Crime Stories

by Dashiell Hammett

  Nick: “Is this the wax-works?”

  Henry: “I beg pardon, sir?”

  Nora, smiling at Henry: “Nothing, Henry. Nothing.”

  She gives Nick a warning look. Starting for the library: “I’ll just leave my things down here.”

  She goes down the hall, taking off her evening coat as she goes. The butler turns to Nick and helps him off with his coat. He touches Nick’s things as if the mere contact with them might contaminate him.

  Nick: “It’s all right—it’s not catching.”

  The butler puts them down and starts toward the drawing-room door.

  Butler: “Will you walk this way, sir.”

  The butler hobbles away ahead of Nick, hardly able to move on his rheumatic legs. Nick looks after him.

  Nick: “I’ll try.”

  He starts to follow the butler, giving a grotesque imitation of his walk. As he passes the library door, Nora comes out, catches up with him, and grabs his arm, laughing at him.

  Butler, announcing them at the door of the drawing room: “Mr. and Mrs. Charles.”

  As they hear the announcement, they straighten up.

  Nick: “Here goes!”

  They start to walk in, sedately.

  As Nick and Nora come in the door, Aunt Katherine comes forward to greet them.

  Aunt Katherine, to Nora: “How do you do, my dear?”

  Nora kisses Aunt Katherine and then turns to include Nick.

  Nora: “You remember Nick?”

  Although she is doing her best to be gracious, Aunt Katherine finds it impossible to look at him.

  Aunt Katherine: “How are you, Nicholas?”

  As Nick hears his name, he starts. Katherine turns back toward the roomful of people: “Come right in.”

  Helen comes up to Nora, who turns to greet her.

  Nora: “Hello, Cousin Helen.”

  Helen, giving her a peck: “How are you, you poor child?”

  Nick gives Cousin Helen a swift look as he hears the commiserating tone of her voice. But Aunt Katherine has him in tow, and he follows her.

  Aunt Katherine, speaking to the whole family: “This is Nora’s husband.”

  Nick looks from one to the other of the people. They are doing their best to appear pleasant, but the result is not very cordial. Aunt Katherine turns back to him: “I think you know everyone.”

  Nick: “I seem to remember the old faces.”

  Nora quickly takes Nick’s arm and pilots him toward another group.

  Nick, under his breath to her as they go: “What’s up? They’re all so polite.”

  Nora smiles and takes him to Charlotte and William.

  Nora: “This is Aunt Charlotte, and Uncle Willie.”

  Nick acknowledges the introduction with the same sickly sweet smile that they give him.

  Nora: “And now for Aunt Hattie.”

  From behind them, Charlotte’s voice is heard: “Poor Nora is so brave.”

  Again Nick hears the commiserating “poor” Nora. He whispers to Nora: “What’s this ‘poor Nora’ business?”

  Nora: “That’s because I’m married to you.”

  Then, as they reach Aunt Hattie: “Aunt Hattie, you remember my husband?”

  Nick: “How are you?”

  Aunt Hattie: “Don’t mumble, young man. Don’t mumble.”

  Nick, a little louder: “How are you?”

  Still Aunt Hattie doesn’t hear.

  Nora: “She’s deaf as a post.”

  Nick: “You’re telling me!”

  Aunt Hattie, holding out her receiving box of the audio phone: “What did he say?”

  Nick, taking the box, and speaking into it as if it were a microphone: “When you hear the chime, it will be exactly . . .”

  But Nora gives him a slight boot from behind. Nick turns sharply toward her. Nora catches sight of Selma in the doorway.

  Nora, with a note of relief at seeing a friend: “Selma!”

  Selma has managed to regain some of her composure. Nora comes quickly to her, kissing her warmly.

  Selma, on the point of breaking again: “Oh Nora . . . Nora. It’s so good to see you.”

  Nora, affectionately: “How are you, Selma?”

  Nick approaches, and Selma turns to him.

  Selma: “Hello, Nick.”

  Nick: “Hello.”

  Selma: “It’s sweet of you to come.”

  Nick, who’s really enjoying himself by now: “I wouldn’t have missed it for a million dollars.”

  Nora: “What’s the trouble, Selma? Tell me.”

  But Aunt Katherine comes up quickly, putting a firm hand on Selma’s arm: “We’ll postpone any discussion until after dinner.”

  She turns to speak to the rest: “Shall we go in now?”

  She holds out her hand to the General: “Thomas?”

  The General comes quickly to her side, and gives her his arm.

  Nick, to Selma: “Where’s Robert?”

  Selma is about to speak, but Aunt Katherine hastily intervenes.

  Aunt Katherine: “Robert telephoned that he was unavoidably detained. So we’ll start without him.”

  Selma gives her a bitter look and turns away. Nick notices the look between the two.

  “We haven’t quite enough men to go around, so, Lucius, will you take Hattie and Charlotte? Willie, you take Helen and Ethel? Burton, will you take Nora? And Nicholas, will you take Aunt Lucy?”

  Aunt Katherine walks toward the hallway, on the General’s arm. Nick goes toward Aunt Lucy, as Burton comes up to Nora. He offers his arm to her.

  Nora: “How are you, Cousin Burton?”

  Burton: “I’m very well, thank you.”

  He makes a sudden violent face, as his tic starts in.

  Nora: “That’s fine.”

  Unconsciously, she imitates his tic. She realizes with horror what she has done, and turns and starts off quickly without him.

  Nick offers his arm to Aunt Lucy. She looks up at him as she takes it, resenting having him as a partner.

  Aunt Lucy: “Maybe you didn’t know it, but I’m eighty-three years old.”

  Nick: “Eighty-three?”

  Aunt Lucy: “Yes.”

  Nick: “Well, well. You don’t look a day over a hundred.”

  Aunt Lucy: “That’s what they all say.”

  In the drawing room after dinner, Hattie, Charlotte, Helen, and Emily are sitting back in their comfortable chairs, surfeited with food and very drowsy. Aunt Lucy is frankly asleep. Aunt Katherine has the coffee table in front of her and is sipping her coffee, her eyes on Selma, who is at the piano, playing mechanically. Nora wanders over to the piano, her coffee cup in hand, leans over, and speaks softly to Selma: “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

  Selma stops her playing and is about to answer, when Aunt Katherine calls sharply: “Nora, will you come here?”

  Nora: “In a minute, Aunt Katherine.” Then turning quickly back to Selma: “What was it?”

  Selma: “Robert has disappeared.”

  Nora: “Disappeared!”

  Aunt Katherine: “Selma, go on playing!”

  Selma, looking over at her aunt desperately: “I can’t play anymore, Aunt Katherine.”

  Aunt Katherine: “Nonsense. Go on.”

  Selma tries to control herself for a second and then she suddenly smashes down on the keyboard with both hands: “I can’t! I can’t!”

  Selma puts her hands to her face and runs from the room to the library beyond, while Aunt Katherine rises to her feet and the other women look wide-eyed and alarmed. Nora says: “Let me talk to her,” and goes out after Selma.

  In the library, Selma is sobbing on a sofa. Nora sits down beside her, puts her arms around her, says: “Don’t, dear. Nick’ll find Robert for you. I’m sure he’s just—”

  Selma sits up, pushing Nora’s arms away, crying hysterically: “Sometimes I hate you and Nick. You’re so happy together, and here Robert and I haven’t been married half as long and I’m so miserable. I wis
h he’d never come back. I wish he were dead. I don’t really love him. I never did, really. I was a fool to have married him instead of David.” She puts her head on Nora’s shoulder and begins to sob again.

  Nora strokes Selma’s hair, says: “Well, then, dear, divorce him. Don’t let Aunt Katherine keep you from that. If you—”

  Selma raises her head again, says: “But I’m such a fool. This is the first time he’s gone off like this without a word—without even telling me lies about where he’s going—but there have always been other women and I’ve always known it. But I’ve let him twist me around his little finger and made myself believe his lies even when I knew they were lies and—he doesn’t love me. He married me for my money. Yet he does horrible things to me and then when I see him I let him smooth everything over and I want to think we love each other and everything will turn out all right. And it won’t, it won’t. It’s all lies and I’m a fool. Oh, why didn’t I marry David?” She bursts into tears again.

  Meanwhile Aunt Katherine has come into the library and shut the door. Now she says coldly: “You are a fool, Selma, but you might have the decency not to scream so the servants will find out exactly what kind of fool you are.”

  “Aunt Katherine!” Nora protests. “Selma’s not well. She—”

  Aunt Katherine interrupts her, nodding her head grimly: “I know she’s not well. I know better than anyone else—except Dr. Kammer—how far from being well she really is.” Selma flinches. Aunt Katherine says to Nora: “Will you ask Nicholas to come in?” Nora hesitates as if about to say something, then goes out. Aunt Katherine says to Selma: “Fix yourself up. You look like Ophelia.” Selma flinches again and begins to fix her hair, dress, etc.

  The men of the Forrest family stretched out in their chairs, sound asleep. Their waistcoats are open to allow the tremendous meal they have just consumed to settle. There are two good snorers, William and the General, one on either side of Nick. The snoring, like conversation, appears to be going back and forth.

  Nick is seated at the dinner table, leaning forward with animated attention. There are empty places on either side of him where the women had been sitting.

  Nick: “No, really! Well, you amaze me! Could you explain that further?”

  William lets out a sonorous snore.

  Nick: “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that.”

  The General, on the other side, is vying with William in his snorts. Nick turns toward his unconscious figure.

  Nick: “What is it?”

  As William snores again, Nick turns to him with a restraining gesture: “Just a minute.”

  He turns back to the General, who snorts again. Nick speaks to him, as if amazed at his statement: “Really!”

  He turns to Burton, who is also sound asleep across the table: “Are you going to let that pass unchallenged? You must have something to say to that!”

  Burton’s snore tops all of the others, as he turns uneasily in his chair.

  Nick: “That’s the boy. I knew you had it in you.”

  Nora: “Nick! Nick!”

  Nick looks around at her, rising as he hears her.

  Nora: “Come here—come here!”

  Nick turns and addresses the four unconscious figures with great courtesy.

  Nick: “If you gentlemen will forgive me?”

  He starts to turn to go to Nora, and then stops to pick up a stiff bunch of flowers from the center of the table and sticks it on the chest of the General, next to him. He turns and joins Nora.

  Nick: “I don’t know when I’ve had a more stimulating evening!”

  Nick and Nora walk through the hallway. She is holding his arm and seems worried. She says: “Aunt Katherine wants to see you.”

  Nick: “What have I done now?”

  Nora: “Do you know why Robert wasn’t here tonight?”

  Nick: “Because he’s smart.”

  Nora: “I’m not fooling. He’s disappeared.”

  Nick: “That’s swell. Now if we can get rid of—”

  Nora: “Be nice to Selma, Nickie. She’s having such a tough time of it.” Nick stops and turns Nora around to face him, looking at her with suspicion. He says:

  “Now come on, tell the old man—what are you getting him into?”

  Nora, paying no attention to this: “And do try to be polite to Aunt Katherine. It’ll make it easier for Selma.”

  Nick sighs deeply and they go into the library.

  Aunt Katherine comes forward to meet them. She is putting up a great show . . . being very charming to Nick, and speaking as if the whole affair were trifling. Selma is standing in the background, looking out of the window, her hands playing restlessly with the curtain.

  Aunt Katherine: “Oh, Nicholas. I’m sorry to take you away from the boys.”

  Nick, remembering the boys: “That’s all right.”

  Aunt Katherine: “But there’s a little something that you can do for us.”

  Nick: “How long has Robert been gone?”

  Aunt Katherine, as if she couldn’t quite remember, it was so unimportant: “Let me see . . . about three days.”

  Selma turns from the window, and comes toward them, speaking violently: “Something’s happened. I know it has. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Every time anyone comes to the door . . . every time the phone rings, I know it’s someone to say they’ve found his body.”

  Nora crosses quickly to Selma, and puts her arms comfortingly around her: “Don’t, Selma. Nothing terrible can have happened, or you’d be bound to know.”

  Aunt Katherine, still keeping up her pretense of treating the matter lightly, in spite of Selma’s outburst: “Selma’s exaggerating the whole affair. However, I thought you might like the opportunity to do something for the family. I know that you must have come across situations like this in your previous work as a . . . er . . . er . . .”

  She cannot bring herself to say the word “detective.” Nick realizes, amused, why she hesitates.

  Nora, coming out with it: “As a flatfoot?”

  Aunt Katherine, turning to Nora: “I didn’t mean to be as blunt as all that.”

  Nick, rubbing it in: “Why not? It’s all in the family.”

  Aunt Katherine winces, but goes on bravely: “Of course, I don’t know how to go about such things . . . I don’t know what your methods are. But I thought you might . . . er . . . ‘snoop’ around a little and find out what you can . . . just to put Selma’s mind at ease.”

  Nick: “You haven’t notified the police?”

  Aunt Katherine is about to answer, when Selma interrupts her, with bitter sarcasm: “Oh no!”

  Selma: “Our names might get in the papers. People might find out that I’m married to a drunken wastrel, a thief, a man who’s already cost me a small fortune getting him out of scrapes with women, a man who has never done a decent thing in—”

  Aunt Katherine raps with her cane on the floor and says: “Selma, stop that nonsense!”

  Selma puts her hands over her face and cries: “I don’t care what anybody knows, I don’t care what gets in the papers, if I can only be happy again once.”

  Nora goes to her to soothe her.

  Aunt Katherine, quietly: “We’ve kept our private affairs out of the public print up until now, and I hope we shall continue to do so.” She smiles at Nick as if conferring a favor on him. “I shall leave it in your hands, Nicholas. I know you’ll welcome a chance to help us, and I needn’t tell you how grateful we’ll be if you see that Robert returns home without any scandal.” She smiles at Nora, says: “If you’ll forgive me, I’ll go back to my guests. When you’ve quieted Selma, I think she’d better go off to bed.” She goes out calmly and majestically.

  Nick, looking after her half-admiringly, half-disgustedly, says: “Katherine the Great!”

  Selma comes over to Nick, holding out her hands, saying: “I don’t know how to thank you, Nick.”

  Nick takes her hands, says: “You mean you don’t know what to thank me for. What is all this fiddle
-de-dee?”

  Selma: “Robert hasn’t been home—I haven’t seen or heard from him for three days.”

  Nick: “Where do you think he might be?”

  Selma: “I don’t know. It’s some woman, of course. It gets worse and worse. Only last week some Chinese restaurant—Li-Chee or something—sent me a cigarette case they thought I’d left there and I know it was some woman that was there with him, though he swore it wasn’t.”

  Nick: “Well, you’re at least a cigarette case ahead—or wasn’t it worth keeping?”

  Nora says: “Nick,” reprovingly, while Selma, not knowing he is kidding her, says:

  “I sent it back, of course, with a note saying it wasn’t mine, but I don’t—” She breaks off to look at the butler, who is standing in the doorway. The butler says:

  “A—ah—gentleman from the police to see you, Mrs. Landis.”

  Selma screams, and seems about to faint.

  Selma’s scream brings in Aunt Katherine, followed by the rest of the family. During the ensuing hubbub, while they are bringing her to, asking one another what happened, Lieutenant Abrams comes in. He nods at Nick, says: “I thought maybe you’d be here,” looks at Selma and asks: “Is the lady in trouble Mrs. Selma Landis?”

  Nick says: “Yes.”

  Abrams: “I thought maybe it was.” Then, to Nora, who is now looking at him: “Evening, Mrs. Charles.”

  By this time the others have noticed him. Aunt Katherine looks inquiringly at him. Nick introduces them elaborately.

  “Miss Forrest, may I present Lieutenant Abrams of the Police Department Homicide Detail?”

  Aunt Katherine asks sharply: “Homicide?”

  Selma pushes past her to put her hands on Abrams’s arms, demanding: “What has happened to him?”

  Abrams (as always, in a manner that may come from stupidity or may come from a shrewd pretense of stupidity): “He was killed this afternoon. Didn’t Mr. Charles tell you?”

  Selma stares at him in dumb horror.

  Nora says: “He doesn’t mean Robert, dear. He means Pedro, the gardener we used to have. You remember him.” She helps Selma to a chair, then asks Abrams indignantly: “Did you do that on purpose?”

  Aunt Hattie says: “I can’t understand a thing that’s going on.” She points at Abrams: “Is this man a burglar? Why doesn’t someone call the police?”