just walk away without letting her know what, when, and how.

  A twinge of hate began to well up within her. But she thought it was better not to say anything at this point. She let out a huff and followed him.