Then we walked past a food stand and I groaned. “Hey, Chloe…c-can we walk outside? I need some air.”
“Sure,” she was on it right away; navigating me through the shops and then to the outside. “Hang on, I’m just walking us through an alley on the side of the mall.”
“Are we alone?”
“Yeah.” She picked up speed thinking the breeze would help in the wide open.
“Is it dark?” I tried.
“It’s not dark just shaded…Is it one of your anxiety attacks?”
“We still in the alley?”
“Yeah, why?”
I let go of her and went till I felt brick. Then I bent over and threw up. “Okay…” I rubbed my face. “So I’m totally not fine.”
GABRIEL
I sat outside a board room in Israel waiting to go in for this meeting. I hate these. My Father is standing a few feet away talking with a hot shot and I’m over here with my mobile phone and my iPad making notes.
I went to my camera roll to find the pictures of the damage we’d seen at one of the factories. Scrolling led to more mindless scrolling in an attempt to feel awake. Last night was a party night and like always my coffee is spiked. I know how to look sober as fuck, though.
Then there it was. My pictures of Brianna. The first one was the morning after our night together and the second was the selfie I took when I kissed her on the sofa. I stared and zoomed in on her face in both pictures. My body instantly calmed. The sea raging in my veins about this meeting settled.
She’s beautiful. She’s real. She’s perfect. I remembered how she felt touching me to see me. How her fingers searched the lines in my face. Her warped sense of humor still makes me laugh and I felt myself smile from the soul. She’s truly a diamond. I hope she finds someone worthy of all that, someone far better than what I am.
“Come along Gabe…” said my father. His voice snapped me to the present and I shut off the phone to balance my briefcase, iPad, laced coffee and laptop. Money doesn’t make itself.
BRIANNA
I sat at my doctor’s office after hanging with Chloe and waited on the examination table for what felt like forever. I hate the smell of doctor offices and all the clinical clank sounds things make.
My doctor has been with me since I was sixteen, her name is Dr. Vine and from what I remember she’s a super tall lady with graying brown hair.
I heard someone come back into the exam room and straightened my back.
“Hellooo again,” she said with a smile in her tone.
“You sound like you’re smiling…does that mean I’m not dying?” I asked.
“Humans generally aren’t immortal, but you aren’t dying now.”
Another reason I love Dr. Vine; her humor is a match to mine but maybe more intense. “Little advice,” I told her, “don’t google symptoms because pretty much every site will say you’re dying.”
She snorted, “yeah, don’t freak yourself out. You are totally fine…and I have news! Not only are you fine, but you have a tadpole in your pond.”
I was smiling but her verbiage stumped me a little there. “What?”
“You have an egg in your nest, a bun in your oven, an olive in your martini. You’re pregnant. Que the confetti. Yay…”
My smile fell and my heart sped into overtime. My breathing was so loud it was actually pissing me off, “w-what? You…you said I’m what? W-what? What the fuck?! No! I can’t be that’s impossible! It’s wrong. My stuff got mixed up with someone else’s or…or you read it wrong.”
She sat in a chair across from me, “nope, I have all your charts right here, and your urine came back positive. So did the little bit of blood tests. Congrats, Brianna, I had no clue you were trying.”
“Dr. Vine…I’m blind but even I know my face does not reflect that of a person looking for this outcome.”
She patted my knee, “like I tell everyone… if you let him hump, you might grow a bump.”
I cooled down because my doctor is just simply wrong, “that’s just the thing- I didn’t. We didn’t. See, I’m still a virgin. I’ve never had sex.”
The sound of her voice was decked in suspicion, “never let his car near your garage?”
“No! That’s what I’m telling you. He…I was…we made out, like really heavy but we didn’t actually…” ugh this is so embarrassing. “We were going to but we didn’t so.” The dread in my throat was slowly simmering because I just cleared this little miss fire right up. “So, see I can’t possibly be pregnant because,” what’s a good medical word? “We never had intercourse.” Ha! Good one. “My…cave of wonders is still wondering so…do you need more blood? Or more urine? I really have to pee again so, I can provide either.”
Her tone went flat. “Are you tired?”
“Yeah, I’m crashing all the time, I told you that.”
“Boobs hurt?”
I thought… “sometimes…but that’s because they’re growing again.”
“Headaches? Nausea? Food aversions? Frequent need to pee? Oh here’s a good one, missed period?”
I started to breathe so hard my chest hurt.
She went on, “then you are preggo with a leggo.”
“But-.”
“Yes,” I heard her sit back, “I heard you. You’re saying you didn’t have sex. Are you sure?”
“I think I’d know!”
She was quiet but I could hear her scribbling on her clipboard and murmuring ideas to herself then, “hmm,” she angled in her chair, “that’s…hmm, so… then there’s one other option.”
“Oh, thank God,” I held my chest and tried to swallow.
“Did you let his swimmers anywhere near your pool?”
I frowned, “okay, I adore your nutty wit but I’m going to need it plain.”
“Understood, did you let any sperm near you down there? Maybe you guys had a sex toy and didn’t properly clean before using or-.”
“Nope, we didn’t do that, we just…it was…I mean he didn’t.”
I felt her hands on my shoulders. I didn’t even hear her get up. “Brianna,” all the joke was out of her voice. “I need you to think, and you can’t be embarrassed with me. I highly doubt a deity did this to you so try and think. Did your partner come anywhere near you down below?”
I thought a minute. It had been forever but then again, I replayed it in my mind often enough. “He…he came on my lower stomach…”
“How low?”
Ugh, this is the same as pulling a tooth, “pretty low. It got on me if that’s what you mean…I mean it ran down my…but it’s still impossible because he didn’t go in. He didn’t push into me.”
Her low sigh said it all. She held my hands, “Brianna, if sperm gets anywhere near the vagina…you have a chance of getting pregnant.”
“I’m a virgin!”
“Doesn’t matter. People have old beliefs that the hymen is like a shield or a door keeping stuff out. That it has to be broken. That’s not true. It stretches to accommodate a partner and you’re a grown woman with cycles and such. It’s worn in and it might even be gone by now. Hell, a bike ride at twelve coulda done it. Either way, you are about seven weeks pregnant. You’re due around the last week of December, maybe early January. You’ll need to think about getting care. Your prenatal doctor will be able to figure all that out in more precise ways.”
I took my hands back and unfolded my walking stick. “I need to go,” I said as I let myself down and found my way out. She didn’t chase after me or demand my thoughts. I can’t breathe.
I took a bus home and once I was inside I broke down. I sat in front of my door and cried. This is the worst possible thing that could happen to me. It also still feels impossible. No amount of medical explanations can fix this in my head. So the tears kept coming and the fear kept building.
When I tried to get up, I dropped my walking stick, and that released the anger too. I slapped my purse against the door over and over until things were dropping out and rolling all over
the floor. There goes my order. There goes my independence. It hangs by a thread already, but even expressing myself just cost me my cosmetics. I’ll never find them all.
I took off my shoes and threw them across the room. Then I flung the purse and the keys. Fuck everything! I felt my way to my bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, to wake me in case I’m dreaming.
Then I felt sick. The bile swirled in my stomach then climbed up until I had to collapse over the toilet and heave. Now I’m shaking like a leaf and I can’t crawl into a small enough ball.
I think I fell asleep. Because when I woke up there was knocking on my front door. “Brianna?” it was Chloe. “Brianna? Are you home? Open the door, we’re worried.”
I started to cry again. I’m worried too. I’m terrified.
Then I heard the door open because she has a key. We all have a key to someone’s place in our little threesome. I could hear her talking to Moses about something not being right.
“Bri!?” She found me and came to check me on the floor. “Oh, my God Bri, are you okay? What’s happening?” She pulled me into her and held me for a minute. “Did you find something out at the doctor’s? Is it bad?”
I can’t talk so I just held her.
After a good ten minutes of that, they got me into the living room and Chloe sat at my side on the sofa while Moses sat at my feet. I keep running my hands through my hair to think. Nothing is working.
“Bri?” Moses begins, “tell us something. You’re freaking us out. What’s wrong babe? Is it an anxiety attack? Do you want me to help you center yourself?”
I snorted, “I’d need a friggin black hole to center myself right now…” I thought the tears were done but just talking made them hit again. They’re dropping onto my knees and my face feels swollen.
“Is it about your sight?” Chloe asked.
I pulled the edges of my shorts down and then wrung my hands, “no…it’s worse…”
Moses touched my ankle, “whatever it is, you have to open up.” He said.
I nodded. “Don’t get mad,” I said in Chloe’s direction, “but I met this guy I didn’t tell you about. We saw each other for a week.”
She rubbed my lower back, “that’s okay, I’m not mad. Moses and I didn’t tell you we were together for six months. Some things flourish when they’re secret. Was it serious?”
“How serious can things get in a week?” I asked.
Moses’ rumbling voice filled my ears, “who was he?” he questioned.
“Remember that guy I kissed at Jacob’s party?”
Chloe sat up, “the one that told you to wait?”
“We ran into each other the next day at my job. Turns out he works for…Gabe Gilmore…the millionaire. He’s one of his assistants.”
I could feel Chloe’s jaw drop. “What?! Holy shit! What happened? Are you still seeing him?”
“No, he had to go back to the UK with Gabe. He left a day early. We didn’t exchange information though because we agreed it was only a week long affair, like a spring fling.”
“You sound,” Moses looked for a word. “Depressed about that.”
“He was really great.” I thought a sec. “Maybe he isn’t. He has so many issues but he made himself great for me. For that week. It was amazing. I’ve never had a guy try so hard to make me feel special. I knew it would end but when he was here it was endless.”
Chloe wiped a tear off my cheek, “if it was so great why don’t you try and find him? Is that what this is about? You miss him?”
I shook my head, “no, this is more complicated than just a breakup.” Hot tears fell. “I’m fucking pregnant.”
Both of them went so still I couldn’t even hear them breathe. Maybe they levitated. Wish I could see their faces.
Moses sat up to hold my knees, “Bri, that’s great! Don’t cry babe, what’s so complicated? Things happen. We can do this. All of us can do this.”
“You don’t get it.” I sniffed… “Ugh, I don’t even know how to say this…” I sucked my lips then swallowed, “I’m a virgin.”
Chloe leaned back to look at me, “you mean he made you…feel like one?”
I shook my head, “no, Chloe. I never told you but I’m a virgin. I’ve never actually had sex. When we were in high school you assumed and I didn’t want to seem so stupid so I let you.”
Moses interrupted, “wait, wait, wait, stop, hold on.” He paused, “you mean you were a virgin before this guy? The assistant?”
I shook my head again, “no.”
“That’s impossible if you’re pregnant.” Said Chloe, “You can’t.”
“Tell that to my doctor. Besides…my body has been off as hell for days. She says I’m in my second month.”
Moses made a weird sound then, “okay I’m lost as fuck. You’re a pregnant virgin?”
“It’s really not as special as it sounds. I don’t want to gross you out but the stuff guys have to make babies got in places and it led to this.”
I could feel Moses’ confusion. “But you were a virgin, he never went in, no one did so…were you like…closed up or something?”
Chloe sighed, “no, Moses. It’s not like we carry around a mote down there. It’s not bricked off until you guys storm the castle.” She sighed again and with more thought. “Actually, I get it. If you got anything near there without protection or birth control then…”
I nodded, “then I am so pregnant.”
Moses found the bright side, “then we find this guy and tell him so you guys can work this out. I’ll see if Jacob remembers him.”
“There’s no point. I’m not keeping it.”
Chapter Nine
BRIANNA
That silence I hate came crashing down. Chloe moved closer, “what do you mean Bri? You wouldn’t…get rid of it, would you?”
I didn’t answer. I just let more tears silently fall.
“Hey,” Moses came closer and brushed my tears back, “don’t make quick decisions right now. You’re not giving yourself time-.”
“Time to what?” I pulled back and felt suddenly caged, “to change my mind? I’m not going to change my mind. I don’t want this. I’m terrified right now. I can hear my own heart beating. You guys don’t get it! I can’t see! I barely get through sometimes, I can’t just become someone else’s everything. I joke about what happened to me, that doesn’t mean I’m really okay! This is a baby! Another human being, I have to live for, how do I keep it from touching sharp things? Eating poison? Falling down steps? Running into traffic? What if I let go of his or her hand in a mall? What if I don’t have my stick and I can’t get to him or her? Worse than all that…” I said what scared me most, “what if it’s blind too? Then what?”
Chloe tried to be soft, “lots of blind people raise families-.”
“Good for them! I’m not them! I wasn’t born this way, I became this way and I’m not over it! I can’t! I can’t do this and I won’t. No. No, I still have time to stop it. I’m making an appointment tomorrow.”
Chloe tried one more time, “Brianna, we can help you. It doesn’t have to be so scary. The three of us, we can do anything. Besides, what about this guy? What if he wants it? It’s his baby too. It’s half his body. Don’t you think he might deserve to be part of this decision?”
I sniffed, “Gavin isn’t that kind of guy. He’s a stag. The ones that want freedom, not chains. This is on me. I have to figure it out. I have the money, it’s not like I need him financially. I can’t do this, though. I can’t. You understand now right? You get why this is impossible?”
Chloe was hesitant, “um…maybe. I mean. I don’t know, I’ve never been in this position. I don’t think I’d be able to do…what you’re thinking but…”
“Then you understand.”
Chloe was about to say something but then Moses’ voice filled the air with a heavy sounding, “no.”
I turned my head in his direction and waited. Then he explained, “No, Brianna, I don’t understand. I know guys pro
bably shouldn’t have much say in these things and I respect your body, I do, but I don’t respect that you would toss away a life out of fear. You were terrified of going blind. You swore you couldn’t do that either, and now look at you. You’re more accomplished than most seeing people. A great job, and independence. You know how to do almost everything without your sight. You’re strong. Like, Chloe. Both of you came from nothing, no parents, no home, and still both of you are incredibly successful. You aren’t even alone, you have us, my dad, and your dads.”
He took a breath, “this spirit that you have in your tummy right now, it didn’t ask for this. It didn’t ask to be made, that was on you and this Gavin. I know I’m the hippie in the group and some of what I say sounds crazy but, you are not a weak person Brianna. If your body could make this baby, and carry it, then you can raise it too. If not then give him or her up after but don’t just decide to forfeit it’s life out of fear. That’s not a good enough reason to take away someone else’s chance at breathing.”
I heard him out. I let myself listen but in the end, I’m the one that has to live this, not Moses, “I can’t do this.” Was all my tongue could collect. “And…and it’s my body so I’ll do what I feel is best. It’s not best for me or this kid to go through with a pregnancy. For what? A handicapped mother?”
He interrupted, “handicapped is a label. There’s nothing about you that’s handicapped. Except for your inner strength right now.” I heard him stand up, “listen,” he paused, “I love you, Brianna, you really are like a little sister to me. I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here for you, but I can’t support this. I can’t help you decide this is okay. All I see is my twin nieces in New Mexico or even Chloe, she’s the kid of immigrants, what if they decided she didn’t have a place in this world? I wouldn’t have a soul mate. What if this kid has a future? An important role in life.”
The Co-Parent (The Relationship Quo Series Book 3) Page 9