The Last Family Road Trip (Vampire Innocent Book 4)

by Matthew S. Cox

  Ben walks around it, holding his hand up. “The light’s following this arch. This is what it led us to.”

  “Great. So what do we do with it?” asks Cody.

  “Don’t ask me.” I shrug. “I still don’t believe any of this is really happening. There’s no such thing as portals or magic.”

  “Says the vampire,” mutters Ben.

  “Okay. I can’t explain how when I bite someone, the wound goes away when I want it to.”

  “Magic,” says Cody.

  Ben pokes the arch, tracing his finger along one of the runic carvings. His touch leaves a trail of teal light. “Whoa.”

  “Dude. Stop. Something’s happening,” says Cody, reaching for him.

  The instant Ben’s finger reaches the end of that rune, all the carvings light up at once. I cringe back from a tangible blast, almost like someone switched on a ten-foot-wide fan in front of me for only a few seconds. Neither boy reacts.

  “Ouch,” I mutter.

  They look at me.

  “That thing just hit me with a wave of like, I dunno ‘spirit force’ or something. You didn’t feel that?”

  “No,” says Ben.

  With a noise like a raging waterfall, a swirl of teal-blue energy appears inside the U, expanding until it touches stone on all sides. The air crackles with electricity and the smell of ozone. Unlike the one we came in from, this portal is solid light, not an open circle peering into another place.

  Cody aims the crossbow at the portal. “What’s inside?”

  “You know as much as I do,” I say.

  “Do we go in?” asks Ben.

  Cody shrugs.

  I pick up a nearby branch and poke it into the swirl. At the instant of contact, a tingle spreads over my entire body. When my hand comes within a foot of the field, I stop, wave the branch around a little, then back up. The branch comes out unscathed.

  “Okay, so it is a doorway of some kind.” I toss the branch aside. “Wonder why we can’t see past it?”

  A huge leg emerges from the portal, the knee as tall as my chest and even more muscular than the Beast. Hair like steel wool covers it down to a foot sporting cracked yellow toenails easily a quarter inch thick. A stink of male musk rolls over me strong enough to make my eyes water. I jump back, hand over my mouth and nose, as an enormous humanoid creature steps into view.

  He’s clearly a guy, bald in front, beard down to his rounded belly, shaggy, unkempt black hair going wherever it wants. Mercifully, he’s wearing pants made of… animal hide or some such thing. The face is part caveman, part back woods hermit. Standing a little shy of being eye-to-eye with his groin hits me in the nose with a sour cheese odor. All manner of flying insects swarm around him, crawling in and out of his ears, navel, and even mouth. They seem to be feeding off stuff in his teeth.

  “Umm,” says Ben.

  “Nope,” I say, shaking my head. “No way.”

  “That’s not real. It’s an illusion.” Cody glances at the crossbow. “There’s no such thing as… as… whatever that is.”

  “I, uhh, think that’s a troll,” says Ben. “I also think I know why those men we saw are dead.”

  “Trolls aren’t real,” says Cody.

  “Neither are vampires,” I deadpan.

  “Or interdimensional travel,” whispers Ben.

  As if offended by such a large word, the ‘troll’ snarls and draws back a fist bigger than my entire torso to pound Ben.

  “Stop! Go away,” I shout, trying to command it, but I don’t have any feeling at all of having touched a living brain. I may as well have tried to mentally dominate a pineapple. Oh, great. This thing’s the sort of knuckledragger who calls the cops because McDonalds is out of chicken nuggets.

  Great. A damn troll. The last thing we needed.

  19

  A Giant Problem

  Ben stands there paralyzed in fear as the troll’s fist comes down.

  I fly into him, dragging him aside. The troll punches the dirt with enough force to knock Cody off his feet. Ben grabs on, clinging to me much like Sophia after a nightmare. I stop about twenty feet away, float vertical, and set him on his feet.

  “Cody, run!” I yell.

  “Make it forget us,” whimpers Ben.

  “Tried that. That thing is either so dumb it counts as a houseplant, or its brain is on an entirely different, uhh, wavelength.”

  Cody scrambles to his feet and backs up, firing the crossbow. The bolt plunges into the huge creature’s chest in the upper left side, almost disappearing entirely. Despite only the feathers of the bolt remaining visible, the troll doesn’t react at all to the hit. “Oh, crap.”

  “Run!” shouts Ben. He finally lets go of me, grabs my hand, and pulls me up to a sprint.

  I run alongside him, glancing back every few seconds at a rapidly closing Cody. The ground shakes under the troll’s stride.

  “We shouldn’t go through that portal,” yells Ben.

  Cody blows past us, shouting, “Ya think?”

  A huge, heavy object whistles overhead, a tombstone shuriken flying at Cody. It smashes into a tree, spraying him with fist-sized chunks. His attempt to dodge throws him into a face-first slide. I swerve toward him, stopping only long enough to grab his arm and pull him upright.

  “Ow. Shit!” Cody rubs his arm. Thin trails of blood roll down his face from tiny cuts, the beautiful red color mesmerizes me. He tilts his head in confusion at the way I’m staring at him. He probably thinks I’m about to kiss him, but he’s a big Hostess cupcake to me right now.

  Ben’s scream trailing off into the air snaps me out of my fog. The troll caught up and grabbed him, fist clamped around the boy’s legs like a six-year-old about to mash a GI Joe figure into a fine red paste.

  “Damn,” I sigh.

  I fling myself airborne, flying at the troll’s forearm, and rake my way around it with as many claws as I can sink in. Eww. His flesh is thick and rubbery, but my weaponized fingernails cut it easily. The troll howls in agony, but doesn’t release Ben, so I lunge at its hand and bite down, thinking rageful thoughts. Evidently, Dalton’s brief teachings were true. Biting to inflict injury does hurt like a son of a bitch.

  Even this enormous idiot notices, though it’s not a nice reaction—it’s the same sort of reaction most people have to mosquitos.

  Ben slips from the troll’s grip seconds before he smashes the spot I bit with his other hand. I dart down and right. He misses me, though the volume of the slap so close is almost as painful as a physical blow. While the giant stands there bewildered at not having crushed anything, I wing up and around behind him and clamp my teeth onto the side of his neck.

  Yeah. It’s like biting a pair of sweat-soaked underpants that some dude wore for six months straight.

  And the blood tastes like toe jam.

  I force myself to swallow two mouthfuls before I can’t take anymore and disengage. If I throw up, I’ll probably lose more blood than I drank. The boys manage to reload the crossbow, though Cody doesn’t want to shoot with me so close.

  The troll reaches up over his head. I let gravity pull me straight down, ripping my claws over its back on the way. It shivers in pain, letting out a roar so loud it practically knocks leaves off the trees. Maybe if I can piss it off enough, I can lead it away from the boys. It might be able to outrun us on the ground due to the size of its stride, but no way will he catch me flying.

  He wheels around, swatting at me. Again and again, I duck his tree-trunk arms and slash at his chest, though I’m not really doing much to him. I feel like an enraged housecat after a drunken tertiary relative stepped on her tail. However, the supernatural pain my claws inflict is bothering him more than the crossbow bolt—at least if the increasing red in his face is any indication.

  The seventh time I duck and go to pop back up for a claw swipe, he changes pattern and catches me with a wild right-handed slap. One second I’m in the air, the next, I’m on the ground twisted into a pretzel knot. I don’t even feel any pain
for a few seconds. In fact, I hear myself screaming before the agony reaches my consciousness.

  And my legs are numb.

  Oh, probably because I’m twisted around a tree, bent over backward with my head between my knees. Yeah, I’m basically sitting on my own skull. Spine’s gotta be smashed. Does this count as extreme yoga?

  The troll—who’s like fifty yards away—turns toward me, squinting like he can’t tell where I went. Yay for darkness and thick trees. A streak of yellow flies up from the ground into his face. He clamps both hands over his face and howls. Blood oozes down his chest from the crossbow quarrel stuck sideways through his nose like a bone. Ack. Merely looking at that hurts more than my disintegrated spine.

  Okay, not really. But still. Ow.

  Once he stops shrieking in rage-agony, he spins to the left and stomps off, chasing Cody. I’m too far away and on the ground, so I can’t see a damn thing. Fifty freakin’ yards. Holy shit this thing is strong. What’s that high-pitched squealing noise? Oh… my skull is knitting where it cracked. Crunching emanates from my neck. Talk about whiplash. A pop comes from my shoulder. The only part of me that wants to move right now other than my eyelids is my left arm. Right one’s all tingly plus I’m lying on top of it. Everything below the middle of my chest may as well not exist right now.

  I contort my left arm around in front of me, then reach up past my face to grab my butt, pushing it up off my head. At least I’m mostly numb. When I give my ass a shove in hopes of throwing my body out flat in a reasonably normal position, I emit another shriek of unexpected pain. A new fire starts up in my throat. I think I screamed so loud I ripped a vocal cord.

  Ugh. Being a vampire does have its downsides… like being unable to faint from agony.

  Since no one can see me at the moment, I don’t fight the urge to cry. I’m in so much goddamned pain I think I’m getting high from endorphins. It’s pretty close to the level of debilitating torture experienced by a man having a cold.

  My hips crash into the ground, my legs flopping like giant gummy worms.

  “Sarah!” shouts Cody. “Where are you?”

  Ben screams something incomprehensible. At least the thud, thud, thud of the troll running around suggests he hasn’t caught them.

  “Over here,” I yell.

  “Little help!” calls Cody.

  “Hang on. My spine’s not cooperating at the moment.”

  My right arm decides to stop being a bitch and listen to me again. I drag it out from under me and push myself up a little, but I still can’t see anything.

  Cody emits a war cry, and the thwoonk of the crossbow precedes another roar of anger from the troll. I’d say he’s a pretty good shot, but how do you miss something the size of a house? Ben’s shouting goes from right to left along with rapid thumping footsteps. Another thwoonk comes from that side. Guess they’re tossing the crossbow back and forth.

  Out of nowhere, a storm of sharp tingles swims over my body from the waist down. Holy crap. I bite my forearm to muffle another scream. Wearing yoga pants made out of needles would be more comfortable. The boys might be screaming. That troll might be thundering around, but I’m completely unaware of everything for a few seconds.

  A loud crack travels like a hammer impact up my spine into the base of my skull. It didn’t hurt, but the sensation is so weird it leaves me unable to move for a few seconds. When the disorientation fades, I wiggle my toes.

  Okay. Back in the game. Note to self: next time, duck.

  I drag myself upright and take off into the air again. As soon as I reach treetop level, the troll is obvious. They’ve led it even farther away, but it only takes me a couple seconds to fly back in range. Cody’s hiding behind a tree right in front of it, dodging side to side as it tries to grab him.

  Enraged, the troll grabs the tree in both hands, roars, and yanks the entire thing out of the ground like he’s picking a weed. Well, he’s doing it wrong. Most of the roots are still there. With a huff, he tosses it aside and glowers down at Cody.

  The boy screams and runs. I zoom at the troll and do a high-speed claw rake across its back. He forgets entirely about Cody and spins with a hard backhanded strike, but I’m way out of reach by the time he swings. His chest is a mess of blood and crisscross slashes, but I may as well be attempting to kill a person with a cheese grater.

  “Sarah!” shouts Ben.

  I swing around in midair and spot him trying (and failing) to climb a tree. “What? Don’t climb. He’ll just knock the whole tree over.”

  “C’mere.” He waves me down. “It’s important!”

  “Fine.” I zip in and land right next to him. “What?”

  He hands me the crossbow. “First, please pull the string. Second. I just realized, that thing’s basically a Fey creature. We need iron. It’s the only thing that’ll kill it.”

  I crank the string back and hand the crossbow back to him. “Okay. Not like we’re going to outrun this thing.”

  “You can… but you’re trying to protect us.” He stares into my eyes. “Sorry for being freaked out at seeing you sleep… and wanting to stake you.”

  “No worries. Iron? Where am I—the fence! Be right back.”

  Ben nods and leans around the tree, aiming at the troll.

  I start to rocket off toward the ruins, but the troll’s got Cody by one leg. The crossbow bolt slamming into the back of its head doesn’t appear to do much. Hey… head shots are only fatal when something has a brain. And wow, it only penetrated an inch or so. Damn this thing has a thick skull. I swing around in an arc, hold my breath, and claw the hell out of his armpit.

  The troll drops Cody, who lands with a heavy whud, and throws his head back, howling. I can’t even tell if he’s in pain or angry.

  Before he can slap me again, I zoom off toward the ruins—thankfully easy to see from the air. The troll emits a disinterested/annoyed huff and resumes chasing the brothers. Upon reaching the ruins, I swoop in and land by the remnants of the wrought iron fence. Most of the bars are rusty, but it’s not like I have to worry about tetanus.

  After a little rooting around, I find a long spar that had to be one of the ornamental main poles. It’s easily ten feet long and looks like an all-metal spear, complete with not-quite-sharp point.

  Perfect.

  Once again, I catapult myself into the air and climb to about sixty feet before racing at the troll. The thing’s so angry it’s swatting down any tree it gets close to that isn’t thick enough to withstand it. Apparently, that thing’s strength does have limits. Three trees later, it rushes off to the left and lopes up to a run, chasing down Cody who’s made the mistake of trying to outsprint it. Or not. He swerves back and forth, using the thicker trunks to force the troll around them in much wider turns than what he needs.

  It’s really tempting to let out a Valkyrie war cry, but I don’t want to give away my surprise.

  Silent as a suburban Starbucks ninja can be, I dive out of the air doing my best to line up the point of this rod with the troll’s heart. The big idiot spots a hint of motion and looks up at me, leaving his chest wide open. Seeing me flying must short-circuit his three brain cells, since he doesn’t even try to swat me out of the air.

  A near 140-MPH dive plunges my improvised spear about four feet deep in the troll’s chest.

  He emits a deep, hollow gasp and starts to swoon backward. Before he goes over, I let go of the spear, flying down and away. He hits the ground with a tremendous whump that makes me cringe and knocks dozens of head-sized apples from branches.

  The troll struggles to lift his arm and grab the spear, but falls limp. Seconds later, he gasps his last breath.

  I drift down and land in a slouch, too exhausted to even fall over.

  Cody and Ben drag themselves out of the forest, both covered in hundreds of little scratches. They stand on either side of me, staring at the dead troll.

  “Sweet! It worked,” said Ben.

  “You didn’t know that for sure?” I ask.

>   Ben shrugs with an innocent smile. “I had a strong suspicion.”

  “You okay?” asks Cody.

  “No.” I slump to my knees and grab my stomach. Electric shock pains spread outward from my gut. I can’t remember ever being this hungry before. “Not really.”

  20

  Portal Roulette

  I kneel on the ground between the brothers, shivering with sporadic twitches.

  My fangs are out and won’t go back in. I can’t look at either one of them for fear of what’ll happen. Both boys smell so damn good, my ability to control myself has a lifespan somewhere between snowball in the sun and a politician’s campaign promise after winning an election.

  “Look, guys,” I rasp. “That thing broke me around a tree. And the sun earlier… I need to take the edge off or I think I’m gonna snap. I really hate to ask, but would you mind if I fed from you?”

  Cody slaps Ben on the shoulder. “You go first, dude. You’ve been dying to have her lips on you from day one.”

  “What about the troll?” asks Ben. “He’s got a shitload of blood.”

  “Umm, that won’t work.” Cody coughs. “It disintegrated.”

  “What?” I ask, so hungry I don’t think I’d care anymore how nasty it tasted.

  “Turned into ashes or something black. Only the bones are left,” says Cody.

  “Whoa…” Ben whistles. “Good point. Okay. Go ahead. Am I gonna turn?”

  I try to shake my head, but I wind up thrashing it back and forth like a patient from a mental hospital. “N-no. Feeding d-doesn’t do that or there’d be m-millions of vampires.”

  So, umm. How does this work?

  “Easy,” I whisper. “Just sit still.”

  He barely manages a startled squeak when I spring up and bite him. Pizza-flavored blood bursts into my mouth like liquid awesome. I don’t allow myself to enjoy it though, instead focusing on the idea of ‘do not kill Ben.’ Some part of me deep down inside wants to drain him like a Capri Sun packet, but I manage to stop myself after taking a little over a pint. Not wanting to waste a single drop, I drag my tongue over the puncture wound for the gesture of sealing.