But he wasn’t a total insensitive jerk. He planned on ending the day on a lighter note, and as they moved to the inside stairs, he asked her to think of playful memories, something that would make her laugh. Kate stood at the top of the landing and simply stared at him. He had to admit to snapping that expression as well, for she looked like a small child lost in a big crowd.
“Come on,” Andy said. “When is the last time you really laughed?”
Kate shifted on the steps and looked around as if the answer were written on the lighthouse walls.
“Without alcohol?” she asked. Andy laughed, which made Kate smile. But it never reached her eyes.
“Go back to childhood if you have to,” Andy said. “It’s too bad you weren’t in the yard to see Amanda looking at us through the window—”
To Andy’s surprise, Kate gave a genuine laugh. He snapped the picture. “Put your hands on the rail,” he said. Kate did. “And I would’ve like to have been there when you met Mark,” Andy said. “Cockroaches. He can’t eat just one.” Kate laughed again, a little harder this time. Andy noted her laugh filled him with a sense of satisfaction he usually only got from snapping pictures. It was addictive, making her laugh, and he continued long after he had enough footage for the project.
“Okay,” he said. “Race you to the top.”
They finished their shoot where they started, on top of the cliffs, this time as the sun was starting to set. The air was starting to cool, and Kate had to admit she was getting tired. Andy removed a sweatshirt from his bag. “Here,” he said, handing it to her.
“What’s this?” Kate asked.
“You want a sarcastic answer? Just put it on.”
“Why? I thought you wanted—”
“It’s not all about that. It doesn’t have to be every shot.”
“I thought that was the point.”
“I have plenty—just let me get a few like this, okay? I’m the artist here, missy. You’re just the gorgeous model.”
Kate huffed, but put on the sweatshirt and tried to ignore the smell of his cologne against her skin. Before she knew it, the day was over. She couldn’t believe how fast it had flown by. She stood up, stretched her arms, and was slammed by a wall of dizziness. The next thing she knew, she was headed face-first for the ground.
When she awoke, she was in Andy’s arms, being carried somewhere. She groaned and tried to squirm out of his grip. He held her tighter.
“Brought your lunch, did ya?” he said. “Looks like the ‘Sticky Note Diet’ isn’t quite working for you.”
“Oh God,” Kate said. “Put me down.”
“No.”
She could see his Jeep just a few feet ahead.
“I can walk from here, thank you very much,” she said.
“I don’t care.”
“Stop treating me like a child.”
“Stop acting like one.”
Kate shut up and laid her head on his shoulder. It must have startled him, for he stopped and looked at her for a second.
“That’s it?” he said. “No more fight in ya?”
“That’s it,” she said. Andy laughed. It was a nice, deep, sound.
When they reached the Jeep, he gently put her down by the passenger side. He opened the door and waited until she got in. “Don’t go anywhere,” he said. “I have to get the equipment.”
Kate nodded, too exhausted to talk. She had a new respect for models. She didn’t relish going home to the lovebirds, either; in fact, she had decided to take Andy up on his offer to get her a room at the inn. She couldn’t take any more ups and downs with the couple, and frankly she didn’t care anymore if they made up or not. So when Andy got back in and announced he was taking her to dinner and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it, she didn’t even pretend to argue.
She liked him again. That was the only reason she could come up with for doing what she did in the Jeep. It had been five years, and that’s too long for anyone. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so physically attracted to someone. Whether it was the intensity of his look, or his deep voice, or his slightly crooked smile—or pheromones—who knew? The only thing she knew is that if she didn’t make an immediate move, she was going to lose her nerve. Andy put the key in the ignition, and Kate simply placed her hand over his. He didn’t look at her right away, he just stared at her hand on top of his, as if contemplating his next move.
“Kate,” he said, turning to her.
She leaned in and kissed him. Softly, he returned the kiss, then tried to pull away. She pressed harder and possessively wrapped her hands around the back of his neck to keep him close. He made a low noise into her mouth, and she knew she wasn’t letting him turn back now. If only the stick shift wasn’t in the way. It was dark now. Kate wanted to find someplace on the beach, near the cliffs. She only hated breaking off the kiss to talk. Talk was dangerous. Action was all that was called for now.
“Do you know of any private section of beach?” she asked, pulling away only long enough to ask the question and then kissing him again before he could answer. This time she rubbed her hand along his thigh, and she couldn’t believe it, but she was getting turned on by the strangest things, like the feel of his jeans underneath her fingers, the stubble on his jawline, and the way his hair slightly curled under at the ends.
“Kate,” he said, barely breaking the kiss. “I’m taking you to dinner, remember?” Kate took his hand and put it back on her waist. He rubbed the area, and then trailed his fingers up her curves, until he reached her breasts. Then, with both hands, he softly outlined each breast with his fingers before exploring them fully with both hands. His touch was soft but strong, and Kate knew she was a goner.
“Dinner can wait,” Kate said. “I don’t think this will take long.”
Andy pulled back. “Just what do you mean by that?” he asked.
Kate laughed and put her free hand on his other thigh and leaned into his neck, where she gave it a little kiss.
“I’m not talking about you,” Kate said. “I’m talking about me.”
They didn’t even make it to the lighthouse or a secluded place on the beach. Andy took condoms out of his glove box, and that was all Kate needed to see. As soon as they were out of the Jeep, she pulled him down to a soft patch of grass and pulled him on top of her. “Here?” he asked. “Are you sure?”
“Here,” she said, reaching for him. “I’m sure.”
They barely took any clothes off, driven by a sense of urgency that seemed bigger than both of them. Kate lost herself in the moment. It all felt so right, how he tasted, touched, smelled—how perfect their bodies fit together. It was just as intense and passionate as she had imagined. And she’d been right about one thing: it certainly didn’t last long for either of them.
“Oh God,” Andy said. “You must think I’m—”
“Starving,” Kate said, kissing him. “I am, too. Let’s go.”
They scrambled to pull up what had been pulled down, and pull down what had been pulled up, and by the time they were back in the Jeep less than ten minutes had passed. Ten minutes that could change everything between them. Kate couldn’t believe she’d only been on the job a day and she’d already slept with the boss. Jumped him was more like it. But instead of feeling guilty or ashamed, she felt amazing and renewed, and she couldn’t stop smiling. Neither, she noticed, could Andy.
“Next time is going to be slow,” Andy said, starting up the Jeep and reaching for her hand without taking his eyes off the road. “Very, very slow.”
“I’m not usually like that,” Kate said. “I don’t want you to think—”
“Please,” Andy said, holding up his hand. “That was amazing. Maybe the best night of my life. I know we haven’t known each other very long yet, but believe me, from what I do know about you, you have my full respect.”
Something in Andy’s tone tripped off an alarm in Kate. What I do know about you—it was the exact tone people had used around her the first year
after the accident. Full of sadness and pity. But she’d never said anything to Andy about Jeff. She assumed he didn’t know that’s how she got the scar, otherwise…
Otherwise, wanting to expose it for his photographs…
“What do you know about me?” Kate asked. Andy must have picked up on the slight alarm in her voice, for he took his time answering.
“I know you’re spirited, and beautiful, and intelligent—”
“Do you or do you not know what happened to me?”
Andy pulled the Jeep over to the side of the road and put it in park. Kate couldn’t believe the instant ache in her heart.
“Oh my God,” Kate said. “You do.”
She opened the door to the Jeep and got out. Andy was right behind her.
“Kate.”
She didn’t reply. She stood staring down the dark expanse of the road, as if she were waiting for another ride.
“I think you’re beautiful,” Andy said. “I think your scar is beautiful—”
Kate whirled around.
“Do you think lying underneath a smashed-up car on a dark highway is beautiful? Do you think not being able to move any part of your body while the man you love is losing his life a few feet away from you is beautiful? Do you think living the rest of your life knowing that it should have been you is beautiful?”
Kate was well aware her anger wasn’t really directed at Andy but at herself. Nobody knew about those last few moments in the car, moments she could never take back. The accident was all her fault. That’s why she’d been hiding her scar. It was a daily reminder that she was responsible for the death of the only man she had ever loved. She had been foolish to think she could ever move on.
“Kate,” Andy said. “It shouldn’t have been you. Please don’t ever say that—”
“You don’t know that,” Kate said. “You don’t know me.”
“Please,” Andy said.
Kate turned back to the Jeep.
“Just take me home,” she said. “Just take me home.”
Chapter Fourteen
“I’m telling you, it’s because he has money,” Amanda said as she strolled along Main Street with Kate and Pete. They were supposed to be spending a leisurely afternoon window-shopping, but Kate soon started complaining about Andy, and now Amanda was weighing in.
“Amanda,” Pete said.
“I mean it,” Amanda said. “He wouldn’t be treating Kate like this if he were poor.”
Kate didn’t respond. Instead, she lost herself in the windows of the boutiques.
“You don’t know that,” Pete said. “Not every rich person is an asshole.”
“I disagree. I told you my theory when we first met.”
“I remember all too well,” Pete said.
“People with that kind of privilege—”
“Andy is one of the most down-to-earth people I know,” Pete interrupted. Kate had never heard him so animated. He was almost…standing up to Amanda. “And if he’s so bad, why’d you take him up on the offer to stay at the cottage, huh? Does an asshole loan out his home for an entire month?” Instead of answering Pete, Amanda threw Kate a look. Kate caught it all right—Help me out here—but she wasn’t going to get involved. Amanda had always had a chip on her shoulder about people with money, mostly, Kate suspected, because she’d never been one of them.
“I didn’t say Andy was an asshole,” Kate said. “I just said he was cruel.”
“Who wants ice cream?” Pete asked.
“Well, at least he got you to stop hiding,” Amanda mumbled.
“Excuse me?”
“Come on, Kate. You’ve been covering your arms up for five years. He freed you from that.”
“He freed me?” Kate said.
“There’s a great little ice-cream place right up the road!” Pete said.
“You know what I mean,” Amanda said.
“So now he’s my savior?” Kate said.
“Do you have to take everything so literally?” Amanda said.
“Me!” Kate said. “You’re the one getting in the way of your own happiness!”
“Just what the hell do you mean by that?”
“Or frozen yogurt,” Pete said. “I’m sure they have frozen yogurt.”
“Oh, come on, Amanda. It’s always drama, drama, drama. And I’ve kept my mouth shut because you’re my friend and I love you. But I’ve just been humiliated here, and you’re siding with Andy Beck!”
“I just called him a rich asshole, didn’t I? Which is kind of an oxymoron, but nevertheless—”
“All rich people aren’t assholes!” Pete exploded. “Kate’s right. You are a drama queen.”
Kate wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole. She could yell at her best friend, but she’d never meant to create a ganging-up-on scenario. This was not going to end well.
“You’re not always dramatic,” Kate said. “I didn’t mean to imply—”
“Oh, don’t stop now, Katie,” Amanda said, stopping in the middle of the street and facing Kate. “Let her rip!”
“Amanda,” Kate said softly.
“No,” Amanda said. “I want to hear this. What am I so dramatic about?”
“I’m not doing this—”
“Yes, you are. I told you what I think. You’ve been hiding for five years, and rich asshole or not, I’m glad Andy Beck helped put an end to it. There, I said my piece and the world didn’t end. So you say yours.”
“I think you’re immature. I think you canceled your own wedding for no good reason. Was it a dumb thing to say? Yes. But news flash—men often say dumb things. And I don’t think it was Pete you were worried about as much as yourself. You’re the one who’s afraid to commit, and you were going to use any little excuse to get out of it!”
Pete backed up a couple of steps.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Amanda said.
“See?” Kate exploded. “This is what I mean. You just forced me to tell you what I thought. Now you’re punishing me for it!”
“Just because you had a perfect relationship—” Amanda started to say. Kate put her hands over her ears and screamed. Amanda stopped in her tracks and threw Pete a worried look. Kate stopped screaming, but within seconds she was quietly sobbing.
“Katie?” Amanda said.
“We were having a fight,” Kate said. “It’s my fault. The accident was all my fault.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.
“I’d just told him I wanted to break up,” Kate sobbed. “That’s why he was distracted.”
“In the car?” Amanda said. “You ambushed him with that in the car? During a snowstorm?”
“Amanda,” Pete said softly. He put his hand on her shoulder. Amanda shook it off.
“Why?” Amanda demanded. “Why did you do that?”
“I didn’t mean it. We’d been fighting a lot that week.”
“I never knew that.”
“Over stupid things—I didn’t even mean it. Of course I didn’t want to break up with him—”
“Then you shouldn’t have said it! Not while he’s driving!”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“You killed him!”
“Amanda,” a new voice broke in. They all turned. Andy was standing behind Kate.
“You,” Amanda said. “You rich asshole. You have no right listening to this conversation.”
“The hell I don’t,” Andy said. “Kate is a victim here, too, Amanda. Can’t you see she’s been eating herself alive with guilt? Torturing herself all these years?”
“And why shouldn’t she?” Amanda cried. “She killed my brother!”
Kate winced as if she’d been physically struck.
“No,” Andy said. “She didn’t. She had an argument with her lover. She’s not responsible for what happened.” Andy turned to Kate. “Do you hear me? It is not your fault. It was an accident. You did not kill Jeff.” Kate couldn’t answer. She was sobbing. Andy took her into his arms and h
eld her. After a moment, she lifted her head and looked at Amanda.
“I’ll never forgive you,” Amanda said.
“If you have something to say, just say it,” Amanda growled. Pete watched her stomp through the kitchen, yanking pots and pans out of the cupboards and dumping them on the countertop.
“You don’t really think Kate killed Jeff,” Pete said. Amanda threw down the last pan and then, exhausted, leaned against the sink. “You and I fight all the time,” Pete continued. “What if something had happened to me after one of them?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but would it make one of us a murderer?”
“The roads were icy!” Amanda yelled. “And she distracted him.”
“It was dark. The roads were covered in black ice, and Jeff lost control of the car, Panda. You know how many accidents were reported that evening. On the news they were practically begging people not to go out. Jeff could have been distracted over something that made him happy and still lost control of the car.”
“I hate it,” Amanda said. “I hate knowing the last thing he heard before he died was Kate telling him she wanted to break up with him.”
“I know. So do I. But think of how she feels. You know she didn’t mean it. You’ve said that to me lots of times.”
“Lots of times? Have I really said it lots of times?”
“The point is, I don’t just listen to the words.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I mean I try to listen to what’s behind the words. I can tell the difference between you being hurt and you seriously wanting to end things with me.”
“You can?”
“Of course. And if anyone else was sensitive enough to pick up on stuff like that, it was Jeff. Andy was right. Kate’s been torturing herself for the past five years. Do you really think Jeff would have wanted that? What if it had been Kate that died after fighting with Jeff? Would you seriously have blamed Jeff for the rest of his life? Would you want him torturing himself?”
“No.”
“So don’t do it to Katie. If any good is to come out of this miserable summer, let it be her happiness again. Don’t do it for me. Do it for Jeff.” Amanda’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded her agreement. She wiped them away and then looked at the man she loved, the man she should have married.
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