by Maggie Wells
“Will you post my video?” Amanda asked expectantly.
“Do you want me to?” I asked.
“Oh, yes!” she said.
“But it might get the pastor in trouble,” I said. “Is that what you want?”
I thought of the seven boys who had been subpoenaed for paternity tests. I thought about Keith Campbell and felt remorse. Death by overdose whether accidental or deliberate was a punishment that certainly did not fit the crime. What would happen to Father William? I suddenly became aware of the power I wielded via YouTube. I was like the Perez Hilton for teen preggos. I could alter people’s lives forever. On the other hand, why should Amanda be condemned for the actions of a full-grown—not to mention married—man? What was my liability here? What if Amanda was lying?
“I’m not lying, you know,” Amanda said.
Okay. She’s a mind reader, too. “Yes, I’ll post the video this week,” I said. “I’ll send you the link when it’s live but you might not want to read the comments. They can be very harsh.”
I posted the video with grave misgivings. It got ten million views. Father William was searched four million times on Google.
EIGHTEEN
THE CONVERSATION WITH AMANDA GOT ME THINKING: DID I want my vlog to become the America’s Most Wanted of statutory rapists? Or was my mission to give voice to teens who chose to keep their babies? And then a light bulb went off. What if I did a whole series around my Facebook friends: Jasmine, Candy, Shawna, Izzy and Aleecia? They all were kids raising babies on their own. I wonder how that was working out for them?
I logged onto Facebook.
Me: Have you guys been following my YouTube channel?
Jasmine: You’re on YouTube?
Me: Check it out—Luci9Months. I was thinking of building a series around you ladies. What do you think? We could call it Real Teen Moms.
Aleecia: Like Real Housewives?
Me: Exactly!
“Welcome to Real Teen Moms brought to you by Luci Video,” I said into the camera. “Yay, videos!”
I had changed out the format a bit. My remote guests were beamed in via webcam, which I controlled via remote and monitored on my iPad. I set up the video feed as a split screen on my monitor so that it looked like we were in the same room.
“Our first guest is Jasmine Walker.” I looked down at my notes. “Jasmine was nineteen and a student at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas when she found out she was pregnant. She has a beautiful daughter named Orchid, who is now eighteen months old. Jasmine will share her amazing journey of how she lost and fought to regain custody of her child. Welcome Jasmine!”
I imagined thunderous applause emanating from the studio audience accompanied by the thumping beat of a pop song. I zoomed the camera out to frame Jasmine and Orchid, who was sitting in her lap. They were dressed in matching mother-daughter outfits in dusty blue silk.
“Well, don’t you two look beautiful!” I said.
“Thanks,” Jasmine said. “This is the dress I was wearing the night I conceived Orchid. I know it may seem crazy but it’s still my favorite dress. And I bought some of the same material to make a little dress for Orchid. I think it brings out the blue in her eyes.”
“You both look amazing!” I imagined myself as a young Amy Schumer. Then I channeled Ellen: “Jasmine, tell us about your journey.”
“Thanks Luci,” Jasmine said. “Like you said, I was an undergraduate at UNLV and working as a showgirl in a review when I was date-raped at a cast party.”
“Do you want to tell us about the birth father?” I asked.
“My lawyer tells me that I can’t talk about him,” she said. “We have settled that matter and he is the reason I was able to get my daughter back.” Jasmine rested her head affectionately on Orchid’s, who was staring into the void with wide eyes.
“I hope my story can inspire other teen moms to fight the system and do what is right for their babies,” Jasmine said. “So, yeah, I got pregnant, unexpectedly, but when I found out, I decided to have the baby.” She smiled and bounced Orchid in her lap.
“So you never considered abortion as an option?” I asked.
“I wasn’t raised that way,” Jasmine said. “It’s not like my mom is a big church-goer, but she is strongly pro-life. When I was in high school, she used to drag me to marches in front of the Planned Parenthood office in Hackensack.”
“So you decided on adoption?” I asked.
“Not at first,” Jasmine said. “I was planning to find a job and finish school. But it was hard, really hard trying to raise my baby alone. I was struggling to keep up with school and pay the rent and I didn’t have anyone to watch Orchid while I was out looking for work.” Jasmine took a pause. “I think that’s one thing that a lot of young girls don’t take into account. Child care is expensive—so you either need to have money or family around to take care of your baby.”
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“I made a really tough decision—I gave my baby up for adoption.” Jasmine paused for dramatic effect.
Damn! Why didn’t we have a studio audience to record their response?
“I left Orchid in Las Vegas with a really nice family and moved back to New Jersey to try to get on with my life. But I thought about Orchid every day,” Jasmine said. “When they tell you that you should give your baby up for adoption, they also tell you that you are doing the right thing for your child and that knowledge will help you get over it. But it’s not like giving away your cat’s kittens. You never get over it! If you have any friends who are adopted, please tell them that their birth moms are probably thinking about them every day and dreaming about them every night. As a matter of fact, maybe your cat never gets over losing her kittens, either.”
“So how did you get Orchid back?” I asked.
“Looking back on it now, the whole thing seems like a miracle,” Jasmine said. “I had dropped out of college and was working a crappy waitress job when I ran into my former dance teacher. She said she was opening her own academy and asked me to go into business with her. So I found myself making good money at a job that I loved. And I thought to myself, what would Orchid think of me if she found out later that her birth mother and father both had successful businesses and had given her up for adoption? How do you reconcile something like that?”
“So, long story short,” Jasmine continued. “I went to Eddie . . . ” She caught herself. “I mean—the father—and I asked him to oppose the adoption—we had never established paternity but he still could claim parental rights—it’s a legal technicality that you all should know about. And the adoptive family was forced to give her back to me.”
“Geez,” I said. “That must have been tough! Did you have a relationship with the adopting family?”
“Yes.” Jasmine grew pensive. “That was the hardest part. I really liked them. They were a loving, deserving couple, and they could not conceive a child of their own. This is in no way a judgment of them.” Jasmine paused. “Allison, if you are watching this, you are in my thoughts every day and I hope that you have found a child, by now, to call your own. This was not easy for me. I know you would have been a great mom to Orchid.” Jasmine started to choke up. “I know you are a great mom. I picked you myself.” Jasmine sobbed. “But this is my baby. Orchid is my baby. And I just could not live without her."
I waited a moment to let Jasmine compose herself.
“So,” I said. “Bring us up to date. How are you two doing? How are you managing it all?”
“Orchid is now eighteen months old,” Jasmine said. “She is walking and talking and we are working on potty training.”
“What is it like being a single working mom?” I asked.
“Well, I’m not single anymore,” Jasmine said. “We have been living with Tadge—he is the father of one of my dance students—for six months now. His wife died a few years ago and his daughter, Greta, is eleven. Oh, and Greta wanted me to tell you that she is a huge Luci Video fan!” Jasmine grabb
ed Orchid’s chubby hand and waved it at the camera. “Orchid, say, ‘Hi, Greta!’”
Orchid giggled and babbled.
“You let Greta watch my show?” I was astonished.
“Your show is all about girl power, am I right?” Jasmine said. “Taking back our bodies, taking back our stories. I work with a lot of young girls at my dance academy and I try to be a mentor and a role model to all of them. Puberty hits so early these days, sometimes as young as the age of ten. And all of my dancers are very body-conscious and get a lot of attention from boys. If they can learn from my experience and your experience so they can avoid going through what we went through, you will have done them an enormous service.”
“So your story has a happy ending,” I said. “Tadge—is that his name? He must be quite a bit older than you?”
“You know, it’s funny,” Jasmine said. “I hadn’t dated in a couple of years before I had Orchid and I was really depressed when I came back home without her. Tadge just came into my life one day and he made everything possible. He helped me get Orchid back.” She paused. “Tadge, I love you.”
Jasmine’s video got four million views.
NINETEEN
“WELCOME TO Real Teen Moms BROUGHT TO YOU by Luci Video,” I said into the camera. “Yay, videos!”
“Our guest today is Candace Parker,” I checked my notes on my iPad. “Candace was a senior at a prep school in New Hampshire and was having unprotected sex with her boyfriend when she got pregnant. She has a cute baby boy, named Matteo. That is an interesting name. How did you pick it?”
“Hi,” Candace smiled into her web cam. “Hi everyone! This is Matty.” She held her son up to the camera.
“How old is Matty?” I asked.
“He is sixteen months old, now,” Candace said. “And the thing about babies—each day is a little easier than the day before. Every day he learns something new and is a little more independent. Like now, he is eating solid foods and can feed himself, sort of. Most of the food gets into his mouth. A lot of it ends up on the kitchen floor.” Candace laughed.
“Wait. You went to St. Paul’s in New Hampshire, right?” I asked. “You weren’t a ‘Senior Salute’ victim, were you?”
Candace snorted. “God, no! That’s what they call it when the senior boys prey on freshman girls. Danilo and I were both seniors. We dated for a few months.”
“So when you found out that you were pregnant, you never considered abortion as an option?” I asked.
“Not really,” Candace said. “My mom did, for sure! She wanted me to get an abortion. But I could already feel him moving inside of me and I loved my little Squirt—that’s what I was calling him at the time. I couldn’t imagine killing him—it just felt so wrong. Then, my mom took me to an adoption agency but luckily, because the father is from Italy, they didn’t want to take the case—too messy, legally. So by default, I got to keep my baby. Yay!”
“So, bring us up to date,” I said. “Where are you living? Are you in school?”
Candace frowned. “I am still living at home. I am taking classes at UMass Boston and I am working as a hostess in a restaurant downtown.”
“What are you studying?” I asked.
“I am pre-med,” Candace said. “My goal is to go to medical school and become an OB-GYN and work exclusively with pregnant teens. Isn’t that a cool idea? Wouldn’t every pregnant teen out there wish there was a specialist in their town?”
“That is very cool,” I said. “How are you managing all of this? Who takes care of Matty?”
“On the days when I have class, I take him with me,” Candace said. “There is a daycare center on campus. On the nights when I have to work, Julia watches him. Julia is our housekeeper.”
“That sounds exhausting. Does your mom help out?” I asked.
Candace twisted her mouth into a grimace. “No,” she said. “My mom has never been terribly supportive. She wanted me to abort Matty, remember?”
“What about dating?” I asked.
Candace snorted. “Dating? Who would want to date a girl with a baby? Sure, guys hit on me at work sometimes—guys at the bar. But when I tell them I have a kid, they lose interest right away.”
“So what’s the hardest thing about being a teen mom?” I asked.
Candace looked down as she thought about it; maybe she was looking at Matty. Then she looked back into the camera. “The hardest thing is that I don’t have any friends.” Her eyes welled up. “All of my friends are away at school. I follow them on Facebook but they never call me anymore. Nobody ever invites me to hang out.”
“What about meeting people at school?” I asked.
“UMass is a commuter school,” Candace said. “There isn’t any social scene. Just people coming and going, nobody seems too interested in getting to know anyone else. And all of the moms at daycare are way older than me.”
“You sound really lonely,” I said.
Candace’s face brightened. “I’ve got Matty,” she said. She held him up to the camera again. She rubbed her face in his tummy. “Don’t I baby? I got you, right?”
“What about your boyfriend? Matty’s daddy?” I asked.
Candace frowned again. “He’s not my boyfriend. He probably never really was my boyfriend. We broke up before I even knew I was pregnant.”
“Does he know about Matty?” I asked. “Is he in the picture?”
“Yeah, he knows,” Candace said. “His family is paying child support. But no, he is not in the picture. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. Maybe some day, when Matty is older, they might have a relationship. That could happen, right?” She sounded uncertain.
“Any regrets?” I asked.
“About Matty?” Candace replied. She looked away from the camera and sighed. “He won’t ever see this, will he? Because I love my baby so much.” She looked back into the camera and said, “But I wish I . . . I wish I could travel back in time and make some different choices.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“I never really felt like I fit in at prep school,” she said. “I guess I didn’t really try that hard. I had a pretty snarky attitude back then. But if I had never gone there, I would never have met Danilo and I would never have gotten pregnant and I would be at Princeton now. Did you know that I was accepted into Princeton before all of this happened? Looking back on it, I wish I had gone to Brookline High with all of my middle school friends. I am realizing now how important it is to have friends and how hard it is to make friends when you are not in school. I see my sister and all of her friends getting ready to go off to college and I wish that was me doing that. I wish I could have a do-over.”
Wow, this is so different from the Jasmine episode. Candace’s story was really sad. Sadder than mine, even.
“You seem really sad,” I said.
“The last time I can remember being happy was in middle school. I was a fat kid but I was a good singer. I had a singing role in the school musical. I know it sounds crazy but my dream was to be a Broadway actress. Dumb, huh?”
“Did you watch the Jasmine episode of Real Teen Moms?” I asked.
“I did,” Candace said. “Isn’t she awesome?”
“She is,” I said. “But what struck me is how dance has played such a big part in her finding happiness. What if you got involved with a community theater group? You could meet new people and make friends?”
Candace’s face fell. “Maybe when Matty is a little older,” she said. “Right now, it’s all I can do to keep up with school and work and taking care of him. Don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to be able to live at home and have my dad paying my tuition and then there’s Julia, our housekeeper—she is awesome! She helps me with Matty. There is no way I could afford to pay for rent and childcare and tuition on my own. I know a lot of girls in my situation don’t have it as easy as me. But my parents have made it clear that they don’t want to have anything do to with supporting Matty. He is my responsibility. The phrase my mom uses a lot
is: ‘you made your bed, now lie in it.’”
“Wow, that’s harsh,” I said. “But hey! We could be friends. Besides on Facebook, I mean. Friends in real life.”
Candace grinned. “That would be nice. Thank you.”
“And think of all the girls watching this video,” I said. “They could be your friends, too. You could wear a body cam and we could stream you on periscope. All of my viewers could follow you all day long.”
“Oh my God,” Candace gasped. “That would be so funny! Do you have any idea the amount of hostility that a stroller generates on a crowded sidewalk or on a bus? We could put a baby cam on Matty and view the world through his eyes!”
Candace’s video got two million views. But the best part is that she got thirty thousand friend requests on Facebook.
TWENTY
“WELCOME TO Real Teen Moms BROUGHT TO YOU by Luci Video,” I said into the camera. “Yay, videos!”
“Today we’ll be talking to Shawna Black, live from our studio in Oakland, California.” I checked my notes on my iPad. “Shawna was seventeen and a senior in high school when she got pregnant the first time she had sex with her boyfriend, Philippe. She has a beautiful baby boy named Jack who is fifteen months old, am I right? Welcome Shawna and Jack!”
“That’s right!” Shawna beamed into the web cam. “Here’s Jack! He’s fifteen months old and I haven’t killed him yet!” She held Jack up to the camera. His faced was smeared with jelly. “Sorry! He was in the middle of eating his breakfast. It’s still early out here in California.”
I laughed. “What do you mean, you haven’t killed him yet?”
“You know the crazy thing about babies?” Shawna said. “Is that they are basically always doing something that could kill them. Like falling down stairs or banging their head on the coffee table or climbing onto a hot stove or wandering into the street or crawling into a swimming pool. I figured out that a mom’s main purpose is to simply keep her child alive until he is eighteen or twenty and then hope for the best.”