Believed (My Misery Muse)

by Betzold, Brei

  I jumped when the chair next to me screeched across the marble floor. I glanced over and found Xavier sitting down in it. His head fell down to the table and he groaned. I couldn’t hide the pure glee on my face as if my life depended on it.

  “Rough night?” I asked X, loudly.

  “Quiet,” he mumbled.

  “What was that?” I asked even louder.

  “Damn it, Jules,” he barked then groaned in pain.

  “What’s the matter, X, have a headache?” I asked still talking loudly.

  “I hate you,” he mumbled against the table.

  I laughed and went back to braiding my wires together. All while trying to make as much noise as possible. If I had to put up with the mess he left in the living room then I wasn’t going to make life easy on him.

  “What are you making?” he mumbled.

  “A new bracelet design.”

  “When you going to make me something?”

  “This is actually a design I have planned for a guy.”

  He perked up and looked at me. “Really?”

  I nodded while cutting the braid from the three strands of wire. Then I pulled out an aluminum tube and began wrapping the wire around it. I was using two silver wires and a black one in the braid; I could play with color combinations later. I planned to keep the actual design simple showcasing the rings themselves.

  “How are you holding up?”

  I continued wrapping the wire. “I’m okay, I guess.”

  “You know he’s a walking corpse, right?”

  “This is why I didn’t want anyone to know,” I muttered.

  “He hit you, Jules, what did you think was going to happen?”

  “I was hoping he’d leave me alone.”

  Xavier sighed. “Sugar, wouldn’t have mattered. He became a walking corpse the first time he hurt you.”

  “He’s sick, Xavier.”

  “He’s an addict, Jules.”

  “Exactly, which means he’s sick.”

  “Doesn’t mean he gets to beat on people, especially women.”

  “I just wanted him to get help,” I said quietly.

  “Ah sug, he won’t get help until he’s ready. You, on the other hand, should have said something the first time it happened.”

  I put my tools down and looked at X. “I thought if I loved him enough he’d want to get better.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t work that way,” he said quietly.

  “No it doesn’t.”

  He reached over and pulled me into a hug. “It’ll be okay.”

  “I just feel like an idiot, everyone else is having to handle my fuck up. I don’t want anyone hurt because of me.”

  “No one’s going to get hurt, well except for Beau.”

  “But—”

  Xavier interrupted me. “No excuses for him, Juliet, none.”

  I laid my head on X’s shoulder and let him hold me for a little while, it was nice. No one held me like this any longer. Beau used to, then meth became the most important thing in his life. Max had his mom and dad to worry about. I was once again left alone, or that’s how it’d felt lately.

  “I need to get ready for tonight’s show,” he said pulling away from me.

  I grinned. “You going to be up for it?”

  He scoffed. “Always am.”

  “Anymore naked girls coming out of your room?”

  He made a face. “I think there’s one asleep in my bathroom.”

  I scrunched up my nose. “X, you’re gross.”

  “Shut up, you love me, you know you do.”

  “Think whatever you want, but you’re still gross.”

  “Is there any coffee made?”

  I nodded while picking my tools back up. “In the kitchen.”

  He headed into the kitchen while I went back to work wrapping up the coils that I would later cut apart to make rings. It was soothing the way I could lose myself into the monotony of the action. I lost myself in the work like I always did. I was able to forget about everything that had led me to where I was now. That in itself was a merciful act, I kept replaying each and every encounter with Beau through my head trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve the way he treated me. When I was engrossed in work, I was able to shut that part of my brain down and just focus on how taut I pulled the wires, or how hot I needed to get the fire before melting silver or whatever medium I was working on.

  I peeked up and found Eli walking slowly into the kitchen and I snickered to myself. I quietly put everything down then tiptoed into the kitchen following him. When I was right behind him, I screeched as loudly as I could “ELI!” When he jumped nearly a foot off the ground then stumbled into the counter, I started laughing. I bent over laughing while both Xavier and Eli glared at me holding their heads.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” Eli growled.

  I laughed harder sliding down the cupboards to the ground.

  Sam came running into the kitchen he looked down at me amused before glaring at his two bandmates. “Rise and shine fuckers,” he said then looked back at me. “Why do I keep finding you on your ass in here?”

  I pointed at Eli before another round of laughter took over.

  “Well at least he’s wearing pants this time,” Sam mused.

  I fell over cradling my sides while gasping for air, tears streamed down my face. Xavier and Eli looked lost darting their eyes between Sam and me.

  “Does someone want to tell me why she,” Eli pointed down at me, “screamed in my ear then started laughing like a hyena.”

  I snorted and pointed up at Eli trying to take a breath. “How’s…” gasp, “the…” gasp, snort, “balls?” I got out before another fit took me over.

  Sam

  I stood there and watched as Jules rocked back and forth on the floor laughing, and chuckled. When she screamed, I lost ten years off my life. That was until I walked in and found my two very hungover friends glaring at her.

  “What’s her problem?” X grumbled. He looked like shit.

  “She had a bit of a run in with Eli this morning,” I said smirking.

  “Huh?” Eli said looking confused.

  “Hey chuckles,” I said nudging a still laughing Jules in the foot, “where’s your phone?”

  She waved her hand towards the dining area; I looked out the door and saw it sitting on the table. I walked over and grabbed it before heading back into the kitchen. I scrolled through her photos until I found the pictures from this morning. I sighed when I found she really did have a picture of Eli scratching his balls.

  I shoved the photo in Eli’s face letting him get a good look before going to the next, then the next, and finally the picture of him scratching his ass walking back to his room.

  His eyes widened with each photo, his face got paler, and I almost felt sorry for the stupid asshole.

  “When?” then he groaned. “What the hell?”

  “You apparently gave her a show,” I said eyeing Jules who was sitting up trying to compose herself.

  It was Xavier’s turn to start laughing while holding on to the counter.

  “She posted the one of you scratching your ass on Facebook, by the way, Devi and Drake both want to talk to you,” I said grinning. I’d let those two handle this situation, as long as the press didn’t get ahold of these photos, it was a family matter.

  “Fuck,” he moaned. “I’m going to wring your scrawny neck,” he said glaring at Jules, she stuck her tongue out at him. I watched as Eli’s face damn near turned purple then stormed out of the kitchen.

  “Jules, I love you,” X gasped out.

  She was pulling herself off the floor finally. “Okay, fun time is over,” I barked. “We have to get ready for the show tonight, and X make sure all the girls are gone in the next fifteen minutes.”

  I grabbed Jules arm and ushered her out of the kitchen. “Go,” I said giving her a tiny push towards her room. I sighed then went to my own room to get ready for tonight. It was going to be a very long fi
ve weeks if this continued.

  Chapter 8

  Jules

  When I got to my room, I quickly stripped then shoved everything back into the duffle bag while simultaneously pulling out clothes for tonight. After a quick peek around the room, I was certain I had everything, I tossed all three bags on the bed like I was told to. I pulled on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a Rise Against tank top, and slid my feet into a purple pair of Chuck Taylors. I quickly pulled my long hair into a bun at the base of my neck, put some clear lip gloss on, then on my way out I grabbed the hoodie I planned on taking with me. Inside the venue, it would be roasting hot, but once the show let out it was still winter in the desert.

  I walked out into the living area where Seth was sitting messing around with his phone, he looked up and stared then back at his phone then back at me. “You’re ready?” he asked incredulously.

  I looked down to make sure I remembered shoes, then back up at Seth. “Yeah.”

  I noticed my kit was still on the dining room table so I went and put everything I was working on earlier away. “The bags, are we taking them with us?”

  “Uh no, someone will come get them and put them on the bus for us.”

  I nodded grabbed my kit, I needed to put it in one of the duffle bags.

  “You’re seriously ready? You were in there for like ten minutes.”

  “Yeah, why is something wrong?” I asked checking to make sure I was wearing pants.

  “No, it’s just that I’m used to waiting and waiting some more for Devi.”

  I grinned. “That’s because Devi is a diva.”

  Seth tossed his head back and laughed. “Don’t tell her that.”

  “Oh I have, she’s a violent diva, but still a diva.”

  I went back in my room, opened one of the duffle bags, and put my kit in, making sure that it couldn’t move around a lot, then zipped it back up. When I walked back into the living area, Sam was sitting with Seth both gaping at me.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “Nothing,” Seth mumbled. “It’s just that I’m still a bit amazed.”

  I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him.

  “As much as your wife would love to turn me into her mini-me, she hasn’t succeeded yet.”

  I plopped down on the couch beside Sam and sat with my legs criss-cross. I leaned over and bumped his shoulder. “What’s up?”

  He chuckled, it was a rare sound that I loved to hear from him. “Nothing, just amazed.”

  I cocked my head and looked at him. “Amazed, huh?”

  He bit his lip and nodded. “Never met a woman who can get dressed, pack, and be ready to leave before me.”

  I sighed and leaned back into the cushions on the couch. “You guys need to get over it already.”

  “Why does Devi want to turn you into a mini-me?” he asked.

  “Because until I came around when I was sixteen, Devi was living in a man’s world. Here I come, some lost sixteen-year-old girl who had no clue about anything, and she took me under her wing. Helped me out with a lot of stuff, including boys and make-up. She’s like my big sister.” I looked over at Seth. “It’s not so much a mini-me, as it is she wants me to feel pretty I guess.”

  Sam blinked and stared then cleared his throat. “You met Devi when you were sixteen?”

  “Yep.”

  “How old was Devi?”

  “Twenty or so, Jaks was a baby, just a tiny thing. I helped out at the shop, ringing up customers, stuff like that, as well as babysat for Devi while she was working.”

  “Wait, how old are you?”

  I looked over at Seth then over at Sam. “I’m twenty-one.”

  “Huh, I thought you were older, closer to Devi’s age.”

  “I never heard how you came to work at the shop,” Seth said, probably noticing the strange vibe coming off Sam.

  “I was living with Cris’s mom, she thought me having an after school job would keep me out of trouble.” I shrugged. “For the most part it did, Cris gave me odd jobs and I took care of Jaks, it was fun.”

  “Why were you living with Cris’s mom?” Sam asked.

  I smiled sadly at him. “Another story for another time.”

  He nodded but was looking at me like I’d grown an extra head, I wasn’t sure what his deal was.

  I pushed up from the couch and headed to the kitchen, I pulled a bottle of juice out of the fully stocked refrigerator. I twisted the lid and took a deep drink. I set it down on the counter then dropped my head down beside it. I didn’t exactly hide my past, but I didn’t want to freely talk about it either. I’d finally let it go and realized that it wasn’t me that was unworthy but them. What I did hate was the look of pity on people’s face when they learned about my past. I didn’t think I could stand that look on Sam’s face, if he wanted to know bad enough he could always ask his brother. Though I didn’t think he would do that.

  I’d been fighting with some of those same emotions after Beau, I hated that he could make me feel unworthy of love, like something was inherently wrong with me. I felt like a fool for staying with him for as long as I had. Granted that for the first year or so it was amazing, I felt loved and accepted. It’s just the last eight months where things eroded and fell apart around me. I was an idiot for letting it get to the place it had. I never thought that I would ever stand for a man hurting me, but he would always tear away at my walls afterwards. Now though I saw through him, he didn’t give a shit about me, his concern was cash for his next fix.

  “Hey sugar,” X drawled. “You all right?”

  I straightened up. “Fine, just thinking.”

  He grimaced. “Careful that brings on headaches.”

  “I’m good.”

  He nodded and looked me up and down then frowned. “Why the hell are you wearing a Rise Against shirt?”

  “What, you don’t like them?”

  “No, I love them, but that’s not the point.”

  “I’m confused.” I murmured looking down at my shirt.

  “You cannot go stand backstage at a My Misery Muse concert wearing another band’s shirt.”

  “Uh, why not?”

  He sighed and looked at me like I was dense. “It’s just not done.”

  I frowned. “Isn’t Seth wearing a Dead Kennedy’s shirt?”

  “That’s different.”

  “Uhm how?”

  “He’s not a fan, he’s part of the band.”

  “Xavier, it’s just a shirt.”

  “No, it’s the point. Go put on a My Misery Muse shirt.”

  I looked up at him and blinked slowly. “I don’t own a My Misery Muse shirt.”

  He cursed, spun around, and stomped out of the kitchen. I stood there dumbfounded, what the hell was that?

  Sam

  “Doesn’t own a fucking My Misery Muse shirt,” Xavier muttered storming into the living room and began pacing. I watched with morbid curiosity, what the hell had gotten him so worked up?

  Jules walked out of the kitchen looking at X like he was a caged tiger about to attack.

  “What the hell is going on?” Seth asked.

  X pointed at Jules. “Her shirt.”

  I looked at her shirt. “Okay, what’s wrong with it?”

  X growled then stomped back to his room muttering the entire way. I looked over at Jules and she just shrugged before sitting down beside Seth curling into a ball in the far corner. She looked so young and I couldn’t believe that I never really thought about her age. She looked so sad right now, a frown tugging her lips, and I had this possessive urge to make it all better. Luckily though Eli and X came into the room which meant it was time to go. We had some things to take care of before the show started in a few hours.

  We walked through the hotel using the employee walk ways so we weren’t stopped and surrounded by fans. I was mentally going through a checklist of things I needed to do as well as emailing with our tour manager and the manager of the opening act. I’d pulled one of the bands from our new label to
open for us wanting to get them some exposure before their new album dropped in a few months. I took a lot of flak from the old label since they were the ones ultimately footing the bill, I just hoped it worked out to be worth it. I was in negotiations with a few distribution centers for the new label, I agreed to let the old label pitch first. I knew what they were expecting; they wanted our new label under their umbrella. I just had to decide if it was worth it or not, they weren’t bad to us. We even came out with some friends and contacts, but the label itself was asking too much where I was concerned. It was time to cut ties, now it was just how many ties did we cut.

  Once we were in our dressing room, X went to his clothing rack, Eli sat down on the couch and Seth started on his make-up. I noticed Jules standing by the door with a lost expression on her face.

  “Jules, make yourself at home,” I said gesturing around at the various gift baskets, alcohol bottles, and other items that were sent to our dressing rooms.

  She slowly walked over and grabbed a bottle of water then sat down beside Eli and pulled out her phone. I went back to answering questions and emails while everyone did their normal pre-show thing.

  Chapter 9

  Jules

  I sat watching as Seth lined his green eyes with kohl with a finesse only an expert could do. Xavier was pulling clothes out of one of the racks before slamming the item back down mumbling. Eli was sitting on the other side of the couch drumming with his fingers on every available surface. While Sam paced from one side of the room to the other frowning down at his phone. I stifled a giggle while trying to hide the fact that I was videoing them, I wanted to know if this was normal behavior or not. After a minute, I sent the video in a text to Devi, I’d learned my lesson about posting shit on Facebook, I didn’t want another phone call from Drake.

  Me: sitting in dressing room

  Max: having fun?

  Me: not sure

  Max: why not?

  Me: are they always so antsy?

  Max: YES!!

  My phone pinged with a new message from Devi and all their heads turned towards me, I smiled sweetly at them before opening it.

  Devi: *snort* welcome to my world