Crime Stories

by Dashiell Hammett

  I also have an idea. Mine is that when the last gong rings I’m going to be leading this baby and some of her playmates to the city prison. That is an excellent reason—among a dozen others I could think of—why I shouldn’t get mushy with her.

  I was willing enough to camp there with her until something happened. That apartment looked like the scene of the next action. But I had to cover up my own game. I couldn’t let her know she was only a minor figure in it. I had to pretend there was nothing behind my willingness to stay but a desire to protect her. Another man might have got by with a chivalrous, knight-errant, protector-of-womanhood-without-personal-interest attitude. But I don’t look, and can’t easily act, like that kind of person. I had to hold her off without letting her guess that my interest wasn’t personal. It was no cinch. She was too damned direct, and she had too much brandy in her.

  I didn’t kid myself that my beauty and personality were responsible for any of her warmth. I was a thickarmed male with big fists. She was in a jam. She spelled my name P-r-o-t-e-c-t-i-o-n. I was something to be put between her and trouble.

  Another complication: I am neither young enough nor old enough to get feverish over every woman who doesn’t make me think being blind isn’t so bad. I’m at that middle point around forty where a man puts other feminine qualities—amiability, for one—above beauty on his list. This brown woman annoyed me. She was too sure of herself. Her work was rough. She was trying to handle me as if I were a farmer boy. But in spite of all this, I’m constructed mostly of human ingredients. This woman got more than a stand-off when faces and bodies were dealt. I didn’t like her. I hoped to throw her in the can before I was through. But I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that she had me stirred up inside—between her cuddling against me, giving me the come-on, and the brandy I had drunk.

  The going was tough—no fooling.

  A couple of times I was tempted to bolt. Once I looked at my watch—2:06. She put a ring-heavy brown hand on the timepiece and pushed it down to my pocket.

  “Please, Jerry!” the earnestness in her voice was real. “You cannot go. You cannot leave me here. I will not have it so. I will go also, through the streets following. You cannot leave me to be murdered here!”

  I settled down again.

  A few minutes later a bell rang sharply.

  She went to pieces immediately. She piled over on me, strangling me with her bare arms. I pried them loose enough to let me talk.

  “What bell is that?”

  “The street door. Do not heed it.”

  I patted her shoulder.

  “Be a good girl and answer it. Let’s see who it is.”

  Her arms tightened.

  “No! No! No! They have come!”

  The bell rang again.

  “Answer it,” I insisted.

  Her face was flat against my coat, her nose digging into my chest.

  “No! No!”

  “All right,” I said. “I’ll answer it myself.”

  I untangled myself from her, got up and went into the passageway. She followed me. I tried again to persuade her to do the talking. She would not, although she didn’t object to my talking. I would have liked it better if whoever was downstairs didn’t learn that the woman wasn’t alone. But she was too stubborn in her refusal for me to do anything with her.

  “Well?” I said into the speaking-tube.

  “Who the hell are you?” a harsh, deep-chested voice asked.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to talk to Ines.”

  “Speak your piece to me,” I suggested, “and I’ll tell her about it.”

  The woman, holding one of my arms, had an ear close to the tube.

  “Billie, it is,” she whispered. “Tell him that he goes away.”

  “You’re to go away,” I passed the message on.

  “Yeah?” the voice grew harsher and deeper. “Will you open the door, or will I bust it in?”

  There wasn’t a bit of playfulness in the question. Without consulting the woman, I put a finger on the button that unlocks the street door.

  “Welcome,” I said into the tube.

  “He’s coming up,” I explained to the woman. “Shall I stand behind the door and tap him on the skull when he comes in? Or do you want to talk to him first?”

  “Do not strike him!” she exclaimed. “It is Billie.”

  That suited me. I hadn’t intended putting the slug to him—not until I knew who and what he was, anyway. I had wanted to see what she would say.

  Billie wasn’t long getting up to us. I opened the door when he rang, the woman standing beside me. He didn’t wait for an invitation. He was through the doorway before I had the door half opened. He glared at me. There was plenty of him!

  A big, red-faced, red-haired bale of a man—big in any direction you measured him—and none of him was fat. The skin was off his nose, one cheek was clawed, the other swollen. His hatless head was a tangled mass of red hair.

  One pocket had been ripped out of his coat, and a button dangled on the end of a six-inch ribbon of tom cloth.

  This was the big heaver who had been in the taxicab with the woman.

  “Who’s this mutt?” he demanded, moving his big paws toward me.

  I knew the woman was a goof. It wouldn’t have surprised me if she had tried to feed me to the battered giant. But she didn’t. She put a hand on one of his and soothed him.

  “Do not be nasty, Billie. He is a friend. Without him I would not this night have escaped.”

  He scowled. Then his face straightened out and he caught her hand in both of his.

  “So you got away it’s all right,” he said huskily. “I’d a done better if we’d been outside. There wasn’t no room in that taxi for me to turn around. And one of them guys crowned me.”

  That was funny. This big clown was apologizing for getting mangled up protecting a woman who had scooted, leaving him to get out as well as he could.

  The woman led him into the sitting-room, I tagging along behind. They sat on the bench. I picked out a chair that wasn’t in line with the window the Whosis Kid ought to be watching.

  “What did happen, Billie?” She touched his grooved cheek and skinned nose with her fingertips. “You are hurt.”

  He grinned with a sort of shamefaced delight. I saw that what I had taken for a swelling in one cheek was only a big hunk of chewing tobacco.

  “I don’t know all that happened,” he said. “One of ’em crowned me, and I didn’t wake up till a coupla hours afterwards. The taxi driver didn’t give me no help in the fight, but he was a right guy and knowed where his money would come from. He didn’t holler or nothing. He took me around to a doc that wouldn’t squawk, and the doc straightened me out, and then I come up here.”

  “Did you see each one of those men?” she asked.

  “Sure! I seen ’em, and felt ’em, and maybe tasted ’!”

  “They were how many?”

  “Just two of ’em. A little fella with a trick tickler, and a husky with a big chin on him.”

  “There was no other? There was not a younger man, tall and thin?”

  That could be the Whosis Kid. She thought he and the Frenchman were working together?

  Billie shook his shaggy, banged-up head.

  “Nope. They was only two of ’em.”

  She frowned and chewed her lip.

  Billie looked sidewise at me—a look that said “Beat it.”

  The woman caught the glance. She twisted around on the bench to put a hand on his head.

  “Poor Billie,” she cooed; “his head most cruelly hurt saving me, and now, when he should be at his home giving it rest, I keep him here talking. You go, Billie, and when it is morning and your poor head is better, you will telephone to me?”

  His red face got dark. He glowered at me.

  Laughing, she slapped him lightly on the cheek that bulged around his cud of tobacco.

  “Do not become jealous of Jerry. Jerry is enamored of one yellow and wh
ite lady somewhere, and to her he is most faithful. Not even the smallest liking has he for dark women.” She smiled a challenge at me. “Is it not so, Jerry?”

  “No,” I denied. “And, besides, all women are dark.”

  Billie shifted his chew to the scratched cheek and bunched his shoulders.

  “What the hell kind of a crack is that to be making?” he rumbled.

  “That means nothing it should not, Billie,” she laughed at him. “It is only an epigram.”

  “Yeah?” Billie was sour and truculent. I was beginning to think he didn’t like me. “Well, tell your little fat friend to keep his smart wheezes to himself. I don’t like ’em.”

  That was plain enough. Billie wanted an argument. The woman, who held him securely enough to have steered him off, simply laughed again. There was no profit in trying to find the reason behind any of her actions. She was a nut. Maybe she thought that since we weren’t sociable enough for her to keep both on hand, she’d let us tangle, and hold on to the one who rubbed the other out of the picture.

  Anyway, a row was coming. Ordinarily I am inclined to peace. The day is past when I’ll fight for the fun of it. But I’ve been in too many rumpuses to mind them much. Usually nothing very bad happens to you, even if you lose. I wasn’t going to back down just because this big stiff was meatier than I. I’ve always been lucky against the large sizes. He had been banged up earlier in the evening. That would cut down his steam some. I wanted to hang around this apartment a little longer, if it could be managed. If Billie wanted to tussle—and it looked as if he did—he could.

  It was easy to meet him half-way: anything I said would be used against me.

  I grinned at his red face, and suggested to the woman, solemnly:

  “I think if you’d dip him in blueing he’d come out the same color as the other pup.”

  As silly as that was, it served. Billie reared up on his feet and curled his paws into fists.

  “Me and you’ll take a walk,” he decided; “out where there’s space enough.”

  I got up, pushed my chair back with a foot, and quoted “Red” Bums to him: “If you’re close enough, there’s room enough.”

  He wasn’t a man you had to talk too much. We went around and around.

  It was fists at first. He started it by throwing his right at my head. I went in under it and gave him all I had in a right and left to the belly. He swallowed his chew of tobacco. But he didn’t bend. Few big men are as strong as they look. Billie was.

  He didn’t know anything at all. His idea of a fight was to stand up and throw fists at your head—right, left, right, left. His fists were as large as wastebaskets. They wheezed through the air. But always at the head—the easiest part to get out of the way.

  There was room enough for me to go in and out. I did that. I hammered his belly. I thumped his heart. I mauled his belly again. Every time I hit him he grew an inch, gained a pound and picked up another horsepower. I don’t fool when I hit, but nothing I did to this human mountain—not even making him swallow his hunk of tobacco—had any visible effect on him.

  I’ve always had a reasonable amount of pride in my ability to sock. It was disappointing to have this big heaver take the best I could give him without a grunt. But I wasn’t discouraged. He couldn’t stand it forever. I settled down to make a steady job of it.

  Twice he clipped me. Once on the shoulder. A big fist spun me half around. He didn’t know what to do next. He came in on the wrong side. I made him miss, and got clear. The other time he caught me on the forehead. A chair kept me from going down. The smack hurt me. It must have hurt him more. A skull is tougher than a knuckle. I got out of his way when he closed in, and let him have something to remember on the back of his neck.

  The woman’s dusky face showed over Billie’s shoulder as he straightened up. Her eyes were shiny behind their heavy lashes, and her mouth was open to let white teeth gleam through.

  Billie got tired of the boxing after that, and turned the set-to into a wrestling match, with trimmings. I would rather have kept on with the fists. But I couldn’t help myself. It was his party. He grabbed one of my wrists, yanked, and we thudded chest to chest.

  He didn’t know any more about this than he had about that. He didn’t have to. He was big enough and strong enough to play with me.

  I was underneath when we tumbled down on the floor and began rolling around. I did my best. It wasn’t anything. Three times I put a scissors on him. His body was too big for my short legs to clamp around. He chucked me off as if he were amusing the baby. There was no use at all in trying to do things to his legs. No hold known to man could have held them. His arms were almost as strong. I quit trying.

  Nothing I knew was any good against this monster. He was out of my range. I was satisfied to spend all that was left of my strength trying to keep him from crippling me—and waiting for a chance to out-smart him.

  He threw me around a lot. Then my chance came.

  I was flat on my back, with everything but one or two of my most centrally located intestines squeezed out. Kneeling astride me, he brought his big hands up to my throat and fastened them there.

  That’s how much he didn’t know!

  You can’t choke a man that way—not if his hands are loose and he knows a hand is stronger than a finger.

  I laughed in his purple face and brought my own hands up. Each of them picked one of his little fingers out of my flesh. It wasn’t a dream at that. I was all in, and he wasn’t. But no man’s little finger is stronger than another’s hand. I twisted them back. They broke together.

  He yelped. I grabbed the next—the ring fingers.

  One of them snapped. The other was ready to pop when he let go.

  Jerking up, I butted him in the face. I twisted from between his knees. We came on our feet together.

  The doorbell rang.

  Fight interest went out of the woman’s face. Fear came in. Her fingers picked at her mouth.

  “Ask who’s there,” I told her.

  “Who—who is there?”

  Her voice was flat and dry.

  “Mrs. Keil,” came from the corridor, the words sharp with indignation. “You will have to stop this noise immediately! The tenants are complaining—and no wonder! A pretty hour to be entertaining company and carrying on so!”

  “The landlady,” the dark woman whispered. Aloud: “I am sorry, Mrs. Keil. There will not be more noises.”

  Something like a sniff came through the door, and the sound of dimming footsteps.

  Inés Almad frowned reproachfully at Billie.

  “You should not have done this,” she blamed him.

  He looked humble, and at the floor, and at me. Looking at me, the purple began to flow back into his face.

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I told this fella we ought to take a walk. We’ll do it now, and there won’t be no more noise here.”

  “Billie!” her voice was sharp. She was reading the Law to him. “You will go out and have attention for your hurts. If you have not won these fights, because of that am I to be left here alone to be murdered?”

  The big man shuffled his feet, avoided her gaze and looked utterly miserable. But he shook his head stubbornly.

  “I can’t do it, Ines,” he said. “Me and this guy has got to finish it. He busted my fingers, and I got to bust his jaw.”

  “Billie!”

  She stamped one small foot and looked imperiously at him. He looked as if he’d like to roll over on his back and hold his paws in the air. But he stood his ground.

  “I got to,” he repeated. “There ain’t no way out of it.”

  Anger left her face. She smiled very tenderly at him.

  “Dear old Billie,” she murmured, and crossed the room to a secretary in a corner.

  When she turned, an automatic pistol was in her hand. Its one eye looked at Billie.

  “Now, lechon,” she purred, “go out!”

  The red man wasn’t a quick thinker. It took a full minute
for him to realize that this woman he loved was driving him away with a gun. The big dummy might have known that his three broken fingers had disqualified him. It took another minute for him to get his legs in motion. He went toward the door in slow bewilderment, still only half believing this thing was really happening.

  The woman followed him step by step. I went ahead to open the door.

  I turned the knob. The door came in, pushing me back against the opposite wall.

  In the doorway stood Edouard Maurois and the man I had swatted on the chin. Each had a gun.

  I looked at Inés Almad, wondering what turn her craziness would take in the face of this situation. She wasn’t so crazy as I had thought. Her scream and the thud of her gun on the floor sounded together.

  “Ah!” the Frenchman was saying. “The gentlemen were leaving? May we detain them?”

  The man with the big chin—it was larger than ever now with the marks of my tap—was less polite.

  “Back up, you birds!” he ordered, stooping for the gun the woman had dropped.

  I still was holding the doorknob. I rattled it a little as I took my hand away—enough to cover up the click of the lock as I pushed the button that left it unlatched. If I needed help, and it came, I wanted as few locks as possible between me and it.

  Then—Billie, the woman and I walking backward—we all paraded into the sitting-room. Maurois and his companion both wore souvenirs of the row in the taxicab. One of the Frenchman’s eyes was bruised and closed—a beautiful shiner. His clothes were rumpled and dirty. He wore them jauntily in spite of that, and he still had his walking stick, crooked under the arm that didn’t hold his gun.

  Big Chin held us with his own gun and the woman’s while Maurois ran his hand over Billie’s and my clothes, to see if we were armed. He found my gun and pocketed it. Billie had no weapons.

  “Can I trouble you to step back against the wall?” Maurois asked when he was through.

  We stepped back as if it was no trouble at all. I found my shoulder against one of the window curtains. I pressed it against the frame, and turned far enough to drag the curtain clear of a foot or more of pane.

  If the Whosis Kid was watching, he should have had a clear view of the Frenchman—the man who had shot at him earlier in the evening. I was putting it up to the Kid. The corridor door was unlocked. If the Kid could get into the building—no great trick—he had a clear path. I didn’t know where he fit in, but I wanted him to join us, and I hoped he wouldn’t disappoint me. If everybody got together here, maybe whatever was going on would come out where I could see it and understand it.