by Julia Crane
“Ry…I don’t mean it that way.”
I hated fighting with Sierra. I could only remember fighting with her two times. Sure, we had little spats, but nothing that lasted more than a minute or two. This time seemed like a bigger deal, and I wondered if we’d be able to make up.
We listened to each other breathe for a minute, tension hanging on the line between us. I caved first. “I’m sorry I said the things I did. I was upset.”
She didn’t answer.
I sighed. “How long are you gonna be mad at me?”
“I don’t know.” She took a shaky breath. “Drake won’t see me right now because of all this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He seems to think he can’t get involved with humans right now. It sucks, Rylie. I feel so much for him. I’m alive when he’s near. This is something I’ve never felt before...”
She was describing the way I felt when around Kallan.
“I want to be with him,” she finished
I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me. “Then be with him.”
“How?”
“I have no idea, Sierra,” I said bitterly. “I’m just sick of being told who I can and can’t be with. You shouldn’t have to deal with that either.”
Sierra took a breath that echoed in the line. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been there for you since…”
My lip quivered. I bit it to keep from crying. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve been a bitch to you. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“You’ve been through a lot.”
“I have. And it hurts not being able to lean on my best friend. We’ve always been there for each other. I need you right now.”
I tried not to cry in the mouthpiece, but I wasn’t very good at hiding it.
“Feel better?” Sierra asked when I’d finally managed to get some control over my emotions.
“I needed that.”
“Ry, is there more to this than just Oren dying?”
I pulled my pillow tight against my stomach and crossed my legs. “Yeah.”
“The promise is broken…”
“I think I’m in love with Kallan,” I whispered.
“And Adam?”
“I love him, too.” I fiddled with my fingers, tears filling my eyes again. “Kallan’s dad killed Oren. How do I get over that? How do I love someone whose father is a monster? What if he turns into one, too?”
“You’re a good judge of character, Rylie. Do you think Kallan could be like that?”
I thought about Kallan for a minute. “No. He acts tough, but inside he’s a good guy.”
“Maybe you should trust your instincts.”
“What about the fact that he didn’t stop them?” I asked.
“Do you think he would have been able to?”
“I don’t know. He could have tried.” Honestly, with Varwik’s immunity, he probably couldn’t have. But he didn’t try to do anything, not until I got hurt.
“What if he had done something and gotten killed?”
Why did she have to have such good points? “I’m not sure I can forgive him yet.”
“Why does he need to be forgiven?”
“I don’t know! I just feel like part of it is his fault. Ugh!” I put my head in my hand, holding the phone tight to my ear.
“Have you talked to Azura since...since your dad was killed?”
“No.” I sighed. “Sierra, I don’t want anything to do with that world anymore. I want to be human. I want to do normal mundane things.”
“You’re not human though, Ry. God, that’s weird to say. You’re a faery. You belong in that world. Or at least to be a part of it. I know none of this is easy, but it’s your fate.”
“My fate...” I shook my head.
“You need to talk to your parents, Azura, and maybe Kallan. Find out how you feel.”
I knew she was right. “How did you get so wise?”
Sierra laughed. “I don’t know. Now can we talk about me?”
“You? Sure. What do you want?”
“Drake.”
“What can I do?”
“I have to be with him, Ry.”
“Then we’ll find you a way.”
She giggled. “All right.”
I still wasn’t sure what I could do, but I’d try.
I didn’t waste any time after I got off the phone with Sierra. I’d made things right with my best friend—well, as right as they could be right now on the heels of a really bad fight. So now I needed to speak with Azura and let her know how I felt. I owed her that.
I was determined to be strong and stand my ground. If she could respect that I wanted to stay in the human world for now, then maybe I could see her every once in a while. I called and left a message on her cell phone. The next time she had service, she’d get my message. Could be minutes, hours, or days.
My parents still weren’t home from work by the time Azura knocked softly on the front door. I was bent over my extra credit for math class, slowly working my way through each equation and double-checking my answers.
My heart fluttered as I rushed downstairs and threw open the door.
“It’s good to see you,” Azura said. When she held out her arms, I walked right into them. And for the first time, it felt good.
I pushed that thought aside and spoke against her shoulder. “Thank you for giving me some space.”
“Of course, my love.” She gripped me by the shoulders and held me away, running a critical eye over me. “I’m sorry you had to see your father die.”
I nodded, glad she had been filled in on what happened and I didn’t have to do it. “It was hard.”
“I’m sure it was.” She brushed my hair from my face, her gaze softening. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
I didn’t respond, but led her to the kitchen and offered her a glass of iced tea. She declined. I poured myself a glass and took a seat across from her. I could see in her eyes that she was wondering why I’d called her here if it wasn’t to talk about what had happened.
No tiptoeing around the subject, I told myself. Just do it. “I want to stay here, live here, be as human as I can be.”
Azura’s face fell. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
I felt guilty. “It’s not you. In fact, I was hoping that we could continue spending time together...just here.”
“I understand. You have not had a good experience with our world.”
That was an understatement. The faery world was beautiful and mysterious. I loved being there, especially in the light faery lands. It would be easy to just go there and forget the human world. But that’s not what I wanted.
“You’re free now,” Azura reminded me. “You don’t have to marry Kallan. You could just come home with me and marry whoever you choose.”
I could hear the desperation in her voice. “What if that is Adam? Could I live in your world and still marry him?”
“I’m sure we could work it out.”
“We could?” Her words shocked me. I didn’t think I’d be allowed to be with Adam at all. Now she was saying it was possible? Maybe she was just telling me what I wanted to hear.
“There would be lots to discuss.”
I could tell she wasn’t telling me everything, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to push it before I even had time to think about it. “It’s more than that though. I want to go to college, have a career, that stuff.”
“Oleander...” Azura clasped her hands on the tabletop and stared down at them. “I’m not sure you understand how important you are to our world. You’re an...”
“Aurorian. I know.”
“You are meant to do so much in your life.”
“That’s what you keep telling me.”
“It’s true.”
I knew it was because faeries couldn’t lie. I didn’t want to hurt Azura. I really didn’t. But she wasn’t hearing me. She had such high hopes and here I was crushing them. “I’m sorry. Ma
ybe I’ll feel differently later on.”
“Is it Kallan?” Azura asked. “Is he the reason you don’t wish to come back?”
“Partly.”
“You’re in love with him.”
“Yes.” I closed my eyes. I hated the honesty thing sometimes. “But I love Adam, too.”
“I know. I’m sorry this is hard for you.”
“I have another year left of school. I don’t plan on going anywhere until then. Not for Adam, Kallan, or you. I want to finish school.”
“I want you to finish school, too.” She stood, and we hugged. “I will always support you, Rylie.”
It wasn’t until after she’d left that I realized she’d finally called me ‘”Rylie.”
Back in my bedroom, I picked up my phone and groaned. Adam had texted me a bunch of times.
Ry we need to talk.
U ok?
Wanna do something?
How’s 5 sound?
I looked at the time. My heart sunk when I realized it was past five. I quickly texted him back. Sorry. Family issues.
The phone buzzed seconds later. Talk 2 me
I didn’t know how to reply, so I just shoved the phone back in my pocket.
I tagged along that evening as my mom went shopping for dinner. While she was ordering chicken in the deli, I wandered aimlessly around the CDs and movies, and eventually found myself standing in front of a shelf with a bunch of Rubik’s Cubes on it.
The conversation between Kallan and me came back. That day felt so long ago. I picked one up and headed to the register. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it. It reminded me of Kallan, and for some unknown reason, I wanted him to have it.
I decided to put it on a tree stump just past the tree line. I placed a piece of paper with Kallan’s name on it underneath the cube. If he came back, he’d find it.
While Mom and Dad were making dinner, I swung on the front porch, my thoughts in turmoil after the two emotional conversations. Being outside in the warm weather helped clear my head.
I thought again about everything that had happened. Seemed like I couldn’t wrap my mind around it enough to form any conclusions. My heart still felt like it was torn in two, and my phone burned in my pocket, reminding me I still hadn’t texted Adam back.
A shadow fell before me. I looked up.
Kallan.
I leapt to my feet. Seeing his face made all the old thoughts that I was trying to work through come flooding back, and I let my emotions get the best of me.
“Why didn’t you do something?” I asked him, pounding on his chest.
He didn’t skip a beat. “What was I supposed to do?”
“Stop your father? Stop mine? Something. Anything.”
“I stopped you, Rylie.”
“Me?”
“You accessed dark magick. I used my power to stop you before you did something you would regret.”
“What are you saying, Kallan?”
“Didn’t you feel different?” Kallan’s eyes searched mine.
I nodded, remembering the rush of power. I took his hand and led him down the porch steps and away from the house. I didn’t want my parents overhearing our conversation. “Kallan, I don’t know what happened out there.” I looked down at my feet, unable to meet his eyes. “I felt—strange, powerful for once, and then nothing.”
“You tried to stop the fight using my father’s ability to access dark magick. It would have worked, but you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself. There is always a price when you use dark magick,” he explained.
“You’re saying I could have saved my father and you stopped me?” My whole body tensed up.
“You would have taken life from the trees and animals that surrounded the area. The price was too great.”
“I still don’t understand.” I took a few steps away from him further into the yard.
He followed me. “Your power is very dangerous in the wrong hands. If you had accessed dark magick, not only would you have taken the life energy from others, you would have lost any chance of bridging the gap between the light and dark worlds. I told you I would never use my power on you, but I couldn’t allow you to do something you would regret. You don’t even understand the consequences. It was not our fight, Rylie. It was between our fathers.”
“I would have killed things? I didn’t even know I was doing it! Why didn’t your father use dark magick to kill Oren?”
“Ego. I doubt he thought Oren had the slightest chance of killing him.”
I could see that. Varwik was the definition of arrogance.
“You need to learn to control your power and how to use it for good. Rylie, you need to spend more time in our realm where you belong.”
“I can’t think about that right now.”
“I understand, but you can’t run away from your responsibility forever.” Kallan reached into his pocket and pulled out the Rubik’s Cube, tossing it up in the air with one hand and catching it with the other. “Got your present,” he said.
I was relieved he let the subject drop for now. He always knew how to read me and knew when to back off. “I see that.”
“What do I do with it?”
“You mix it up and then return it so that each side is only one color.”
He studied it. “Interesting.”
“You said you liked puzzles.”
“I do.” He gave me his beautiful grin. “I thought you were mad at me.”
“Then why did you come tonight?” I asked.
“I wanted to see you. I miss you. Plus I wanted to find out what the gift meant.” He shook the Rubik’s Cube.
I wanted to return his smile, but I couldn’t. “I’m not mad. I’m…confused.”
“You just have to listen to your heart.”
“Easy for you to say.”
He scoffed. “I was closed off and unemotional until you. Ever since I laid eyes on you...since you came into my life...all I’ve wanted to do is be with you. I want to love you and for you to love me. I’m not confused. I know exactly what I want.”
There was such conviction in his voice that I was stunned by his words. I knew he loved me, but I hadn’t known how much. I stood there like an idiot, speechless. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d admit to him that I loved him. And I still had my life here in the human realm. How could I just run off with him because I loved him? It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.
When I finally spoke, the words came out soft. “I need some time to think.”
“That’s what you always say. You never come back with an answer. Finish this chapter, so you can move on to the next.”
It wasn’t just a chapter, it was a whole book. “I...”
Kallan put his finger to my lips. “I will always give you what you want...time, space, anything. I will wait for you.” He took a step closer. “I’ve tried hard to stay away.”
“Obviously.” I could feel the warmth of his body so close to mine. My heart pattered somewhere in my stomach.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Our fathers are dead. The promise is broken. We’re both free. Can’t you just move on?”
He moved closer again. Reaching out, he pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen in my face. “I don’t want to, and I don’t think you do either.”
“You’re a dark faery and I’m a light faery. The worlds are too different.” Even to my own ears, it felt like I was making excuses.
“What if they didn’t have to be? Things are different now. We could bring peace to our lands together.” Kallan stared at me in the twilight. His brows knitted together. “What else is wrong, Rylie?”
It didn’t surprise me that Kallan could read me so well. Our connection went beyond anything I could understand.
I took a shaky breath. “It’s just…I’ve known him over ten years. We’ve been together for three. We were supposed to go to college, get married, have kids, and now... Now it’s all falling apart.”
/>
“Maybe it’s not falling apart, maybe it’s all coming together.”
I had loved Adam for years. I still did. He was safe. Normal. Familiar. Human. But I was in love with Kallan too. Unfamiliar. Different. Exciting. How could I love two boys at the same time? No matter what I did, one of them would get hurt.
“Kallan...” My voice trailed off. I didn’t know whether to ask him to leave or ask him to kiss me.
Before I could say anything, Kallan closed the space between us and wrapped me in his arms. It felt so right, so perfect… I forgot the fight with Sierra and the pain in Azura’s eyes as I broke her heart. I just let Kallan hold me.
“Rylie?”
I leapt away from Kallan as if there were fire between us.
I gasped. “Adam!”
“What the hell is going on here?!” Adam’s voice boomed. My heart dropped to my toes, and I quickly took a few steps back. How long had he been there?
His eyes were narrowed and his face an unhealthy shade of red.
I looked from Kallan to Adam. “It’s not what you think.” Ugh! How lame did that sound?
Adam was already stalking over to us, fists clenched at his sides. “Who do you think you are? Coming to our school, trying to take my position in baseball, and now moving in on my girl?”
Kallan pushed me behind him and faced Adam. “Calm down.”
“You ass...” Adam threw a punch, hitting Kallan square in the jaw.
Kallan rubbed his jaw. “You really don’t want to do this.”
“Like hell I don’t!” Adam threw another punch.
Reacting from the blow, Kallan shook his head and drew back his fist.
“Stop it!” I screamed.
Their fists froze in midair. “Stay out of this, Rylie,” Adam snarled.
“No. This isn’t Kallan’s fault. It’s mine. If you want to hit someone, hit me.”
“I’m not going to hit you, Rylie.” Adam pulled back and looked up at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Shame washed over his face.
“Then put your hands down.” I turned towards Kallan. “You too.”
They both dropped their hands to their sides and stood up, stepping a few feet away from each other. Adam’s intense eyes gave me a once-over. “Is this why you’ve been so distant lately? You found yourself a new boyfriend? I should have known.” He shook his head in disgust.