The pictures were cool. They really were. And Kate could have said no. He was sorry she was embarrassed about her scar, but it made her stand out in a crowd. And she would definitely stand out in the photos. After his third whiskey and no small amount of self-talk, Andy felt a tiny bit better about himself, and extremely excited about the shoot. But he hadn’t come close to figuring out how he was going to accomplish his other goal. Because tonight, no pun intended, it had hit him like a bolt of lightning. Kate Williams wasn’t just your average woman. Any fool could see that. She was the type that, if you were lucky enough to have her walk into your life, you never let go. She was the type you fell head over heels in love with. She was the type you would sail all night in a rickety sailboat for. He might never be able to repair the damage he’d done to her tonight, but he was sure as hell going to try.
Chapter Twelve
Looking over the expanse of the Gay Head Cliffs, Kate could almost imagine what the area once looked like without houses, restaurants, boutiques, and the Clintons. The terrain was gorgeous, rugged, and fresh. Standing on top of the cliffs and looking out at the ocean reminded Kate how petty her problems were, and just how miraculous planet Earth was. Mankind just couldn’t compete with Mother Nature. She had purposefully arrived half an hour early, and had also declined Andy’s ridiculous offer to pick her up. As if she would ever spend a single minute she didn’t have to with the man.
But to her dismay, he was already there when she arrived, standing down by the water’s edge adjusting his camera. There was no crew, no makeup girl, no trailer, no table full of bagels and fresh fruit. It would just be the two of them. She’d come dressed in the outfit sketched by Andy: ripped jeans and a tank top. Andy offered to buy her the outfits he wanted her to wear, but Kate didn’t see the point since she had already raided the local thrift shop, there was no sense in wasting money even if she did want Andy to “pay.” Kate sat on the cliff, stoic, and silent. She was going to speak to him as little as possible, if at all.
“I brought you coffee,” Andy suddenly yelled without turning around. “It’s sitting on top of my equipment behind you.”
What the hell? Kate had been watching him since she arrived, and he hadn’t once turned around. He must have seen her through the camera somehow, some kind of digital rearview mirror thingy. She opened her mouth to refuse, but realized she really wanted coffee. At this early hour, all the stores had been closed, and thanks to three of them now staying at the house, they were out of coffee at the cottage. Kate plodded over to Andy’s equipment, wishing she’d brought packets of Splenda and hoping it wasn’t black or with just a tiny drop of skim milk—as if all women did nothing but watch their weight. Since she saved calories on the Splenda, Kate liked her coffee with plenty of half and half.
There were two cups of coffee sitting on a black equipment box. One had a sticky note on it.
Kate: One Splenda and half and half. Extra Splenda in the bag. I was a jerk. I’m sorry. But I truly believe in the artistic merits of this project and appreciate your participation. Lunch will be provided at noon, and there will be a fifteen-minute break every two hours. Let me know if you need anything else. Sincerely, Andy.
Sincerely, Andy? The nerve. Amanda must have ratted out how she liked her coffee. If he thought that was going to make everything all right…
Hoping Andy was watching, Kate stuck the note in her mouth, chewed, and spit. Then she took her coffee back to the cliff. It felt strange, going sleeveless, and she was surprised at how alive the memories still were. She could still feel herself lying underneath the car, still smell the sharp scent of gasoline and blood, still hear the screams of approaching sirens, which were nothing compared to the screams coming from her. Jeff was lying just a few feet from her, but she couldn’t move, couldn’t touch him. She didn’t know it at the time, but he was already gone.
“Kate?” Startled, Kate looked up to find Andy directly in front of her. She’d been so lost in her memories, she hadn’t been paying attention to him.
“We’ll get started in ten minutes, is that okay? I want to catch the sunrise.” Kate glanced at the horizon, where the tiniest touches of light were flirting with the horizon.
“We can start now if you’d like,” Kate said. “And I don’t even need breaks or a long lunch. The sooner we finish this project, the better.” Andy’s face didn’t change expression, but even in the bare light of the sunrise, Kate could see that she’d hurt him. Well, so what. He was a player, after all, and acting the wounded man was probably his easiest role. She wasn’t going to let him get to her.
“Fine,” Andy said. “I’d like you lying down for the first shot, on your right side, with your elbow propped up, supporting your head in your hand. If it’s comfortable, cross your left knee and bring it up to your stomach. We’re going for rebellious and sultry, so no worries, that fuck-off expression you’re wearing right now is perfect.”
With that, he took the coffee cup out of her hand and walked away.
Kate lay on her side, propping her head with her hand as requested. When she brought her knee up, her tank top rose slightly, exposing her belly button. She didn’t make a move to pull her shirt down, and Andy didn’t ask her to. She had to admit, it was a nice feeling, having a camera aimed just at her. Andy moved around snapping shots from various angles as she kept her body as still as possible, letting only her mind wander.
What was she going to do for work? She’d known the minute she was laid off that she no longer wanted to stay in Iowa. It was time to move on. Maybe she’d move to a big city. Maybe she’d travel first. Maybe—
“I don’t mind you showing your stomach,” Andy said. “But stop sucking it in.”
“I’m not sucking it in!”
“Yes, you are. Just be natural. Exhale for God’s sake.”
The nerve! Kate wanted to scream. Here she was thinking she was all sexy. Kate let her breath out and pulled down her shirt. When she heard Andy chuckle, she seriously considered picking up a big, fat rock and throwing it at his big, fat head.
“That’s good for this shot. Ready to move?” They were going to the golf course next, before the bulk of the retirees were out on the greens walking in their ugly pants. Kate quickly got up and didn’t bother to thank Andy as he handed her coffee cup back. Instead, she slipped silently into his Jeep and waited as he loaded in the equipment.
A short while later Kate lay on the golf course with her arms stretched out, the fourth hole just above her head. A golf club lay to the left of her body as if she’d tossed it there in a fit of rage and thrown herself on the ground in an act of submission. In her mind’s eye, Kate thought she could see where Andy was going with the shot, lightning striking the club, bouncing off her arm. It would probably look really cool, not that she was going to tell him that. Andy was standing directly over her, going for a close-up. Kate prayed he wasn’t shooting up her nostrils but didn’t dare say anything for fear of appearing vain. Andy suddenly stopped shooting and simply stared at her.
“What?” she said after a minute. Andy kneeled down with a knee on either side of her body and bent in toward her. For a split second she thought he was going to kiss her.
“Don’t move,” he said.
“What?” Kate asked. “Is there something on me? What is it? A bee?” Andy laughed, and Kate was furious with herself. His voice was deep, and his lips were so close to hers, she definitely wanted to kiss them. She hated him for that, but she hated herself even more.
“I just want to do something with your hair, but don’t move—okay?”
“Okay,” Kate whispered, dreading his touch simply because she couldn’t wait for it. Still kneeling over her, he took both hands and spread her hair out so it almost seemed to be flying from her scalp, finger-in-a-light-socket look. All the effort she’d gone to with her makeup and hair to look pretty, and he was ruining it. She wondered about the other woman, Michelle—a real model. How different her shoot had been. Michelle wouldn’t have been caught
dead letting Andy arrange her like a science experiment.
And even though he was looking at her very intensely, almost passionately, Kate knew she was nothing more than an artist’s subject—it was his work he was intense and passionate about. She was simply the by-product of that. Certainly nothing to be flattered about.
“There,” he said softly in her ear when he was done arranging her hair. “You’re perfect.” He didn’t mean I’m perfect, she reminded herself as he started shooting again.
“Close your eyes,” he said. Kate was only happy to. Andy’s words had set off a memory.
“You’re perfect,” Jeff said. They’d just made love, and Kate had tried to cover her body with the sheet. Jeff pulled it away. Kate reached for it again, and Jeff gently caught her wrist and held it above her head. He took her other hand, holding both her wrists now above her head with his hands. She could have pulled away, of course, and he would’ve let her go, but she didn’t.
“What are you doing, mister?” she asked.
“Who do you think you’re hiding from?”
“I’m not hiding. I’m just cold.”
“It’s ninety degrees in here.”
“I just like the feel of a sheet on me.”
“Liar.”
“I’m modest.”
Jeff growled into her neck.
“Coulda fooled me just a few seconds ago,” Jeff said. Kate laughed. Jeff leaned in and kissed her.
“If you want to hide from yourself, hide from yourself,” Jeff said. “But don’t ever hide from me. Because in my eyes—you’re perfect.”
“Kate?”
She’d done it again, lost all sense of where she really was.
“Sorry,” Kate said, sitting up. “Are we moving?”
“We’re moving.” In the distance she could see golfers taking the course, standing in plaid and tweed clumps, pulling shiny golf clubs out of bulging bags. Andy packed up and they walked silently toward the Jeep. Kate’s prayer that Andy hadn’t noticed the tears in her eyes was blown out of the water when he silently handed her a tissue.
Chapter Thirteen
“I saw a Dateline special once about men addicted to porn,” Amanda said. Pete groaned and rolled over. He and Amanda were cuddled in the tent. They’d just had what he thought was the best sex ever, but that was quickly changing given their pillow talk was reverting back to what Amanda insisted was his “perverted desire to undress every woman you see.” The biggest difference between men and women, Pete thought, was that a man could forgive and forget, but a woman could beat anything to death. Even the Headless Horseman wouldn’t have been safe; she would still have been trying to beat him over the head despite the fact that he didn’t have one. Pete thought that was pretty funny, but he kept it to himself. Laughing when she was like this was apt to piss her off even more.
“Panda,” Pete said. “I am not addicted to porn.”
“But how do I know that?” Amanda said. “How do I really know that? You didn’t see Dateline. Did the wife of that judge know that? Did the little seventy-five-year-old woman know that—”
“Oh my God.”
“did the soccer mom know that?”
“The soccer mom knew,” Pete said. “The soccer mom definitely knew.” Amanda punched Pete on the shoulder. He tickled her side and then wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her.
“No porn, honey,” he said. “I promise.”
“You swear?”
“I swear.”
“Because I consider that cheating.”
“Yes.”
“And demoralizing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It objectifies women—”
“Amanda, I get it, okay!”
“Okay.” They hugged in the silence of the tent.
“What about paintings?” Pete asked after a few moments of bliss. “Can I look at naked women in paintings?”
“Are you ready for a lunch break?” Andy asked. Kate thought about it. She was hungry. After the golf course they’d shot a few pictures of Kate riding a bike, standing underneath a twisted oak tree, and running on the beach. Who knew modeling could be so strenuous? But she wasn’t going anywhere to eat with Andy. The only problem was, she was so tired when she’d left the house, she’d forgotten her purse. She had no money and hadn’t thought to bring lunch. Andy didn’t need to know that. She could spend lunch napping on the beach or walking along the water.
“Fine,” Kate said. “What time should we meet back up and where?”
“I thought I’d take you to lunch. I know this great little—”
“No,” Kate said. There was no way she was going to lunch with him. He was being so nice. She’d felt like the center of attention all day; she’d felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. The closeness of his body when he’d come in for special shots had driven her crazy. She wanted to touch him; she definitely wanted to kiss him.
He’d be good in bed. There was no question in Kate’s mind. If his intensity in the sack was one tenth of what he gave to his work…
She felt so vulnerable. She couldn’t let him anywhere near her, or she was definitely going to do something she would live to regret.
“Are you sure?” Andy said. “Because lunch is part of the contract.”
“I brought my own,” Kate said. “And I just need some time to be alone.”
“Okay,” Andy said. “We’ll meet here in an hour—”
“How about thirty minutes?”
“I’m sure you’re tired—”
“I’m not.”
“Don’t underestimate standing still in the sun all day. I’ve seen many a model—”
“I’m fine. And I’m certainly not one of your models.”
Andy looked at his watch.
“Fine,” he said. “Thirty minutes.”
Kate, having no idea where she was going, started to walk away.
“Where’s your lunch?” Andy called after her.
Kate didn’t need to eat. She would be fine. She just needed to meditate, think about something other than Jeff. And definitely about something other than Andy without his shirt on. When he’d been leaning over her on the golf course, she would have given herself to him right then if he’d only asked. And this was only the first day in a public place surrounded by middle-aged men in tweed—not normally a place she’d ever get turned on. She was so screwed. She should spend her lunch hour thinking about her future career instead.
For the past five years, Kate had been working at a nonprofit foundation. Unfortunately, because of the downward-spiraling economy, the charity was losing donations, and they’d been forced to let many of their employees go, including Kate. Before that, Kate had planned on launching a professional singing career. She joined a band, and she and Jeff were working out the details of how they were going to handle it if Kate had to be on the road all the time. After Jeff was killed, Kate couldn’t sing a note.
It was a little late to be launching a singing career now, wasn’t it? Although she didn’t have to be a star, she could try and make a nice living singing and playing without being a household name. But five years was a long time for a singer to go without using their voice. And she was going to have to make money in the meantime.
Before she knew it, the half hour was over. She knew nothing more about what she was going to do with her life, she was still thinking of Andy’s body on top of hers, and she was freaking starving.
There were five lighthouses on the Vineyard, and Andy intended to visit every one. It would’ve been more convenient to stay at the Gay Head Lighthouse directly after shooting on the cliff, but they had to get the golf course in before the members began to arrive. So after lunch it was back to the Gay Head Lighthouse, where Andy told her they would take just a few more shots and be done for the day. It wasn’t easy, given the number of tourists frolicking about. Luckily, people were pretty considerate on the island, and for the most part they were respectful of the process. Which, to Kate’s horror, did
n’t mean they left them completely alone; instead, they simply watched her at a polite distance, as if she were a dangerous animal in the zoo.
“Who is she?” she heard a little boy ask his mom.
“She looks just like a regular person,” the mom answered. Kate couldn’t help but giggle. Andy immediately put the camera down and gave her a look. Kate stopped smiling; he had already asked her to think of something “wistful.” That wasn’t easy. She wasn’t even sure exactly what “wistful” entailed, so instead she looked puzzled. Andy put the camera down again.
“Now you look as if you’ve lost something,” he said.
I have, Kate thought. My mind.
“I said wistful,” Andy complained. The parents and children gawking were totally distracting her. Again, she thought she heard a woman mutter “regular person.”
“I am a regular person,” Kate called to the mom.
“Kate,” Andy said. “I am not paying you to talk. So shut up.” The words hit their mark. Kate noticed the children wanted to stay to see what the mean man was going to say next, but the mothers started pulling them away. “Now,” Andy said when they were alone again. “I want you to think about something you regret. Something you’d take back—”
He didn’t have to keep talking. Her face immediately changed. He snapped as fast as he could, all the while hating himself for making her conjure up whatever memory was causing the haunted look on her face. But it was exactly what he needed for the shoot. He finished with Kate leaning against the lighthouse, looking out at the ocean as if it held the answer to all of life’s conundrums. Topped off with her look of regret, it was exactly the haunted feel Andy wanted to evoke.
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