Pick-me-up

by Cecilia La France

  Chapter 16: Anniversaries

  Katelyn turned her head away from the heavy metal band on the stage.  She tried to look beyond crowd jamming to the blaring music.  She tried to see to the back of the lounge to the table and bar area, but she couldn’t find Tim.  All she could see was more people in different states of drunkenness.

  The elbow of a college girl beside Katelyn rammed into Katelyn’s shoulder.  Katelyn turned back to face the band and glared over at the girl beside her.  The girl ignored her and turned to yell something to her friend.  Katelyn couldn’t hear it over the beating bass of the speakers on either side of her.  The beat was so strong she could feel it pulse through her skin.  The girls were probably talking about her, trying to intimidate her into moving out of her prime spot in front of the band, only a few rows back.  

  The band was good, supposedly up and coming, according to Tim.  Katelyn had been into the jam, even dancing in the jumping style of everyone around her.  But that was when Tim was by her jumping like crazy.  He was bouncing so violently that others had moved away.  He and Katelyn claimed the space. The beating sounds pounding into her ears and her chest had felt powerful, like a huge magnetic force pulsing through her body.  Now, she was getting crowded out and didn’t know how long she’d be able to keep their spot.  

  Tim had left over 10 minutes ago to get something to drink.  She checked her phone.  She texted him for the second time.  “Hurry up”

  This wasn’t the first time he’d left her alone, and Katelyn feared this time would turn out like so many of the others.  She feared she’d be alone for much longer than 10, 20 or even 40 minutes.  In his worst disappearing act, she’d been left alone in Ames at a party where she didn’t know anyone.  She didn’t want that to happen tonight, especially since they were in Des Moines at some bar named People’s.  The bar had a whole separate section for concerts, so minors were able to come in.  Still, there were a lot of drunks, both minors and legal drinkers.  Some people in the crowd looked downright scary--more than just trying to look tough, they were tough.  Katelyn saw tattoos and piercings on just about every body around her.  

  Some kids in Northrup had pierced lips, noses, and tongues, and some guys had barbwire tattoos, mostly upperclassmen.  But, these people had the look to match painful puncturing.  They returned Katelyn’s look, if she was caught, without blinking until Katelyn looked away timidly.  Something about them reminded her of her mom.  They looked like there was nothing left in life that could scare them.

  Growing more uncomfortable every minute, Katelyn bit her nails until she caught herself.  Then she ran her hand through her hair and pulled it over to one side of her shoulders.  She looked down to the black ends and was momentarily surprised.  Her hair was now two-toned, like Angel’s.  

  Angel was girlfriend to Tim’s friend Christian.  Angel was way into black and was rarely sober or clean.  But, she was fun and nice.  It was Angel’s suggestion for Katelyn to die her hair.  “It will totally rock.  I love the concept,” Angel had squealed. “Light and dark.  Man, so badass.”

  So, Katelyn’s long blonde hair went from virgin blonde to jet black from her neck down.  The change drew the familiar disapproving glare from her mother.  Her mom almost launched into a speech, but tiredly settled for a shake of her head.  “You’re the one who has to look like that.”

  Another elbow jab hit her, this time in the side of the head.  

  “Ow!  Do you mind?”  Katelyn shot at her dance floor neighbor.  The girl barely gave her any attention, but shrugged her off with a slight toss of her head.  

  Katelyn checked her phone: nothing.  Another text: “wtf”.

  Katelyn had had enough.  She was scared to leave the spot.  She didn’t want Tim to get mad.  She unconsciously touched her left ribcage.  She shook her head in decision.  She wasn’t going to stay by herself any longer.  Tim couldn’t expect her to wait alone this long.  

  Katelyn purposely knocked the Barbie doll girl hard with her hip.  The girl gave her a wide-eyed look with her mouth open in shock and then a sneer with her nose crumpled in disgust.  Then, Katelyn pushed her way back through the crowd.

  Katelyn felt smug with satisfaction.  At least her hefty hips were good for something.  She smiled, but only momentarily as she failed to see Tim anywhere.  She found a place by the wall where she wouldn’t draw much attention.  She had a good line of vision to the door.  Tim would have to go past her if he was coming from the restrooms.  She waited.  

  A man left the table to her right and stumbled by on his way to the restroom.  Katelyn’s eye caught the green on his table.  The drunk had left his cash on the table tucked under an almost empty glass.  It beckoned to her.  His companion across the small table was turned to the women behind him.  He had their attention and was playing up his act with some topic that involved many hand gestures.  

  Katelyn looked around.  Everyone seemed immersed in their own activity.  The band was loud and into a ripping song.  She eyed the money.  It wouldn’t be her first time she took someone’s money, but this time she wouldn’t have to lie to her mom when it came up missing.  Katelyn took a last look at the bathroom.  Tim would have done it by now, she thought.  

  Katelyn backed closer to the table until her hip bumped the stool.  She had the bills in her pocket within two seconds.  She was already back to her spot by the wall when the man passed her on the way back to his table.  Katelyn made a point not to look his way.  

  She heard the drunk guy flag his friend and ask if he ordered more beer.  Otherwise, he went on with his drinking and ordered more when the waitress went by.  Drunks are easy, Katelyn thought.  She pulled the bills from her pocket enough to make out the denominations.  $16.00.  She’d hoped for more, but this would be enough to pay Jenny off if she needed a ride home.  

  Time crawled on and the band took a break.  Still, no Tim.

  Several guys gave her lengthy stares as they made their way toward the restroom.  One really intoxicated man fell into her, hitting her in her sore rib.  Katelyn held her side and moved from the wall.  She headed for the door.  It was clear Tim wasn’t in this side of the building.  

  Katelyn entered the entry that separated the concert hall from the dance bar.  A bouncer stared at her after giving her hand a glance to confirm the status of MINOR stamped in black ink.

  “Can I see if my boyfriend is in there?” She asked timidly.

  “No minors allowed,” he answered and looked above her, dismissing her.

  Katelyn sighed and fought the urge to tell him off.  She tried again.  “Please, I just want to look in.  He’s my ride and I can’t find him.”

  The bouncer’s stance broke after a long moment and an exaggerated inhale.  His chest filled and bloated even more under the t-shirt, and then he stepped back one step.  Katelyn took the chance and gave him a small smile.  She stepped in and peered around.  The bar was not crowded compared to the concert crowd, but she couldn’t see around standing groups to the inner room.  The bouncer stepped back toward her.  Her time was up apparently.  She hadn’t seen Tim.   

  She checked her phone again.  Nothing.  She sent another message.

  “Thanks,” she offered meekly to the bouncer and turned back to the concert hall.  She stopped, though.  She didn’t want to go back in alone.  She and Tim had gone to a few concerts together, usually in Ames.  Katelyn loved the atmosphere at a live performance, just like Tim said she would, but she wasn’t used to all the people.  Christian and Angel had gone to the other concerts with them, but tonight was just Tim and Katelyn.  It was supposed to be a special date for their five-month anniversary.

  Katelyn knew Tim liked this band, so when she heard an advertisement on a radio station for the concert, she made the plan.  She had worked over the summer at two jobs.  One involved cleaning and exercising horses on Saturdays at a local stable and the other was a few nights a week at Scoop’s, the ice cream shop. �
�She saved two paychecks despite the urge to spend it.  But, everybody always wanted money, even Tim.  Now that the summer jobs were done, she didn’t have any money to give.  It was a miracle the money survived until October.

  Tim said he couldn’t get hired as easily as her, so the only money he could get was the odd $20 from his mom now and then.  He always seemed to be spending more than $20, though.

  Saving money around Tim was hard.  He always asked about Katelyn’s hours and looked at her pay stubs.  So, he knew how much money she had.   

  Katelyn lied to him with the last two pay checks.  She told him she bought some school clothes.   Katelyn managed to save enough to buy the two concert tickets and take him out to a fancy restaurant beforehand.  Dinner had been strange since they normally didn’t eat at places with bow-tied waiters.  And, the couples at tables near them seemed to look at them with disapproval.  Katelyn and Tim had been the only ones wearing jeans and Nikes.  And, Katelyn’s new hair color often drew attention whether she wanted it or not.  

  Tim was edgy, too.  He seemed uncomfortable inside his own skin.  It was strange to think that he’d be bothered by the snobs at the restaurant.

  After dinner, Tim drove to Des Moines, and they mocked the snooty couples.

  “Can you believe youth these days, dear?”  He picked at his teeth, pretended to examine a dislodged finding, and then turned his hand to study his nails.  

  Katelyn picked up quickly on the role playing, sitting up straight and stiff in her seat.  “Why no, darling,” Katelyn had taken on a proud nasal toned voice.  “Certainly they lack the ability to look like a corpse.”

  Tim laughed and continued the game.  “Yes, and, why, that young lady had just the most cleavage I’ve ever seen.  Don’t be jealous, love.  That just would get us in trouble and raise both our blood pressures.  Thank goodness you’re flat as a board.”

  Katelyn finished laughing before her blush disappeared.  

  “Darling, I’m blessed with such a bore as you.  I don’t think you’d ever be able to keep up with that lad.  Why, an original thought crosses your mind and you’re likely to lose a handful of hair.”  Tim laughed, and Katelyn felt good that her wit was the cause.  It had been awhile since she had heard his true laugh.  “Now slow down, darling,” she continued, “You know how you can’t concentrate while you’re talking and driving at the same time.  You don’t want to lose your license.”  

  Katelyn cringed as she finished, knowing she made a slip even as she said it.  Tim stopped laughing.  They were in his mom’s car, a newer Honda Accord, but Katelyn was pretty sure he didn’t have permission to be driving it.  His license had been revoked last year after he had tried to outrun a few cop cars.  The license was a sore subject, but it linked to the greater crime of the stolen merchandise in the trunk when he was surrounded and stopped by nine squad cars.  Tim didn’t like to talk about his crimes or his time in juvenile detention.  

  Eventually, Katelyn had been able to switch the topic over to the band they were going to see, but the moment was ruined.  It wasn’t until the band started that he cheered up.  

  Tim left her in front of the stage 30 minutes later.

  “What’s your name, babe?”  asked a deep voice beside her.

  Katelyn looked over and up at a tall man who had come up beside her.  

  “Katelyn,” she automatically replied and looked around him for any sign of Tim.  

  Her new friend moved in closer.  “What’s a girl like you doing out here all by yourself?”

  “I have a boyfriend,”  Katelyn said shortly.  She wished he would leave her alone.  If Tim saw her talking to some guy, he’d go ballistic.  The man beside her was much bigger than Tim, but that wouldn’t stop Tim from defending some sense of honor he thought was violated.  This guy would likely pummel Tim, but the problem was that she would also get her share of Tim’s anger if he thought she was flirting.

  Katelyn walked away quickly, heading down the stairs to the first floor and the door.  She heard the man call, “Where you going so fast, Sugar?”  But, she ignored him.  

  Outside, she took a few deep breaths.  It was cold, but refreshing.  She hugged her jacket to her body and put her hands in her pockets.   

  She was bumped from behind by a couple coming out of the bar.  Katelyn jumped forward to avoid getting pushed over.  Instantly, another body collided with hers as she entered the congested flow of people smoking on the sidewalk.  “Sorry, sorry,” she muttered again and again until she found herself up against the building.  

  She looked around, but didn’t see Tim anywhere.  Katelyn sighed and fought back an urge to cry.  Instead, she became mad.  If she headed into the busier cross street to look for him, she may miss him if he came out of the building.  Her eyes followed the groups of people and couples moving down the street onto the busy main drag.  If Tim had found someone he knew, she wouldn’t put it past him to “have to talk to somebody” at one of the countless other clubs along the street.  This often meant that he was doing something involving some drug or something illegal.  He never told her about it, but sometimes he’d be messed up when he’d show back up, or there would always be a new “friend” he’d hang with for the next week or two.  

  Katelyn tried calling him on his cell, but he didn’t answer.  She tried again and left a hasty message.  She texted for the eighth time since he went missing.  

  Options.  She had to look at her options.  She could call Jenny, but the blackmail and conditions for a ride home would be heavy.  Katelyn could call her mom, but she didn’t want to give her a reason to hate Tim.  Her mom was having enough problems with her dad still in the treatment center.  Better not add more men problems to her life, Katelyn thought.  Emily was at her dad’s this weekend and was barely talking to her anyway.  Her sister Jodi didn’t have a car.  

  The cool early October night chilled her.  She pushed off from the building wall and headed toward where Tim had parked the Honda.  

  Two blocks away, the car still sat parked along a side street.  Katelyn tried the door, but it was locked.  A couple of guys were walking down the sidewalk toward her.  Katelyn leaned against the car door and pretended to be on the phone.  “Yeah, we’re in Des Moines.  We’re all driving together.  Uh huh, yeah.”  Katelyn kept up the fake conversation until they passed out of earshot.  They had only given her slight notice anyway.  

  A concrete stairway was lit by a streetlight just a few cars away.  Katelyn headed for it and perched herself on the top stair.  She waited.  

  People had stopped paying her too much attention.  Katelyn adopted the stare of the people from the bar.  People looked away when she stared back at them.  The trick was not to stare too much longer after they looked away because they’d look back eventually.  She didn’t want to start a fight, just be left alone.  In between the random people walking by, she tucked into her sweater to stay warm.  The night had cooled down and Katelyn was cold to her bones.

  She gave up.  Tim wasn’t coming back.  Katelyn hit Jenny’s number on her phone.  Jenny picked up on the fifth ring.  “Look, it’ssmysisster,” she slurred to someone with her.  Katelyn couldn’t hear very well, but it was clear there was a party going on at Jenny’s.  

  “Jen, I need you to pick me up.”

  “What?  I see.  Now you need me.” Her voice lacked control and the emphasis was all wrong.  If she was trying to pull off being pissed, she wasn’t doing it well.  

  “Come on, Jen,” Katelyn said, a little of her panic seeping through.  “I’m alone in Des Moines.  I’m on some street downtown.  I need you to come get me.”

  Jenny kept her righteous tone.  “Where’s your boyfriend?”

  Tim and Jenny didn’t exactly get along any more.  He challenged some of the crazy shit she’d try pass off as fact.  Once Tim found something to not respect in a person, he never wasted time trying to find anything else about them to respect.
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br />   “Come on, Jen.  I have money.”

  “I don’t have a car,” she spit out.

  “Borrow one,” Katelyn whined.

  “I ain’t driving nowhere.”  Katelyn could hear how drunk Jen was.  It probably wasn’t a good idea to have Jen drive, but she was desperate. “Get yourself out of this one.  Serves you right.”  And the phone went dead.

  Katelyn paced the sidewalk in anger and realized she was warmer if she kept moving.  She walked up and down the block until she was too tired.  She perched back on her step and leaned into the shadow.  

  It was maybe an hour later when she recognized the lanky frame of Tim walking around the corner and toward the car.  His walk was uncertain, like his mind was handling too many directions at once.  

  She stood up, expecting Tim to look her way.  He didn’t.  She walked toward him and he finally spotted her before he reached the car.  He stood motionless, except for his thumbs beating against the side of his leg.  He seemed to be trying to decide what reaction to give her.  He clearly was the one in the wrong, but he’d find a way to make it her fault that she was left alone for almost three hours in downtown Des Moines.  

  “Where ya been?” He started, but broke into laughter and fell into the side of the car.  The keys rattled in his hand.  Katelyn walked up and grabbed them from him, stepping back quickly to avoid any attempt on his part to get them back.  

  “I’ll drive,” Katelyn said dryly and walked around to the driver’s side of the Honda.  

  “Gimme the keys,” Tim slurred.  “I’m fine to drive.”

  Katelyn looked over the top of the car at him and suddenly understood the glare her mother was able to give her father.  It fit her own face too strongly.  “Get in,” she ordered and slid into the driver’s seat.  She slammed her door, found the ignition hole and revved the car to life. She hit the unlock button and could see Tim still standing outside the car.  Katelyn would leave without him at this point.  

  The brake and gas pedal were too far away to drive comfortably, so Katelyn felt around and adjusted the automatic seats until she felt ready.  

  Tim still stood outside.  This would be a draw.  She knew he had to save face.  No matter how mad she was right now, she knew she was treading on dangerous ground.  He was high, but she didn’t know on what for sure.  He said he was done with Ice, but he wasn’t acting consistently with drunk or stoned behavior.  Drunk and stoned usually included her.  The times he went missing was Ice.  Those times never ended well for her.  But, it was always “only a one time thing, really. I’ll never do it again.”

  She put the car in drive and rolled down the window.  She needed to get him home safely and not get him angry now.  If he wanted a fight, she’d give him one tomorrow when he was clean.  “Tim,” she started in a surrendered voice, “come on.  Let’s go.  I’m tired.”

  He leaned down and put his elbows on the frame of the open window.  For some uncomfortable moments he studied her, his eyes squinted and his pupils widened in an eerie darkness.  

  She looked away and down.  Why did he do this?  If only he would be stronger against the drugs.  This wasn’t Tim.  This wasn’t the guy who cherished her, who would beam with pride when he made her laugh.  This was some evil side.  It’s just the Meth, she reminded herself.  That’s how she always forgave her father.

  Katelyn startled at the thought.  She loved two men in her life, and they had the same disease.  More than ever, Katelyn wanted to cry.  She pushed it back and stared out the driver’s window at the littered street.  She didn’t want to be here.  She just wanted to be home. Without him.

  She turned back to Tim, her eyes brimming with choked tears.  “Please,” she whispered, but didn’t trust herself to say more.  

  The voice that came out was snake-like, and he punctuated each word.  “You. Are. A. Complete.  Buzz.  Kill.”

  Katelyn looked away then and made herself numb.  She steeled her face and stared forward.  After a few moments, she heard a door open, but it was the rear back door. She felt the car lean with his added weight and turned around to see him shut the door and throw himself across the back seat.  He turned on his back, his knees in the air, and threw one arm out toward her head.  She turned just in time and only felt a swat on the back of her head.  

  “Make yourself useful, bitch,” he threw at her.  “Drive on.”