The Diary of Lady Murasaki

by Murasaki Shikibu

  The ladies in attendance on Naritō’s dancer wore brocade jackets that stood out brilliantly even in the darkness of the night. They wore so many layers they seemed to have difficulty in moving, so the senior courtiers did what they could to help them. His Majesty came over to watch from our side of the building and His Excellency stole over as well and stood to the north of the sliding door;50 this was rather inconvenient, since it meant we could not do exactly as we wished.

  The attendants for Nakakiyo’s dancer were all chosen to be exactly the same height and were pronounced to be every bit as magnificent and splendid as their rivals. Those in the Adviser of the Right’s party had arranged everything perfectly; they even included two cleaning maids whose very stiffness made them seem a little provincial, bringing a smile to everyone’s lips.

  Last in line was the party belonging to Adviser Sanenari. Perhaps I was imagining things, but they all appeared particularly well dressed. There were ten attendants. The hems of their robes cascaded out from beneath the blinds which had been lowered in the outer gallery. The effect was not ostentatious: on the contrary, they looked extremely attractive in the glow of the lights.

  On the morning of the twenty-first the senior courtiers came to pay their respects. It was the same every year of course, but perhaps because they had been away from the Palace for some months now, the younger women were all agog; and this despite the fact that ceremonial cloaks were not worn that day.51

  That evening Naritō, as Assistant Master of the Crown Prince’s Household, was summoned and presented with incense piled high in a large box. Nakakiyo, as Governor of Owari, was given a similar gift by Her Excellency. Her Majesty went over that evening to see the Imperial Rehearsals, I think it was. Because the baby prince was with her, there was much casting of rice and shouting of spells; quite different from usual.

  I felt depressed and went to my room for a while to rest. I had intended to go over later if I felt better, but then Kohyōe and Kohyōbu came in and sat themselves down by the hibachi. ‘It’s so crowded over there, you can hardly see a thing!’ they complained. His Excellency appeared.

  ‘What do you think you’re all doing, sitting around like this?’ he said. ‘Come along with me!’

  I did not really feel up to it but went at his insistence.

  I was watching the dancers, thinking how tense they looked, when suddenly the Governor of Owari’s daughter took ill and had to retire; it was like watching a dream unfold. When it was all over, Her Majesty returned to her apartments.

  The younger nobles could now talk of nothing but the attractiveness of the young dancers’ apartments.

  ‘Did you notice how the decoration on the edges and tops of each blind is a different design for each room? And the way they do their hair, the way they move around – they are all quite different from each other!’

  The way they go on like this does annoy me.

  Even in normal years the young girl attendants feel self-conscious when presenting themselves in front of His Majesty, so how much worse it must have been for them this year, I thought; I was both apprehensive and eager to see them.52 As they finally stepped forward together I was, for some reason, overcome with emotion and felt dreadfully sorry for them. Not that I was closely tied to any one of them in particular, mind you. Was it because their patrons were so convinced that their girls were the best that, look as I would, I found it difficult to distinguish between them? Someone more in the know about fashion would have been able to detect differences at once, of course. And with all those young nobles around and the girls not allowed so much as a fan to hide behind in broad daylight, I felt somehow concerned for them, convinced that, although they may have been able to deal with the situation both in terms of rank and intelligence, they must surely have found the pressures of constant rivalry daunting; silly of me, perhaps.

  Naritō’s little girl looked very attractive in her pale-green coat, but the way Adviser Sanenari had dressed his girl in a red coat was enviable: it made a perfect contrast with her maid’s yellow-green jacket. Of the two, the former seemed the plainer.

  Adviser Kanetaka’s girl stood very straight and had beautiful hair, but she was rather too forward, which caused some adverse comment. All four of them were wearing deep red underjackets and mantles of various colours. Three of them had coats with five cuffs, but the Governor of Owari’s girl had a coat dyed light purple throughout, which made her look most elegant and attractive by contrast; its sheen and the way it blended in with the other dresses was most impressive.

  As the Chamberlain of Sixth Rank and some other men came forward to take their fans, one of the maids, a very attractive girl, took it into her head to throw hers towards them. It was not an immodest gesture but not very ladylike either. But then, if I were ever asked to present myself like that in front of everyone, no doubt I too would prove equally as gauche; I, who never imagined I would be as much in the public eye as I am even now. And yet feelings can be so fickle – they shift before your very eyes. ‘From now on,’ I told myself, ‘I know my shamelessness shall be such that I will become quite used to life at court, inured to showing myself openly to others.’ My future rose up before me like a dream and I began to think unwonted thoughts; I became quite upset and found the ceremonies much less interesting than usual.

  The rooms occupied by Adviser Sanenari’s party were right across from Her Majesty’s apartments. Looking over the top of the screen, you could see the edging on the blinds that had caused so much comment. We could also hear snatches of conversation.

  ‘Lady Sakyō seems to be very much at home with the ladies of the First Consort,’53 said Adviser Kanetaka, revealing that he knew her of old. Junior Captain Masamichi also remembered her. ‘That was Lady Sakyō the other night sitting on the east side among the attendants,’ he said. Somehow all this came to the ears of Her Majesty’s ladies, who thought it most interesting.

  ‘Well, we can hardly just ignore it,’ they said. ‘Fancy someone who used to lord it in the Palace returning in such a manner! She must be trying to remain incognito. We must disillusion her!’ and with that in mind they chose from the many fans in Her Majesty’s collection one with a coloured painting of Mt Hōrai; they did it deliberately, but did she realize what it was meant to signify?54 They placed the open fan on the lid of a box, arranged a dancer’s cord pendants around it, and added a curved comb tied across the ends with a strip of ceremonial white paper.55

  ‘She’s not as young as she used to be, you know!’ said one of the younger nobles, bending it even more so that the ends nearly met in a dreadfully up-to-date fashion. They also prepared a roll of kurobō scent, cut both ends untidily, and then wrapped it in two sheets of white paper making it into a sort of folded letter. Lady Tayū was asked to write the following:

  Among the many ladies at the ‘Banquet of the Flushed Faces’

  Your pendants were a source of shining admiration.56

  ‘If you are going to give her a present like that,’ said Her Majesty, ’you ought to make it more attractive; add some more fans or something.’ ‘No,’ the women replied. ‘It would not do to make it too exaggerated. If it were a gift from Your Majesty, there would be none of these hidden allusions in any case. This is our own little private affair.’

  They sent as a messenger a woman who would not be recognized.

  ‘A letter from Lady Chūnagon! From the First Consort’s apartments, for Lady Sakyō!’ she said in a loud voice as she passed it through the blinds. We were all worried lest she be caught, but she came hurrying back. Apparently someone had asked her where she had come from but no one had doubted her reply when she had said she had come from the First Consort’s quarters.

  Nothing of any real interest had happened during these last few days, but even so, once the festivities were over, the Palace suddenly felt dreary; things were only enlivened by some rehearsals on the night of the twenty-fourth.57 I can just imagine how bored the younger nobles must have felt after all the excitement.
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br />   Even the Takamatsu sons were allowed into the women’s apartments after Her Majesty’s return to the Palace.58 It was extremely annoying to have them traipsing in and out all the time, although, on the pretext of being too old for it all, I made myself scarce. Obviously the Gosechi ceremonies had made very little impression on them; instead they hung around the skirts of Yasurai, Kohyōe and the others, twittering away and making a general nuisance of themselves.

  The imperial messenger for the Special Festival at the Kamo Shrines was His Excellency’s fifth son, Middle Captain Elect Norimichi. It was a day of abstinence at the Palace and so His Excellency came the evening before and stayed overnight. The nobles and the young men who were to perform the dances also stayed at the Palace, with the result that the area around the women’s quarters was pandemonium all night.

  Early the next morning retainers from Kinsue, Minister of the Centre, arrived to hand over a gift to His Excellency’s men: it was a silver book box lying on the lid that we had sent the previous day.59 Packed inside was a mirror, an aloes-wood comb and a silver comb, all apparently for the imperial messenger to dress his hair. Embossed on the top of the box in reed-like script60 was what appeared to be a reply to our ‘cord pendants’ poem, but two letters had been left out and it looked a little odd. Matters seem to have taken a strange turn. I remember hearing later that the Minister had made this formal gift in the belief that the first present had come from Her Majesty. It had only been a trifling joke on our part and I was sorry to see that it had been taken so seriously.

  Her Excellency also came to the Palace to watch the imperial messenger depart. Seeing him there looking very grown-up and imposing with artificial wisteria flowers in his hair, his old wet-nurse Lady Kura had no eyes for the dancers; she just gazed at him, tears running down her cheeks.

  Because of the abstinence at the Palace, they all returned from the shrine at about two the following morning, so the dances performed on their return were kept to a mere formality. Kanetoki had been superb in the role of dancer in past years, but this year he seemed very uncertain in his movements.61 Despite the fact that I hardly knew him, I felt sorry for him and it gave me much on which to reflect.

  I returned to the Palace on the twenty-ninth of the twelfth month.62 Now I come to think of it, it was on this very night that I first entered service at court. When I remember what a daze I was in then I find my present somewhat blasé attitude quite uncomfortable.

  It was very late. Her Majesty was in seclusion, so I did not go to see her but lay down to rest on my own. I could hear the women talking in the next room. ‘How different it is here in the Palace! At home everyone would be asleep but here it’s the constant footsteps that keep one awake!’ they said immodestly.

  As does the year, so do my days draw to an end;

  How desolate the sounds of the wind in my heart

  I murmured to myself.

  On the last night of the year the ceremony of casting out devils63 was over very early, so I was resting in my room, blackening my teeth and putting on a light powder, when Ben no Naishi came in, chatted for a while and then fell asleep.

  Takumi, the maid, was sitting just outside in the corridor, intent on teaching Ateki how to pinch the hems of a dress she had just made, when suddenly there was uproar from the direction of Her Majesty’s quarters. I shook Ben no Naishi but she took time to wake up. The crying and wailing was terrible to hear, and I was beside myself. I thought at first it was a fire, but no, it was something else.

  ‘Come on!’ I said, urging Takumi to take the lead. ‘Whatever it is, Her Majesty is in her room tonight. We must go and see if she is all right.’ Finally I managed to shake Ben no Naishi out of her slumbers and the three of us went over, trembling in fear and apprehension. What should we find but two women sitting there with no clothes on, Yugei and Kohyōbu! When I realized what had happened, I felt even more upset.

  The menials had all retired and both Her Majesty’s servants and the guards had left as soon as the ceremony was over. We clapped our hands and shouted, but to no avail. A serving girl was called out from the Kitchens. ‘Quick! Fetch the Chamberlain at the Ministry of War. He should be in the main chamber!’64 I said, forgetting proprieties and speaking directly to her. She went to find him but he too had left. I was mortified. Then who should arrive but Sukenari, Chamberlain at the Ministry of Ceremonial, who went round on his own to fill the oil lamps.

  Some of the women just sat there gazing at each other in a state of shock. A messenger came from His Majesty. What a dreadful experience it was, I remember. Robes were brought from the imperial storehouse and given to the two women who needed them. Their formal dresses for the New Year’s Day celebrations had not been stolen so they put on a brave face, but I shall never forget the sight of them without their clothes. It was frightening but it also had an amusing side to it, although I should never dream of saying so.65

  *

  The next day was New Year’s Day. We could hardly refrain from discussing last night, although to do so was obviously unlucky. It was also an inauspicious day according to the almanac, so the rice-cake ceremony 66 for the Prince was cancelled. It was in fact the third day of the month before the Prince was taken to see His Majesty.

  This year it was Lady Dainagon who was in charge of serving Her Majesty. On the first day she wore a crimson gown with a light purple mantle, a red jacket, and a train of printed silk. For the second day she had a mantle of purple and crimson figured silk, a dark crimson gown of glossy silk, a yellow-green jacket, and a train of variegated colours. For the third day she wore a white mantle of Chinese damask with a red lining, and a dark red jacket of figured silk. As was usually the case, when the gown was dark the lining was a shade paler, and vice versa. Her lined robes were of various colours, pale green, white with a dark-red lining, light yellow, dark yellow, crimson with purple lining, and pale purple lined in white; the effect of these six quite common combinations worn all at one time together with the mantle was perfect.

  On the third day Lady Saishō acted as sword bearer, following behind His Excellency, who carried the Prince over to His Majesty’s quarters in his arms. She wore one lined crimson robe with seven cuffs which were sewn to the unlined dress beneath, and over that were four more robes of a similar colour with alternating cuffs of three and five layers. Her crimson gown was of thick figured silk with five cuffs. Her mantle was pale purple with a lightly embroidered pattern of oak leaves. Even the stitching was beautifully done. She was also wearing a train with three cuffs, and a red jacket that was embroidered with a water-chestnut pattern that gave her a rather Chinese look.67 Her hair was done up especially for the occasion and she looked and acted quite perfectly. She is just the right height too, with a full figure, fine features and a beautiful complexion.

  Lady Dainagon is petite, one might almost say small; pale and lovely, a little plump perhaps, but always very well dressed. Her hair falls about three inches past her heels and is so luxuriant and kept so beautifully trimmed there is hardly anyone to match her for elegance. She has intelligent features and acts in a most charming, graceful manner.

  Lady Senji is also on the small side, but she is very slim. Her hair falls to about a foot beyond the hem of her robes and not a strand is ever out of place. She is so infinitely distinguished it quite puts me to shame, and she has only to put in an appearance to make one feel on one’s guard. Her character and her speech are just what you would expect of the epitome of a noble lady.

  Now if I go on describing people for you in this manner, I am sure I will get a reputation for being a gossip, especially if it concerns those close to me.68 It is too difficult to discuss people I meet every day and I should avoid commenting on anyone about whom I have second thoughts.

  Lady Saishō – the daughter of Kitano of Third Rank, you know – has a plump but compact figure and looks very shrewd; she improves greatly upon further acquaintance. She has a refined air about her and a most attractive smile plays around the corners o
f her mouth. The initial impression she gives is one of correctness and show, but inside she is in fact lovable and gentle, while in some matters she can still be positively daunting.

  Lady Koshōshō is so indefinably elegant and graceful she reminds one of a weeping willow in spring. She has a lovely figure and a charming manner, but is by nature far too retiring, diffident to the point of being incapable of making up her mind about anything, so naïve that it makes one want to weep. Whenever someone unscrupulous tries to take advantage of her or spreads rumours, she immediately takes it all to heart. She is so vulnerable and so easily dismayed that you would think she were on the point of expiring. I do worry about her.

  Miya no Naishi is also very attractive. She is just the right height so that when seated she has a most imposing, stylish air about her. Although not the kind of woman whose attractiveness can be ascribed to any one feature, there is a freshness in her countenance and an air of distinction in her face; the contrast between her pale skin and her black hair sets her apart from the rest. Everything, the shape of her head, her hair, her forehead, surprises with its beauty and yet gives an impression of openness and candour. She acts quite naturally, is kind to others, and never gives the slightest cause for any misgivings. So perfect in whatever she does, she could be a model for all, entirely free from any airs and graces.

  Lady Shikibu, her younger sister, is chubby – fat even. She is a pale woman but has delicate, well-formed features. Her hair has a magnificent sheen, but it cannot be that long, for she comes to court with an additional hairpiece attached. I remember her plump little figure as being really most charming. She has pretty eyes and a clear forehead, and is very winsome when she laughs.