I nodded, “If you don’t go for the right reasons.”
“Well,” she touched her belly as she stirred, “If you think about it …you haven’t been on half as many business trips as usual. You said when you convinced me to move that you would be gone most the time.”
Danielle started sweeping around Brianna’s feet.
I sat back, “I put off a lot of traveling. I was worried I guess.”
She smiled. I smiled too. Now that we say ‘I love you’ not in the romantic sense it’s still like an inside joke. I feel guilty when she says it, because love means trust and I abuse hers daily. She thinks I’m clean or that I’m struggling to be.
“So…” she fished. “Question…”
“What?”
Danielle snickered then worked to look straight-faced so that pre-warned me something was up.
Brianna stopped and stepped carefully to where I was, then sat. “So the baby isn’t here yet…”
I laughed, “Good observation.”
“Shut up. I mean, yes…you’re right. So, I was thinking if I came into the office and did some light-.”
“No.” I laid my head back and closed my eyes, “Brianna, I said no!”
“Come on! I’m fine!”
“You’re nine months!” I brought my head forward and looked at her even though she was staring ahead. “No! Then you dare to wear those death heels. What if you have an accident? No, your maternity leave started a week ago.”
“Only because you put it in behind my back.”
I smiled, “I’m your boss, Love. I can put it in from any angle.”
Her lip twitched, “That was well played and funny but right now I’m not going to encourage your humor. I’m serious. I can still work and you need me. You can’t find your desk without me. Couple months of my organized help and you’re already ruined.”
I sighed, “I already have a temp on the job and she’s pretty good.”
“Ah ha!” She pointed at the wall. “I knew it!”
I took her finger and moved it to point at me. “I’m over here and you knew what?”
“This new secretary is hot. She’s probably dumb as sand but you want to get laid so you hired her!”
“That’s not accurate at all.”
“Danny!” She called. “Describe Gabe’s new secretary.”
I signaled to Danielle not to say a word but she ignored me.
“Barbie unplugged.” Danielle put in.
Brianna pointed in my direction again, “Ah ha!”
I rolled my eyes, “She’s attractive, yes, but-.”
“You’re giving her my job just so you can get laid. If that’s all, I’ll take you upstairs right now. I want my job back.”
“Please don’t make false promises. I’m full of weird fetishes thanks to you. You should be comforted by the fact that even if I did sleep with my temp, I would have her wear a red haired wig, put a pillow under her shirt and blindfold her all to pretend she’s you.”
“Awww!” She held her heart, “No way! You really are a lil’ freak.”
She thinks I’m joking. “You can’t come back to work yet. I can’t think with you trotting around the office blind and pregnant.”
She sat back defeated and held her bump with a pout. “What about the presentation on the thirtieth? That’s tomorrow. You’re ready?”
“All set.” I got up and went over to kiss her forehead before going to my office until dinner.
Hours later at one in the morning, I sat up from a deep sleep and rubbed my face. I felt oddly awake and tired at the same time. I realized after a nightmare of Brianna walking out of my life, that her indifference about my sex life kind of annoys me.
Being the get around that I am I despise clingy women but Brianna’s lack of cling irritates me. I also carry the insecurity of her finding someone that fits her needs and leaving. I like living with her now.
That’s when I heard it. A heavy thud sound from the other side of the wall. I frowned and pulled the covers back. I went to the joined bathroom door and knocked, “Brianna?”
No answer so I came into an empty bathroom. Another thud told me the sound was coming from her bedroom. I went and opened her door.
She was sitting in the middle of her bed on her knees. Slowly rocking back and forth holding her bump and taking uneven and shaky breaths.
“Brianna?” she jumped a little at hearing my voice and looked around in my direction. Her eyes were red and her lip quivered.
“Gabe?”
I came closer but slowly. Her cell was on the floor along with her bedside lamp. It must’ve been what made the thud. “Brianna, what’s wrong?” I asked.
Her eyes got very wet and she kept up her rocking. “It’s just one of my…my attacks. I’m okay…I’m okay…” she cried a little then pulled herself in, “I can do this, I can do this…”
“Brianna,” I said in a whisper, “What attacks? Is it the baby?”
She shook her head, “No…no…it’s-. Anxiety. I have…” she tried to breathe easy but it turned into a sob. “I have bad ones, anxiety attacks. I haven’t had one in such a long time.” She bit her lip and kept rocking. “But I had a nightmare and it wouldn’t go away and I keep thinking about it. I can’t stop because it’s always dark and-.” In her hysteria, she spoke too fast and cried in between so I started to shush her and came to sit on her bed.
“Easy,” I reached out and touched her back, “listen to me, calm down.”
“I can’t!” she cried.
“Yes you can, listen to me. You’re alright. I’m right here,” I came closer and she stopped rocking to feel my arm.
“I tried to call Chloe,” she whimpered, “But- but I knocked the phone down, then the lamp. I’m afraid to get down and look for it. It’s so dark.” She gripped my arm tight and I pulled her into me. She rested against my chest bunching her fists into my t-shirt. “Just don’t leave,” she begged.
“I won’t. I’m right here, I’m staying.” I rocked both of us a little. I let her cry, not sure what to do. I remember her telling me she had anxiety now. I’d just never seen it. “Can you tell me what started it?”
She doesn’t talk like herself in this situation. She talks at some crazy speed and I can hardly keep up.
“I dreamt about what happened to my parents in 9/11 then…I woke up already scared. These awful images in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When I was younger I looked up images from that day. Now it’s all I can think about. How do you think they died? Was it fast? Do you think- think they felt it? All because of a fucking plane… Then I was thinking about the dark and being a mother. I can’t. I can’t. What if…what if Willow is blind? W-what if I-I can’t see her-?”
All these fears she carries, all these burdensome thoughts. I didn’t know. I’m only ever thinking about how this scares me. She always seems so sure, so strong.
I brushed her hair back and whispered to calm her down. A good while passed before she stopped breathing hard. Wheezing really.
I coaxed her to lie back down but instead of being beside me she laid her head on my chest. Her fist stayed balled in my shirt like to keep me in place but I’m not going anywhere.
“Talk to me,” I said into her hair.
She was finally breathing better, “I’m not really thinking. I’m just listening to your heart. Your breathing. They rhythm. It makes me feel calm. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Men like me don’t sleep deeply until morning hours.” I teased.
She pressed her whole body closer. “Please don’t tell people.”
I held her tight, “Your secrets are safe with me, Love. You know all mine, I think. You seem to love me anyway.”
She snuggled, “I do.”
I stroked her head and shoulders until she wiped a new tear. “I’m sorry,” she said again, “It’s not gone. The attack. I’m still having thoughts…”
I sat up, “Okay…you need distraction then, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I
got up but she grabbed in the air for me, “I’m not leaving,” I assured her, “stay put.”
“Gabe, don’t.”
“Trust me…” I left and grabbed my phone in record speed. She was already in a fetal position against the headboard. I put my music on but played a singer I knew would comfort.
“Jon Bellion?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I got on the bed and stood on the mattress, “Take my hand, lets go.”
“Where?”
“Dance.” I bounced the bedding a bit.
“I can’t see. I’ll fall.”
“No, I won’t let you but if you’re worried about falling you won’t be imagining scary things now will you? Come on. It’s Guillotine. He even says we should dance on the bed.”
She wiped another tear, “This is corny, so you know.”
“Up, up, my sassy little knocked up wench.”
She smiled a little and reached around. I took her hand and pulled. She’s in a maternity nightgown that’s Christmas plaid with little red bows under the bodice. She’s cute. She’s always cute. I held her against me and made her slow dance on her bed. She was tense for a while but then she relaxed into me and let me sway us. I whisper-sang the lyrics and she held on tight.
The song carried into the next and we kept dancing. Her arms went around my neck and I tightened my arms. I’ve never been needed like this before.
“Want me to call Chloe?” I asked.
She shook her head against my shoulder, “No. Just stay.”
“Is this working?”
“Yeah, a little.”
I smiled to myself. She’s always there for me; perhaps I found a way to pay her back. This went on for quite a while but then she got tired again and we lay back down. Her thoughts cleared of the bad stuff and we laid there toying with our hands and fingers. Knitting them together, weaving them, tracing…
“Do you have tattoos?” she asked.
“Nope. I hate needles.”
She smiled, “Me too. Any birthmarks?”
I sighed, “Hmm, no. I have a mole on my neck. Right here,” I put her hand over it.
“I knew about that.” She said cockily. “Any scars?”
“One. Here,” I put her hand on my hip bone. “I was seventeen. I played rugby and I think that says it all.”
She laughed. “Chloe says you’re hot. Have you always been hot?”
“When I was a baby, I was adorable. The sun actually got brighter in my presence and yes, I’m the most handsome man alive. I think you Americans actually gave me first place in one of your hotness polls.”
She laughed and I laughed with her. “Asshole.” She teased.
“You like it but…I wonder…”
“What?”
“If you could see…maybe I wouldn’t be what you imagine to be attractive. Never know. Plenty of women don’t think Brad Pitt was that good looking. If you could see, I might not be your type.”
She brought her hand up to touch and trace my chin, “No, I’m pretty sure you’re what I would want.”
I held her hand and kissed it. That kiss was too familiar, though and in the same moment, my lips were on hers. It felt like all the parts of my life out of place went into line. She always does this. Her touch, her body, it pulls me into balance.
She didn’t pull away or push at my chest so I sat up to go deeper. She opened her mouth and held the back of my neck. The excitement of her submission to my advance brought my groin to life. My body misses hers like mad. She’s the only one that satisfies me.
I pushed her on her back and pulled my lips away to taste her neck and behind her ear. The pulse in her neck throbbed against my lips and her hands started to explore my chest. Holding the top of her nightgown, I peeled it down over her shoulder and kissed there. Her familiar scent is making me hard and all I want is to bury myself between her thighs, no thoughts of the future.
“Fuck,” she turned her face away from me and closed her eyes. “You’re so sly. How do I fight someone like you?”
“Maybe I’m not the one you’re fighting. Maybe it’s whatever we create when we’re together.”
She kept her head turned away, “If you took me right now it would be a welcome distraction.”
I kissed her then nuzzled her jaw, “Then let me.”
“I bet if I say no, you’ll be here when I wake up.”
“Tell me whatever you want. I’ll do it.” I swore.
She touched her bump and I looked down at it. Reluctantly I put my hand out and felt for movement. I raised my brows, “You told me when we found out Willow was a girl, that you would admit I had a chance at your heart. I won the bet remember?”
She kissed my cheek lingeringly, “Yes, I remember. I can’t forget because falling for you would be a short distance to fall from.”
I bent my head and kissed her nipple over her gown, “Why are you still here? I don’t deserve you or this baby…”
Her voice was low and meaningful, “Because I love you, Gabriel.”
“You might be the first.”
Her kisses up my ear were killer, “I see you better than most.”
Yes, she does. I smiled to myself and reached back to hold her head. “I love you too…” Then I touched her stomach, “Both of you.”
She pulled my shirt so I’d lie back down. She had no idea the pain of working away a boner, torturing me more by cuddling into my body. She fell asleep in no time at all and I was left with my thoughts.
I hate my father but all his words are caging me in. My own mother couldn’t be trusted. She was my model for women. My father made the mistake of trusting a woman too, look what happened. Brianna is everything I want and she trusts me. Look what a mistake that is. I’m no more trustworthy.
Guilt. There it is again. With the sun comes my sense. I can’t just open up without consequences.
So before the sun touched the edge of her bed, I was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
BRIANNA
December 30th
Okay so now I know intimacy of any kind means Gabe will disappear in the morning. Waking up and feeling for his body told me that. He’s gone.
I groaned and buried my face in the pillow. The disappointment I’m feeling is my own fault. I know better than to expect him to stay. It’s just that after he rescued me from my attack last night I had this stupid little hope.
I felt for my phone on the nightstand. He’d put it back for me last night. I called him but he wouldn’t answer. Figures.
Then my phone rang the chime I assigned to Chloe.
“Hey,” I answered.
She laughed, “You sound like a lump.”
I smiled, “I look like one.”
“How do you know? You might look radiant.”
“Maybe.”
“You okay?”
I told her about the attack and what Gabe did for me. She gushed. Then I told her about this morning.
“That’s so romantic. You actually danced on your bed! Or wait, is that code for sex?”
“No,” I laughed, “Just actual slow dancing.”
“Maybe he left because he has feelings…”
“I already know that. I know he feels for me. He just doesn’t know what to do with the feelings. Neither do I really.”
Chloe moaned a little. “You guys would be a great couple.”
I toyed with the ends of my hair as I lay in this enormously plush bed. “I don’t want to be a great couple. I want to be great parents. I also just want him to feel cared about, so he maybe finds the right person one day.”
“There’s not a tiny part of you that wants to be that someone?” She asked.
Ugh, friends know how to dig. “Sure, but Gabe has to be mature enough to decide what he wants and not give up on it. In the end, it’s all got to be what he wants.”
As the day progressed I kept myself busy. Gabe wouldn’t answer my calls even though they were work related. I’m still allowed to do some work from home.
D
anielle came into the dining room where I sat with work stuff spread all about. “Hey,” she said.
“Uh oh,” I followed the sound of her steps to turn my body in the chair, “You sound-.”
“Mr. Gilmore forgot this.” She put a folder in my hands and the braille label said New Proposal.
“Oh shit!” I stood up. “He needs this for that presentation. What time is it?”
Danielle checked, “It’s four. He should still be at the office.”
“Okay, so have the new driver meet me out front and I’ll run it in.”
“On it!”
I tried calling the office and got the new secretary. “Hi, this is Brianna Birks, Can you let Mr. Gilmore know he forgot his proposal and I’m bringing it in. He can’t leave until I get there.”
She sounded pretty dim, “You mean, Gabe?”
I rubbed my temple. “Yeah…Gabe.”
“He’s gone already.”
“The presentation isn’t until five. Where is he?”
“Um…I don’t think I can tell you that.”
I rolled my neck, “I’m his- never mind. I’ll be there in a bit.”
I hung up and went to the car. After a good little drive, we stopped in front of the building and I used my stick to guide my way in. I rode the elevator and got out at his floor…my old floor and went to the front desk, no one was there. Wow. He sure knows how to pick them. The new girl moved around all my stuff too.
I went around to where the keys to the offices are held and got his but decided to call him first from the desk phone. I felt around the buttons and slowly dialed.
“Hello?” his voice called into my ear.
I smiled, “Hey, Gabriel, it’s Brianna-.”
“What you doing in the office?”
“You left the proposal. You can’t go to the presentation without it. Can you run by and grab it first?”
He spoke to people in the background and I frowned. “Gabe? Did you hear me? The folder is-.”
“I got this fucking headache that won’t stop pounding.” He informed me.
I raised my brow and nodded, “Sorry. Did you hear me, though?”
“I canceled the presentation. It’s not untill tomorrow. No worries.”
The Co-Parent (The Relationship Quo Series Book 3) Page 26