Hold On To Me (Hawkeye Book 4)

by Sierra Cartwright

  “I never said I’d complete it.”

  “Then why else would you need a pseudonym?” With a triumphant grin, he stood, then offered to take her empty plate.

  He’d won. And they both knew it.

  An hour or so later, he dressed and loaded up the UTV. “Still want to drive it?”

  “Really? You meant it?”

  Once she was behind the wheel, he gave her a few quick instructions.

  She accelerated and was shocked by the responsiveness. Quickly she backed off the throttle, then looked in his direction with her mouth parted from shock.

  “Top speed is about sixty miles an hour.”

  That seemed really fast for this machine. “Am I scaring you?”

  “It would take a whole lot more than that, Elissa.”

  She set a comfortable pace while he updated Lifeguard on their status.

  While she drove, he scrolled through his phone before finally sliding it back into the compartment on the dash. “How many kids do you want?”

  “Me?” Elissa took her eyes off the makeshift road long enough to glance at him again. “Why are you asking?”

  “You asked me.”

  “But that was related to the ranch. Passing the land to the next generation.”

  “You’re working with Deborah, and Adele really liked you.” He adjusted his ball cap. “Seemed like a logical extension to me.”

  “I’ve been so busy with life that I hadn’t given a lot of consideration to being a mom.” And this discussion would be easier if she wasn’t sitting so close to a man she could suddenly picture as the father of her children.

  “Hypothetically, then. Would you like to have kids?”

  She flexed her fingers on the steering wheel. “I guess so. Yes.”

  “How many?”

  For a moment, she considered her answer. “Two? Maybe three.”

  “I was thinking the same thing.”

  The summer air was suddenly too hot to breathe. “What?”

  “I gave your question some more thought. Four sounds like a good number. Close in age. What do you think?”

  They were having two separate conversations, weren’t they? He couldn’t possibly be talking about—thinking about—having babies with her. “Four?” The pitch of her voice was high and squeaky.

  “Hypothetical children. Four’s a good number, don’t you agree?”

  Heat, warm and liquid, flowed through her at the idea of having his children.

  “This is hypothetical, right?”

  “Until it’s not.”

  He reached over to steady the steering wheel, and that’s when she realized she was dangerously skirting the edge of the road.

  “We can start with two and figure it out from there.”

  “Jacob…”

  His phone rang. Without apology, he answered it. For minutes, while she sat there, thoughts swirling, he discussed ranch business.

  As she braked to a stop near the house, he ended the call, with a promise to get back to the person he was talking to.

  She exited the vehicle, and he joined her at the front of it. “I’ve got some work to do. Sorry. How about I join you for dinner in an hour or two? I’ll cook.”

  A little time alone suited her fine.

  Jacob paused for a second to trace her jawbone before striding into the house. She opted for a quick shower after being outdoors all afternoon…and having sex with him in the wide open.

  When she returned to the main level, there was no sign of Jacob, and she was restless. After pouring a glass of wine, she headed back to her office, Waffle darting ahead, constantly underfoot.

  Pulled by creative energy, she opened the image she was creating for him. Who was she trying to fool? From the moment he’d asked for it, it belonged to him, much like she did.

  Chardonnay pushed to the side, she went back to work, darkening the submissive’s hair and changing her eyes to blue.

  She realized what had been confounding her—it was the muted emotion in the picture. While there was some, she wanted people who saw it to gasp at the realness of what was happening between the Dominant and his submissive.

  But after surrendering to Jacob last night, and what they’d shared today, she was different. More open. More vulnerable. Maybe a little apprehensive. And she intended to infuse the image with the depth of her feelings.

  Determined, she began her edits, dramatically changing the scene. She moved the woman’s hair aside to expose her face. Then she altered the tilt of her chin. And now, instead of having her gaze cast down, the submissive looked up at her Dom through a fringe of lashes. Adoration melded with trust to create… Love.

  Time stood still as she made hundreds of tiny corrections to the draft. Then, once she was satisfied, she pushed back from the desk and exhaled.

  “Jesus.” Jacob’s single whispered word was heartfelt, and she knew the changes she’d made were the right ones.

  She hadn’t consciously heard him enter the apartment, but she’d known he was there. Every part of her recognized his presence and responded to it. She’d drawn inspiration from his comforting, commanding presence, even though he hadn’t said a word.

  Slowly she spun her chair to face him. He stood near the bar area, arms folded. His eyes were dark, radiating his approval.

  “May I?”

  “It’s not the image you asked for. So if you’d like me to work on the other, I can. I still have the original saved.”

  As he crossed the room, she turned back to the monitor.

  He stood behind her, hands tight on her shoulders. “It’s even better than the previous version.”

  “I’m glad you’re pleased.” Now all she needed to do was translate it onto canvas, which would be a painstaking process—and worth every minute.

  “But I want to see that expression in your eyes this evening.”

  She tipped her head back to meet his gaze.

  “After dinner, I want you to present yourself to me in the dungeon. You’ll wear my collar. This time, you’ll ask me to put it on you.”

  His voice was confident, as if he didn’t question her compliance.

  “Be mine, Elissa.”

  That word again—mine.

  Every time he said it, it became truer for her.

  For the fifth time in as many minutes, Jacob took his gaze off the camera feed in front of him and checked his watch. Eight o’clock couldn’t come soon enough.

  Earlier, they’d eaten dinner together, but Elissa had mostly pushed food around her plate. She’d been jumpy, as if nervous about their upcoming evening together.

  Rather than soothing her, he’d slipped into Dom mode, telling her what time to meet him, and asking her to wear nothing other than his T-shirt when she arrived. Though he preferred her naked, until she was more comfortable, that was too big of a request.

  After sending her upstairs to get ready for their evening ahead, he’d taken a shower, then headed to his command center to call Hawkeye. Of course the man hadn’t answered, and now Jacob was reviewing tape from the day and glancing through the notes provided by the security team.

  Nothing out of the ordinary. John Mansfield, the agent occupying the temporary guard shack near the ranch’s gated entrance, reported the arrival of a delivery van at one thirty-seven p.m. The driver proceeded to the house and dropped off several boxes that Jacob had ordered. The van was logged back off the property fourteen minutes later.

  All perimeter reports filed by Laurents and Johnson were clear.

  The phone trilled with Hawkeye’s ringtone. “Walker.”

  As expected, Hawkeye skipped ordinary pleasantries. “How’s Wildflower?”

  Though he knew his friend was hoping for a detailed answer, Jacob had no intention of revealing anything that wasn’t necessary. “Adapting.”

  “That sounds promising.”

  Before Hawkeye dug for more information, Jacob seized control of the conversation. “What have you found out?”

  “Not fucking
enough.”

  The response was more honest than Jacob had expected.

  “The list of my enemies is long.”

  “Narrowed it down?”

  “According to the profilers we’ve got working on it, we’re most likely looking for a man, though a woman can’t be ruled out.”

  “Because of the anthrax.”

  “And the UNSUB is targeting people I care about.”

  Jacob nodded. In general, certain patterns of behavior were perpetrated by men. But women were known to use poisons. So the unknown subject could be either sex.

  “We’re looking at protective services cases where one of our clients got hurt or lost someone close to them.”

  “Or something from our ops overseas.” Over the years, there’d been plenty of casualties, intentional as well as unfortunate, unintentional ones. “And there was a training accident at the compound.”

  “As I said, the list is long.” Hawkeye’s voice held a weary note. “We’re assigning investigators to the targets that seem most likely.”

  It had to be asked. “Including Colombia?”

  “Yeah.”

  Maybe if they’d been called in earlier, the Hawkeye team could have provided more help and had a better outcome. As it was, Melvin Rollins thought he could pay the hefty ransom and secure his daughter’s release. Thirty-six hours after the money drop, there had been no sign of her. Frantic, Rollins had hired Hawkeye. But by the time Jacob and the rest of the team located her, she’d been dead—for less than two hours.

  The abject horror and disappointment had killed his desire for any further involvement with security.

  On the day of his daughter’s funeral, Rollins had given a grief-stricken press conference, unfairly blaming Hawkeye Security for failing to mobilize faster.

  “Rollins is supposedly out of the country at the moment.”

  Which didn’t mean he was innocent, but it made him less likely a suspect.

  “We’re working twenty-four seven.”

  Which meant they were consuming a lot of resources.

  “Keep Wildflower safe.”

  The idea of anyone harming her sent raw anger and fury surging in him. They’d have to go through me first.

  He ended the call, then left his command center. In the hallway, he paused. Water was running, and the soft scent of lavender filled the air. That was all it took for him to be ravenous, his whole body demanding he possess her.

  To steady himself, he dragged a hand through his hair.

  He’d never been in love before, never understood why men did stupid things—wrote poetry, sent flowers, bought stupidly expensive rings, forgot common sense—when it came to women.

  And now. Now he knew.

  Because he was in danger of thinking about nothing other than her and the future he wanted them to create together.

  Earlier, they’d talked about children. Until now, it had been little more than an abstract idea. His grandparents had wanted him to keep the ranch in the family, passing it on to their heirs. This afternoon, though, the idea took hold, and he couldn’t shake it. He imagined spilling his hot seed inside Elissa’s slick pussy, then seeing her pregnant with his baby.

  He pictured their kids learning to ride horses, playing in the river, ice skating on a pond, traversing every inch of the land, then, as they were older, heading out on snowmobiles to find the perfect Christmas tree.

  For a man who’d lived only for the present, this was a hell of a departure for him.

  The house fell silent, and then the sound of a soft splash reached him.

  Since less than an hour remained before she would join him, he jogged down the stairs. Unnecessarily he double-checked that all locks were engaged, and he informed the team they were in for the night.

  Then he entered the dungeon to prepare it for her arrival.

  He adjusted the room temperature so it was a little on the warm side. Since he intended to have her bare before him, he wanted her to be comfortable. He placed a couple of bottles of water in the refrigerator to chill, and he draped a lightweight blanket over the back of the chair. Even though it was summer, she might want to snuggle for comfort after the scene.

  He checked the equipment he intended to use, making certain everything was in working order. Finally he completed two circuits around the space and stopped with his back to the fireplace, waiting.

  Right on time, she arrived, pausing in the open doorway.

  Her perfection took his breath away.

  His T-shirt reached the middle of her thighs, and her hair brushed her shoulders. She looked at him with a mixture of trust and apprehension.

  “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  Yesterday, their scene had progressed naturally, starting with a kiss. Tonight, he wanted to create something a little more formal, hoping to nudge her into a submissive headspace before they began. If his plan worked, tonight’s experience would be even more pleasurable. “I’d like you to undress before entering.”

  Though she hesitated, she didn’t protest.

  In a single move, she pulled the material off and allowed it to fall to the floor.

  Her nipples blossomed into tight buds, and she clasped her hands in front of her for a brief second before evidently realizing what she’d done. With a deep inhalation, she lowered her arms to her sides.

  “Come to me, Elissa.”

  Nodding, she crossed to him, her bare feet silent on the floor. He’d decided against music. He wanted to hear her breaths, every sigh, moan, whimper.

  “Uhm…”

  “Kneel, my fair Elissa.”

  Her motions were perfect, artistry mixed with grace. “Open yourself. Your hands behind your neck with your shoulders and elbows turned back.”

  Once she did, he uttered words of praise. “Perfection. It’s as if you’re offering your breasts to me.”

  “Yes…Sir.”

  Generally when they spoke, her voice was strong. But here, there was a quiet submissive respect that he adored. She was still the confident woman he had fallen for, but she was willing to reveal a side she hid from the world. That was heady indeed, and he vowed to honor that trust. “Now spread your knees as far apart as you can.”

  Because she couldn’t use her hands for balance, she made a couple of adjustments before settling in.

  “Exactly as I like. This is what I mean when I ask you to open yourself.”

  “I’ll remember.”

  He left her long enough to fetch a thin collar and a delicate leash. While the pieces weren’t an exact match for the ones in the image she was working on for him, they were close enough. “Ask me.”

  Her voice wavered, barely above a whisper. “Please put your collar on me, Sir.” Mouth slightly parted, she stared up at him while he fastened it in place.

  He could repeat this act every day for the rest of his life and never tire of it.

  Her breath caught when he attached the leash.

  Holding the end, he took a step back, instantly recognizing that her picture had captured this moment in advance.

  Her wildflower-blue eyes were wide with adoration. Though she’d never professed her love, he saw it in her gaze.

  And he had no doubt the same was reflected in his.

  More than ever, he was anxious for her to get on with the painting so he could have the portrait here where it belonged. “I’d like you on the top of the spanking bench.”

  “Of course, Sir.”

  Jacob offered no assistance while she stood, preferring to watch her sensual movements. “Go ahead. I’ll follow you.”

  He remained where he was until the leash tightened, and she froze to look back at him.

  Having her at his mercy like this made his cock hot and heavy, throbbing with need. “A perversion,” he offered by way of apology. “I wanted to see what you would do.” With enough force, the leash would snap. His control over her was not much more than an illusion, and without her permission, he held no power.

  “And?” She tipped
her head quizzically. “Is this a game? If so—”

  “No.” He held up a hand. “I promise you, it’s not. We’re simply exploring this part of our relationship. Continue.”

  This time, he followed her, close enough that the lead remained loose.

  When she arrived at the bench, she placed a knee onto one of the siderails.

  “I want you on your back, not your belly.”

  She looked over her shoulder. “Sir?”

  “I have a few things in mind before I begin to torture you.”

  Her gulp of fear thrilled him. “Up you go. Then scoot to the end and part your thighs.”

  Once she was in place, he removed her leash and fastened it to one of his belt loops, then stood at the far end of the bench.

  “I’m confused.”

  “I think what you mean is that you’re being patient while awaiting your Dominant’s next instruction.”

  “Yes. That’s exactly what I meant. Sir.”

  Perfectly trusting. Perfectly compliant. Perfectly his. “There’s a mirror on the wall to your right. Look at yourself.”

  Though she turned her head, it was his gaze she sought.

  “Watch us.”

  As if to ask a question, she opened her mouth. A scant second later, she closed it again.

  “Very good.” He smiled, and in response she wriggled around a little before resettling. “Now, remembering my command to watch us, I want you to get yourself off.”

  She went rigid.

  Rather than chastise her, he gently cupped her breasts, then squeezed them. In reaction, she moaned and arched her back.

  Exerting a tiny bit more pressure, he leaned over to capture her mouth.

  He took every bit of her sweetness and demanded more. When her tender mouth was swollen, he reluctantly ended the kiss.

  While she watched, he pinched her sensitive nipples, and she gasped. “You’re driving me mad.”

  “Good.”

  Without further prompting, she began to masturbate, using her left hand to spread her labia while using her right index finger to stroke her clit.

  Watching her get off while he played with her tits made his cock ache. Jacob had never been driven by lust, until she blazed into his life.

  “Jacob… Sir…”