Finding Valor

by Ripley Proserpina

  Voice hard, Nora interrupted his dark thoughts, “No, I’ll stay with him. Make sure he’s fine.” Her voice trembled suddenly, but she bit her lip. She was determined to come with them, and he wasn’t going to argue with her; he couldn’t have found the words if he’d wanted to.

  She ran to the driver’s side, getting in the back next to Cai, pulling him into her arms and talking quietly to him. As he pulled out, he could hear her soothing voice repeating, “You’re okay. You’re fine.”

  “He’ll be fine,” Apollo assured her again as Ryan pulled onto the quiet main street leading to the medical campus.

  Cai’s body suddenly jerked, and he cried out, “No!”

  With his eyes glued to the road, Ryan couldn’t look back, but he didn’t miss the sound of flesh hitting flesh and Nora’s pained cry. The sound woke him up. Everything became sharper, clearer, more urgent.

  “Son of a bitch!” Apollo yelled. “Hurry up, Ryan!”

  Her voice, when she spoke again, sounded strangely muffled. “Is he having a seizure?”

  “No,” Apollo answered, “I don’t think so.”

  “No!” he heard again and then a hiss of breath.

  Turning completely in his seat, Apollo whipped off his seatbelt and reached into back.

  “Apollo, what’s happening?” Ryan glanced quickly over his shoulder, but speeding as he was to the hospital, he could only catch flashes of action in the backseat.

  “I’m okay,” Nora said again and then, “You’re okay, Cai. You’re sick, but we’re going to the hospital.”

  Bright lights loomed ahead. Following the signs for the emergency room, he raced through stop signs, pausing momentarily to be sure he wasn’t going to be hit by an ambulance, and squealed to a stop in front of the ER bay doors.

  He managed to throw the car into park before rushing to the back, jerking open the door, and yanking Nora from the backseat. Her face was red, a man-sized handprint raised from her temple to her cheekbone. A small trickle of blood dripped out of one nostril, and she sniffed, wiping at it with her sleeve.

  “I’m okay,” she said when he stared at her in horror. “It was an accident.”

  Stunned, he realized Apollo, Matisse, and Seok were dragging Cai from the car and into the hospital. Her gaze flicked over his shoulder, and then she tugged him after them. “Come on. I’m fine. He needs us.”

  Swiping her arm across her face again, she ran after them, forcing him to follow. Nurses had already loaded Cai onto a gurney when they got inside, but as soon as he was prone, he started thrashing, pushing at the nurses and doctors attempting to keep him in place.

  It was like a nightmare; Ryan watched the whole thing with his heart in his chest, but he could not for the life of him make his body move.

  “Cai.” Nora pushed past the nurses, cupping his face in her hands.

  “Miss,” a nurse began, but she ignored them. Apollo took a step closer, ready to intervene if needed. Matisse and Seok held their bodies poised the same way. He, too, had stepped forward, his fists clenched at his sides.

  “Just a minute, please?” she asked the personnel. “He’s scared. Cai.” She turned her attention to him. “You’re okay. You’re at the hospital. We’re all here with you.”

  Cai calmed as soon as she spoke, his body stilling.

  “Miss, we need to go.”

  She took a shuddering breath, stepping away from him and turning. Her eyes met Ryan’s, and he held out his arms. Eyes filling with tears, she walked to him until Cai cried out again, and then she took off, racing down the hall after him.

  “I’m here!”

  Ryan followed, running after her and the gurney and away from the pounding footfalls behind him.

  “I’m staying with him,” she said. This time the nurse didn’t argue.

  * * *

  Scarlet fever.

  Cai had fucking scarlet fever. Leave it to him to have some back-ass illness that should have been eradicated.

  “Actually,” the doctor, who looked about Ryan’s age, said, “scarlet fever is caused by streptococcus.”

  Apparently he’d spoken out loud. Some of the fear weighing him down floated off, but there was a healthy dose of self-recrimination left.

  “He’s not going to be blind, is he?” Matisse asked.

  “Oh my God,” Nora whispered. “He is?”

  The doctor shook his head, his face becoming suspiciously red. “No. That doesn’t happen anymore. It did before things like antibiotics. Funny how many people ask that question.”

  “I heard it somewhere,” Matisse grumbled.

  “Little House on the Prairie,” Apollo filled in.

  Snapping his fingers, Matisse nodded sharply. “Exactly.”

  Clearing his throat to get their attention, the doctor went on. “Anyway, Malachi’s on antibiotics, something to bring down his fever, and some pain medicine, so he’s going to be quite sleepy. You can probably go home and get some rest. Come back in the morning.”

  As one, they shook their heads and then seemed to realize the size of the room. Luckily, Cai was the only patient assigned there. At least one of them could sleep on the other bed, two if Nora cuddled in, and there was a chair. The rest of them could hang out in the waiting room.

  The doctor left them, and they sighed collectively. Ryan rubbed his hands through his hair and across his face. “I should have checked on him.”

  “Me, too.” Apollo scraped his hands across the back of his head. “I didn’t want to catch his cold.”

  Groaning, Matisse dropped into the single, small chair the room held. “We’re all assholes.” From the corner of his eye, Ryan saw Nora nod. Matisse did too because he immediately backtracked. “Not you, cher. You were selfless. A true Florence Nightingale type.” His jokes helped. Things weren’t so bad if Matisse could be irreverent.

  Nora sat on a round stool he hadn’t noticed, pulling it to the side of the bed and resting her head on the blanket. A sleepy smile grew on her face. “Maybe I should be a nurse.”

  “You could bring the dead back to life.” Laughing like a fiend, Matisse shook his head. “Ignore me. I’m punchy from no sleep.”

  Apollo crawled up onto the other bed, stretching out before scooting all the way to the side so Seok could seat himself on the edge. Ryan looked around and finally decided a section of wall looked inviting. He leaned back, sliding to the floor to rest his head on his knees.

  “Did you have fun?” Nora asked suddenly. “What were you and your friends up to?”

  It took everything Ryan had not to look at Matisse. He knew where his friend went when he stayed out all night. Like the fights Apollo took on, Matisse made extra money doing things some people might identify as dangerous. It wasn’t his place to tell Matisse’s secrets.

  “We all met in a motorcycle club, sort of. We all like to ride.”

  “You ride all night?” She reached out for Cai’s hand and brought it under her cheek.

  “Sometimes.” His answer was strangled by another huge yawn.

  “I bet you could fit on the bed with Apollo,” she observed, glancing quickly at Seok and Apollo before back at Matisse. “Maybe you should take a nap if you’re not—”

  Cai let out a soft moan, and she sat up quickly. They gathered around his bed, watching him for signs of awareness, but the moan was it. Soon, he was quiet again.

  “Should we set up shifts?” Her brown eyes flickered to the clock above the window and then to Ryan and Apollo. “You two have classes.”

  “I have a feeling you mean we take shifts and you stay here.” Seok had her number, but she had the good sense to blush.

  “I do. I don’t want to leave him. He shouldn’t wake up alone. I don’t want him to be scared.”

  Glancing at the others, Ryan wondered if the same look was on his face. Seeing Nora like this, protective and determined, was incredible. He could easily imagine she would do the same for him. How their roles had rever
sed. Initially, he’d protected and cared for her, moving her into their house when she had nowhere to go, threatening the police detective.

  Now it was her turn to watch out for them, and another bit of fear drifted away from him. Without even knowing it, he’d gotten what he’d wanted: all of them looking out for each other, adding strength to their already strong bond. Before Nora, guilt had connected them to each other. With Nora, they were more. Not a motley crew of strangers brought together by some nebulous desire to make amends for their sins. Ryan was more himself, the guy he wanted to be, than he’d been without her.

  Remembering some of the harshness he’d throw her way earlier in the week made him wince. It hadn’t broken them, though. Sure, he was stumbling awkwardly through these early days of their relationship, but few couples faced the same challenges they did. It spoke to their commitment to each other that none of them had run away from this.

  “I’m skipping class.” It was the right thing to do. “Cai shouldn’t be alone when he wakes up. I want to be here.”

  “Me too.” Seok steepled his hands on his knees and then stood. “But I need to find some chairs. Perching on the edge of the bed with Gigantor isn’t going to work.”

  A small smile graced Nora’s face at Seok’s words. This is what Seok’d hoped for. If he couldn’t make her smile, one of them would.

  “Come here?” Apollo asked, lifting an arm and gesturing to his chest.

  As she stretched, the edge of her sweater lifted over her light brown belly. “Do you mind if I stay here?” She glanced down at Cai. “I want to hold his hand.”

  “You can snuggle me.” Matisse bounced up from the hard tile and jumped onto the bed, snuggling into Apollo’s side before any of them knew what was happening.

  “Aww,” Apollo joked, his tell-tale dimple appearing in his cheek. “You need a hug?”

  He squeezed Matisse, and they laughed. Ryan moved closer to her, resting his hands on her shoulders and slowly massaging her neck and back. Her head fell back, exposing the line of her throat, and without thinking, he pressed his lips beneath her chin and around her jaw.

  She turned her head, catching his face before he could pull away, and returned his kiss. “Thank you,” she whispered, the movement of her lips tickling his. “You got us here so fast, and you were so calm.”

  “I was scared out of my mind.” He curled his body behind her, dipping his knees because of their height difference. He stayed there as long as he could before his knees and back began to scream at him, and he straightened. “It was a nightmare. I blame myself.”

  “We’ve been over this,” Seok interrupted, pushing another of the vinyl guest chairs through the door. “It’s on all of us.”

  “Here guys,” a nurse appeared with an armload of blankets, handing one to each of them. Her gaze lingered on Ryan, and she bit her lip to keep from smiling before she left.

  “Well,” Matisse teased.

  He met Matisse’s gaze and then Nora’s. Both of them smiled like the cat who got the canary. “Shut up.”

  A giggle escaped from her, but she covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head. He kissed the side face because he couldn’t not. “Love you.”

  She twirled on the stool, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Love you, too.”

  They all found a place to be, none of them particularly comfortable. Matisse curled on the edge of the bed next to Apollo and was asleep in moments, his snores filling the room. Nora rested her head on the blanket again, holding onto Cai’s hand and closing her eyes. Eventually, Ryan sat in the extra chair, pulling it closer to Seok.

  “Hey,” Seok greeted.

  Ryan rested his elbows on his knees, head dipped low. “Hey.”

  “He’s going to be okay, you know.”

  “I know,” he answered. “Just feeling guilty.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Oh, okay. I’ll stop then.” Ryan’s voice dripped sarcasm.

  Seok closed his eyes, tilting his head to the ceiling and crossing his arms. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, Ryan.”

  The back of his head hit the wall. “Sorry.”

  Opening one eye to peer at him, Seok shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. We all bear some of the guilt, but I’m sure Cai will forgive us.” They sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “Did you speak to Beau?”

  “Not since the last time, but I did speak with Professor Bismarck.”

  “What’d he say?”

  A loud snore made Ryan jump in his seat. Apollo had fallen asleep as well.

  Gathering his thoughts, he said, “Pretty much what you said.”

  “Didn’t need to pay me $3000 a credit for my advice.”

  “It’s $3000 for a three credit course.”

  “Sorry. My mistake.”

  “Speaking of sarcasm.”

  Seok chuckled, adjusting in the chair, making it squeak and groan. He pulled his bangs away from his forehead, examining his fringe. “What color is next?”

  Turning his head, Ryan considered his friend. “Silver.”

  “Good idea.” Seok nodded, patting his hair back into place. “I like it.”

  With nothing else to say, they sat in silence. Silence-ish. Apollo and Matisse snored like chainsaws, and even Nora gave a small groan now and again. Ryan stood, turning down the lights in the room. At her side he stopped, staring at her face. The handprint from earlier was gone except for a small bruise at the corner of her eye. Cai would no doubt be horrified. They’d all tell him how quickly he calmed down after hearing Nora’s voice.

  “Think it was a nightmare?” Seok asked, watching him gently trace her face.

  Shrugging, he moved away. “I don’t know. Flashback perhaps.”

  “Yes.” Seok grimaced. “You might be right. Poor Cai.”

  Having Nora at his side holding tightly to his hand when he awoke might dull some of whatever trauma his fever had caused. “She’ll help.”

  “I should thank you for insisting she stay with us.”

  The words made Ryan regard his roommate seriously.

  “Did you ever imagine,” Seok continued, “when we first met, that we would be friends?”

  It was an easy question to answer. “Absolutely not. You hated me.”

  “You reminded me too much of myself.”

  “And yet you helped me, insisted on helping me.”

  “You didn’t think I was helping at the time,” Seok argued.

  “No,” he allowed, “but we’ve already agreed I was an idiotic asshole.”

  “You were hurt and lost. Two things I was familiar with.”

  Ryan sighed. “I thought I was better, but this thing with Beau has showed me how far I still have to go. You’re right, you know.”

  “Obviously. But which specific part am I right about?”

  “I think Beau is as stuck as I am. He’s holding onto anger, and I’m afraid it will ruin his life the way it ruined mine for so long. He should be more like her.” Ryan jerked his chin in Nora’s direction. As if hearing her name, her head turned toward them. She gave a snuffle but stayed asleep.

  “She doesn’t hold a grudge,” Seok agreed.

  “No, and she was as hurt as any of us. Her past…what little I know…Seok, it was horrible. All of us, except Cai really, had relatively normal childhoods. There was at least one person in our life who loved us. Not her.”

  “We’re her first.”

  Something about the way Seok said “first” reminded Ryan of the first he had shared with her. He shifted in the seat, remembering the way it felt to hold her and slide inside her. “Yes,” he whispered. “We’re her first.”

  Meeting his friend’s eyes was difficult, but he did it. Seok’s face was serious, and, Ryan thought, sad. Sad enough Ryan opened his mouth to apologize, but Seok held up his hand.

  “I’ll tell you what I told her: don’t apologize. I wouldn’t want her apologizing for anything we shared
. I certainly won’t.”

  Fair enough. The moments he’d had with Nora were theirs and theirs alone. Racking his brain for a suitable reply, he settled on the eloquent, “I won’t.”

  “Come on,” Seok directed. “Let’s face these chairs toward each other, and then we’ll have a place to put our feet.”

  After pushing his chair around, Ryan sat, scrunching his body toward the side of the chair to make room for Seok’s sock-clad feet. “Don’t nail me in the balls,” he warned.

  Chuckling, Seok slunk low, stretching his legs and then crossing his arms. “No promises.”

  Ryan smiled and closed his eyes. Apollo and Matisse’s snores took on a rhythmic quality, and he focused on the inhalation and exhalation of his friends. Soon, he drifted to sleep, snoring as loudly as any of them.

  Twenty-Five

  Awake

  EVEN THOUGH CAI slept well into the next morning and part of the next afternoon, Ryan decided to stay. Neither Nora nor his friends left either. They took turns in the shower, sharing the tiny bathroom situated off the room. The nurse, who had been named Ryan’s Nurse by the others, brought them scrubs to change into.

  For some reason, Ryan’s was extra tight. At first he assumed it was because he hadn’t dried off completely, but when he entered the room and Nora’s eyes traveled to his biceps, he realized the small size was on purpose.

  “Hello arms,” she teased before dissolving into giggles.

  Even Apollo, who easily had the biggest biceps in Vermont, wore a shirt that fit.

  “Haha.” But he couldn’t help laughing himself. “Do I look like a doctor?” He pretended to pose, flashing them a pouty look.

  “Work it,” Matisse called from behind his phone.

  He flexed, the cotton constricting around his arms. “Maybe I’ll buy everything a size smaller from now on.” He turned, bending over to tie his shoes, and someone whistled.

  “Look at them buns!”