Miriam's Quilt

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  Hollow and his sister Esther Rose must have been watching for Miriam. They were at her side almost as soon as she set foot in the yard.

  “Miriam,” Hollow said, “how is Susie?”

  Esther gave Miriam a quick hug. “She told us today at the pretzel stand. We are crushed. Crushed. We love Susie like she was our own sister.”

  “I sent her home,” Hollow said. “She was too upset to work once she told us the news.”

  Miriam studied Hollow’s face. She was still not sure that Hollow was not the father of Susie’s child. But the sharp angle of his jaw and the shadow in his usually bright eyes spoke of concern for Susie, not of guilt for himself.

  “It took courage to tell us like she did,” Esther said.

  Hollow leaned close. “A certain person told us that she would not be buying pretzels from us so long as Susie worked there.”

  A pit yawned at the bottom of Miriam’s stomach. “Ada Weaver?”

  “I ain’t saying who. But I am afraid I was unkind. I told her, never mind that, because I wouldn’t never sell her another pretzel even if she paid me a thousand dollars. After work, I went to her house and asked for forgiveness.”

  Tears stung Miriam’s eyes. “You are both true friends. The next few months will not be easy. Susie needs all the friends she can get.”

  Hollow stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked at the ground. “What she did was not right, I know, but she is a sweet girl. Not a wicked bone in her body. I can’t help but think that someone took advantage of her gute heart.”

  “She said she wanted to be loved,” Miriam said.

  “She should know better than that,” Hollow said. “We all love her.”

  Esther took her brother’s elbow. “Maybe we wasn’t good at showing it.”

  They stood in silence for a few moments.

  Hollow turned his head and glanced around the backyard. “Do you want to play volleyball?”

  “Jah, okay.”

  Hollow led the way as Miriam walked arm in arm with Esther behind him.

  Miriam’s cousin Elmer Weaver, Kate’s brother, ran to catch up and gave her a warm embrace. “You okay?”

  “Jah.”

  He backed away from her and continued his path to the snack tables. “Remember, we love your family.”

  Three of the Wengerd girls—Ruth, Naomi, and Hannah—passed Miriam, carrying trays of pretzels and cookies. They paused to acknowledge her.

  “We are praying for Susie and for a healthy baby,” Naomi said. “Will you tell her? And Yost too.”

  Miriam hadn’t ventured halfway across the lawn before her progress completely stopped, as neighbors and friends surrounded her with good wishes and assurances of their love for Susie and their family. Miriam had hoped for understanding; she hadn’t expected to be smothered with love. Fear of melting into a puddle of grateful tears kept her from uttering a word. Nodding and smiling, she blinked repeatedly to keep her eyes from overflowing.

  How could she ever have doubted the goodness of these people?

  Because she doubted it in herself.

  In the not-so-distant past, news of a girl with child would have set her righteous indignation ablaze. She might not have spread the gossip like Ada Weaver, but she would have talked it over endlessly with Ephraim, and they would have concluded to avoid the sinner and disdain her wicked ways.

  Almost every one of her neighbors showed more love than she would have.

  Miriam eventually made her way to the volleyball game, where she stood on the opposite side of the net from Seth. He smiled at her with his whole face, his eyes dancing and arms held away from his body, ready to hit the volleyball.

  His look sent a thrill of satisfaction down Miriam’s spine. She had made a bold decision, and he was proud of her. She wasn’t sure why, but Seth’s approval meant a great deal to her.

  She didn’t know how he did it, but his smile reassured her that Susie and Yost would be all right, that her family could weather this storm, and that she would be happy again. She put her hand to her heart to feel the warmth that grew there.

  Laura stood next to Seth. She breathed heavily from exertion. “I warn you, Miriam, if you stand right there, even with a net between you, Seth might pop you in the nose with the ball.”

  “Jah,” Seth said. “I have no skill. The balls I hit fly in every which direction.”

  Miriam crouched and cupped one hand over the other. “I will take my chances.”

  As it turned out, Seth did not possess false humility. He truly proved a terrible volleyball player. Most of his volleys either hit an unsuspecting teammate in the head or went so far afield that they put everyone in the Wengerds’ yard in harm’s way.

  His final hit hurtled the ball into a leafy maple tree, where it disappeared. Players on both sides of the net erupted in laughter.

  “You are getting better,” Abner Yutzy said. “At least you didn’t hit anybody that time.”

  Seth grinned, jogged to the tree, and started climbing. “Everybody sit down,” he hollered. “This may take a few minutes.”

  Miriam giggled at Seth’s pathetic skills. Ephraim was an excellent volleyball player. There was nothing he wasn’t good at.

  Thinking of Ephraim made Miriam catch her breath. She must talk to him. Surveying the group of young people, she caught sight of him standing near the house, talking with his brother Freeman and Sarah Schwartz, the bishop’s daughter. Ephraim ran his fingers through his hair as he visited, seemingly without a care in the world.

  More than a little eager, Miriam practically jogged across the yard. He glanced her way, said something to his companions, and took long strides toward her.

  His frown sent ice through her heart as he came at her with his fists clenched, his shoulders and back as rigid as stone.

  Miriam’s heart thumped against her ribs. He was more upset than she had ever seen him. How could she have expected otherwise? She had expressly gone against his wishes, and his pride had been wounded. She had a lot of explaining to do.

  “Is this how you show your love for me?” he said in a hushed tone, glancing around to be sure they were not overheard. “By telling the whole world mere hours after I begged you not to?”

  “It would have been wrong to send her away, Ephraim. She feels things so deeply.”

  “How can I marry someone who puts her own selfish wishes ahead of mine?”

  Miriam couldn’t quell her twinge of irritation. “Ahead of your own selfish wishes?”

  He glanced around again and forced a smile through clenched teeth. “I tried to warn you. If you had sent Susie away, there might have been a chance to save your family’s reputation. You are low because of Yost, but I could have endured it. I would have endured it because I love you. But now, oh Miriam, don’t you see how Susie’s wickedness has ruined our future? I can’t marry someone who has been tainted like this.”

  Miriam tried to wrap her mind around Ephraim’s words but felt as if she were in the middle of a nightmare. His lips moved in slow motion and his voice echoed in her head as if he stood very far away.

  She heard herself speak. “What are you saying? I don’t understand.”

  “Can I make my feelings any plainer? I will not see you anymore. You are a stranger to me. Sarah is the bishop’s daughter. She is more suitable.”

  Miriam put her hand to her forehead as the ground began to spin.

  “We are lucky that we have not been published yet,” Ephraim said. “Imagine our embarrassment if we had to call it off after we were engaged. This way will be easier for both of us.”

  His lips formed a tight line, and without another word, he rejoined Sarah and Freeman, who waited for him.

  Miriam watched them go, disbelief her only emotion.

  Her breathing became ragged and forced as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and tried not to throw up. Try as she might, she could not subdue the trembling of every muscle in her body. Somebody, please wake me from this horrible dream.

>   A warm hand slid around her wrist. “Miriam.”

  Who knew that so much compassion could be conveyed in one word?

  “Miriam, cum,” Seth said, with barely contained composure in his voice. He looked behind him. “Cum, I will take you home.”

  She thought her shock might suffocate her. “He…he doesn’t want me anymore.” She turned her head to see if she could catch a glimpse of Ephraim.

  “Don’t look. He’s not looking at you.” With a firm arm around her shoulders, Seth led her away from curious eyes. Laura soon joined them, wrapping her arm around Miriam’s waist to help prevent Miriam from collapsing into a heap on the grass. Together, brother and sister supported Miriam all the way to the front, where their buggy waited, parked at the side of the lane. She stepped up numbly into the seat with their assistance, and they got in around her.

  Seth took the reins, and Laura put her arm around Miriam as a mother might comfort her frightened child.

  “What happened, Seth?” said Laura. “I saw you run to her, but I—”

  “Not now,” Seth replied.

  Miriam wanted to protest, to ask them to please stop talking about her as if she weren’t there.

  But she wasn’t there. She stood in the Wengerds’ yard, watching the world crumble as Ephraim walked away. She would never be whole again.

  They rode the short distance to her house in silence. Seth glanced at Miriam periodically while pretending to concentrate on the road. His breathing came as irregularly as hers did, as if his lungs were too crowded for air.

  Seth stopped the buggy in front of the house and slid off the seat. Miriam followed. He took her hand and helped her to the ground.

  She couldn’t look at him for fear of seeing pity in his eyes. He had witnessed her humiliation and heartbreak, and she could not stand the thought of one more person rejecting her.

  “I will help you in,” he said.

  “Nae, I can do it.”

  “You are shaken up. Let me help.”

  “Please, Seth, let me go.” Her voice cracked, and as he reached out a hand, she fled to the safety of the house where no one could see her turn to dust.

  Chapter 17

  “I want to know everything,” Susie said.

  Miriam swished her soapy rag around the bowl before handing it to Susie to rinse and dry. They had done dishes together after breakfast ever since she could remember.

  Miriam mustered a cheerful tone to her voice. “I already told you. We played volleyball. It was fun.”

  “Did people talk about me? What did they say? Do they hate me?”

  Focusing her gaze out the window and concentrating very hard on the cow grazing in the pasture was the only thing that kept Miriam from dissolving into tears.

  Think about the cow. She gives such gute milk. I wonder if Callie gathered the eggs this morning.

  “Do they hate me?” repeated Susie.

  “Of course they don’t hate you. The Wengerd girls are praying for you. Cousin Elmer says he loves you. Hollow and Esther are worried about you. Almost everyone I talked to told me they hope the best for you. They were very kind.”

  Susie placed her clean stack of bowls in the cupboard. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Do you think they know that?”

  Miriam dried her hands and squeezed Susie’s wrist. She couldn’t look her in the eyes for fear that Susie would see something amiss. “They know, Susie, and they love you. It will still be hard. Many won’t know what to say to you, but I think things are going to be okay.”

  Susie threw her arms around Miriam, oblivious to the throbbing heartache below the surface of Miriam’s smile.

  “I was so nervous when you left for the gathering last night. I didn’t want people to treat you bad because of me. Oh Miriam, I am so relieved.”

  Miriam resisted the blissful innocence of her sister’s embrace and pulled away. “Are you going to work today?”

  “Jah. Hollow is picking me up in a few minutes. He says he will not have me walking to work in my condition. I told him that was a silly notion, but he wouldn’t listen to any objections.”

  “Go get ready,” Miriam said. “I will wipe the cupboards.”

  Susie tripped lightly out of the kitchen. The difference in her demeanor from just a few days ago was stark, even astonishing.

  Miriam knew with all her heart that they had done the right thing by Susie. But she still felt as if a pile of stones sat on her chest and made it impossible for her heart to keep beating.

  She heard a knock at the door.

  She didn’t think she could bear to face Hollow and his persistent cheerfulness this morning. Miriam slipped out the back door and plopped herself on the steps to wait for Hollow and Susie’s exit. Once they left, she would finish up in the kitchen and then spend the day working in the garden, where she could water the dirt with her tears and avoid the curious eyes of her family. Praise the Lord she had the day off.

  How long would Ephraim’s rejection be a secret? If she could keep her family in the dark for another month or even two, Susie may not ever realize that Ephraim’s decision had to do with her transgression. There was enough misery to go around without adding that to Susie’s burden.

  Miriam’s every thought and hope revolved around Ephraim. He held all her dreams in his hands, and he had crushed them like fragile flowers.

  Miriam caught her breath as a wave of despair engulfed her. She didn’t know how to live her life without Ephraim. She leaned back on her hands, tilted her face toward the sky, and got a head start on her crying for the day.

  She wasn’t aware of Seth’s presence until he spoke. “Hullo.”

  Miriam sat up straight and quickly wiped the tears from her face. “Hi.”

  He looked like he was in mourning. His eyes appeared black-gray under his half-open lids. The corners of his mouth were turned down, and his forehead furrowed with worry lines. He stood with his shoulders slumped, one hand holding a beribboned shoe box and the other hand stuffed into his pocket.

  “Can I sit?” he said.

  Still trying to clear away the tears, Miriam sniffed and nodded.

  He trudged up the three steps and sat next to her. Resting his arms on his knees, he put the box between them and fixed his eyes on the cow Miriam had been so interested in earlier.

  Although she’d thought she wanted to be alone, she somehow found Seth’s quiet presence comforting. He knew about everything already. She suddenly didn’t feel so isolated.

  Miriam didn’t know how long they sat there—five minutes, ten?— but the knots in her neck slowly untied and the urge to cry retreated to the very back corner of her heart.

  He didn’t offer a useless word of condolence or comfort, simply sat still so she wouldn’t have to sit by herself.

  “I don’t think even my mamm has seen me cry as much as you have,” she finally said, embarrassed at the truth of her words.

  “It is not your fault if you feel like crying every time you see me. I have that effect on babies and small children too.”

  “What’s in the box?”

  Seth picked up the shoe box and handed it to Miriam. His half smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Priscilla wanted you to have this. She hoped it would make you feel better.”

  Miriam untied the bright pink ribbon around the box and lifted the lid. Lady Dancing lay inside, wrapped in the Nine-Patch quilt she and Priscilla and Laura had made together.

  Miriam’s heart almost stopped beating. “I can’t take this. This is Priscilla’s most precious possession.”

  “You mean a great deal to Priscilla. I can’t think of anyone else she would sacrifice her doll for.”

  “But you know I can’t keep this.”

  “I was afraid the doll would make you feel worse,” Seth said.

  “It does.”

  “Please, keep it. Priscilla was so eager that you have it. Maybe her sacrifice will help you remember how important you are to many, many people, even if there are a few who will never recogniz
e your true worth.”

  A lump stuck in Miriam’s throat. “I will,” she said, pulling the doll from the box and cradling it like a real baby.

  “Denki.” Seth clenched his teeth and turned his eyes to the pasture again. The cow grazed peacefully, oblivious to all the attention it drew this morning.

  “Are you angry?” she said.

  Seth balled his fists. “He should be ashamed of the way he treated you.”

  “Please, say nothing against Ephraim. I love him.”

  Seth flinched and hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

  She nudged him with her shoulder. “Thank you for caring.”

  As if she had a stiff wind behind her, Susie came tearing around the corner of the house, with Hollow following. She pulled her mouth into an awkward grimace as her face turned beet red. “Why didn’t you tell me you fell ill last night?” Her question seemed more like an accusation.

  “I didn’t fall ill.”

  Susie shook her finger at Miriam. “You and Ephraim were talking and then Seth had to carry you to his buggy.”

  Seth turned to stone beside her, and Hollow shifted his gaze from Miriam to Susie and back again.

  “She felt shaky after our volleyball game,” Seth volunteered. “I offered to drive her home.”

  Susie ignored Seth and glared at Miriam. “Why didn’t Ephraim drive you home? He is practically your fiancé.”

  “He wanted to stay longer,” Miriam stuttered. Her heart sank. Her secret was about to shatter.

  “He was too busy driving Sarah Schwartz home,” Susie protested. “Miriam, look at me.” She marched up the steps and pulled Miriam to her feet with uncharacteristic firmness. “He called it off between the two of you, didn’t he? He doesn’t want to marry you now.” A sob tore out of Susie’s throat. “Because of me.” She wrapped her arms around Miriam’s neck.

  Miriam had no words of comfort to offer. There were none in the whole world that could make their hurt disappear.