Passionate Kisses

by Various

  That pissed him off—the scars from the old man, no matter how much Ryan had tried to take his father’s place in his brothers’ lives.

  “You’re nothing like him,” Ryan said sharply. “You’d be a great dad.”

  “Okay, say he is mine.” Trav rubbed the back of his neck. “I was a bit of a troublemaker as a kid.”

  “A bit? If it wasn’t for Chief Bailey, you’d have been in juvie many times over.”

  Trav’s shoulders sagged. “I know. You and Bailey kept me out of the worst of it, but what if Bryce is just like me?”

  Ryan grinned and crossed his arms. “Karma, baby.” At the look on his brother’s face, he added, “Look, you know what not to do, so you’ll be able to keep him out of trouble.”

  Trav groaned. “And Daisy was never much of a rule follower either.”

  “You two are in for a helluva ride.”

  “Will you come with me tomorrow to meet him?” Trav asked anxiously.

  “Hold on. I’ll see what they’re up to right now.” He pulled out his cell and dialed Liz.

  Trav grimaced.

  Liz answered on the first ring. “Hello?” she whispered.

  “Hey, it’s me. Is Bryce still sleeping?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’m bringing Trav by just to see him, but he’ll still come by tomorrow when he’s awake.” He turned to his brother. “Come on. Time to meet the baby.”

  They got into Trav’s car, and Ryan directed him to Liz’s place. When they got there, Ryan knocked softly so he wouldn’t wake the baby. Liz answered, still holding Bryce.

  “See?” Ryan told his brother. “He’s great.”

  Trav walked in and stared at the sleeping boy. “Where’s Daisy?”

  “She crashed at my parents’ place,” Liz said in a soft voice. “Apparently this little guy has been keeping her up every two hours. My mom said she’ll wake her and send her back here in a bit. Do you want to hold him?”

  Trav nodded and held out his arms at odd angles, rearranging them several times. “I’m not sure how to hold him.”

  “Like a sack of potatoes,” Ryan said as Liz transferred the baby to Trav, chest to chest, his head resting against Trav’s shoulder.

  The baby sighed and relaxed into Trav. Ryan exchanged a look with Liz. They were family now. Probably.

  Trav looked down at the baby. “Hello there, Bryce. This is your daddy.”

  Ryan found himself smiling. Liz smiled too, blinking back tears. And for the first time, Ryan wished he was the one saying those words to a little guy.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Shortly after Trav and Ryan left, Daisy and their mother arrived at Liz’s apartment.

  “Let me see this little sweetie,” her mother said.

  Liz handed him over, and her mother sang softly to him, swaying around the living room.

  “Hey, Liz, I’m back,” Daisy said. She tried to smile, but failed miserably. She looked terrible. Her hair was lank and greasy like she hadn’t washed it in days. Her forehead was broken out. Dark circles under her eyes. All traces of her usual sunny disposition gone. “Hope you don’t mind I used my key and let myself in.”

  “Are you okay?” Liz asked with alarm.

  “She’s fine, just a new mother,” their mother answered for her.

  Bryce woke up and immediately started howling.

  Daisy’s eyes flashed at her mother. “You woke him!”

  “He’s rooting,” their mother said. “I think he’s hungry.”

  “Here,” Daisy said, reaching for the baby. She settled on the sofa, lifted her stained T-shirt, and whipped out her breast. The baby immediately started sucking.

  “You learned how to do it,” Liz said in amazement.

  “Yeah, we got the hang of things. All he wants is boob, boob, boob.” Daisy leaned back and sighed. “The lady in the hospital helped us. I still express some milk because Mom was helping with nighttime feedings. Then she left.”

  Her mother leaned down and kissed Daisy’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re home. I’ll see you girls tomorrow. Stop by Garner’s for brunch.”

  “Okay, bye, Mom,” Liz said.

  After their mother left, Liz sat on the sofa with her sister. The baby sucked noisily, his little fist tangled in Daisy’s hair. It was so weird to see her sister nursing. She was happy to see it, though.

  “How are you, sis?” Liz asked.

  Daisy looked at her with droopy eyes. “I feel like shit. This baby is sucking the life out of me.”

  “Oh.” She paused, trying to think of something reassuring. “Maggie says things get better around three months.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to make it that long.”

  “I’ll help, and Mom will too.” Liz patted her shoulder. “You’ll make it.”

  “Ow!” Daisy stuck her finger in Bryce’s mouth, breaking the suction, and repositioned him on the breast. “Sometimes he gets off track.”

  Liz’s eyes widened at the size of Daisy’s nipple, so huge and distended. She crossed her arms over her own chest. “I’ll bring you some water.”

  “That would be great.”

  Liz returned a few moments later with two glasses of water and tried not to stare at the size of her sister’s breasts engorged with milk.

  Daisy took a sip of water, set it down, and leaned her head back, looking at the ceiling. “After Mom left, I was so alone—”

  Liz crinkled her brows in confusion. “That was only three days ago. I was flying out next week.”

  Her sister turned to look at her. “I know, but Meena didn’t want to help. Bryce was waking her up with all his crying. She asked me to find my own place. I needed help. I needed family. I needed you, Liz.”

  “I’m here. I’m always here for you.”

  “I know.” The baby came up for air, and she switched him to the other breast. He sucked eagerly again. “Bryce is up every two hours. I’m desperate for sleep. Will you take one feeding at night? If you take the two a.m., I can get four hours sleep. It’s still not enough, but at least I feel a little less like the walking dead.”

  “Sure, I can do that.”

  “Can we sleep on your bed? I don’t have a crib or anything. I only had a borrowed bassinet in New Mexico.”

  “That’s fine. We’ll get a crib tomorrow,” Liz said. “Everything will feel better in the morning.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Morning was a long way off. Liz felt like she’d just fallen asleep when she heard Bryce in full-throttle crying mode. She jackknifed off the sofa. Is it my turn for feeding? She grabbed her cell to check the time. Midnight. Not yet. A few minutes later, he was quiet. Daisy must be nursing him back to sleep.

  She tried to go back to sleep, but she kept worrying. What if she slept through the next feeding because she was too tired to hear it? She promised she’d let Daisy get some sleep. Tossing and turning, she could feel sleep getting further and further away from her. Finally, she heard his screaming cry again. She raced into the bedroom, scooped him up, and patted his back as they worked their way into the kitchen. He was still howling, but at least he was a little further away from Daisy’s ears.

  She ran the hot water in the sink, waiting for it to warm, bouncing her nephew, who had gone from a howl to an infuriated red-faced scream. Omigod, my ears. She ran the bottle under the hot water to warm it. She tested it on the inside of her wrist, still cold. Bouncing him in her arms, she chanted, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” It was taking forever for the bottle to warm.

  She shook the bottle and held it under the hot water, breaking out into a sweat as Bryce launched into another angry wail. She decided the bottle was warm enough. She carried him to the sofa, settled with him lying across a pillow in her lap, and gave him the bottle. He sucked furiously, his little red face still mottled and angry looking.

  That was round one.

  Three days later, Liz felt as bad as her sister looked. She woke every feeding whether it was her turn or not, impossible not to with t
he boy’s screaming. Sometimes he didn’t go right back to sleep either. Crying over gas that took forever to burp out of him. Sometimes he just spit up right along with the burp, making the feeding for nothing.

  He screamed the better part of every afternoon, needing to nap, yet struggling to sleep. Every time they tried to put him down, he screamed. He had to be held all the time. Liz was frazzled and exhausted. Daisy was frazzled and exhausted. Two adults giving constant care and the boy still wasn’t happy.

  The only time they got a break was when their mother stopped by at noon with food from Garner’s. She seemed to have the magic touch with Bryce. She could sing and sway with him and he calmed immediately. No amount of singing and swaying from Liz and Daisy had the same results. During those magical times, Liz took a quick shower while Daisy ate lunch. Then Daisy showered while Liz ate. They did it all in silence, hoping Bryce would stay happy with his grandmother.

  Liz had to go back to work tomorrow. Then Daisy was on her own until the weekend. Of course, she’d still be up half the night with her nephew’s wailing.

  Motherhood was not pretty.

  ~ ~ ~

  Liz had gotten through her first day of school and was now slumped on the sofa, watching HGTV while Bryce napped in his crib in the bedroom. The couple on House Hunters was irritating the frick out of her. They thought they had problems choosing the perfect house. Ha! Just wait until they had kids. That’s when the real problems began.

  She picked up the remote to change the channel when the doorbell rang. She raced to answer it before the sound could wake the baby. It was Rachel. Liz hadn’t seen her since Bryce and Daisy’s arrival four days ago. Unusual for them.

  “Rachel, hi, keep your voice down. My mother got Bryce to sleep. You do not want to hear him when he wakes from his nap too early.”

  “Okay,” Rachel whispered. “I brought him a present.” She found Daisy in the kitchen and handed her the gift bag.

  Daisy had been staring off into space, munching on grilled cheese. She looked surprised to see Rachel standing there. “Thanks, hon.” She pulled out a bright yellow onesie with daisies embroidered on it. “It’s adorable.”

  Rachel smiled. “Glad you like it. Can I see him?”

  “Sure, as long as you’re in absolute stealth mode,” Daisy said.

  “I’ll be like a ninja,” Rachel said, doing a little karate hand action.

  Liz walked with Rachel, carefully opening the bedroom door so it didn’t squeak on its hinges. Rachel tiptoed to the crib and stared down at the baby. “He looks like an angel!”

  Liz shushed her and pulled her from the room, quietly shutting the door behind them. “You could’ve woken him up. He can’t wake up early! We need this quiet time to have the energy to get through the night.” She shoved a stray hair out of her face.

  “Okay, okay,” Rachel said. “Geez, I’ve been around my nieces and nephew since they were babies. We just go about life as usual, and they get used to the noise.”

  “Well, you don’t know Bryce.”

  Rachel gave her a tight smile. “I guess not.”

  Liz went back to the sofa in the living room, and Rachel joined her. Daisy went to lie down in the bedroom.

  “So I haven’t seen you since Bryce moved in,” Rachel said. “You okay?”

  “I haven’t seen anyone except Mom and Daisy. Bryce is like a full-time job. As of today, I have two full-time jobs.” She leaned her head back on the sofa and closed her eyes. “The book says to get him on a schedule, but he just won’t follow it. He wants to eat at different times, screams through the afternoon nap time, and wakes up every two hours all night long. And the crying. Omigod, the crying.” She opened her eyes and looked blearily at Rachel. “I can’t remember why I wanted a baby so badly. It’s exhausting.”

  “You look really tired,” Rachel said.

  “Of course, I love him to pieces.” Liz glanced in the direction of the bedroom and lowered her voice. “It’s much harder on Daisy. Her hormones are still wacky, her breasts are leaking, and she says sometimes Bryce sucks wrong. You should see her nipples.”

  Rachel shuddered.

  “But the baby makes it all worth it.” Liz mustered a smile.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Really.” She nodded, as much to convince herself as Rachel. “Once we can get some sleep and he’s on a schedule, things will get better.”

  “How long will that take?”

  Liz waved her hand. “The doctor said colic can last three or four months.”

  They sat in silence, the enormity of that amount of sleep deprivation hanging significantly in the air.

  Finally, Rachel spoke up. “So how are things with you and Ryan?”

  Liz gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I haven’t seen him. Things got weird after that whole stupid mistake, and now…now I have Bryce. I just don’t have the energy for anything complicated. I’m Bryce’s second mom. He needs me. Daisy needs me. This is my life now.”

  “Don’t give up on him,” Rachel said. “You said yourself things will get easier with the baby.”

  Liz snorted. “Ryan didn’t sign up for this. You should have heard him when he found out I wasn’t pregnant. He sure didn’t want to deal with the whole family package.” She paused, remembering his absolute relief. What had he said? They’d dodged a bullet? “I should just break it off with him. He’s not serious, and I don’t have the energy for casual.”

  “Do you love him?” Rachel asked.

  She winced over the awful truth of the matter. Leave it to Rachel to get right down to the real issue. “I do. But it’s one sided, and that’s not enough.”

  Rachel squeezed her hand in sympathy. “How do you know?”

  “I asked him straight out where this relationship was going, and he didn’t know. He acted pretty pissed that I even asked the question. He’s never said he loves me. He’s never said much of anything about how he feels.”

  “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it,” Rachel said in a soothing tone. “Men suck at expressing their emotions.”

  Three little words are not that hard to choke out.

  “Me and the baby are a package,” Liz said simply. “I have to choose Bryce.”

  Rachel pressed her lips together and finally nodded. “Well, if you love something, set it free, yada, yada, yada.”

  Liz leaned against her friend’s shoulder and sighed.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Liz chose La Casa de Margarita for her goodbye dinner with Ryan for two reasons: 1) it was out of town so less chance of local gossip, and 2) it was still close enough that it would be a short drive if Daisy and Bryce needed her. She decided to meet him to avoid the awkward car ride home post-breakup, though she told him it was in case she had to rush home for Bryce. She sighed and stepped out of her car, adjusting the belt she’d added to the floral sundress she’d borrowed from Daisy. All of her clothes were wrinkled, except for the two outfits she’d set aside for work.

  She took her time walking to the front door. Why was this so hard? Because I love him. And if he loves me, he never said boo.

  He was too closed off.

  And she had a screaming, demanding baby.

  And her life sucked.

  She opened the door to find Ryan already in the lobby. He spotted her and closed the distance between them, kissing her cheek. She inhaled his scent, and her body heated automatically, remembering him. Yes, a public place had been the way to go. One kiss and she knew she’d cave.

  “You look nice,” he said. “I haven’t seen you in a dress.”

  “Thank you.” She moved a hand to smooth her hair, then remembered it was an unconditioned frizzy mess and left it alone.

  She’d called ahead, so they were quickly shown to their table. The waiter brought chips and salsa right away, along with the drink menu. Liz passed on the margarita, even though they were great here, figuring it would be easier to deliver the news sober.

  “How are you?” Ryan asked.

  �
��Good.” She dipped a chip in salsa and wished she had worked out some kind of speech. Some lines to have memorized that explained the reasons why she had to break up with him—in a gentle, kind way—because right now it was hard to come up with even one. She could only remember the reasons she loved him—his confident take-charge manner, his bone-deep decency, his way-too-gorgeous sexy self.

  Her phone dinged—a text from Daisy. She discreetly read it under the table. Bryce won’t stop crying. She held a finger up to Ryan. “Just a minute.” She texted back: Be home soon. Try nurse, burp, swaddle. She grabbed a chip, then remembered her manners. “How are you?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Problem?”

  “No, everything’s fine. I’ll put this away.” She slipped her cell into her purse and focused her attention back on him.

  “Trav got the test results. He’s the father.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “So I guess we’re family now.”

  Liz stiffened at the mention of the paternity test. “Daisy would never tell Trav he was the father if she wasn’t sure.”

  Ryan raised a skeptical brow that pissed her off, even though Daisy had lied about the father before she admitted the truth. She bit her lip. She didn’t want to fight with him, just gently break up with him.

  Liz leaned back and watched Ryan while she did some deep breathing. He ate a few chips, seeming unconcerned about their relationship. She hated feeling like the old Liz, worrying about the future, analyzing every detail.

  But she’d missed him. It had only been a week since she’d come home to find him holding Bryce in his arms. It felt like ages ago. Everything since Bryce had come along felt like a split in her life—a before Bryce and an after Bryce. That time she’d had with Ryan before Bryce felt far away in a distant past when her life was just about fun and she knew what a good night’s sleep was. She didn’t even care about fun anymore. She just wanted sleep.

  The waiter returned and took their order. Silence descended on their table. She didn’t know if the silence was her fault because she was trying to think of the right way to say it’s over or his fault because he was a terrible conversationalist or both of their faults because they had nothing in common.