A Heart Healed

by Jennifer Johnson

  They collected their trash and dumped it in the can. He walked them to the truck, helped them inside then buckled them into their seat belts. Once at the school, they hopped out of the truck.

  Relief filled him when Emma perked up when she saw a little dark-haired girl with yellow bows in her hair. His older niece fell into step beside the girl. He could tell the two chatted as they walked toward their teacher.

  Emmy spied Ms. Cann and lifted her hand high in the air in an exaggerated wave. She ran to the light-haired woman with short, choppy hair. He watched as the lady nodded her head while Emmy talked and talked. No telling what his younger niece was saying to the woman.

  He chuckled as he pulled out of the drive. Though they came from the same parents, the girls were as different as night and day. He wondered what his and Callie’s children would be like. Would they be dark haired like him and love farming and getting their hands dirty? Or would they be light haired and ready in a moment to help someone who was hurting? They’d probably be a combination of both, each taking different traits in different ways.

  He thought of Callie’s groaning when she relayed her remembrance that he wanted as many kids as he had fingers. He still did. As many as Callie was willing to have, he was willing to have. He wanted a whole houseful. As many boys as girls, if God allowed. He was ready to start now. Glancing out the windshield, his heart thrilled when he saw a lone tree boasting a few salmon-colored leaves. The wedding couldn’t come soon enough.

  * * *

  Callie had dreaded this day. The feeling was nothing new. She’d never enjoyed going to the doctor for her yearly female exam, but the soreness she felt on the left side of her chest made her doubly leery.

  At times, she felt like there may be a mass, but she’d pressed and prodded so much she’d convinced herself she’d caused the swelling and soreness.

  Her legs shook as she sat on the paper-covered exam table. They shook because she was cold. That was all. She’d forgotten socks in her anxiety about coming. She didn’t have any other reason for her legs to shake.

  Dr. Coe walked into the room, a big smile covering her face. She gave Callie a quick hug. “How have you been? It’s so good to see you.” She motioned around the room. “Course, I know you’d rather we run into each other at the grocery store or the mall, but I’m still glad to see you.” She tapped Callie’s knee. “You look great. So, how are you?”

  Callie’s nerves calmed, and she knew seeing her mom’s doctor had been the right choice. Dr. Coe had been a constant encouragement to her and her mother. The woman had tried every avenue to save Callie’s mom. She’d even attended the funeral, hugged Callie and cried with her.

  She told Dr. Coe about finishing nursing school and caring for her dad and hospice patients. For the first time, she experienced a peace relaying the story anew to someone. She lifted her hand. “I’m also getting married this October.”

  Dr. Coe narrowed her gaze. “That one boy. What was his name?” She snapped her fingers. “Kirk, right?”

  Callie nodded. “Five years apart, but now we’re back together.”

  “Sometimes time is what’s needed.” She pressed the intercom and called for the nurse to join them in the room. “Okay, lie back and let’s get this over with.”

  As she expected, Dr. Coe started with the breast examination. Callie lifted her left arm and tried not to groan when Dr. Coe felt the side of her chest. The doctor didn’t say anything once she’d finished, but continued with the rest of the examination. Relief filled Callie. Maybe she’d been worried for nothing. It had been a few weeks since she’d bumped into the door, but if Dr. Coe didn’t feel anything, everything must be all right. Dr. Coe tapped Callie’s leg. “All done.”

  She sat up, and Dr. Coe pulled off her gloves, threw them in the trash then washed her hands. She turned around, and Callie’s heart plunged at Dr. Coe’s pursed lips. She remembered that expression. The blood rushed to Callie’s ears as her heart beat against her chest.

  Dr. Coe released a sigh. “You have a lump in your left breast.”

  Tears welled in Callie’s eyes as she nodded. Fear filled her gut, and bile rose in her throat.

  “Let’s not be worried yet.” She patted Callie’s arm. “However, with your family history, we will be cautious. I want to do a needle biopsy right now.”

  “Now?” Callie’s voice squeaked, and she cleared her throat, willing away the nausea that threatened to overcome her.

  “Now. And I’ll have the nurse set you up an appointment for a mammogram. Okay?”

  Callie swiped her eyes with the back of her hand. What other option did she have? “Okay.”

  Dr. Coe’s expression softened. “Listen. You’re twenty-five years old. Chances are it is nothing. Just a bunch of bills for your insurance.” She chuckled, and Callie couldn’t help but grin. “But let’s be sure.”

  Callie nodded.

  Dr. Coe tapped her leg one last time. “Go ahead and put your bottoms on, but keep the robe up top. I’ll go get everything ready and be right back.”

  Anxiety seized Callie’s body when Dr. Coe left the room. Her hands started to shake, and she clasped them together. When that didn’t work, she rubbed them on her already trembling legs. The room was so cold, which didn’t help.

  She tried to keep her mind blank. To not think. But images of her mother attacked her one after the other. Vomiting after a chemo treatment, not being able to eat, shaving her head when her hair started falling out. The weakness. Her mother, a woman who’d once been able to take on the world, or at least so it seemed to Callie, became a frail shell of a person.

  Panic started in the base of Callie’s gut. Her heart pounded, and her breath came out in shallow spurts. Stay calm, her mind whispered to her body.

  The door opened and the nurse walked inside. She was a different woman than the one who’d helped Callie’s mom. “I set up the mammogram for tomorrow afternoon. Does that work for you?”

  Tomorrow afternoon? Dr. Coe was working fast. She must have a bad feeling about the lump. Callie hadn’t felt as if it was a lump, but more like a swelling from hitting the door.

  Sudden relief washed over her. She hadn’t told Dr. Coe she’d run into the door. If the doctor knew that, she might not feel the urgency with the tests. But the mammogram wouldn’t hurt, so Callie forced a smile at the nurse. “That should be fine.”

  The woman gave Callie the instructions. She could have repeated them verbatim to the lady, but she didn’t say anything, simply listened. She took the orders and put them in her purse.

  The woman left and several minutes passed before Dr. Coe and the nurse returned with the instruments needed for the biopsy.

  Callie straightened her shoulders. “Dr. Coe, I forgot to tell you a couple of weeks ago I ran into the side of my screen door and whammed the left side of my body. I had a bruise on the left side of my breast for a while. It may still be swollen inside. That might be all you feel.”

  Callie knew she rambled, because even though she felt relief sharing the information with the doctor, anxiety still swirled within her.

  Dr. Coe smiled, but it wasn’t an expression of relief or that Callie’s fall was a possibility for the lump. She pursed her lips, and Callie wanted to throw something at the older woman. “Let’s hope that’s all it is. Here we go.”

  Callie sucked in her breath and gripped the sides of the bed while Dr. Coe performed the biopsy. “All done.”

  Callie blinked back tears. That hurt. A lot.

  “I’ll call you as soon as I get the results. You’ll be a little tender, but that’s to be expected.” She turned toward the nurse. “Mammogram tomorrow?”

  “Yep. Can’t wait.”

  Dr. Coe tucked the clipboard against her chest. “Your mom was such a fighter. If we’d caught it earlier, I know she’d have made it. You’re you
ng, and I can tell you’ve got that same spirit, and...” She paused then tapped Callie’s leg for what seemed the hundredth time. “Again, let’s not go down that road just yet. Chances are it is nothing.”

  The doctor and nurse walked out of the room, and Callie put on her shirt. Chances are it is nothing repeated over and over in her mind. Weren’t those the same words she’d said to herself when she hit the door in the first place? Now, here she stood in the doctor’s office, her left breast stinging worse than if she’d been bitten by a yellow jacket, making plans for a mammogram the next day.

  She and Tammie planned to pick out flowers for the wedding the next day. Resolve settled upon her as she lifted her chin and peered up at the ceiling. They’d simply have to visit the florist in the morning. She had no intention of telling Kirk or anyone about the biopsy and mammogram. Not until she knew the results.

  Her family background and her profession often led her to believe the worst, but the worst wasn’t usually the case. If she stepped away from the situation and thought solely as a professional she would note that she was young and healthy and had recently injured the area. There was no reason to start traipsing down a path of morbid thinking.

  Hefting her purse on her right shoulder, she walked out of the office. She stepped into the empty elevator and pushed the button. Looking up at her reflection, she said, “Remember, God is good. He’s my refuge in trouble. He cares for me.”

  Chapter 15

  Callie sat beside Tammie and flipped through the book of bouquets the floral shop had designed for past weddings. The room smelled heavenly with the warring of an array of blooms. Flowers never failed to lift Callie’s spirits, each one beautiful in its own way. As the Bible said, God had adorned the fields with the flowers’ splendor at no cost to the fields. Course these flowers might just cost a penny or two.

  “Roses are a must,” said Tammie as she pointed to a bouquet of yellow, red, salmon and burnt-orange blooms. Callie furrowed her brow. She’d never seen burnt-orange roses, and she wondered how they got them to look like that, because they didn’t look sprayed.

  Tammie flipped the page, and Callie pressed her finger against the photo of a simple arrangement of twelve white roses. The picture showed a long red ribbon at the base of the bouquet. “This is perfect for my flowers, only with a green ribbon instead of red.” She waved her hand. “Or maybe no color at all. Simply white flowers and a white ribbon.”

  “I agree. It’s simple but elegant.” Tammie pointed to a picture on the following page. “What about this arrangement for Pamela?”

  Callie looked at the arrangement of yellow-and-red roses, orange carnations and white daisies. The rustic brown ribbon seemed to enhance the colors of the flowers. It reminded her of a hike through the woods on a warm autumn day. Her primary color for the wedding was green, but the arrangement would be a terrific complement to Pamela’s dress. Callie nodded. “I wouldn’t change it at all.”

  The bell on the front door dinged, and Callie saw Pamela walk in. Her soon-to-be sister-in-law smiled with genuine pleasure. Callie marveled at the sight. Pamela had acted mopey and weighted down the past several weeks. Callie knew Tammie and Mike worried. She’d been concerned, as well.

  Tammie motioned Pamela to them. She held up the book and showed her the bouquet. “What do you think?”

  “I love it. Guess what?”

  “What?” Callie and Tammie responded in unison.

  Pamela lifted her fist and pumped the air. “Got an A on my first paper.”

  “Woohoo!” Tammie whooped. “I knew you could do it.”

  Pamela pursed her lip. “I wasn’t so sure. You know it’s been a while.” She made a fist. “But I researched what needed to be done. Told myself that I could do this. It took some determination and some hard work. I’d done well in school when I wanted to, and I knew I had the brains to get the job done. Just had to pump myself up a bit.”

  Tammie cheered. “I knew God would help you through it.”

  Callie frowned as Pamela’s expression hardened. She turned away and touched a bouquet of yellow flowers on the table beside her. “These are pretty.”

  Distracted, Tammie hopped up and touched the bouquet. “They are lovely. We’ll have to incorporate them in some way. Maybe for the reception.” She clapped her hands then touched Callie’s shoulder. “Mike and Kirk almost have the barn all cleaned out. It won’t be the fanciest reception ever, but we’ll still make it look great.”

  “You’re already doing too much. We don’t even need a reception.”

  Tammie lifted her hand. “We’ll have none of that kind of discussion.”

  She made her way to the other side of the shop to find the florist, and Callie bent down and sniffed the inviting scent. She didn’t know the kind, but she agreed she wanted them in the wedding. She straightened and studied Pamela. “I’m glad you’re enjoying school.”

  “It’s great. Giving me a sense of individuality. I’m not solely working on my parents’ farm and raising kids, but I’m doing something for myself, as well.”

  Callie chewed the inside of her cheek. Pamela’s sentiments weren’t wrong exactly, but her tone and demeanor when she said them made Callie uncomfortable. She sounded angry and cold, and trepidation swelled in Callie’s gut. “Have you heard from Jack lately?”

  Pamela narrowed her gaze. “How did you know about that?”

  Callie tried to recollect the origin of the knowledge. Hadn’t Pamela told her? She cringed. No. It was Kirk, and he’d asked her not to say anything. “Well, I...”

  “Kirk has a big mouth.” She placed her hand on her hip. “But so you know, no, I have not heard from Jack since Kirk told him to leave me alone.” She smacked her pant leg. “And good riddance to him. The girls and I don’t need a man, anyway.”

  Callie cringed. The bitterness showed itself full force, and she knew Pamela would take up a larger part of her prayer time. “I’m sorry...”

  Pamela lifted her hand. “It’s fine.” Her expression softened. “Tell Kirk not to worry. His little sister is okay.” She shrugged. “In fact, I’ve never been better.”

  Callie knew better. Pamela had built a wall. Callie watched as she walked to Tammie and started talking flowers with her and the florist. If anyone recognized construction in a gal’s heart meant to protect her from pain, it was Callie. And Pamela had been working with some inner tools, and a wall had been formed.

  Empathy filled Callie. She knew how Pamela felt. Frustrated. Tired. Burdened. She also knew Pamela couldn’t fix the problems. Only God could mend her heart.

  Callie glanced at the clock on the wall above a swag of purple flowers and ribbons. She’d need to hurry up this appointment. The mammogram was in a little over an hour.

  And what am I going to do if I get bad news? Am I going to simply sit at Jesus’s feet, believing that all will be well and that He’ll heal me?

  She swallowed the knot that formed in her throat.

  Like He healed Momma?

  She hefted her purse higher on her right shoulder and closed her eyes. She would not go there. No dwelling on negative thoughts. Everything within her believed this was only a test to see if she would be faithful to God or if she would run when times got tough. A test, that was all. Not cancer. Not bad news.

  She opened her eyes then walked to the other side of the shop to join Tammie, Pamela and the florist. She tapped her cell phone. “We’ll have to hurry. I have an appointment in an hour.”

  Tammie furrowed her brows. “What for?”

  “Doctor’s appointment.”

  Tammie cocked her head. “I thought you went to the doctor yesterday. Is everything all right?”

  “It’s fine. Just a checkup.”

  Pamela released an exaggerated sigh. “I hate those.”

  The florist leaned close to Callie an
d Pamela and whispered, “Me, too.”

  Tammie frowned. “But I know you said you went...”

  Callie touched Tammie’s arm. “It’s nothing. Just a checkup, like I said.”

  And that was what is would be. An uncomfortable X-ray proving no abnormal cells in her body. God was good. He was her refuge. He cared for her. She’d quoted the scripture a bunch of times in a ton of ways. God had given her the verse. She knew He wanted her to believe Him. Everything would be fine.

  * * *

  Jacobs Family Farm closed to the regular public on Labor Day so the family could enjoy time together. Originally, the plan had been just a cozy affair of his parents, Pamela and the girls, Ben, Callie and him. Somehow a couple of gals in Pamela’s English class received word of the gathering, and they decided to come. As did a few families from the church. A couple of neighbors, including the middle-schooler Justin’s family. His nieces invited a few friends, and Ben brought three guys home with him from the university. What started out to be a quaint gathering for immediate family soon included more than fifty people.

  Not that Kirk minded. For the most part he sat back, played a little corn hole and tossed horseshoes. He and Dad were in charge of the grilling, but it didn’t take too much effort to throw burgers and hot dogs on a grill, wait a few minutes and then flip them over.

  The women, on the other hand, hustled back and forth, inside and outside the house, refilling various foods and taking emptying dishes inside. And he wouldn’t have minded that so much if it didn’t take away from him being able to spend time with Callie. But she was one of the gals running back and forth.

  She’d seemed anxious the past few days, kind of snapped at him when he talked to her. His dad assured him wedding jitters had gotten the best of her, and Kirk hoped his dad was right. Still, his gut told him something else was going on. She walked out the back door and greeted a neighbor with a ready smile. He brushed the concern away. Her nerves probably had gotten the best of her. They reunited, fell in love and planned to marry all in six months’ time. And I’d tie the knot today if I could.