It Was You

by It Was You (retail) (epub)

  ‘And it’s Ally’s.’

  ‘Not any more.’ Cherie’s mouth firmed in an instant and she pointed her finger at me. ‘That’s where you’re wrong. It’s mine. I’ve been looking after it. Loving it. Making it smile at me. I’m having it in return for the one you took from me. He’d never have found me on his own. I’d have had a lovely little baby. And now I will. I’ll have it to love and to love me. For ever. Isn’t that what everyone can expect? Isn’t that fair? You didn’t think you’d escape, did you? You didn’t think you could get out of paying me back for what you took?’

  ‘OK,’ I said. ‘Where is it, the child?’

  ‘Outside,’ Cherie said. ‘And this is what we’re going to do. We’re going out onto the balcony. The baby’s on the street in her pram. With Jeff. Uncle Jeff. He’s been helping me. He used to be in the Marines, taught me all sorts of things. We have an unusual relationship, shall we say. He hated my dad as much as I did. Burnt his house down, in fact, after I told him what he did to me. Jeff would do anything for me. Anything. He’d even throw a little baby into the Thames and let it sink to the bottom. Something he’s going to do right now, in fact, if you don’t do exactly, exactly, what I tell you.’

  Chapter Forty

  The balcony was small, perhaps twenty feet by ten, bordered on three sides by upright iron railings. I looked over, down to the street below, but I couldn’t see anyone with a pram. I could, however, make out the river through a gap in the line of buildings opposite. I thought about Jeff, in the gym, always asking questions, always wanting to get into the ring with me. Could he do it, kill a child? I wondered if he already had, whether it was him and not Cherie who had actually committed the murders. It would make it even harder for Clay and Andy to put her away.

  I turned to my right, to Cherie. She was at the other end of the balcony, leaning back on the side of the railings. The gun was still in her hand but she wasn’t pointing it at me any more. She didn’t have to. I had a thought: was Ally’s baby really out there? Or was she bluffing? I didn’t know. But if she was, then she was going to win the hand because I couldn’t afford to call her. I thought of Ally, my heart scoured raw by the idea that her child might have survived, might still be alive. And that it might die now, after all. I told myself I’d do whatever Cherie told me.

  ‘Well,’ I said. ‘You got me here. It’s all panned out like you hoped. Congratulations. What is it you want me to do?’

  Cherie shrugged. Again that look, don’t you know? ‘Nothing,’ she said.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘That’s right, nothing at all. Just stand there while I leave.’

  I looked at her. ‘That’s it?’

  ‘That’s it. Nothing else. I’m going to walk out of here in a minute and meet Jeff. Then we’re going to walk away with our baby. And you’re going to stay here. And do nothing. Not scream or call the police or anything. Then you’ll never see or hear from me again. We’ll bring up our daughter, I’ll have the life you stole from me, and that will be that. I did what I wanted to do. I’m finished with you, Billy. With you.’

  Again I looked at the girl in front of me, trying to find my way through what she was saying. ‘They’ll find you,’ I said, as if that too was obvious.

  ‘No, they won’t. I’ve got plenty of money since my dad died and no one will recognize me; especially as you’ll never tell them about my haircut. Or Jeff. Or the baby. You’ll never tell them anything because, if you do, we’ll kill her. Simple. They might get us but they’ll never get the baby. I promise you that. So it’s your choice. Your friends’ little girl can grow up happy, with us, or else she can die. If I ever see you again, I’ll kill her. If I see a wanted picture of Jeff, I’ll kill her. I don’t care what age she is. You’re going to do nothing, except wonder. And hurt. You really are going to hurt.’ Cherie made an ‘O’ with her mouth. ‘Did you think I was going to kill you?’

  ‘Maybe,’ I said.

  ‘That wouldn’t be fair, would it? You didn’t kill me. So I’m not going to kill you. You just made my life hell. So yours is going to be worse. Much worse. And this is why. Sharon. Come here. We’re going to do what we spoke about now. Are you ready? You’ve had time to think about it. Now it’s time to be brave.’

  I was still looking at Cherie but I could sense Sharon behind me, in the doorway to the flat. I glanced towards her as she moved forward. What the hell? I grabbed hold of Sharon’s wrist.

  ‘Wait,’ I said. ‘She’s got nothing to do with this. Whatever you’ve planned, do it to me. You’re right, I deserve it. But not her. Let her go.’

  ‘No. This is how it has to end. This is the only way you’ll ever understand. Sharon, do it. Do it now. Go on. It won’t be hard. Just put your foot on the railing there and jump.’

  * * *

  For the second time that night Cherie seemed to have made time come to a complete stop. I didn’t feel anything until suddenly it lurched back into motion.

  ‘Wait,’ I barked out. My mind was reeling. I’d been so sure, so certain. Walking up here to end it. Now everything was getting away from me again. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to say: no, make me do it. There was no point. Her face told me that. She was going to make Sharon jump over the balcony to the street below. And I knew that Sharon would. To save the child. But there was no way I could let it happen. What could I do? I had to try to buy time. Find a way to slow her.

  ‘You’re forgetting something,’ I said. ‘You said we could see her. The baby. If you’ve really got her, which I doubt, where is she?’ I pushed Sharon behind me, keeping hold of her wrist. I was hurting her but I didn’t care. ‘Otherwise she’s not doing anything. You’ll just have to shoot me. You don’t want that. You’d be caught before you get half a mile.’

  ‘And the baby would be floating down to Gravesend. But OK. I don’t see why not. I did say you could. But then, I’m afraid, Sharon has to choose.’

  Cherie pulled a mobile out of her jean jacket but didn’t take her eyes off me. Behind her the City, the rest of London, looked small, as if it had retreated. Cherie hit three keys on the phone and then hung up without saying anything. Instead she turned to the river, her eyes searching. I followed her gaze. I saw a man appear in the gap between the buildings opposite, on the riverside pathway. About a hundred yards away. The man was pushing a pram.

  The man stopped the pram where we could see him and he turned towards us. There was no one else on the walkway. No one else in the square. Immediately, I thought about it. No. Even if I got past Cherie, even if I could do it quickly and then get downstairs and across the square, I’d never get to him in time. I tried to fight the panic that was pulling at my breath, shortening each one. Time was running out. Cherie turned to Sharon.

  ‘Right. Do it. Do it now.’

  Sharon made to move but I tightened my grip. I tried to look confused. I cast my eyes around the square, looking anywhere but across to the river.

  ‘I can’t see him,’ I lied. ‘Where is he? You said we’d be able to see the child. What is this shit? Where are they?’

  Cherie looked irritated. ‘There,’ she said.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘On the river bank.’ Cherie pointed out across the balcony. ‘The pathway. To the left of the pub. Between those flats. With a pram. Surely you can see. There. Now, Sharon, do it.’

  It was pointless pretending that I couldn’t see where she was pointing, but I still didn’t let go of Sharon. I pushed her further behind me.

  ‘She’s not doing anything.’

  ‘It’s her or the baby.’

  ‘You wouldn’t do it.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘No. You want a child. Isn’t that what you said? You want something to love. You lost one once, you wouldn’t lose one again.’

  ‘You’re wrong. I’ve learned. It’s easy. There are so many of them out there. I’ll get another one. Just take one from the street. But if you don’t believe me…’

  With a shrug of her shoulders Cher
ie punched her keypad again and this time put the phone to the side of her head. Sharon tried to move forward but I held her back. I turned to the street. After three seconds the figure across the square put his hand to his head too.

  ‘Pick her out of the pram,’ Cherie said. ‘Pick her up. That’s it. Right out. If you don’t see the girl jump from this balcony within the next minute, just drop her. Drop her in the river. Then get the car. I’ll be down straight away.’

  ‘No.’ It was Sharon. ‘No, wait. Please don’t hurt the baby. It’s OK, I’ll do it.’

  ‘Sharon…’

  ‘No, Billy. Mike’s been through enough. Imagine if he found out about this. That we just stood by. I couldn’t live and know that. I’ll do it. Billy, let go. Please, let go of me.’

  Sharon had moved round in front of me, even though I still had hold of her. She pulled at my hand, trying to free her wrist. I turned from her to the man on the walkway. He’d moved closer to the river.

  ‘Let go, Billy. Don’t you see? They’ll kill the baby.’

  ‘I don’t care. Let them.’

  ‘But if they do, she’ll just shoot us anyway. Don’t you see? How else would she get away? What would be the point of that?’

  I shook my head. ‘They’ll kill the baby whatever we do.’

  ‘They won’t,’ Sharon insisted. ‘I believe her, Billy. Why would she? She’s always wanted one. She’s sick but I believe her.’

  ‘Sick’s the word. She won’t bring this child up. She hates babies. She has done ever since her mother died. Haven’t you?’

  ‘What do you know about my mother?’

  ‘That you killed her. She killed her mother, Sharon, pushed her in a river.’

  ‘I fell, my mother jumped in after me.’

  ‘You killed her. You know you did. You killed your baby brother too. Everyone knew it.’

  ‘She couldn’t hold on.’

  ‘Because of the baby, that’s what you think, isn’t it? That’s why you hate them. You think she died because she was weighted down. But it was because of you. You, do you hear me? You killed that baby and you’ll kill this one too.’

  ‘Time’s nearly up.’

  ‘It’s my choice. Billy, let me go!!’

  Sharon wrenched her wrist free and I didn’t try to stop her. I couldn’t. Suddenly there was no strength in my body. Cherie had the phone up against her face again. Her uncle was standing right at the water’s edge. I felt helpless. I’d done everything I could. I just had to watch as Sharon stepped towards the railings. Beyond her, Jeff was standing with the bundle against the side of his chest. Behind him the river looked huge. It must have been twenty feet to the water. I looked at Cherie and saw that Sharon was right. The gun was pointing straight at me again. If she didn’t jump the child would die and then Cherie would shoot us both. Cherie was smiling, her eyes full of an electric, rushing bliss. She knew she’d won. I searched for something to say to her, anything that might stop this. Her eyes seemed to fuse into mine.

  ‘It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?’ I didn’t know whether she was speaking to me or just whispering straight into my brain. ‘Can you feel it yet? What it’s going to be like? Can you feel the pain yet, Billy?’

  Sharon was holding the railing, gripping the top with both hands. She put a foot up. She was crying but her actions were strong and deliberate. I knew then that she really would do it. My stomach bucked with love for her. I saw her look down, fighting against an impulse to vomit. I looked too. Yes, we were high enough. No doubt. Sharon put one leg over and then steadied herself. I seemed to split in two as she looked back at me.

  ‘Please don’t.’ I could hardly speak. ‘Just don’t. Don’t.’

  ‘You’ll be OK,’ Sharon said.

  ‘No. Think. Not about me. Or you even. It’s not just us. Is it? It’s more than that.’

  ‘What?’ Cherie had almost screamed.

  ‘Oh, Billy, don’t think about that. You weren’t really keen on it anyway, were you? I could tell. It’s OK. If this hadn’t happened I think I’d have had a termination. It wouldn’t have been fair on you, on us. We could have had one later.’

  ‘No.’ I shook my head. Molten tears burned my cheeks. ‘I wanted it, I did. Really. And I still do. I want to be a father, everything. Please. Sharon. Wait.’

  ‘Just a minute.’ Cherie took a step forward. ‘You? And her? After what you did to me? Shit. This is so right. Go on, now. Do it. Now. Jeff, are you ready? If she doesn’t jump in the next ten seconds do it. No more waiting. And, Billy, if you so much as move once she’s over, the baby still dies. OK? You don’t move. When I walk out onto the square I want to see you at this balcony. OK?’

  I was empty.

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Now.’

  ‘No,’ I screamed.

  Sharon saw me coming and tried to get her left leg over the railings before I could grab her. She managed it but my hand found her sweater and I pulled her back towards me, gripping her back onto the rails. She struggled but I had her. She wasn’t doing this. I fought to hold her as she bucked, ignored the pain as she scrabbled at my fingers, scratching, trying to bite them.

  I looked down beyond her. The figure sprinting across the square had nearly reached the gap between the apartment buildings now, where Cherie had pointed. The man by the pram couldn’t see him because he was angling his run. But I could.

  ‘Let her go or Jeff kills the baby.’

  Sharon was doing everything she could to make me release her. But I got her back over the railings. We both fell, going over sideways. I twisted to get my body on top of Sharon, to keep her from getting up, and as I did so I turned. To Cherie. She was looking down at us, her eyes burning.

  ‘Do it!’ she screamed into her phone. ‘Chuck it in. Just fucking do it now! Jeff? Jeff!? For fucksake, Jeff, what the hell are you doing?’

  Mike had reached Jeff by now. Through the gap in the buildings I could see them, two small figures, tussling. They fell and I couldn’t tell who was who. Then, out of nowhere, more figures burst into the square. They swarmed up towards the door below us. Police. Cherie turned to me, panicked. The gun in her hand was pointing at me but she didn’t know where to look. At me, at the police, or the river bank.

  ‘What’s happening? What have you done?’

  As Cherie turned back to the river I pushed myself up to my knees. I pulled my phone out of my shirt pocket. I held it out, towards her. ‘You fell for it again,’ I said. ‘I told you about the trick and you went and fell for it all over.’ I turned the phone round so that she could see that the display was active. ‘The line was open. Mike was downstairs. You told him where Jeff was. Where his baby was. Between the buildings. You told him where to go.’

  ‘Jeff’ll kill him.’ Cherie was wild eyed, looking for something to cling to. ‘He was in the Marines. He’ll kill the baby right after. You’ve killed it.’

  ‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘You could be right. Jeff’s tough but he’s old. Mike’s bigger and he’s got nothing to lose. It could go either way. Why don’t you listen? Here.’

  I tossed the phone over to Cherie and on instinct, for a split second, her eyes shifted to it. It was all I needed. I lifted myself up, turning my right shoulder forward. Cherie hadn’t really intended to catch the phone but the reflex to do so had snagged her. I was nearly on her by the time she’d got it together to fire and even though I felt a streak of heat in my side, my momentum took me into her. My shoulder backed her against the railings and I carried on with my head, getting it into her solar plexus, then her face, once, twice, then my knee into her stomach. I butted her again, her body slamming hard against the bars behind her.

  I managed to find Cherie’s gun hand and I battered it back against the bars. She might have been able to hold onto the weapon but she didn’t even try. I heard it clattering down through the railings to the pavement below. Cherie had gone limp. She was like a rag doll, not even trying to fight me. I stepped back from her, keeping hold of her jacket, and
saw that her face was bloody, some teeth missing from her mouth. She was staring at me, intently, her eyes still laughing. Victorious.

  ‘You fool,’ she said. ‘You’ve killed it. It could have lived with me, but you’ve killed it.’

  I held onto the girl and turned to the river. I couldn’t see anybody. The pram was on its own. There was no one else. I heard a ruckus at the door to my right and turned back towards the flat, looking back inside. I couldn’t understand what the police were doing there. I hadn’t called them. Andy didn’t have a tail on me. No way. Every time I’d gone out I’d been careful but especially that night.

  I didn’t have time to think about it. They’d found me somehow and were pounding on the door. Mere feet away. It wouldn’t hold long. I knew I only had seconds before a pair of size tens smashed through the jamb.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, turning quickly back to Cherie. Her face was broken, a mess.

  ‘What for?’ she asked.

  ‘For the life you had to live. For the fact that you had to watch your mother drown. That your father flipped out and blamed you. Hurt you. And I’m sorry for what I did eight years ago.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I am. I’m genuinely sorry. And I always was. I thought about it a lot and wished I’d done it differently.’

  Cherie’s eyes wavered. ‘I don’t believe you.’

  ‘I wish you would, because it’s true. I really wish you would. But it doesn’t matter now because you know what?’

  ‘What?’ She spat blood into my face.

  ‘I’m not sorry for this.’

  Cherie started to struggle then but it was too late. I’d squatted on my haunches and with every ounce of energy in me I boosted her up. She was heavy. She wasn’t a little girl. Not a frail thing any more. As the sound of splintering wood burst out of the room behind me, I launched her out into the night air.