Damaged and the Saint

by Bijou Hunter

Smiling, Vaughn sighed. “Not going to stop us. We’ve made a pact to increase the number of hot people in the world by breeding a lot.”

  Bailey looked up from where she was resting her head on Nick’s thigh. “What if your kid is ugly? Like it has all your worst features instead of your best ones. When I smash your two faces together in my head, I’m not seeing beauty queen. Just saying.”

  “I bet you a million dollars our kids are better looking than yours,” Raven growled, looking overheated and bloated.

  “It’s on!”

  Nick shook his head. “I’m not covering that wager. Besides, who would be impartial enough to judge?”

  “Winnie will do it,” Bailey decided.

  “No, not even if I got a percentage of the payout.”

  Bailey rolled her eyes. Before she chimed in again, Cooper cleared his throat.

  “They have some really pimped out RVs. Even nicer than Pop’s,” he said, grinning at his dad who sat next to Jodi with Sawyer on his lap. “Comfortable for long trips since driving a few hours and staying in Kentucky isn’t my idea of a real road trip.”

  Bailey wrapped Nick in her arms. “Grand Canyon should be next year. You need to see it.”

  “Canada is nice too,” Kirk said. “Hiking, fishing, lots of things to see and do. People are pretty nice. Do you kids remember when we went to the farm where they made syrup? You all got so hyper from the candy the woman gave you that you didn’t sleep for a day.”

  Tucker laughed the loudest, making me think he ate the most candy that day. As much fun as everyone had sharing stories, babies began fussing. First, Lark and Aaron’s twins made a stink about the heat and mosquitoes. Soon, Scarlet threw a major toddler tantrum. Lily slept through it all until Sawyer claimed to see a bear and screamed loud enough to bring nearby campers to check on us.

  Bailey and Nick remained outside after everyone else fled from the bugs into the cooler RVs. When I gave Winnie a goodnight hug, I remained silent about my decision to leave for Houston soon. Rafael noticed my silence on the matter.

  “Best not to ruin the fun,” he whispered later in bed while we moved together in the darkness. “I can’t imagine tears in this heat.”

  I fell asleep in Rafael’s arms, knowing tomorrow would be the last day I kept my decision secret. Just one more day to enjoy everyone happy and together.

  Having a taste for the outdoors, Rafael loved hiking. He told me how he spent all day outside as a kid. From morning to well past dark, Rafael played in the fields around his home. Sometimes, he played with other children. Usually, he preferred to spend his time alone, so he could play at his own pace. Even as a kid, Rafael didn’t like anyone bossing him around.

  “It’s because you’re an only child,” I teased the next day while walking next to him along the path. “Spoiled rotten.”

  Rafael laughed loudly, gaining the attention of Vaughn and Judd behind us. They stopped cussing at each other long enough to give us a weird look. Judd hitched Tawny a little higher on his back then continued walking. When she’d gotten tired, he didn’t want her going back without him. Now he was her pack mule.

  On our last night in the park, Tawny came up with the idea of giving the parents in the group an evening to themselves. Those couples without kids would each take a child. Bailey immediately claimed Sawyer who immediately freaked out until she realized Nick was part of the deal. The rest of the pairings weren’t nearly as dramatic.

  Tawny and Judd took their niece Lily. Raven and Vaughn snatched up their niece Phoebe. Winnie decided to take Scarlet since she didn’t think we’d be capable of handling the little firecracker. Saint and I ended up with Leo who wasn’t thrilled to leave Lark. He screamed for a half hour while I bounced him in the RV.

  “I never want kids,” I muttered to Rafael who nodded.

  Fifteen minutes after my declaration, Leo settled down and rested on the bed. I sat crossed-legged next to him with Rafael on the other side. Every time the pacifier popped out of Leo’s mouth, Rafael pushed it back in.

  “Babies are cute,” I announced. “We should have one.”

  “I want to name him something French.”

  “Why?” I balked.

  “Mom’s family comes from Haitian Creole and she always enjoyed French names. I was supposed to be Pierre, but Dad overruled her.”

  I knew laughter was immature, but my giggles refused to be subdued. As I toppled over laughing, Rafael looked at the curly haired baby.

  “Good thing my name isn’t Pierre, huh, Leo?”

  I sat up, wiping my eyes. “I can’t see you as a Pierre.”

  “What did you think my name was before I told you?”

  “Steele. Remington. Something to that effect. Ooh, maybe Bond.”

  Rafael rolled his eyes. “Bond. You'd want to name our son after a manslut?”

  “Oh, yeah, he is a slut, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah and Remington is out too. My mom would never stop laughing.”

  “Sorry, but Francois ain’t happening, Bob.”

  Grinning, Rafael glanced down at Leo. “How about Claude?”

  “I’d rather have Pierre,” I snorted.

  “I’m sure we can find a name that will satisfy my mother without sending you into hysterics.”

  Resting on my side next to Leo, I played with his curls. “I hope our baby has your wavy hair.”

  Rafael gave me a weird look and I figured I’d taken the baby talk too far. His dark gaze held mine then he smiled.

  “Tomorrow, we’ll return this cherub to his parents and get started on making our own little Pierre Remington.”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No.”

  “Already?”

  “Look, I’ve been kicked in the balls a lot in fights over the years. That and I've spend way too much time in hot tubs, soothing my busted balls. It’s very possible we might take a long time to for my little warriors to reach your omelet.”

  Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “Omelet?”

  “My parents had me skip Sex Ed, so I don’t know the technical terms.”

  “You’re full of crap.”

  “I’m also full of little warriors looking for your sweet Cadburys.”

  My smile softened. “Do you really want to have a kid?”

  “Life doesn’t always go as planned, so why plan anything? Let’s just do what feels right and let God decide how things play out.”

  “You can’t know how sexy you are when you do the wise man routine,” I said, caressing his stubbled face.

  Rafael returned the projectile pacified to Leo’s mouth. The boy smiled then spit it out again. A quick game ensued and I was fairly sure Rafael lost.

  We entertained the baby for hours in between feeding him. By the time he crashed, I wasn’t so sure I was ready for a ball of energy of my own. Yet like Rafael said, life does what it wanted and we should be open for anything. With him at my side, I would be.

  Chapter Forty Four ~ Saint

  Art wasn’t a subject I enjoyed. I had no eye for colors or shapes. I couldn’t tell the difference between a work of artistry and a child’s best design. Lacking creativity, I couldn’t imagine a finer tattoo in Harlow’s honor besides her name.

  Fortunately, Aaron wasn’t me.

  I thought to put the design on my chest, but Aaron gently pointed out Harlow’s face would soon be covered in hair. No way did my woman want a beard. Aaron suggested my back for the placement, but I wanted to be able to see it easily. My first tattoo included Harlow’s beautiful face so I wanted it somewhere I could enjoy.

  My left bicep and close to my heart was the perfect spot. Aaron's design was a dreamcatcher with Harlow’s face drawn in shadow in the middle.

  Talking with Lark, Harlow remained with me in the shop. She frequently peeked at Aaron’s work then held my gaze in a way that made my cock hard.

  “Stop,” I finally grumbled, uncomfortable enough sitting still for hours without her working me into painful erection.

  Ha
rlow laughed followed by Lark. Once Aaron laughed, I asked my woman to leave, so I could concentrate. She left, but not before giving my cock a quick squeeze.

  Harlow did more than squeeze my cock in bed that night. The tattoo acted as an aphrodisiac, causing her to spend hours naked exploring every inch of me. She even slept on a different side of the bed to ensure she'd wake up looking at my arm.

  Weeks later when my parents visited for the wedding, Mom was just as impressed while Dad wished I’d done something more religious. Standing tall and wide like the linebacker he once was, my father looked dressed for church in a buttoned up shirt and black slacks

  “Jesus died for your sins, Rafe. Couldn’t you suffer a little for him?”

  Grinning, I tugged a nervous Harlow out from behind me. “My heart got swept away. Can you blame me?”

  Shaking his head, Dad smiled. “No. God clearly sent you a gift.”

  “Your heart has wonderful taste,” Mom said, stealing Harlow away as we headed to dinner.

  Dad and I walked behind Mom, watching her black hair swing back and forth in a ponytail. Holding Harlow's hand, she talked about how wonderful a child I was growing up. My kids were sure to be the same. After ten minutes, Mom was already talking grandbabies.

  Ready to start our new life, I was no longer Saint or Bob Robertson. I became Rafael Ramsey. Harlow even helped me choose the last name, wanting something cool. She also thought Stephanie would appreciate the alliteration.

  A few days after my parents arrived in Ellsberg, Mom wept quietly while I married Harlow in Tad’s church. My dad played pastor while Tad walked his daughter down the aisle. I wore a suit with no tie, looking more casual than my parents. Harlow chose a simple blue dress and sandals. While she hated all the attention, my parents needed me to get married in a church. Her parents likely felt the same way. They were just less dramatic about it.

  With only the crew, Johanssons, and our families in attendance, my dreamcatcher and I made our love official.

  Epilogue ~ Harlow

  I spent my last day in Ellsberg at Raven's baby shower. Mom came along, wanting to stay close for as long as possible. Sitting between her and Winnie at the party, I felt a depression sweeping over me. These women were more than friends. They gave me strength. Would Rafael be enough in Houston?

  Raven was so excited about being a mom, but I wouldn't be in town when River was born. I'd be gone the next time anything big happened for the crew. I couldn't help my family with church or work with Jace on his school assignments. Their lives would go on without me.

  Rafael proved his patience during those next few weeks. I was a mess on the flight to Houston, having never flown before. I missed my family and cried constantly during our first night in the hotel. As days passed, I spent all my time on the phone with Winnie and Mom. Refusing to leave the apartment, I didn't want to look for a condo or check out the office space Rafael found for his business. All I wanted to do was return to Ellsberg.

  Accustomed to being on his own, Rafael handled our new life without my input. Lost in my depression, I began to believe he'd be better off if I went home.

  "Let's make a deal," he said a week after we arrived in Houston. "You give me six months to get things organized here. Once I put my company together, if you want to move back to Ellsberg, we will."

  Cuddled in his arms, I felt torn between shock and hope. "But your business is here."

  "I can do a lot of it online, if need be. The people I work with don't need handholding."

  "You don't want to live in Ellsberg," I mumbled, feeling guilty.

  Rafael smiled. "It's not bad for a redneck paradise. Just give me the six months though. If you still don't like it here, we'll move to Ellsberg. I promise."

  "Six months."

  "But you can't hide in the hotel room, Harlow," he said, kissing my forehead. "You have to try. I know you're scared without your family nearby. You're strong enough to do this though."

  Studying his face, I sighed. "If you promise we can go home in six months, I promise to try."

  "I promise."

  Rafael kept his promises and so did I. The next day, I joined him on the search for a downtown condo. We found a brand new building connected to a two-story grocery store. Rafael was in love. I'd be able to shop and eat meals at the store's mezzanine floor without leaving the safety of the property. The apartment complex provided security codes for the elevator, so only those on the same floor could reach it. Our view from the balcony wasn't much during the day. At night though, the city came alive and we often enjoyed eating with the patio doors open.

  I helped Rafael organize his office in a large warehouse in an iffy area of town. He had plenty of elaborate ideas. He wanted an indoor shooting range. He also designed hidden rooms for weapons and spots to act as fallback positions. Whatever he thought might happen, Rafael prepared for war. He even paid the local gang to keep an eye on the building. Most of all, he made clear to them and anyone else how Ramsey Security wasn't a company to challenge.

  Houston officially became my home when my family visited. Mom made a huge deal out of the connected grocery store while Dad wanted to try out all of the restaurants in walking distance. Winnie looked around our condo then smiled at me. In that moment, she knew I wasn't moving back to Ellsberg.

  We visited often though. Our weekends in Alabama to see Rafael's parents ended as soon as I got pregnant with our first baby. Celine and Antonio bought a house in the Northern Houston suburbs. They didn't want to miss a single grandparent moment.

  Pregnancy was easy, but I feared the baby part. I even told Rafael we should have waited. I'd only wanted a baby because I was competitive with my friends. I wasn't ready!

  "I'll take care of him once he's born," Rafael reassured me. "You can just sit back while I do all the work."

  Rafael wasn't kidding either. On day one, he swept Xavier into his arms and kept him close for the next week at the condo. I hated breastfeeding and the sound of the baby crying. I even second-guessed his name, though Xavier was one of the few French names I liked. Miserable with hormones and fatigue, I even hated Rafael a little bit.

  Yet following him around the condo as he carried our little baby in his big arms, I learned to chill out. My husband was hypnotic. Rafael hummed songs I'd never heard before, soothing me along with Xavier. Never seeming tired at all, he changed diapers, prepared bottles, and cared for Xavier. I watched the man I loved with the baby we created and craved to be close to both of them. Soon, I smiled more than I cried. My hormones eventually calmed and I bonded with our son.

  "You are an amazing father," I said, leaning against Rafael while holding Xavier.

  "I do have a way with babies. Kids have always loved me. Even in Mexico, I was their favorite."

  Rafael spoke of his time doing missionary work without the rage about what came later. He hadn't forgotten his past, but learned to view that time in a different way. I followed his lead, watching my family DVD without feeling guilty to have survived. Bad things happened, but life went on. Sometimes, the pain continued, tearing a person apart. Occasionally though, an amazing person came along to heal the pain.

  Epilogue ~Saint

  Harlow had no interest in running the offices at Ramsey Security. She also lacked the killer instinct to go on assignments. For the first few months in Houston, I didn't know if Harlow would find her place in our new life besides standing at my side.

  After a bumpy start, motherhood suited her. Family kept her sane all of her life, first in Phoenix then in Ellsberg. Once in Houston, she focused on me then the kids. She bonded easily with my parents. We also visited Ellsberg once a month. As long as Harlow surrounded herself with family, she excelled.

  "Thank you," she whispered every night as we dozed off.

  "Thank you more, dreamcatcher."

  Her smile was the last thing I saw each night before we slept. Her bed head was my first sight in the morning.

  Xavier was born with a thick head of dark hair like mine.
Yet he awoke every morning with the same mess of hair like his mom. Often during our breakfast runs next door to the store, Harlow and Xavier simply wore hats to avoid dealing with their wild bed heads. I always made sure to run my fingers through my well-behaved hair to ensure I received a sexy pout from my wife.

  Our life in the city was everything I'd hoped. I worked a lot from home and spent most of my time with Harlow. My coworkers were like me, wanting to settle down after years of spilling blood all over the world. I no longer accepted dangerous assignments, instead playing bossman and organizing jobs for the others. By the time Nadine was born, I stopped looking over my shoulder so often. I was also ready to move to the suburbs.

  Harlow loved our condo and didn't particularly want to move. I smiled when she listed all the reasons four people in a fifteen hundred foot condo made sense. My woman always clung to what she knew.

  A new build house wooed her away from the condo. We enjoyed picking out flooring, paint, and other features. Mostly, I picked and she agreed. Harlow had no eye for design. She was just curious at how an empty plot turned into our dream house.

  The plan was two kids, yet we fortunately overbuilt the house and added extra bedrooms. Blessed with a boy and a girl, we had a child for each of us to focus on when we traveled. As I told Harlow though, life did what it wanted and planning often proved pointless.

  Quentin was our last. I had a vasectomy afterwards, just to be sure. The guys at the office teased me about getting neutered.

  "When you're this much of a man," I told them, flexing my muscles, "you have nothing to prove."

  With our brood in tow, we often spent time in Ellsberg at a small house we bought. Every summer, the crew played convoy with our RVs, traveling farther each time. In Houston, I enjoyed Saturday date nights with Harlow and Sunday dinners with my parents.

  My life was damn near perfect. Those years in Mexico stained a decade where all I knew was blood and violence. The next decade with Harlow and our three little ones erased the pain that came before. They reminded me of the beauty in the world and inside of me. Anchored in the present with my dreamcatcher, I never suffered another fitful night.