Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 2

by Hirukuma

  “Wouldn’t Boxxo do the trick?”

  “Wait, but if we fail, Mr. Boxxo will break.”

  “He fell from a stratum split just fine, didn’t he?”

  Captain, Vice Captain, would you please stop with all this dangerous talk right in front of me? Still, to be honest, changing into a giant vending machine and falling on it kind of seems like the most effective option.

  “You can’t! I won’t let you put Boxxo in danger!”

  “There’s no guarantee. I’ll have to oppose this, too.”

  Lammis and Hulemy stand in front of me as if to protect me. I’m happy they feel that way, but if this plan is our only way to deal a decisive blow, then I think you should consider it.

  I’ve gotten quite a few more points of toughness, so I think I should be fine if I fall. As long as my durability doesn’t reach zero, I can repair using points, so I think I can do it. But if it doesn’t work, it’s all over for me.

  “Right. Boxxo’s been such a big help in the past. It would be cruel to ask any more of him. And we have to strut our own stuff, too.”

  “Shall we jump in and kill it in one fell swoop?”

  “Well, as long as the flames aren’t in the way, we could…”

  Wait, no, no, you can’t do that! The bottom is filled with carbon dioxide. If you go down there, you’ll have trouble breathing—actually, you’ll die from carbon dioxide poisoning!

  I didn’t expect this. I have to somehow get them not to go down there.

  “Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.”

  “Oh, Boxxo, you agree.”

  Nooo! “Too bad. Too bad. Too bad.”

  “You don’t? But if we dally too long—”

  “It’s trying to climb up!”

  Well, it didn’t have any reason to sit quietly in the hole. Of course it would try to climb up. Now we have even less time. But I can’t let people go down there.

  “We can’t pass this chance up. You ready, everyone?!”

  “Please don’t let go of the ropes!”

  “Seriously, please!”

  “Seriously, this is no joke, after all!”

  Their gung ho attitude in times like these is worthy of respect, but this is absolutely the wrong time! They can’t. At this rate… Don’t I have some way—some way of stopping them?!

  My current position is a short distance away from the hole. It’s about ten feet to the slope on the edge of it. Lammis and Hulemy are close by, as are the Band of Gluttons, excluding Mikenne.

  The captain unwraps his rope from my body, then hands it to Director Bear. He’ll be better if they need to adjust the length.

  Isn’t there some way to bring my body to that sloped edge? First, I quietly attach wheels to my bottom. Now if someone pushes me, I should make it.

  Even if I had a way to tell Lammis what I wanted to do, she would no doubt refuse. Hulemy doesn’t seem like a good bet, either. Which leaves Director Bear and the Band of Gluttons.

  If the Band of Gluttons were to push me, they’d all have to combine their strengths to move me at all. Director Bear’s hands are full with the rope the captain left him with. Of course, Lammis’s Might seems more than capable of giving me a light push to propel me to the slant.

  Oh…I just thought of something. However, to do it, I’ll need to throw away my shame and reputation. But this is to win. Lowering my affection level with them is better than them dying.

  I select a form change—to a porno mag vending machine.

  “Wait, Boxxo, you changed suddenly… Wh-whaaat?!”

  The lasciviously dressed women lined up behind the glass are in seductive poses, a feast for the eyes of those with such tastes.

  When Lammis sees them, her face goes red in the blink of an eye. “Hyah, eh, why are these people in their underwear and sticking their butts out and lifting their chests… Uwaaah!”

  Even though she’s blushing hard, her eyes are fixed on them. She seems like she’s curious despite her embarrassment. I know the feeling, Lammis.

  But this isn’t the time to be reflecting on how moe the embarrassed Lammis is. Time for a little insurance.

  “Welcome.”

  “Heauhh! S-stop it, Boxxo. I’m not buying any of these. You pervert!”

  Because my greeting broke her concentration as she was trying to collect herself, Lammis overreacts, and in order to conceal her embarrassment, she slaps me.

  Normally, it would only make a light sound. In her frazzled state of mind, however, she must have underestimated the amount of force she used, and the impact on my body is monstrous.

  And thanks to that impact, my vending machine body quickly slid to the side. If not for the wheels, my body would have only shaken, but for my current state, her force was more than enough.

  “Huh? Boxxo?!”

  “Thank you.”

  Panicked, she reaches out, but her hand only grasps air while I accelerate toward the slope, hurtling toward the hole.

  As I sense my body has come off the ground, I then change into a giant vending machine.

  When I look down, I end up staring the skeleton in the face as it tries to clamber out of the hole. It will fall into the hole if it lets go, and a vending machine is now falling toward it from directly above.

  Let go to bat me away, or take the hit? The Flame Skeletitan hesitates for an instant—at the cost of its life. It must not have been able to make up its mind, because I strike it square in the forehead, my vending machine body easily shattering its skull.

  It was fortunate I struck at the right angle. After smashing the skull, my body destroys its throat, its rib cage, and its hip bone before plummeting to the ground.

  [12 damage. Durability decreased by 12.]

  The damage is less than I thought, probably because crashing through all the bones broke my fall.

  A third of my body ends up buried in the ground, which looks pretty uncool, but all’s well that ends well.

  Bone fragments clatter down from above in a rain. Looks like I finished it off properly. All is well.

  “Boxxooo! Why are you always so reckless?! I’m coming down now, so wait a second!”

  Lammis is infuriated. She seems like she’ll descend right this second. Wait, it’s still filled with carbon dioxide down here, so I’ll change into an oxygen vending machine and release oxygen.

  “Too bad. Too bad. Too bad.”

  I say Too bad several times in a row to warn her away, but she doesn’t seem to have a mind to listen as she throws a rope down from above the hole. I’ll continue my high-speed oxygen flood!

  My constant shouting seems to have an effect, though, and Lammis hesitates to descend. Maybe people around her stopped her.

  “Boxxo! Do you mean it’s still dangerous down there?”

  “Welcome,” I respond immediately to Hulemy’s question. Times like these make me thankful she’s around. Lammis is quick on the uptake, too, but as soon as I’m involved, she gets reckless.

  I’m glad she’s worried, but I wish she’d worry about herself a little more. Of course, I guess I’m not one to talk.

  Come to think of it, we defeated the stratum lord, so wouldn’t there be a coin dropped somewhere nearby? Oh, there it is. Like last time, I use my coin-operated vacuum cleaner and manage to adjust it to suck up the coin.

  The item Flame Skeletitan Coin is added to my inventory.

  Now I just have to keep expelling oxygen for a while… Wait, if oxygen is lighter than carbon dioxide, it wouldn’t mass on the bottom of the hole. In that case, it’s time to show everyone how I survived that stratum split.

  I create a load of balloons, and when my Force Field is full of them, I become a cardboard vending machine. My body is enveloped in a floaty feeling, and I start to flutter upward.

  Since I’m inside carbon dioxide right now, I think the relative weight is making it easier to float. I rise more quickly than I thought I would.

  After getting a bit more than halfway up the hole, my speed decreases dramatically. That
must be the line under which the carbon dioxide is filling. I made more balloons than last time, so my body still manages to go up.

  “Um, Boxxo?”

  “Welcome.”

  I was worried I wouldn’t be able to speak as cardboard, but it seems fine. Well, the other vending machines can’t replay voices, either, yet I could talk now.

  “Mikenne, close the hole, please.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  At Director Bear’s order, the hole’s cover closes. I turn off the Force Field, release the balloons, and land. Then I return to my usual form and breathe a sigh of relief…when a shadow falls over me.

  I have a bad feeling about this. I don’t want to look, but I can’t pretend not to know, so I reluctantly look ahead.

  Lammis has her hands on her hips. She’s leaning forward and puffing out her cheeks. Yep, no mistake. She’s mad.

  “Boxxo, what would you have done if you broke?”

  Her gentle voice is, conversely, scary.

  “Get one free with a winner.”

  “Don’t beat around the bush. I’m steamin’ mad right now!”

  Yikes. When she gets riled up, her accent comes out. I’ll just shut up now.

  I don’t have the conversational skill to persuade women anyway, so with the voice data I have now, nothing I can say will change it. That, however, was a foolish idea, I think to myself an hour later when her lecture ends.

  At first, she was angry, but then it evolved into her complaining and saying how worried she was. It continued until eventually Hulemy can’t bear to watch anymore and stops her.

  “Lammis, leave it at that. If you blame him too much, he won’t like you anymore.”

  “Aw. Okay, I’ll stop here. Just don’t do anything reckless ever again, okay?”

  I answer her entreaty with silence. I don’t want to lie to her, so I can’t answer her. If we encounter a situation where I can save everyone, I would probably do the same thing.

  She doesn’t grow angry at my attitude, though. Instead, she gives a pained grin. Almost like she can read my mind, and she’s fed up with the result.

  “Is your talk over? I have a question as well. Do you mind?”

  Captain Kerioyl, evidently having watched for the right timing to speak up, lets his finger crawl over his hat brim and walks over.

  “Good work again, Boxxo. Did a coin drop from the stratum lord at the bottom of the hole?”

  “Welcome.”

  “Oh, great. We should go down and get it.”

  I guess I’ll give them the coin I picked up. Um, how should I do it? I look at the Flame Skeletitan Coin entry in my inventory, then will it outside…

  “Whoa, you got it for us!”

  The coin falls to the ground in front of me just like I wanted it to. The captain doesn’t hesitate to bend over for it, but an outstretched hand grabs his arm from the side.

  “What’s this about, Hulemy?”

  “You seem to be trying to take it as though it’s yours. But Boxxo is the one who beat the Flame Skeletitan and picked up the coin. You don’t have ownership of it.”

  Her argument is correct, but I don’t really care either way. Still, maybe it’s better to do these things properly than make friends.

  “Right, my bad. It’s true—because of all you did, we pulled through. Without a doubt, it’s Boxxo’s right to take it. Instead, I’d like to buy it from you. How does a hundred gold coins sound?”

  You can’t give a that kind of price with such a carefree tone. A hundred gold coins converted to points is a hundred thousand. Wait, that’s a ridiculous fortune!

  Lammis seems just as surprised as I am, looking between the coin and me with wide, round eyes.

  Hulemy doesn’t seem particularly shocked, and she glances over at Director Bear, who has settled in as an observer.

  “Hmm,” he says. “The market price for stratum lord coins certainly is around there.”

  “See, Boxxo? What do you say?”

  In that case, no problem—in fact, that would be great. I’ve already secured one stratum lord coin, so I don’t need any more.

  “Welcome.”

  “I knew you’d understand, Boxxo. This will be quick. You don’t mind if we pay at a later date, right? We can’t exactly walk around with riches like that.”

  The deal is made, and the coin becomes theirs. Captain Kerioyl plucks the coin and holds it up to the light, and after looking at it closely, he tosses it into a bag at his waist.

  Well, then. All we need to do now is return to the Clearflow Lake stratum. My time in the maze stratum has ended with only a bird’s-eye view and the main passage, but I don’t think I’ll ever be coming here again.

  Epilogue

  “Gee, I still can’t believe it,” mutters Captain Kerioyl in a voice that one could take as bafflement or admiration, staring at the magic item that was, a short while ago, simply a thing a blond-haired girl carried around.

  “Believe what?”

  “Running into two stratum lords in such a short period of time, for one thing. But the fact that a magic item with a human soul inside beat them. If we told other hunters, they’d never believe us.”

  “I agree. Even we have trouble believing it, despite seeing it firsthand,” says Vice Captain Filmina, combing her hair up and sighing a little.

  “Maybe there’s something about Boxxo that draws them near,” says Shui.

  “Maybe he’s actually got the makings of a hero, and this is destiny? Anyone called a hero always gets wrapped up in trouble wherever they go, after all. That’s how the stories we heard at home went, right, Red?”

  “But those were just fairy tales, White.”

  The three members speak lightly about it, but the captain remains silent for a moment, watching Boxxo. “You might be more right than you think. The thing is worthy of a checkered fate, isn’t it?”

  “A soul…,” says Filmina, “inhabiting a magic item we’ve never seen before.”

  “Yeah. I don’t know whether it’s fate or a curse, but it could still be a negative Blessing.”

  In this world, there exist special powers called Blessings. But not all of them are positive ones. Some are equivalent to curses, abilities that bring misfortune to whoever possesses them.

  “Well, I don’t have proof, but it’s a little too well-done to shrug off as coincidence,” says Kerioyl. “It may be the devil’s luck for Boxxo, but it’s real fortune for us.”

  “You’re right,” says Filmina. “Normally, you’d think it impossible to acquire two of the stratum lord coins we’ve been seeking in such a short time.”

  The other members all nod.

  The Menagerie of Fools wander the labyrinth in search of the coins dropped by defeated stratum lords. In these past few years, they’ve only gotten three. To even see two without a year going by is a first for the captain.

  “Maybe it’s not Boxxo,” suggests Shui. “Maybe something strange is happening in the dungeon itself.”

  “We had a king frog fiend come up, after all,” says White. “Something could be going on.”

  “Yeah,” says Red. “I feel like the encounter rate for monsters has been high, too. Didn’t Hulemy mention something about it?”

  Shui cocks her head to the side in confusion, and the red-and-white twins do the same, as though prompted by her gesture.

  One of the conditions for Hulemy being a temporary member is that the menagerie will give her regular, detailed information on the strata in exchange for her giving them intel and advice regarding monsters. They must be remembering that.

  “Come to think of it, rumor has it the Monster King’s forces are getting more active,” mentions Kerioyl. “Could be one of the factors causing all this shady stuff in the world.”

  “That may be too far a leap,” says Filmina. “The Monster King’s forces, though… They were after the bastion in the north of the empire, right? They’re apparently managing to hold out, but I hear it’s only a matter of time before it falls.”
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  A being that controls the monsters living in the northern wastelands: the Monster King.

  The monsters living in those lands have excellent individual ability, but their self-willed attitude leads them to frequent fighting among themselves, meaning they’ve never had the time to invade other nations—but then, one appeared who forced those monsters to yield by force.

  It called itself the Monster King and, with the monsters it bent to its will, began to attack neighboring kingdoms. Their power is great, and one nation has already been destroyed.

  The empire is blessed, too, though, for the bastion city sits on the only path connecting it to the Monster King’s lands. Though it manages to endure the attacks now, there have been whispers that an imminent fall is plausible.

  “But still, who calls himself a Monster King anyway?” says Kerioyl. “You’re the king of the monsters—we get it. Such terrible naming sense.”

  The captain shrugs, failing to see the point, but everyone looks at him as if to tell him “You’re one to talk.”

  For certain, the Monster King would probably not want the captain to tell them that, considering he came up with the name Menagerie of Fools.

  “I don’t know whether it’s a coincidence or if some power is at work, but that Boxxo really gets your gears spinning…,” he says. “He might be essential for granting our wishes.”

  The Menagerie of Fools’ eyes all gather to one point.

  The vending machine, which Lammis worried over and Hulemy teased, didn’t notice their gazes, leaving his mechanical body to its fate.

  Afterword

  Thank you very much for purchasing the second volume. Boxxo’s range of action has broadened a fair bit compared to Volume 1. I was going for a “cool-guy” vending machine. What did you think?

  This marks the second time I’m writing an afterword. In the first volume, I wrote about what led me to writing the novel. It ended up being a little heavy, so this time, I’ll aim for a brighter afterword.

  It isn’t as though I particularly liked novels growing up. I was bursting with interest in manga, but I could never read them when I was little.