by Amy Brent
I eased onto the motorcycle and memorized the feeling of her body behind mine, pressed against me tightly as I felt her long arms wrap around my waist. I pictured her on her bike moaning my name, and I blocked off the memory as I tried to focus on the present.
We headed out to take a drive out to a lovely part of the country where I enjoyed looking at stars. There was a big weeping willow tree and a pond located in the meadow with all kinds of flowers and grass in the Springtime. Though it didn’t offer all of that right now, I still found it to be a very peaceful place. I had seen a lot of it in the past few weeks.
Only a bike or a pretty rugged SUV could access the space, and I found that we were alone as I roared up the dirt path. Aspen got off of my bike smiling and coughing a little at the dust I had lifted, but she looked happy. “It’s so peaceful here. I need to get out more.”
“You don’t?” I asked her as she set the helmet down on the seat and looked around for a long moment.
“I grew up with a military dad and five brothers. Even though most of them were younger, they were so protective of me, and I am still used to them always being so worried about my safety. Coming out here alone would make their heads explode.” She laughed softly at the end, and I appreciated her family at that moment.
She was a woman a man should cherish.
That thought made me realize that something was happening, something that could be considered wrong.
We walked around and talked some more as the connection between us grew stronger, and my willpower became significantly weaker. Once it was getting dark, we got back on the bike and went to get some dinner at a little pub that I knew that was close by. More to the point, we were far enough out to where we probably would not run into any familiar faces. It was cozy in there, and we chose a booth in the corner with a red candle that was lit in the middle that made Aspen grin. “I love these in restaurants.”
“They remind me of being younger and eating with my family,” I confessed as she nodded emphatically at me.
“Exactly.” We ordered some cold beer and burgers with fries before she sat back and looked across the table at me. “I have had a wonderful day with you.”
“I can say the same.” I took a long sip of my beer and looked at her across the table. “You look so happy and free.”
“I feel that way.” She stared into my eyes as the attraction between us only grew stronger. “I know that this is a risk on my part, Blake. I know that all too well. I just can’t stay away anymore.”
“I feel the same way, Aspen.” Her name rolled off of my tongue as she blushed and I memorized it. That look on her face had become one of my favorite things in life. We ate and talked more as the flirting increased between us. It wasn’t as raw as it had been the times before in her office, but the heat was still there. It was all over the room; it was in her eyes and her full lips every time that she looked at me. Even the waitress looked between us as I handed her a few bills for our meal with wide eyes.
We headed to the bike with an urgency as my hand reached down to clasp hers in the cloak of darkness that we felt hidden in. She reached for me at my Harley, and I met her lips eagerly as the heat exploded and fell to pieces around us. The kisses were long and hungry, but we parted to make our way back to my place after several moments. We both knew that this was not going to stop there, right or wrong. I felt her warmth pressed against me as I drove just a little faster and let the memories of her play through my mind.
I pulled into the garage and pulled her from the bike into my arms as she jumped at me. Her lips were open for me, and her tongue was eagerly dancing with mine as I cupped her juicy ass tightly. We stumbled into the house, and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her in my arms down the hallway to my bedroom.
This time with us was not on a bike, and it was not going to be a quickie as that experience had been.
Once I kicked my door open, I let her slide down my body slowly as every gorgeous curve pressed against my body. I slipped my hands over her as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me with a need that matched my own. I didn’t end that contact as I stroked and squeezed, vowing to remember every moan that came out of her mouth. We stripped down in between our deep kisses and eyed each other without any abandon in the light from the lamp on my nightstand. I was grateful to have left it on last night now that she was naked in my room. I pressed her back against the mattress as I asked her to lay back in a hoarse voice. I was hard and throbbing, and I needed to begin worshiping her sexy body now. Aspen took a deep breath and rested back against the pillows as she looked into my eyes steadily. I loved her confidence, and I stroked the skin of her legs as her knees fell apart and offered the most tempting view that I had ever seen.
She was wet and her clit hard amongst her folds as I dipped my mouth down to her calf. I kissed slowly up her body as she took short breaths and slid her hands over my hair. Her thighs were damp as I sucked on them slowly and she cried out my name.
I didn’t hold back when I liked her firmly and clutched her body to keep it still. She was sweet and addicting as I tasted her over and over, teasing her to a climax as she moaned and begged me not to stop. Aspen came into my mouth as she loudly screamed like I knew that she would in private and I kept it going with my lips wrapped tightly around her willing nub. I pulled back to see her messy and sweaty in my bed, and I knew that I needed more from her. I leaned back and crawled over her to get to the nightstand where I kept condoms ready and yanked a few out in my haste to be inside of her.
We joined with my body between her legs and pressed closely to her before I told her to get on her knees for me. She complied eagerly, and I stroked her smooth ass before I found her entrance and drove myself inside of her again.
Hard and deep, I rocked my cock into her. It felt so tight and slick, and I grunted as her body matched my thrusts move for move. The noise of our bodies slapping together along with her breathy moans made me need her to come, and I plunged deeper as she met me with her body.
The release was intense for both of us and happened within mere seconds of one another. I watched her drop to the mattress before I discarded the condom and got us some cold water to drink. She was on her back when I returned and broadly as I looked down at her. In between sips of the water and slow kisses, I leaned over to suck her nipples into my mouth and trace my fingers over her body as she watched me carefully with a look of awe on her face.
“I knew that you would be as good like this…alone where we could really do this.” She told me as I pulled her close and nuzzled her neck with my lips. I was falling for this woman, and I didn’t know how to stop it despite my fears as a Seal and what could happen. I didn’t think there was an end to these feelings, and she slid her legs around me as she sighed happily.
CHAPTER 10
Aspen
I watched him fall asleep in my arms and smiled as I wondered what to do next. I had to use the bathroom, and I slid out from under him to go and use the attached bathroom as I smiled dreamily. Blake was perfect and worth all of the consequences at this moment. I finished and went for another bottle of water from the fridge when I noticed a large spill on his counter. I searched the kitchen for the paper towels that I had used earlier and upon not seeing them, I searched under the sink. It looked to be sticky and should be washed with warm water very soon.
There weren’t any there, and I looked around the kitchen to see a door that probably led to his garage. I looked down at my bare skin and smiled as I headed towards it and opened it carefully. I had found a light switch before I stepped outside as I remembered that there were no windows on the garage door with relief. I found a fresh pack above the washer and dryer, and when I turned, I noticed two duffel bags that were dropped on the floor a bit more than halfway between me and the garbage can.
I reminded myself as a therapist that it was wrong to snoop even as I walked forward. I hated myself as I knelt down to see them partially unzipped and reached in to feel what must
be picture frames and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling one out. It was Blake and a handsome dark-haired man with their arms wrapped around each other in that manly and not at all weird way. It was the way that two guys act that are very close and the kind of bond that I appreciated as I looked it over. I looked at a few more, some of them with cute younger kids as well as what were clearly Seal pictures. Once I saw the name Roger on one of them, I realized that he was the reason that Blake had been sent to see me. This was his dead friend that he was grieving over.
What were these bags doing out here? I would think he would want to display them like I did pictures of my father and Terry. I cherished those memories, and these looked like happy ones to me, memories full of love and laughter.
“What are you doing?” His voice broke into my scrutiny of his past, and I frowned for a second before I turned to face him.
“I am so sorry, but I saw these and I…I looked inside.” His face hardened as he looked at the bags with cold eyes and then back to me. “Why are these here, Blake? How come they’re not inside of the house displayed proudly? You were obviously close.” I watched as he mentally distanced himself from me
“I can’t stand the sight of his face, and I don’t want his shit,” Blake told me as I stood and stared at him. I saw the degree of pain in his eyes as I stepped forward and watched him take a deep breath as he looked me over.
“Why, Blake? There are so many pictures, two bags full.” I pressed him, and he turned and headed into the house. I followed him as I sensed that he might be ready to talk to me and carefully listened after I closed the garage door with the slam of his door. “Blake?”
He was on the couch with his head in his hands, and I approached him slowly. I knew better as a person not to rush him and even more so as a doctor dealing with emotional military issues. It was a tough job, but I loved it with every step that I took towards him. I knew that I loved him a little bit, enough to scare me.
I lowered myself onto the couch beside him as he shivered in the light from the kitchen. “Blake, baby…I’m here for you,” I murmured as I rested my hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me.”
“I had to do it. Oh God…I saw Emma today, and it killed me, but I had to…had to do what I did to him.” His voice was broken and raw, and I eased my body against him just to hold him. “He was getting worse and worse, Aspen. I tried to talk to him and tell him to take a break.” He sucked in a sob as I wrapped my arms tighter around his chest. “He refused. He didn’t want to be a failure, and he was as dedicated to working as I was before…” Blake took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes. “Before he shot the Friend in our troop. That night, Roger opened fire at our guys, and I had no choice but to take him down. It is my duty as a Seal to save my men at any cost, and I just shot him in the head. I killed my best friend.” He was openly weeping as he leaned against me and I felt my tears slide down my cheek. The pressure that he must have been dealing with and the feelings had to be so intense, and I choked back my own sob.
“There was an ambush after that. Roger let the enemy know where we were with his shot and everything happened so fast after that. I don’t even know how I survived it. We’re lucky that we only lost the number of men that we did and that the enemy was defeated.” Blake explained as a heavy feeling filled the room. “Oh, fuck. I said it. I remembered everything another way after I came to. I didn’t want to realize that I murdered my best friend who was a husband and a father. It took time for the real memories to hit me, and Aspen, I feel so awful inside.”
“Blake, it’s okay. It’s okay. I won’t tell anybody about this.” I whispered as he stilled in my arms.
“I couldn’t tell anybody. It was dark, and I didn’t think that anybody saw what happened after he fired. I didn’t want to break Emma’s heart more by knowing the truth, so I kept up the story that is in the report. Please don’t destroy her like that, Aspen. Please. I’ve already been a terrible friend to her.” Blake cried as I felt my breath hitch in my throat. “She is having a baby girl in three months. I can’t destroy her this way.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered as he clung tightly to me. “I won’t say a word, Blake. I swear to you that I never will.”
He trembled and held me tighter before I felt his arms drop away from me. I leaned back to look at him, and I saw the broken man in front of me that had come into my office, only exposed and bleeding now. His pain was free. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“What did you say?” I asked in disbelief as he focused a steady gaze at me that held nothing but hatred.
“I want you to leave. I want to be alone.” He clearly stated in a firm shaking voice. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“Blake, no. I want to be here for you.” I argued as he looked down my body with a cruel gaze.
“The only way you could help me is by spreading those legs open, Dr. Thomas. There is nothing more that I want from you.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks as I covered myself with my hands and ran into the bedroom to dress with shaking hands. He had just taken everything that we shared tonight and thrown it to the ground, only to break into shards of what I thought we were. He had hurt me and debased all of the feelings I thought that we had for one another.
As a therapist, I knew that he was just lashing out, and I could deal with it on that level. I could fix that.
As a woman that had crossed too many lines with my patient, I was devastated.
I left the house clutching my purse and what was left of my dignity without a backward glance as the pain clenched in my stomach and tears slipped down my cheeks.
CHAPTER 11
Blake
Everything after that night was a blur for me. I started drinking heavily on a daily basis, starting whenever I woke up and continuing until I passed out again. The reality of what I told Aspen was too much for me to bear and I just spent my days numb and drunk to get through the few hours of the day that I did see. I ate when I couldn’t deal with the hunger and just ordered a lot of take-out to make it quick so I could drink some more.
The days turned into weeks. I missed therapy and got the messages that Aspen left that pleaded with me to please call her. She told me how worried she was about me and how she needed to see me. I ignored the pleas and just drank more.
My hair was growing in, and I had a beard now. I only showered to leave the house for more alcohol. I watched too much television and didn’t work out, and I knew that I was throwing all of my hard work away subconsciously, but it didn’t matter. I felt lost to myself and everyone else, despite the phone calls from those that knew me and were aware of my absence in the world.
I had remembered the night Roger died in a certain way that soothed me for a week or so after I returned home. It was when I saw the report that Charles had filed before he died that triggered the truth, and my grief was too much to bear. As painful as that was, I couldn’t tell her in therapy what had actually happened. I couldn’t let Emma feel that pain and understand the fear that I suffered for her and the children as I watched him start to crack from the inside. I couldn’t tell my commanding officers and expect them to understand.
I regretted telling Aspen, even though my soul had needed that in the heat of the moment. I was so angry seeing her bent over the bags after worrying that she had left my bed and my life and the turn of emotions confused me as I thought about that night. I felt like she snooped into my dark past and left me raw and open and I was pissed off about it.
I just drank more. I was sleeping all day long and drinking all night while occasionally ordering food to keep myself healthy enough to leave the house when I needed to.
It was some time later that I ended up bringing the bags into the house to look through. I had never gotten them into the trash like I’d planned and I dragged them into the bedroom to look through them with guilt and pain weighing heavily on my shoulders.
Emma hadn’t left a thing out of this collection. She included every picture that was ever taken of us
and I remembered how happy I was. We had everything: friendship, The Navy and his family that supported us. I remembered how much I loved his children as I looked over pictures and watched them grow up all over again. I remembered everything that I had ripped away from Roger as well as Emma, but she didn’t ever need to see that crazy look in his brown eyes.
The fourth baby had been the straw that broke the camel’s back, though it was no fault of Emma or even Roger. Something just broke down inside of him as the day got closer and I was personally shocked when the stress erupted into violence. I would never know if my other men were killed by our fire or by that of the enemy but I could wonder if I caused this all to happen by not saying anything. I didn’t want him to go out of the Navy that way, and I knew he’d hate the break as much as I did right now.
A part of me hated Roger for giving me no choice in the matter than night as much as a part of me felt guilty for taking his life. I had always been told to take action to save your men, and I had followed that advice. I didn’t know if I would ever recover.
I walked over to my laptop as I left the pictured piled on my floor and took a deep breath. I clicked on my files and found the videos I had saved of us over the years. I had a collection of stuff from when we were kids as well, but all of this was recent.
I clicked on the video of him bursting out of the hospital room when his first son was born to tell all of us waiting there. I had never seen that joy on his face before, and I watched it twice as I thought back to the day he told me Emma was pregnant. I was single then, much like now without the torment I was feeling over losing Aspen. I couldn’t understand the need to have children in our line of work. It seemed so unfair to me, but when I watched the clip of me holding Bryce, a part of me melted inside. I had loved that kid at first sight.