No Touch Zone (Saints of Love Book 2)

by Elizabeth Perry

  “Did the devil woman get there yet?” Martha peers into the camera, looking to see if Ciara has made it to my condo yet. “Good riddance to her, Juju. You should just keep her there in Florida with you. That woman is a pain in my ass.”

  “She ain’t right,” Irma pipes in, frowning. “What kind of woman would choose a taco over a beef stick? I think she was dropped on her head as a baby. Maybe you should tempt her with your hotdog, Jude. I think that’s all that she needs. A little weiner in her life. I mean, a big weiner, because that’s what the tabloids say about you. I bet that’s why she’s so grumpy all of the time. She needs a good…”

  “Definitely not.” Ciara’s voice behind me startles me so much that my iPad almost falls into the hot tub. I left my front door open for her, but since I’ve been out here for a few hours, I didn’t hear her come in. “And stop calling me a devil woman, Irma. I heard that, and it wasn’t very nice.”

  “Toodaloo, Juju! We’ve got to go!” The conversation immediately clicks off. Ciara rolls her eyes, but I just smile. I miss my ladies, a whole fucking lot.

  “How was your flight?” I pull myself slowly out of the hot tub as Ciara tosses me a towel. She immediately frowns.

  “Honestly, horrible. The man next to me talked about his ex-wife the entire flight. He wasn’t taking the hint that I did not give a fuck. I finally had to pretend to sleep, and you know what?” She shudders. “He still wouldn’t shut up. You need to invest in a private jet or something. I can’t handle other humans being so close to me. It gives me the heebie jeebies.”

  “Oh, kitten.” I know that she hates this nickname, which only makes me call her it more often. “You get me a damn good offer tomorrow, and I’ll consider it.”

  “Deal.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and heads back into the house. “I’m going to take a shower. I feel like I’m covered in germs right now. Dirty, old man germs.”

  It might be weird that my agent stays with me in my condo, but I don’t mind one bit. Ciara’s more my friend than my employee anyways, and the only thing that would complicate our relationship is if we slept together. Since that’s never going to happen, her staying here is really the best thing for the both of us. It gives me someone to talk to, and her a decent bed to sleep in.

  I head inside and putter around the house for a while. I feel anxious and my movements are aimless, but the idea of Willow being in town is still bothering me. I don’t know why. It shouldn’t, but still, it does.

  It’s crazy to me the things that I miss about her. You’d think that I’d miss being inside of her, but that’s not really what I think about the most. I miss her smile, and the way that her head tips back when she laughs. I miss her giving me a hard time and calling me out on my shit. But most of all, I just miss the way that I feel when I’m around her.

  I wish that I could be the kind of guy worthy of her, but my past is too heavy, and Willow isn’t meant to carry my burdens. I know exactly what kind of boyfriend I’d end up being, and it’s certainly not one that she deserves.

  There was a time, many years ago, that I thought I was the kind of guy built for just one woman. I met Terrah in college, and the second that my eyes landed on her, I suddenly knew that love at first sight was a real thing. She made me happy, and she loved me just as much as I loved her. I even let myself start to imagine forever with her, and then, I got drafted to the NFL.

  It wasn’t too long after I went pro that I realized my career choice didn’t really coincide with a successful relationship. Most of my teammates had main chicks and side pieces and still slept with women on the road. Partying and fucking went hand in hand with the job title of professional football player. My very first away game I was tempted and almost cheated on her.

  I was drunk, and high on the feeling of being able to have any woman that I wanted. I had a half-naked woman standing before me, and my hands were just about to stroke her perfect fucking body, when my phone had rung.

  That was the part the stunned me the most. If she wouldn’t have called me, I would have done it. I would have cheated on her, and honestly, I more than likely would have lied about it. I would have become another one of the guys, with a woman at home, and a piece on the side.

  I ended things with her the second that I got home. It spun me out, for sure. I never considered myself to be that kind of guy, and it changed me. I loved Terrah, and I had every intention of marrying her.

  Even still, I would have cheated on her. Just like that.

  My grandma didn’t raise me to be like this, and she would have rolled over in her grave if I would have gone through with it. I vowed to myself right then and there, that I would never be in a relationship again, because I knew that I couldn’t be trusted.

  So, pushing Willow away is a no brainer. And encouraging her to marry BJ is ensuring that she never comes back to me.

  She needs to stay far fucking away from me.

  Ciara emerges from the shower, wearing nothing more than a thick, white towel. Normally, the sight of her turns me on, even though I know I can’t act on it. Not that she would entertain the thought, anyways. I have a penis, not a vagina. But today when I look at her, I feel nothing. Not even a twinge in the Jude Jr. department.

  It’s per usual, these days. Just the thought of another woman makes my stomach turn.

  “I’m hitting the shower now. There are some takeout menus in the drawer next to the fridge. You know what I like. How about you order us some food?”

  “It’s ten o’clock, Jude.” Ciara rolls her eyes. “I’ll order you some food, since you can eat this late. I’ll just munch on some celery sticks. I prefer to fit into my clothing.”

  It shouldn’t make me think of her, but dammit, even that does.

  Willow wouldn’t bat an eye about eating this late. In fact, she’d probably do her cute little food dance while shoving greasy appetizers down her throat. Fuck. Just when I think it’s getting easier, I’m sucker punched again.

  “Hey.” Ciara shifts on her feet as I open the bathroom door a crack. “I hate to interrupt you, but ah, you have a visitor downstairs.”

  She’s thrown her robe on over her towel. I however, just got out of the shower, so now I’m just in mine. I tilt my head and stare at her, immediately sensing how uncomfortable she is.

  “Who is it? Is everything ok?”

  “It’s Willow. And, she looked pretty sad to find me here, dressed like this.”

  If I ever let myself think that I’d gotten over her, seeing her today has assured me that I most definitely have not.

  She looks so damn beautiful that my heart squeezes in my chest. Her long, dark hair is pulled back into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck. She doesn’t have any makeup on, which is my most favorite look on her. She’s not dressed to impress me, not that she would need to. In her simple jeans and t-shirt, she looks like the most beautiful woman on Earth. I swallow past the lump that always seems to form over the sight of her. I try my best to keep my voice light, as if I’m completely unbothered by her being here, inside of my condo, where she most definitely does not belong.

  “Willow? Hey.”

  Her eyes are wide when they meet mine, and the uncertainty in them takes my breath away. I hate the idea that she must have in her head right now. I guarantee you that she feels like she showed up and interrupted my hook up. She couldn’t be any more wrong, but I don’t make any move to correct her.

  “Jude.” An uneasy smile spreads across her lips. It doesn’t meet her eyes, and her dimples don’t pop. She looks nothing short of uncomfortable. “I’m so sorry to just show up like this. I should have called.”

  No, you should have just stayed away, like I told you to.

  “It’s alright. What’s up? Is everything ok?”

  Her lower lip quivers. She looks so close to breaking, that the only thing I want to do is wrap my arms around her to keep her from falling apart. The problem is, I don’t know that I can do only that. If she ends up in my arms, we’re going to en
d up in my bedroom. She’s obviously still engaged, the giant rock still sitting on her ring finger is proof of that. Which means, touching her is off limits.

  That’s a surefire way to burn us both.

  “Oh, my God.” Her eyes move down to the floor, and she shakes her head. She nervously twists her ponytail in her hands, not bothering to even look up at me. I hate seeing her like this, and it’s so fucking confusing. I have no idea what led her here today, or why she looks so damn sad. I don’t have to wait long to find out, though.

  “I can’t even believe that I’m here. It’s crazy, right? I’m crazy. It’s just...I mean, I can’t…”

  Time stands still between us. Neither one of us utters a single word, we just stand here, like two strangers, in my rented living room. She twists her engagement ring nervously, all while her lower lip continues to quiver. It wrecks me. Honest to god, the sight of her like this, fucking guts me.

  “I should just go. I am so sorry for interrupting your night, Jude. Have a nice, ah, life.” She turns and heads for the door. Her walking back out of it is the right thing, here. There’s nothing for us to talk about, nothing left for us to say to each other.

  Except everything, asshole. Tell her how you feel about her.

  My inner voice takes charge, and before my conscience can kick back into control, I reach for her, grabbing a hold of her wrist and stopping her from leaving just yet. Her breath catches, and every hair on my body stands on end from the contact. It feels so right, so fucking right to have my skin on hers, that for a moment, I almost lose myself and press my lips against hers.

  I regain my composure as my head starts to dip towards her, and then, I immediately jerk back.

  “Willow, fuck.” I drop her wrist and run my hand through my hair. “Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here, sweetheart. I doubt your fiancé would be happy to find out that you abruptly showed up at my house.”

  “I don’t know why I’m here.” Her hands fly to her face as she tries to shield herself from me. I’ve never seen her like this, so close to the edge of losing control, that I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that this is actually happening right now. Willow is always so strong, so even keeled, and so damn determined. She has a fire that lives inside of her that I envy. I wish that I could be half as together as she is, so watching her fall apart in front of my eyes is no easy thing to see. “I just feel like I’m losing my mind right now! Why you were the first person I needed to see, I’ll never know. But I just couldn’t stay away. I needed to see you one more time before my wedding, to see if the way that I think that I’m feeling is real. I’m just so damn confused right now. I feel like I’m making a huge mistake. I don’t think that I can go through with the wedding.”

  Time stands still. As her breathing increases, so does the beat of my heart. My resolve is fading fast, and my will to keep my distance is almost nonexistent. If one of us doesn’t step away soon, this fire simmering between us is going to erupt, and it’s going to burn us both.

  “It’s just cold feet, doll.” I can hardly believe it when I’m the one to step back first. “It’s normal.”

  “Is it, though?” Her eyes are filled with angst when they meet mine. “Or is it because I’m making the wrong decision, and marrying the wrong guy?”

  “Willow.” I cover my mouth with my hand, before the wrong words slip out. “I told you, I’m not the guy that you marry. I was only the guy that you fucked before you found your happily ever after, baby. That’s all that I am to you.”

  “Bullshit.” The fire in her eyes is back. Her lip stops quivering, and determination sets over her beautiful features. “I’m calling your bullshit, Masters. I think that you have feelings for me too, you’re just too much of a coward to admit it.”

  Ain’t that the truth.

  “I’m not a coward.” I match her stance, locking my eyes with hers, standing my ground, even as my legs shake like leaves. “And yeah, I have feelings for you, but they aren’t the kind that lead to forever. We had fun, Willow, and that was it. That’s all it was ever going to be. I’m not…”

  “Blah, blah, blah.” Her eyes roll, and she frowns. “Yeah, right. I know about you, Jude. I’ve had a lot of free time to look into your past, and maybe it’s time that somebody told you that it’s not your fault.”

  I still. I don’t know whether to be flattered or downright pissed off that she dug into my history. I am not a fan of people being in my business.

  “I know about your mom. I know how she died, and I know that you were there. Those were her choices, Jude. They had nothing to do with you, and it’s not your fault. Having a mother who chose drugs over her own blood doesn’t make you unlovable. In fact, it makes me want to love you harder, so that you can see yourself the way that I see you. You are a tremendous human being, Jude Masters. There isn’t a man alive who is better than you. You are selfless, and kind, and you have a fucking heart of gold. Why you can’t see that, I’ll never know. But I want to be the one to show you. I want you to see yourself through my eyes. If you could, you would understand why I just can’t walk away from this.”

  “Who I am has nothing to do with my mother! She has nothing to do with the reason that I don’t want to be with you, Willow! Not a damn thing!” I’m shouting, which I’m sure is something that I’ll regret later. But Willow seems unfazed. As my voice raises, so does hers. And when her hands land on my chest, and she shoves me back against the wall, my primal instinct is to grab ahold of her and spin her around, slamming her body against it too. My next move would be to pull her fucking jeans off of her and bury myself inside of her, showing her who’s the boss. But I’m too stunned to react, and as she presses her mouth against mine, I just about lose control. How I manage to grab ahold of her shoulders and push her back, will always remain a mystery. She has officially rocked my fucking world.

  “Coward,” she mutters, her breaths leaving her mouth in pants. “You’d rather walk down the hallway and have meaningless sex with whoever that woman is here, instead of just admitting to me that you love me.”

  “I can’t admit what’s not real, Willow. You think that you have me all figured out, but you are so wrong. The reason that I don’t want to be with you has nothing to do with my mother. It’s because I had a girl once that I loved. That I fucking loved. And I still struggled to be faithful. I ended things with her because I almost cheated on her, and that would have crushed her. I almost cheated on someone that I loved, Willow. You need to hear that again. Imagine what would happen if you and I decided to make a go of this. I’d break your heart when you found out that I was unfaithful. I loved someone and hurt them. Imagine what I would do to you, a woman that I don’t love. I would crush you, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

  Her mouth opens, and her eyes widen. I hate myself for what I just said to her, but there is no other way to assure that whatever this is, officially ends right now.

  “Oh my God.” One of the tears sparkling in her eyes finally escapes, trailing down her cheek before dropping onto the floor. The sight kills me, but I force myself to remain strong.

  “Go home, Willow. Go back to your fiancé and marry the guy. He loves you, and I know that you love him, too. What you feel for me is lust, which is the same emotion that I have for you. This isn’t love. Somehow, you just got it twisted.”

  My feet stay frozen as the door slams shut. I have no idea how long I stand, stuck in place, but eventually, Ciara enters the room, and it’s only then that I manage to sink down onto the couch. My head falls to my hands, and I inhale sharply, trying to regain some of the wind that has been knocked out of me.

  “Jesus Christ, Jude.” She sighs. “That was the most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever witnessed.”

  Tell me about it. My heart is literally shattered into a million pieces inside of my chest.

  20

  Willow

  “What’s the matter?” Wyatt studies me intently, and then turns back to the recept
ion hall, scanning the décor. “Is there something wrong with this place? Anything can be fixed, Willow. I want this to be perfect for you.”

  It’s not the reception hall, and it definitely isn’t the décor that’s bothering me. It’s the part about the actual wedding that has my stomach in knots. Wyatt has gone out of his way to ensure that my wedding and the reception are exactly the way that I wanted them to be. He’s spared no cost, even though I begged him not to go overboard, in his true fashion, he’s pulled out all of the stops.

  “It looks beautiful,” I assure him. “It looks exactly how I always dreamed my reception would look.”

  I’ve been in love with the Helmer hotel since moving to Minnesota with Wyatt four years ago when I started medical school. It has nothing but character and history, and the ballroom is so damn beautiful on its own, with his pure gold chandeliers and murals painted on both the walls and the ceiling, that really, it didn’t need any decorating at all. Even still, Wyatt poured money into garlands and lights, lavender and white flowers and real gold vases. Every table is decorated with thick, expensive, white linens and adorned with its own candlelight vase and floating flowers. It couldn’t be any more perfect. And yet, as I look around, I just feel sad.

  I should be looking forward to today. This is supposed to be the most magical day of my entire life, and yet, all that I feel is sadness in the pit of my stomach. I hate that I feel like this, because in a few short hours, I’ll be marrying the man who I’ve wanted to marry since the very first day that I met him. He is good, and he is kind. He loves me deeply, and even though I’ve felt like we’ve been drifting apart over the last six weeks, I know that it’s all in my head.