After Burn

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “I want to take care of you.”

  “You want me wet and naked.”

  “That too.”

  I squeeze a few drops of her favorite oils into the tub and turn the taps. She stands there shifting from foot to foot. Uncertain and sweet. “Are you mad at me?” she asks in a low voice that I can barely hear over the rushing water.

  She balls her hands into fists at her sides giving away her vulnerability. “No, baby doll. I love you too much.”

  Her lower lip trembles. “I’m sorry.”

  “I understand why. But, no more. I don’t want you struggling or worrying about anything alone ever again.”

  “I love you so much. And I don’t want to… I don’t want you to be…”

  “You matter the most to me.”

  A brief, beautiful smile flickers over her lips and she tips her head toward the tub. “Will you be joining me?”

  “Fuck yeah,” I answer, twisting the taps off. I sit on the edge of the tub and pull her between my knees, resting my forehead against her stomach. “How do you feel? Tell me everything.”

  She runs her fingers through my hair. “Sick in the mornings. Well, all the time really.”

  “How’d I miss that?” She always spends so much damn time getting ready in the morning. I never considered she might be locked in here because she was sick.

  She shrugs. “What can you do? Hold my hair back for me?”

  “Yes. If that’s what you need me to do.” I tease my fingers inside her underwear and drag them down her legs.

  “I so appreciated you asking the doctor if sex was safe, by the way.”

  I grin up at her. “That was vital information.”

  Her shoulders bunch up and she lets out a short laugh. “I had already warned her that would be one of your questions.”

  “Did you now?” I tickle my fingers over her ribs and she laughs even harder. As she pulls away, I hook my fingers in her bra, keeping her in place.

  My hand roams over her ass and she slants a look at me over her shoulder. “Is it time for my spanking, Mr. President?”

  Only one person—this woman—has the power to erase all of my irritation and anxiety. I give each cheek a soft tap before unhooking her bra.

  “Bath time,” I say, taking her hand.

  “There’s no graceful way to climb into this thing,” she mutters as I help her into the tub.

  Shaking my head, I release her hand. “Good?”

  “Perfect.” She tilts her head. “Aren’t you joining me?”

  Instead of answering, I slowly work my belt loose, then strip off my shirt.

  “Oh my,” she mutters, staring up at me. “I don’t need the slow, seductive routine, just get in here.”

  “What fun is that?” But I do hurry up because I’m eager to be skin on skin with her.

  Once I arrange myself in the tub, I pull her against my chest. “You’ve had me worried,” I mumble into her hair.

  “I’m sorry.” She turns slightly. “I haven’t known that long. You know how bad I am at keeping track of things.”

  I laugh because that’s a bit of an understatement.

  “When do you want to tell people?”

  “Maybe after the next appointment? I want us to get used to the idea first.”

  I’m ready to take action now. Plan a nursery, paint it, build some furniture, take some classes. Do whatever the fuck it is parents do when they get this news.

  “Might be hard to keep it from Heidi and Murphy since they’re right downstairs.”

  She sighs and drops her head against my chest. “I know.”

  “Think about it.”

  She sniffles and I squeeze her tighter.

  “Thank you,” she whispers.

  After a few minutes, I rub my chin over her shoulder and kiss her neck. “Washing your hair?”

  “Not now.” She lets out a long yawn. “I’m sleepy.”

  “Doctor said you need your rest.”

  “Yes, dear. I’m aware.”

  “Can’t help it. Get used to it, baby doll.” My words are light and teasing even though my thoughts threaten to drag me down.

  Guilt will gnaw on my flesh and bones until there’s nothing left if anything happens to her.

  The water cools and eventually we drag ourselves out of the tub. Rock’s quiet as he dries us off and leads us into the bedroom.

  The matter of fact way he throws the covers back and nods for me to get into bed makes me tingle all over.

  “You’re not going to the shop?” I ask.

  “Not today.” He cocks his head and nudges me over to my side. “Are you going to the office?”

  “I guess not.”

  He slides in next to me and I poke my toes against his leg. “I’m chilly.”

  He pulls the covers up but keeps staring at me, running his hand over my stomach.

  “A watched tummy doesn’t grow,” I tease.

  He rumbles with laughter. “I can’t wait.”

  “For?”

  The smoldering stare he responds with is pure caveman. “To see your belly carrying our child.”

  “Aww,” I coo and run my fingers through his hair, smiling up at him. I know how much he means those words and it’s why I’m able to admit how I feel about everything.

  “That part freaks me out,” I whisper.

  He raises an eyebrow and strokes his finger over my cheek. “Tell me why.”

  “I’ve struggled with my weight forever.” I run my hands over the few stretch marks I’ve already collected along my hips. “I’m not looking forward to adding to these.”

  The sexy, simmering stare turns into a scowl. “What did I say the day we met?”

  “A lot of things. You were quite talkative for a guy who just posted bail.”

  He lets out a brief chuckle before turning serious again. “You told me you wore your wedding rings on your middle finger because you’d lost weight and I said ‘don’t lose any more.’”

  “Oh yeah.” I smile at the memory. “Pretty obnoxious considering the situation.”

  Rock’s not offended or embarrassed. He grins. “My point is, gain whatever you need to. I’ll think you’re sexy as fuck no matter what and it’ll be my pleasure to help you work it off when you’re done nursing.”

  “Wow, you have it all planned out, huh?” I tease.

  “That’s what I’m here for.” He pulls me closer. “Come here and let me hold you.”

  Warm and snuggly in Rock’s arms, I’m hovering on the edge of falling asleep when he rumbles out a question that snaps my eyes open.

  “Answer one thing for me. What if it had been bad news? Would you have told me then?”

  His gentle tone doesn’t disguise the anguish in his voice.

  “Yes, of course.” I take a deep breath and place my free hand over his. Bringing up such a painful time in my past isn’t easy, but I so desperately want Rock to understand my reasoning. Understand he’s not the reason I kept our baby a secret. I am.

  “When I… miscarried, it took me by surprise. I went from being upset about the unplanned pregnancy, to getting married, and excited for the baby. Clay and I had just started preparing for this huge change and then it was ripped away.”

  I swallow hard, remembering the ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me a few years ago. “Then after losing our baby the way I did. Almost dying. I honestly thought this,” I stop and squeeze his hand that’s resting over my belly, “might never happen. I didn’t want to give you this possible future and then have it yanked away.”

  He swallows hard. “I understand.”

  “That first time, Clay and I had heard the baby’s heartbeat at my appointment the week before. Saw the little life flickering on the screen.” I have to stop to catch my breath. “We thought the baby was healthy. The miscarriage completely blindsided me. The silence after I lost the baby haunted me for so long. I wanted to spare you that if I could.”

  His arms wrap around me tighter, anchoring me to his b
ody and he kisses the top of my head.

  “I want to be with you for every appointment from now on.” His low voice leaves no room for disagreement on the subject. “I don’t want you doing any of this alone,” he says.

  “Thank you.”

  He closes his eyes, the line of his jaw tightens. “You don’t have to thank me, Hope. It’s the least of what I need to do for you.” When he opens his eyes there’s nothing but love in them. He gently sweeps my hair off my cheek. “I know how scared you probably are, even if you won’t admit it. I’d do it for you if I could. I want to do everything I can to make this easier on you.”

  “Having you know is a huge help.” I exhale a long, slow breath. “Sharing it with you has already made me feel so much better.”

  “Good.” He kisses my forehead. “Take your nap. When you wake up let’s try some of those positions in the pamphlet your doctor gave me.”

  “I think that was for later, when this gets in the way.” I rub my hand over my belly and wiggle my eyebrows at him. “Right now every position is available.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Terror claws at my insides, pulling me out of sleep.

  It takes me a few seconds to figure out why.

  I’m going to be a father.

  Not the father-figure to a bunch of child-like bikers.

  An actual father.

  I can’t believe it. Can’t believe how much I want it.

  It’s all the other stuff leading up to our child’s arrival that woke me. I almost lost Hope once. How the fuck did we let this happen?

  Next to me she moans in her sleep and wriggles closer. My arm automatically slips around her waist and I settle my hand on her stomach.

  That’s how this happened. I can’t keep my hands off her.

  An hour later, I still can’t sleep. Hope rolls over and burrows her head under her pillow.

  Quiet as I can, I slide out of bed.

  “Where’re you going?” she asks.

  “Why’re you awake?”

  “Not,” she mumbles.

  “Can’t sleep. Gonna run over to the clubhouse.”

  “Be careful.” Her standard answer for everything I do. My girl worries about me as much as I worry about her. She sighs and her breathing returns to deep and even.

  Now that I’ve made the decision, I dress quickly and pad down the stairs. Except for a strip of light shining under Heidi and Murphy’s door, the house is dark.

  I’m the loudest thing crashing through the woods in the middle of the night. I’m not even sure why I decided to go to the clubhouse.

  Z’s in the war room and he grins when he sees me. “What’s up brother?”

  “Can’t sleep.”

  His grin turns filthy. “I can think of a hundred better ways to cure insomnia than comin’ over here.”

  “Yeah, well. She needs her rest.”

  He drops the smirk. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Just worry about her.”

  He cocks his head. “Looks like more than your usual overbearing nature. What’s going on?”

  Here, Hope and I agreed to keep the baby a secret for now and the first person I run into, I’m ready to spill everything. But it’s not just anyone, it’s Z. As much as he lives to irritate me some days, at least he’ll be receptive to the news. Unlike Wrath, who’s allergic to anything pregnancy or baby related. When I finally break the news to my oldest friend, it will break his damn heart.

  So Z it is.

  “She’s pregnant.” It feels weird to say the words. Weird and amazing. “We’re not telling anyone yet.”

  “Yeah,” he answers slowly. “I get it.” He stands and gives me a hug and back slap. “Congratulations, that’s awesome.”

  “It is.” I pull out my chair and drop into it, feeling better already.

  “Now the insomnia makes sense.”

  “I’ll be pushing sixty when this kid graduates from high school.” As soon as I say it out loud, I realize that’s one of the things bothering me.

  Z waves his hand in the air, dismissing that concern. “You’re in better shape than most guys half your age. You’ll be fine. How’s she feeling?”

  As frightening as he might appear on the outside, Z might be the only one of my brothers who’d think to ask that question first. “Tired. Nauseous.”

  “You just find out?”

  My jaw tightens. “I did. She’s known for a little bit.”

  “Aw, poor girl.”

  I give him a sharp look. “Poor girl?”

  “It probably killed her keeping that from you. Bet she didn’t want you gettin’ excited in case something happened?”

  “That’s the gist of it.”

  “You better not have been too hard on her.”

  I snort and then laugh, amused with him for taking Hope’s side.

  There’s a soft knock at the door and then it opens a fraction. Hope’s pale face stands out against the darkness in the rest of the clubhouse.

  “Am I interrupting?” she asks.

  I stand and meet her, pulling her to my chair and into my lap.

  She wiggles around so she’s facing Z. “How come you’re up?”

  “I’m always up, Hope. You know that.”

  She laughs softly and leans back, wrapping her arms around me.

  “What brought you over, baby doll?”

  She lets out a loud yawn, stretching her arms overhead and then settling them around my neck. “Can’t sleep without you.”

  Z stands, an uncomfortable laugh rolling out of him. “I have some work to do next door. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  “Thanks, Z,” Hope says as she watches him leave.

  I squeeze her a little tighter. “Don’t like you walking through the woods alone at night.”

  “I was worried about you.” She nuzzles against my neck. “You smell good.” Her tongue darts out, teasing over my skin. “Taste good too.”

  “Careful, baby doll.”

  “Why?” Her hand moves over my chest, sliding up to cup my cheek.

  A slight turn of my head and I dip down to taste her lips. She shifts and sits up, taking the kiss deeper. “Rock.”

  “You want to go home?”

  “Can’t wait that long,” she responds, voice full of urgency.

  What little control I had in the first place, snaps. I slip my arms under her and stand. Setting her on the edge of the table, I push myself between her knees and brush her hair out of her face. “Do you know how beautiful you are? How much I love you?”

  “Show me.”

  I unzip her sweatshirt and raise an eyebrow. “You came over here with nothing underneath?”

  She gives me a sly smile and slips her hands under my T-shirt. We kiss again, and I slide her sweatshirt off, letting it pool around her. “Lie back for me.”

  “Why?” her voice nothing more than a husky whisper.

  Movement to my right catches my eye and I glance at the door.

  Sparky stands there, eyes wide and apparently too stunned to move. He catches the look on my face and backs out quickly.

  Why can’t I ever fuck my wife on the war room table without someone walking in on us?

  “What’s wrong?” Hope asks, balling her fists in my shirt.

  “Nothing.” She’ll die of embarrassment if she knows Sparky stopped by. “Lie back for me.”

  She does as I ask, sitting up on her elbows, so she can watch me.

  “No underwear either. You are naughty.”

  Her soft laughter eases all the worries I came over here with.

  I pull my chair closer, and hook my arms under her knees, dragging her to the edge of the table.

  “I really want your cock,” she whispers.

  “You’ll take what I give you and love every second.” I kiss her inner thigh, taking time to drag beard scruff over her soft skin. She makes this sigh-moan-laugh sound deep in her throat that’s sexy as fuck.

  Still wanting to drag this out as long
as possible, I slide my fingers against her bare lips, adding pressure with each pass. She’s slick and ready when I finally lean forward and skim my tongue along the same path.

  “Oh more. Rock, more. Please,” she begs. I smile against her skin. She has no idea how loud she’s being. Love that.

  This isn’t the time or place to take my sweet time. I close my mouth over her clit, sucking hard. She bucks against my mouth and I answer by pushing a finger inside her.

  A little more and she’s done. Only when she’s gasping for air and her voice is raw, do I let up. Her left ankle rests on my shoulder while her right foot is braced against the table, leaving everything on display under the harsh overhead lights.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful, Hope.”

  She answers by stretching her arms over her head, arching her back. Driving me even crazier with the need to have her.

  I stand, pressing kisses along her thigh and behind her knee, even rubbing my cheek against her calf. She jiggles with laughter.

  “That tickles.”

  “Hang on. I’ll give you something that won’t tickle.”

  She laughs harder and tries to sit up.

  “No.” I pin her with a look and she stops. “Put your hands over your head and arch your back again.”

  She does it, but it’s not quite as natural and spontaneous as the first time.

  I run my palm over her belly, up between her breasts and stop to tease her nipples until she’s relaxed again.

  I can’t shove my pants down fast enough. I grab her ankles, spreading her legs and slide into her.

  We both stop to groan. The tight wet heat of her body is almost too much. She sets me on fire. Incinerating me from the inside out.

  This won’t take long, but there’s no way I’ll come until she does one more time for me.

  Savoring, every thrust and sound we make, I go at a lazy pace until her inner muscles tighten around my cock.

  Fuck, being inside my wife is the only place I need to be. The second I’m with Hope, the rest of the world ceases to exist. All the complicated bullshit disappears. My worries evaporate.

  “Harder,” she whispers.

  That’s all I need to hear. I thrust harder, chasing the calmness and peace that connecting with her brings.

  Her breathy sighs turn to long moans and whimpers. A never-ending stream of words begging me not to stop.