Fire in the Blood

by Barbara Cartland

  “At least Papa gave me something! I certainly have fire in my blood.”

  As she thought of her sister, Pandia remembered how shocked she had been at her taking the Prince as her lover and she knew that she too was behaving in a most reprehensible manner that would have horrified her mother.

  With an effort that was almost like tearing away a part of her body, she turned her head and took her mouth from Lord Silvester’s.

  “Please – “ she begged. “Please – please listen to me there is – something I have to – say to you.”

  “There is nothing to say,” he replied passionately. “This is not a time for words, but for love!”

  She felt his hand moving down the side of her body and the warmth and strength of it through her nightgown made her aware of what he intended.

  She struggled against him and then, as he pulled away the sheet which covered her breasts, she said frantically,

  “You are – frightening me – please listen to me – please – please – ”

  Her voice sounded like that of a child who was really afraid and it stopped Lord Silvester as nothing else could have done.

  He looked down at her searchingly, then he said in a different voice from the one he had used before,

  “You are afraid? But, why? I don’t understand!”

  “You are – frightening me – and while I am not quite – certain what you are – trying to do – I know it is – very wrong – and something Mama would have – considered wicked!”

  Slowly Lord Silvester took his arms from her and sat up.

  Although he had freed her, Pandia did not feel a sense of relief.

  Instead she felt a loss as if he had taken away something very precious from her.

  Then she managed to say incoherently,

  “Try to – understand – it is so difficult – but you must not – touch me.”

  “I have touched you! And what is it I am to understand?”

  He looked down into her eyes pleading with him and saw her put both her hands protectively over her breasts as if it was a gesture of modesty to hide them from him.

  His eyes searched her face. Then he said,

  “If I had not known you were a married woman, I would have sworn this is the first time you have ever been kissed!”

  Pandia’s eyes flickered and for a moment her lashes were very long and dark against her pale cheeks.

  Then Lord Silvester said sharply,

  “Look at me and tell me the truth! Has any man ever possessed you?”

  For a moment Pandia did not understand what he was asking, then, forgetting everything except that the idea was so shocking, she said quickly,

  “No – of course – not! How can you – think I would do anything – so – ”

  Even as she spoke and saw the expression on his face, her voice died and she remembered that she was speaking as herself and not as Selene.

  “Is that true?” Lord Silvester asked. “How can I believe it!”

  Then, suddenly afraid of what she had said and what he might be thinking and shocked by the position she now found herself in, Pandia cried,

  “Go away! You have – no right to come here and ask me a lot of – questions. It is – late – and I want to go to sleep!”

  As she spoke, she was so apprehensive about the whole situation that tears came into her eyes and her voice broke.

  Then Lord Silvester reached out and took her hand in his.

  “I have upset you and that is something I have no wish to do. I do not understand, in fact I find it completely bewildering, but we will talk about it tomorrow.”

  His fingers were somehow very comforting, but, as if she was aware she had somehow disappointed or failed him, she said hesitatingly,

  “I-I am sorry. Tonight was so – wonderful!”

  “If I have spoilt it for you, I am sorry too, but you bewilder me and I believed there was very little left in the world that could do that!”

  Instinctively her fingers tightened on his.

  “You are not – angry with me?”

  He shook his head.

  “No, not angry, just, as I say, bewildered, and I have no idea what I can do next.”

  “I shall – see you – tomorrow?”

  “If you want to.”

  “Please come to see me and bring me your book – it will be something to remember when – ”

  She stopped and knew that once again she was being indiscreet.

  He did not move. He merely sat looking at her as though he was imprinting her face on his mind.

  Then his fingers tightened until they were painful as he said,

  “I will leave now because you have asked me to, and because I would not force you to do anything you have no wish to do. At the same time I suppose you know you have closed the gates of paradise and left me outside?”

  “I did not – wish to do that,” Pandia said, “but – it is something I – have to do.”

  “Why?”

  “I-I cannot tell you – ”

  “I thought when we were talking downstairs that I could read your thoughts and I was aware that you were reading mine. I believed it would be impossible for there to be any secrets between us.”

  Because Pandia had thought the same thing, she desperately wanted to tell him the truth, to explain who she was and why she was here.

  Then she knew she could not be so disloyal to Selene, for he might expose her deception to other people with the result that Selene would be disgraced and perhaps even divorced by her husband.

  The idea was so horrifying that Pandia thought with a sudden panic that perhaps she had already created a suspicion in Lord Silvester’s mind that might reach out indefinitely to menace Selene’s happiness and security.

  “What is upsetting you?” he asked.

  “Will you please – promise,” she replied, “on everything you hold – sacred that you will not – tell anybody what we have – talked about this evening – or that you – kissed me?”

  “Do you really imagine I would do such a thing?” Lord Silvester asked, and now there was a touch of anger in his voice.

  “I-I am sorry – forgive me,” Pandia faltered, “but I am – frightened of a scandal and gossip – and – ”

  She paused, feeling for words.

  “ – and your reputation in the Social world?”

  Now there was definitely a cynical note in his voice which Pandia had never heard before.

  Because she could not help herself, she replied,

  “No – it is not that – I cannot – explain, but I swear it is not that.”

  “Why do you not trust me?” he asked. “There is of course no reason why you should, but you must be aware that the Gods have brought us to each other and this is not the first time we have met.”

  Pandia drew in her breath.

  She knew he was speaking of reincarnation in which her father had believed and so did she.

  She knew they had met in other lives and that was why she had been so vividly conscious of him the moment he had sat down in Church.

  That too was the reason why, when he kissed her, she knew that it was the most perfect and wonderful thing that had ever happened to her and she belonged to him. She was his.

  “I – believe that too,” she said in a voice he could hardly hear, “but we must not – think about it – we must – forget.”

  “Are you suggesting,” Lord Silvester asked, “that after tomorrow you will be able to forget that I exist? That you will never think of me again?”

  “I shall think of – you again,” Pandia said, “but you must – forget me.”

  “Why should I do that?”

  She realised that she could not answer him and he said, “I have searched the world for you, expecting to find you in Greece or perhaps in one of the other strange places I have visited. Then like a miracle I find you in a very ordinary English Church attending a funeral!”

  It sounded almost amusing, but Pandia could not smile. S
he knew that while she had never looked for the man who was the other half of herself in such places as Lord Silvester had explored, she had sought for him in her dreams.

  It was he who had always been in her mind when she and her father had talked of Olympus, of Delphi and the Gods who had set aside their Divinity to take human guise.

  Now she knew that it was Lord Silvester she had seen in her mind and felt with her heart, and to whom the light within her had reached out although she had no idea he was a living man.

  But now he was there, sitting beside her, holding her hand and it flashed through her mind that she was being extremely foolish to refuse to let him love her as he wished to do.

  She knew that, if he did so, he would again carry her up to the peaks of Olympus and, as the celestial light covered them, they would, as he had said, enter paradise together.

  As if he could feel exactly what she was thinking, he said in a very deep voice,

  “You make it very hard for me, my little Goddess and yet I would cut off my right arm rather than hurt you in any way.”

  As he spoke, he lifted her hand to his lips.

  He kissed her fingers one by one, then turned them over and his mouth was on her palm.

  She felt thrill after thrill flash through her as he did so, then because once again the fire was flickering within her, without thinking or reasoning, she lifted her lips towards his.

  He looked down at her and, as she waited for his kiss, he drew a little nearer, but his lips did not touch hers. Instead he said very quietly,

  “I love and worship you, but I dare not touch you again. We may feel like Gods, my darling one, but tonight I am a man and you are slowly crucifying me.”

  He kissed the hand he was holding and very gently put it on her breast, then rose to his feet.

  “Now I have found you,” he declared, “make no mistake, I do not intend to lose you.”

  Without saying any more, he turned and walked towards the door through which he had come into the room. As he reached it he looked back.

  Only as she realised he was really leaving her, did Pandia make an inarticulate little murmur and move her hands as if she would reach out to hold onto him.

  “I love you!” Lord Silvester said quietly. “Now go to sleep. Remember that I love you and, as I think you love me – there is nothing either of us can do about it.”

  The door closed behind him and there was silence.

  *

  As Pandia dressed the following morning, Mrs. Whiteley brought her the good news that the weather had cleared, and the coachman anticipated that once they were out on the main road they would be able to reach London without any more difficulties.

  “Her Ladyship would like to see you, my Lady, before you leave,” she said, “so if you come up after breakfast I will have everything ready for you.”

  “Thank you very much,” Pandia said.

  She had been relieved to find that there was a considerable amount of money in her handbag.

  She was therefore able to tip both Mrs. Whiteley and Emma generously and she knew that she would have to give at least three sovereigns to the butler.

  Her mother had often told her that large tips were expected in the great houses where she had stayed as a girl.

  But, she was sure it was Yvette who had thought of putting so much money in the handbag which had been Selene’s, as she would never have considered how little money she had of her own.

  She took one last glance at herself in the mirror after Mrs. Whiteley had arranged her hair.

  Then, as she walked downstairs, she knew with a frantic beating of her heart that she was both apprehensive and excited at the thought of seeing Lord Silvester again.

  What had happened last night now seemed like a dream and yet she knew she would never forget the wonder of his kisses.

  She entered the breakfast room, where she was shown by a footman, but to her disappointment, he was not there.

  Then, as she thought that perhaps he might be down later, she realised the table was laid for only one person.

  “Good morning, my Lady!” the butler said as he held a chair for her.

  Because she could not prevent herself from asking the question, Pandia enquired,

  “Has his Lordship already breakfasted?”

  “Yes, my Lady, and very early, as his Lordship had to leave for London.”

  “He has – gone to London?”

  It was almost a cry.

  “His Lordship, I understand, had a business engagement. He left a note for your Ladyship as he was unable to say goodbye to you.”

  He brought it on a silver salver and handed it to Pandia and she was aware as she took it that her hands were trembling.

  She opened it and saw there were only a few lines. Then she read,

  “I have left for London early so that I can be certain of bringing you the book that is important to both of us. I will see you at teatime. I know you understand.

  J. Stone.”

  For a moment it was like a stab from a knife to realise that he had written to her so formally. Then she understood.

  It was perhaps his signature which made her aware that he was thinking of her reputation as the Countess of Linbourne and had therefore written in a manner which nobody could consider indiscreet.

  At the same time he had signed himself with the name which meant so much to them both in an entirely different context, showing that he knew she would realise what he dare not write on paper.

  She put the note back in the envelope and said,

  “His Lordship has to see his publisher. I had no idea until I met him yesterday that he was such a famous author!”

  “I am surprised you didn’t know that, my Lady,” the butler remarked. “Here we’re all very proud of the books his Lordship writes and, although His Grace didn’t like his being abroad for so many years, he always kept one of his Lordship’s books beside his bed.”

  That was something she too would always do in the future, Pandia thought.

  She ate her breakfast hurriedly because she was anxious to get to London in good time to be waiting for Lord Silvester when he arrived to see her.

  She went up to Lady Anne’s bedroom to say goodbye to her, thinking as she did so that the old woman looked very frail and she had the feeling that she was not likely to live for very much longer.

  “I hear the road is quite safe now,” Lady Anne said. “It was a very good thing you stayed here last night and I was delighted to think you were keeping dear Silvester company.”

  “He is a very interesting person,” Pandia replied.

  “Yes, and such a kind, thoughtful young man,” Lady Anne added. “My brother doted on him and I think, although of course it is something you must never repeat, that he would have liked Silvester to have been his son and heir.”

  “Are his parents dead?” Pandia asked, knowing that she was curious and wishing to know everything she could about the man who had come to mean so much to her.

  “Actually, his mother died when he was sixteen and his father married again. His stepmother did not like Silvester and, as he was unhappy at home, he came to us in the holidays. We loved having him.”

  “But he wanted to travel all over the world,” Pandia said as if she was reasoning it out for herself.

  “He was too adventurous not to find The Castle and his home, where his brother was much older than himself, very restricting.”

  “I can understand that,” Pandia said quietly.

  She was thinking that Lord Silvester could only be satisfied by reaching far-off horizons, and what he had done physically her father had been forced to do mentally from his small house in Little Barford.

  It was something she wanted to talk about to Lord Silvester because he would understand.

  Quickly she said goodbye to Lady Anne and, when she was dressed in the smart astrakhan coat with its chinchilla collar, she hurried down to the hall to find the carriage waiting for her outside.

  As she drove aw
ay, the horses moving slowly at first over the thickness of the snow that had settled in the drive, she knew her whole being was pulsating with an irrepressible urgency to reach London and see Lord Silvester.

  ‘I shall see him again – I shall talk to him – and perhaps he will – kiss me!’

  She felt herself blush because it seemed so immodest to desire his kisses. Yet it was impossible to repress the flames which moved in her heart as she thought of last night and the ecstasy he had aroused in her – ‘I love him!’ Pandia thought. ‘I love him with my heart, my soul and my body, until there is nothing else in the world but him.’

  She wondered what he would say if she told him that she was not the Countess of Linbourne, but just plain Miss Pandia Hunyadi.

  Then she knew that to reveal her real identity to Lord Silvester or to anybody else would be to play Judas to her sister.

  Also she was quite certain that he had no wish to be married.

  How could any man who had travelled as he had to strange parts of the world where no white person had been before take a wife with him?

  However much he might say he loved her and could never lose her, he was thinking of her as a married woman whose lover he would become, but certainly not as an encumbrance like a wife.

  ‘No,’ Pandia told herself. ‘This is just a dream from which neither of us must ever awaken.’

  Equally she knew that for her the dream, if it did not become a nightmare, would be a long misery of loss and growing despair, when she faced the truth that she would never see him again.

  She would read his books and hold them next to her heart, but it would not be the same as feeling his lips on hers and, although she blushed at the thought, feeling his hands touching her body.

  Once again it flashed through her mind that she had been extremely foolish in not taking what the Gods had offered her last night and letting him love her as he wished to do.

  At least she would have that to remember rather than sending him away saying she had crucified him.

  But even as she thought of it, she knew that, had she set her principles and her ideals on one side, she would have lost something that was very precious.

  It was difficult now to realise that, when she had been so shocked at her sister’s behaviour, she had not understood the temptation of what Selene had described as ‘fire in the blood’.