Heartburn

by M. C. Cerny

  “You say it like you already know how they feel about me which means you had to have told them something about me, and not all of it good by the look on your face.” My voice trailed off wondering. “Come on, you can tell me. I can take it. I’m a big boy.” I puffed out my chest and drove one handed putting the blinker on to switch lanes for our exit.

  My free hand rubbed my thumb over hers when she snatched it back screeching, “What? No! I didn’t tell them anything.”

  “Okay, so I’m going to walk in with you and we’re planning on blindsiding them? Come on babe, I’m trying to do the right thing meeting them before we go away together. I don’t want them thinking it was me who dumped your body in the desert if you go missing out in Vegas.”

  “Missing?” This girl had side eye mastered so well that I wondered if she was spending extra secret time with Kristen I didn’t know about.

  I shrugged gripping the steering wheel while I smiled on the inside. If I took this any further she might actually hit me while I’m driving.

  So much for reassuring her, I was only making myself start to second guess things. I knew her relationship wasn’t one hundred percent with them, but I also knew what it was like to grow up without parents and I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

  “Oh, I’m sure they’ll scour the National Parks for the first few weeks before making you the number one suspect. You’ll be the grieving boyfriend while I’ll be in some Mexican brothel by then servicing high-ends clients who like pretty pale girls with crazy hair.”

  “You say that like you don’t think I’ll go all Creek Stewart and Crocodile Dundee trying to find you.” I grabbed her hand and pulled it into my lap refusing to let her go this time. She was acting irrational. I bit my tongue to keep from saying that. I’d saved this girl once on a dark and stormy night. Why did she think I wouldn’t do it again?

  “I get it Whit. If I get kidnapped and have to make it bushwhacking back to Vegas through the desert, I’m going to need fire, shelter, and food.”

  “Not sure how much bushwhacking there will actually be in an arid desert.” I mumbled trying to calculate reasonable ways she could shelter until I found her.

  “Oh my god, look it’s not the kidnapping part my parents are worried about and I’d like to remind you that I didn’t really want to do this in the first place. I agreed to go to Vegas, not the Spanish Inquisition by having you meet them beforehand.”

  “Amelia, this is important me. I’m your boyfriend. You’re slightly older boyfriend, and I have respect for the people who raised you. I don’t want this to be adversarial.” I spared her a glance as a I passed a minivan and taxi taking up the right lane. At this rate, we’d never get to Brooklyn which I was closely becoming fine with as this drive continued.

  Lia huffed reaching for the radio. I stalled her from turning the music up to avoid the conversation. Avoiding things was juvenile and I refused to let her slink into that habit because she didn’t like what we were discussing.

  “Men.” She grunted and I ignored the frustration in her voice. I was equally frustrated but for different reasons.

  I couldn’t express adequately in words how much I needed to do this. I was all alone since my grandfather’s death and while I’m sure I would have been fine not meeting her parents in their home on a Saturday there was something here. The only other option would have been to wait until they came up to visit her during a school break. Meeting them on our turf didn’t seem right either. I had to be the one to make the effort. I was the one coming into her family dynamic, not the other way around. I needed her parents to see that their daughter wasn’t a novelty for me or a notch in my oaken bedpost.

  “Alright, we’ve got an hour. Tell me about them so I’ve got something to work with.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  I patted my chest. “Lay it on me baby.”

  “My mother owns her own medical billing firm and outsources everything so she can spends her days arranging her social calendar. My dad works for a medical practice as a physician’s assistant in midtown. It’s nothing crazy, but it’s enough that my sister, who is supposed to get married to her college boyfriend of five years, stays at home and visits every bridal trunk show she can on Sundays.”

  I found myself muttering, “Thank god it’s a Saturday then.”

  “Don’t encourage this. The last thing I want to do is get dragged to a trunk show and then eat some overpriced brunch with mimosas discussing how Ruby Lin’s daughter is studying art history and engaged to a med student attending Harvard.”

  “Baby you wound me with your elitism.” I mocked a gasp and clutched my imaginary pearls.

  “Suck it, Ranger Rick.” She stuck out her tongue in a sexy pout.

  “I could dress up like a bandit if that’s what gets you off. I just don’t do furry tails.”

  She huffed resuming her gaze out the window.

  I wondered how they would feel if they knew Amelia was a dirty girl in the bedroom, but I didn’t think this was the right time for a joke about our sexual compatibility or the possibility of furry butt plugs. I’d prefer to see her in something with a purple jewel. I might get lucky finding one in one of the many sex shops on the strip, but again, I was sure that fell under the TMI category that wouldn’t win me any brownie points with them.

  “That’s not funny, Whit. My mom and sister are pretty judgmental, but my dad is okay.”

  “Okay. Okay. You say okay like its terminal. What aren’t you telling me about the ‘okay’?” Amelia’s family doesn’t sound god-awful at all, but considering I also didn’t live with them for the last twenty or so years I probably should’ve been keeping my mouth shut before I passed my own judgment.

  “Dad doesn’t understand why I chose to transfer to another school about two hours away from home in what he considers a pretty out of the way place with no medical school connections to John’s Hopkins even though he tells me to follow my bliss. My mother still hasn’t let me down that I didn’t pick a Forbes rated business school or continue ice skating.”

  “Well, I’m going to hazard a guess and say it’s because you don’t enjoy bridal trunk shows, am I right?”

  “Partly. It’s more than that though. It’s….”

  I watched her struggle to articulate what’s spinning in her head.

  “It’s okay, you need a space that’s yours. I understand that.”

  Her smile completed me. We get each other. We’re nowhere near perfect, but we get it and that’s what we’re working on.

  She reached for my hand and I don’t let her go.

  “I do need my own space. Something that hasn’t been tainted or bullied by them to become something I’m not.”

  “I get it. I won’t mention the wild sex we had the night we met then.”

  She hissed.

  “Probably save that for never.”

  We pulled up to her parents Brownstown house where I parallel parked my jeep. Her mother stood on the stoop with her arms crossed over her ample curves covered in slacks and a pastel sweater set Kristen would have a field day with.

  I get out of the jeep waving to her mom all friendly and help Lia out on her side. “God help us.” Lia whispered and my head followed with and deliver us from evil.

  “Amelia, my beautiful errant daughter and her boy-friend.” The way her mother said boyfriend sounded more like I was a boy who happened to be her friend and not that I was sticking my rock hard parts anywhere near her youngest child. Lia might have made a good point with her mom being the major obstacle here.

  “Be nice Raina, she hasn’t seen us in months and I would like her to come home more often.” Lia’s dad greeted us hugging his daughter and holding out his hand for me to shake. It’s confident but not in the extra hard squeeze one of us needs to be an asshole kind of way. I liked her dad.

  “Where’s Lilian?” Lia asked.

  “Oh she’s with that lucky man of hers.” Mrs. Faust clasped her hands together like it meant
something for her sister to be out.

  “Idiot is more like it.” Her father muttered.

  Mrs. Faust rolled her eyes and then asked, “Let’s have lunch and chat. Wine?”

  “Sure mom.” Lia bounced before deflating under her mother’s eye.

  “Not you, Amelia Rae. I was talking to your young man, Whittaker.” Her smile reminded me of a shark…too many teeth and too wide to be friendly.

  I nodded seeing this was clearly headed downhill as predicted. “No thank you, I’m driving.”

  “Oh. But you are old enough to drink?” Her insult was clear and I watched my girl simmer slowly in an effort to keep it together. I was old enough for sure to let stupid comments like that roll off my back.

  “Yes, ma’am I am.” I listened to Lia’s awkward grumbles and her mother muttering under her breath that I had to be at least a decade older. She wasn’t far off by much, but close enough.

  Mrs. Faust ushered us into the small dining room while her dad brought out dishes.

  “Well that went fantastic.” Lia pulled me away from the center of the room.

  “Easy, babe, it’s been five minutes.” I tried to reassure her when I saw on the mantle her mother’s religious shrine and stepped closer to examine it. A collection of picture tiles and candles praying to the religious saints and Mary were line up with exacting precision. It was a little weird and mostly unsettling, but I supposed there had to be something off about her parents. Nobody was perfect and she had warned me after all. “Well this explains the holy water, rosary and crucifix in your back pack that first time.”

  Lia snorted waving her hand over the space. “Have you seen the shit these hard core Catholics pray too. You’d bring that stuff too.”

  I leaned down kissing her neck while we were alone for a brief minute, “I’m praying for something, but it’s more along the lines of bending you over this table and introducing you to my holy rod.”

  Lia backed away so quickly that I reached for her afraid she’d fall over. She hissed, “Whittaker Jones, you filthy animal.” The horrified look on her face was tempered by the lust in her eyes and I knew I’d barely make the drive back home if she kept this up.

  “What?” Shrugging, I chuckled to her icy glare.

  Her jaw clenched with a hiss. “Not in my parent’s house.”

  Her mother called from the kitchen interrupting our staring match. “Honey, I had salads and sandwiches catered from that place you like.”

  “Thanks mom.” She deadpanned. I was in for it once we left, but I was sure today’s visit would keep this conversation for much later.

  “Tell us about school.” Her dad pulled out chairs and we all sat down to eat.

  “It’s um, going well.”

  “You know we don’t get your grades anymore, but we still get asked to pay the bill.” Her mother scolded.

  “All A’s and B’s I swear.” Lia added biting into her sandwich.

  “How did you two meet?” Her dad asked scooping potato salad onto his plate watching us. I swallowed down my soda wondering what Lia would share. Our story was one that made me feel ridiculously protective over her. I didn’t care if she told them. I just hoped the sexier parts were sufficiently edited. She tended to blurt things out under duress. I crossed my fingers under the table and waited for Lia to say something.

  She cleared her throat and began with, “We met on a hiking trip. You told me to be more active so I joined a club.” She barely smiled shoving food in her mouth faster than she could chew. At this rate, her parents would witness me performing a finger swipe and mouth to mouth Heimlich maneuver on their daughter if she started choking. Probably not too different from sharing body warmth naked after the storm, but I wasn’t offering that up.

  “I guess he was the group leader.” Mrs. Faust muttered nodding in my direction as she sipped from her wine glass.

  Her dad looked at us both and I knew without a doubt that he didn’t believe Lia’s bullshit story, but to his credit he also didn’t grind her on it. Instead his smile looked kind and he nodded.

  “I did ask you to get more involved and enjoy the college experience that’s true. Did you take your camera on the hike?”

  “No, not that time. I’ve been reading the manual and signed up for some specialized photography courses coming up. I’ve a seminar now which is teaching me the basics. New Paltz has a lot of pretty things to take pictures of so I’ll send you some when I get into the editing part.”

  “I’d like that.” And I believed he did. He seemed supportive of Lia which she needed while she struggled to find her way.

  “And you’re obviously not a student, Whittaker, so what is it that you do?” Her dad asked and I didn’t mind the question. I loved my job and his interest was again, generally friendly.

  “Forest ranger actually. I help preserve and maintain the park service lands up there. Went to forestry school at Yale and worked out west in Yellowstone National Park for a while before coming back home.”

  “Ah, Yale. Very impressive.” Mr. Faust seemed to consider what I was saying and continued to ask relevant questions.

  “Thank you. I enjoyed my education there.” I had a feeling that we would get her dad’s approval, although her mother seemed stalwartly against me.

  As if on cue, Mrs. Faust directed the attention back to her. “Amelia, we need to discuss the dress fitting for your sister’s wedding.”

  “Mom, Lilian has had two dresses already and my size hasn’t changed. Can’t we keep one of the dresses?”

  Her dad was the one who rolled his eyes this time. “God love a reasonable child. Yes, let’s keep one of the dresses already and be done with this.”

  “She doesn’t want maroon anymore because it doesn’t match the early summer palate. We’re going with raspberry and I agree.”

  “Wasn’t it cranberry?” Lia questioned looking as confused as her father.

  “No, that wasn’t pink enough and you’ll have to change your hair back.” Mrs. Faust waved a dismissive hand. I didn’t like the idea of Lia changing herself, but I didn’t think I had a right to say much about it.

  “When?” Lia toyed with the food on her plate. She stared so hard at the salad I was half expecting it to grow legs and run off.

  “In two weeks.”

  “That won’t work for me.” Lia continued her stare down with her currently inanimate salad.

  “Why not?”

  “Because Whit and I will be in Vegas that weekend.”

  Silverware clattered hitting plates and the tension was thicker than a knife while I waited for the proverbial shoe to drop.

  “The hell you will be.” She slammed her hand down on the table making glasses wobble.

  “Raina, calm down.” Her father tried to hold her back, but Mrs. Faust was on a bender of rage over not getting Lia to comply.

  She pointed her finger at me accusingly, “She is not getting on a plane to elope with this man.”

  Lia gasped and shouted. “I’m not getting married.” I cupped her elbow gently to get her to sit back down. She waved her arm throwing my hand off.

  I looked at both her parents sincerely explaining. “I wouldn’t ask her to marry me without your permission.”

  “I wouldn’t give it anyway.” Her mother snapped.

  Lia stomped her foot. This was getting worse by the minute.

  “Stop it!” Frustrated, I tried holding Lia’s hand under the table to reassure her.

  “Everyone calm down.” Mr. Faust placated.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down.” Mrs. Faust shrieked.

  “I need some air.” Lia hurled back looking at me like I had created this mess by bringing her home today.

  “I need some wine.” And with that, both Lia and her mother left the room leaving me at the table with her dad in a looming uncomfortable silence. The tension was palatable and neither of us said anything for a long minute.

  “Well, that went better than I expected.” He chuffed.

  “Mr
. Faust, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here.” I took a sip of my water and cleared my throat.

  “Call me, Mel.”

  Her dad sighed and pushed his chair back like he was easing into an even more uncomfortable conversation than the one that just exploded in our faces.

  “Okay, Mel.” It felt weird, but I went with it.

  Mel as I was supposed to call him patted my hand and spoke. “Listen, Whit, my wife is a bit of a nut job. I love her, but she rules the roost with a psychotic flair and has cornered the market on inflicting guilt.”

  “I uh see some valid points.” I was afraid to agree with him completely because I wasn’t sure if this was some kind of test, parental trap, or male bonding.

  “Take Lia to Vegas. You seem like a good man and if my daughter chose you, I trust her judgment. Her sister worries me, but Amelia has always been much more methodical in her decisions despite how they start. I want her to be happy.”

  “That’s all I want for her too.”

  “I don’t love her choice of school or her decision to live two hours away, but I think you might be what she needs.”

  “Thank you?” I replied uncertain. Her father nodded at me, man to man. He didn’t know me from Adam, but he must have gotten enough sense that I wasn’t going to be some flighty son-in-law he’d have to worry about.

  The atmosphere turned and he leaned in sparing a glance toward the room his wife occupied and whispered, “But, if you marry her out there, son, I will let my wife eviscerate you.” He sat back smiling taking a long drag of his wine and that’s when I knew it was going to be okay. Mostly.

  19

  Lia

  “Boy, am I beat.” I yawned loudly and made a dramatic showing with my hands. I placed my hand over the cup of lukewarm coffee we picked up at a chain café from the rest stop. I’d love to sleep the rest of the evening away huddled under covers safe from the clawing hands of Brooklyn.

  Whit glanced at me inside the jeep and shook his head. The mood was subdued and I didn’t want to spend the time trapped in a vehicle arguing about my parents. “Or you could just say you need some space and ask me to take you home.” Ranger Jones didn’t miss a beat.