Miriam's Quilt

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  Priscilla darted through the back door, slamming it, as she ran into Miriam’s arms.

  “Priscilla,” Ellie scolded. “Go back and show me how to close a door properly.”

  Miriam lowered Priscilla to the floor. Contritely, Priscilla shuffled to the back door, cracked it open, and closed it carefully and quietly.

  “Twenty times,” Ellie said. “So that I know you’ve learned your lesson.”

  Priscilla pressed her lips together and began opening and closing the door.

  Feeling uncomfortable, Miriam stood next to Laura and silently counted to twenty as Scilla did what Ellie asked.

  Ellie nodded curtly when she was satisfied. “I am going to my dieters’ meeting. The boys are out back. Keep a strict eye on them, Laura. I won’t have them tracking dirt onto the rugs.”

  “I will,” Laura said as she shut the door behind Ellie.

  Miriam spread her arms wide, an invitation for Priscilla to return to her embrace. Priscilla wrapped her arms around Miriam’s neck.

  “Do you know why I feel so gute today?” Miriam asked Priscilla.

  “Why?”

  “Because Lady Dancing sat on my pillow and smiled at me when I woke up.”

  Scilla burst into a grin and nibbled on her fingernail. “Do you like her?”

  Miriam gave Priscilla an extra squeeze. “More than anything. Thank you.”

  “I told Seth it would make you happy, but he didn’t want me to be sad for losing Lady Dancing.”

  “Do you miss her?” Miriam said.

  “I am glad you like her.”

  “Cum,” said Laura. “Let’s show Miriam the quilt upstairs.” The sisters led Miriam to Laura’s attic room, where she had spread the completed quilt top on the bed.

  Miriam clapped her hands in genuine delight. “You finished it?”

  Priscilla clapped her hands. “Isn’t it pretty, Miriam?”

  “It’s not near as good as if you had helped me,” Laura said, “but I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Of course it is good.” Miriam ran her hands over the fabric. They had chosen a simple pattern of squares and rectangles, easy to piece together and easier to quilt. The pink-and-green patches reminded Miriam of a plate of sliced watermelon on a hot summer day. “It turned out so cute. And your corners match nicely.”

  Laura blushed. “I did a lot of unpicking last night. I wanted it to be good.”

  “It is wonderful-gute. It will look nice in your college room.”

  “Do you want to see what Seth got for Laura?” Priscilla said, her little legs already taking her to the stairs.

  “What did he get?”

  Holding on tightly to the rope, Priscilla stepped down the ladder. “I will bring it.”

  Miriam loved Priscilla’s contagious enthusiasm. She grinned at Laura. “Let’s organize a quilting circle for next Tuesday.”

  Laura’s smile sagged. “No one will come. Why would they help a girl like me finish my quilt?”

  “That doesn’t matter one little bit, and don’t you ever believe it does. Leave everything to me. I’ll have a dozen ladies here, no doubt about it. You need to buy the batting. Do you still have the dark green for the back?”

  “Jah.” Laura pulled three boxes of her mother’s fabric from under her bed.

  The green they had decided on lay at the top of the first box. “You need to sew two pieces together or the back won’t be wide enough. I’ll show you how.”

  A deep blue fabric the color of a cold December lake sat underneath Laura’s green. “Oh, this would make a beautiful quilt,” Miriam said.

  “That is the leftover fabric from Seth’s favorite blanket. Mamm made it for him when he was born. She would wrap him in it and read him stories. Even when he stopped carrying it around, he slept with it. By the time he was ten, the thing was in tatters. Mamm offered to make him a new one, but he told her he was too old for such things. He never got rid of it, though. He kept it folded at the foot of his bed until Ellie burned it.”

  “She burned it?”

  “Three days after she moved in. Snatched it from his bed and threw it into the cookstove. She said she refused to keep her children in rags. But that one was not her fault. She couldn’t have known how important it was to him.

  “Seth was twenty years old, but the loss of that blanket really shook him. For over an hour, he stared at the cookstove as if wishing might bring his blanket back. That was the first night he slept in his stable. It was almost like the blanket was the last thing holding him to our family. He told me once that it smelled like lilacs, Mamm’s favorite flower, and that he wouldn’t have any way to remember her once it was lost.”

  A heavy sadness for Seth’s loss pressed on Miriam’s shoulders. She pictured Seth staring into the fire that devoured his blanket and his memories. She felt as if her heart might break.

  Miriam unfolded the material and spread it on the bed on top of Laura’s. In an instant, she saw a quilt in her head. “Would he think me silly if I made him a quilt with this fabric?”

  “Why would he think it silly? He needs a proper covering for that cot he sleeps on at the stable.”

  “Does he sleep there every night?”

  “Nae,” Laura said, “only if he gets extra busy. He mostly sleeps here at home so he can keep an eye on Ellie.”

  “He has been so kind to me. A quilt is a suitable thank-you gift… but maybe not for a man.”

  “If you make it, he’ll love it. Miriam Bontrager’s quilts are famous in Apple Lake.”

  “Now you are talking nonsense.”

  “You are welcome to any of my mamm’s fabric, or do you only want the blue?”

  “What else did she have?”

  “What colors do you want?”

  “Blues and greens, perhaps a yellow. I think I will make a sampler quilt.”

  Laura opened all three boxes and pulled out fold after fold of fabric. She held up a forest green speckled with small white flowers. “Our kitchen curtains were made out of this.”

  Miriam took it from Laura and laid it on top of the blue. She thought of the green-and-blue fabric that Ephraim had talked her out of at the store. It would tie these fabrics together perfectly. Her heart beat faster. She so loved matching fabrics for a feast of pattern and color. Now that Ephraim was out of her life, nothing brought her more pleasure.

  Laura found three more greens, four blues, a white, and a charcoal gray. Miriam laid them on her pile and let her eyes drink in the possibilities.

  “These will make the most wonderful quilt ever,” Laura said.

  “You are sure he won’t think my making a quilt for him is strange?”

  “Of course not.”

  Even if he did, he would not be anything but gracious. Seth had such a kind heart. He would never say anything to hurt her feelings. Miriam felt her face grow warm. Except that one time when he’d called her a snob, that is. But she would be forever grateful to him for saying what needed to be said. He was a true friend before they were even friends.

  Priscilla climbed up the ladder with a bright purple backpack clutched in her hand. “Look what Seth got Laura to carry her books in at college.”

  Miriam took the sturdy backpack from Priscilla. The pattern of the fabric made it look as if Seth had bought Laura a backpack made of purple snakeskin. The heavy fabric and thick stitching showed its quality, but Miriam couldn’t get over how ugly it was.

  Laura glanced sheepishly at Miriam. “I’ll stand out on campus, that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Seth is so good to me.”

  Miriam was more worried than ever that Seth would not like her quilt. As the hideous backpack showed, he didn’t seem to have any taste at all.

  * * * * *

  Sighing, Miriam deposited the bags on her bed and sat down next to them. She had bought five fat quarters and the blue-and-green fabric plus batting and a new rotary cutter blade. She tipped the bags upside down and let her treasures tumble onto the bed.

 
Would Seth like the colors she picked? Ephraim certainly hadn’t. She’d almost gone to the stable this morning to ask Seth’s opinion, just to be sure. She desperately wanted him to like the quilt, but she also wanted it to be a surprise. Lord willing, blue and green were his favorite colors. Either those or snakeskin purple.

  Miriam decided to frame each quilt block with the dark blue of Seth’s childhood blanket and put the new green-and-blue from the fabric store on the back. Even if Seth didn’t end up liking it, she could barely contain her enthusiasm. This would be a fine quilt.

  She pulled her sewing basket from under the bed and opened it. The blocks for Ephraim’s Nine-Patch lay at the top, finished and ready to assemble. She had taken such care with these, the corners expertly matched, the seams ironed smartly. Today, the painful memories did not reduce her to tears. Perhaps she was numb. Or perhaps the sorrow had been with her so long, she had grown accustomed to it.

  Miriam nearly tossed the burgundy-and-tan blocks into the trash. She didn’t need the reminder every time she opened her sewing basket. Instead, she wrapped them in one of the plastic bags from the fabric store and stuffed them into the very bottom of her basket. Throwing all that hard work away would be wasteful. In a few years, when it didn’t hurt so much, she could pull out the blocks and make a quilt for charity.

  She pulled graph paper and a pencil from her supplies and began drawing plans for Seth’s quilt, hoping he would love it as much as she would. Five-by-six squares would make a quilt big enough to cover his small bed at the stable. She filled in the grid with images of her favorite quilt block designs. Log Cabin, Flying Geese, Bear’s Paw, Hole-in-the-Barn-Door…but no Nine-Patch. Ephraim’s quilt was a Nine-Patch. She wanted nothing to do with it.

  Shading squares with her colored pencils, she was engrossed in her drawing when Susie ambled into the room and sat beside her on the bed.

  “Oh, how very pretty,” she said as she examined Miriam’s sketch.

  Miriam looked up and flashed her a smile before returning to her work. “I will make one for the baby next. You can pick the colors.”

  She didn’t expect the shadow that passed across Susie’s face. “Unless I give him up. There would be no use in making him a quilt if I don’t keep him.”

  Miriam set aside her notebook and took Susie’s face in her hands. “Giving him to a gute family doesn’t mean that you love him less. And I will make him a quilt no matter what happens. He will always be your baby, even if he belongs to someone else.”

  Familiar fear sprouted on Susie’s face. “I cannot do it, Miriam. I cannot be strong enough.”

  Pulling her sister into a tight hug, Miriam responded, “Then keep him. We will love him all the same.”

  “And people will whisper behind their hands when we pass by. They will treat him differently because he doesn’t have a proper father. Their rejection will sting, and he will grow up never being able to fit in, always unhappy.”

  It was the conversation they knocked about several times a week. It seemed a choice between complete misery and absolute heartache. Miriam hated to see Susie suffer so, would have gladly borne Susie’s pain, but Seth had counseled her to let Susie make the decision, no matter how agonizing. Susie must make her own choices and live with the consequences so that she would not blame Miriam for her unhappiness afterward.

  Yost swung open the door without knocking. “Mamm says come to supper.”

  Susie rose from the bed, her shoulders slumped and lifeless. Without a word, she left the room and Yost followed.

  “Yost, wait,” Miriam said.

  Yost popped his head back into the room as a signal that he would be giving Miriam exactly five seconds to say something significant.

  “Come in here,” she said.

  Yost stepped in reluctantly and plopped himself on Susie’s bed. Had he always worn that near scowl on his face? “What do you want?”

  Mustn’t attack, mustn’t accuse. She tried to decide how to tiptoe around a crouching wildcat. “I saw you yesterday.”

  “I saw you yesterday too.” He stood up. “I’m going to supper.”

  “You were walking through Seth Lambright’s alfalfa with Jonas Shetler and an Englisch boy.”

  Color crept up Yost’s neck and spread across his cheeks. “We were taking a shortcut. Last time I looked, that’s not a crime. Unless Seth Lambright has us arrested for trespassing. He told you some wild story about me and my friends, didn’t he?”

  Miriam wasn’t sure what to do with Yost’s sudden anger. She didn’t know how to tiptoe any softer. Why had she said anything?

  She stood and tried to put her arms around Yost. He backed away as if she were holding a poisonous snake. “Of course not. Seth cares about you, Yost. He would never want to hurt or—”

  “He is such a hypocrite, pretending to be nice and religious, all the while going with Reuben Shetler’s wife. Jonas’s dat won’t stand for it no more. Jonas said so.”

  Miriam caught her breath as indignation smothered her. Had Yost any idea of the seriousness of such an accusation? She stopped with the tiptoeing and put her foot down. “What is this ridiculousness belching out of your mouth, Yost Bontrager? Such stories are pure evil. You will hurt more people than you know with that talk. Shame on you!”

  “What? You never seen Seth and Mary together? You never seen her at his stable?”

  Miriam tried to keep her expression unchanged. So Seth and Mary had talked together once or twice. That didn’t mean anything. Seth would never…

  “You think that means anything? I saw you with an Englischer yesterday, Yost. Does that mean you are selling drugs again?”

  Yost sneered and actually kicked the door shut. “You always think the worst of me. I don’t know why I even try. You all hate me.”

  Miriam took several deep breaths. The anger ebbed as quickly as it had come. Seth said Yost felt unlovable and consequently pushed people away. She had let him push her away today. How could she have been so reckless as to lose her temper? Any good feelings Yost might have felt for her had vanished. She had lost his trust once again. If only Seth were here. Seth would know the right words to say to make it better.

  Not even a butterscotch pie or an apple-pudding cake could soothe Yost’s anger.

  She immediately backed away from him and laced her fingers together. “I am sorry. My tongue ran ahead of my thoughts. I did not mean it.”

  Yost’s face softened before the scowl masked his features once again. He grabbed the knob and threw open the door. “You should take a good, hard look at Seth before accusing me of wrongdoing. If he knows what’s good for him, he will leave Mary Shetler alone.”

  Chapter 19

  As of four weeks ago, Miriam hated Sundays—specifically Sundays when services were held.

  Dat put a gentle hand on Miriam’s elbow. “It will be all right. The first time will soon be over.”

  Miriam, Yost, and Susie, plus Mamm and Dat and the three little boys, piled out of their long buggy for gmay at the Herschbergers’. Yost brought with him a jar of pickles, and Miriam carried two loaves of bread for dinner after service.

  Miriam wore her cheery mint-green dress but the bright color could not lift her spirits, which were so low they were scraping the ground. She dreaded the sight of Ephraim Neuenschwander. She hadn’t seen him since the fateful gathering at the Wengerds’. At the last gmay, his family had been visiting another district. No such blessing this week. Would she keep her composure when she laid eyes on him? What would she say?

  Mamm glanced at Miriam and pressed her lips into a hard line. Ephraim’s rejection had taken Mamm and Dat completely by surprise. Mamm’s eyes had grown wide and Dat considered riding to Ephraim’s house to plead his daughter’s case. After sharing many tears, they decided they couldn’t do anything but comfort each other and try to forgive Ephraim for his blindness.

  Miriam clasped her hands together and trembled as she followed her family down the lane and up to the house.

  The
first time will soon be over.

  As if waiting for her arrival, Ephraim stood on the sidewalk, smiling widely and greeting newcomers. Miriam caught her breath. He was as handsome as ever with that arrogant grin and tousle of unruly yellow hair.

  His smile faltered when he saw her, but he pasted it back into place and grabbed her dat’s hand as if searching for anything to divert his attention so he didn’t have to look at her.

  “John, you have come,” he said. Nothing like “I am happy to see you,” or “I am glad you and your family are here.” That wouldn’t be completely truthful, would it?

  Dat shook hands vigorously, probably hoping by sheer willpower to make Ephraim give Miriam his notice. He actually pulled Ephraim in Miriam’s direction before he released Ephraim’s hand.

  Ephraim was obliged to acknowledge Miriam or appear very rude indeed for ignoring her. His eyes flashed with irritation. Miriam knew how little he liked being forced into anything. His reaction made every space in her chest ache.

  He tilted his head as if to study her more closely. “You are wearing the peacock dress.”

  It knocked the wind right out of her.

  Then he pretended to see someone very interesting on the other side of the yard and quickly marched away.

  Smoothing an imaginary crease in her sleeve, Miriam looked around her to see if anyone had heard. She felt as small as a pill bug and wished she could roll herself into a little ball and hide from curious eyes. She glanced to the corner of the house, where Sarah Schwartz stood sufficiently humble in a navy-blue dress. Even Laura Lambright wore deep purple. Had she herself fallen so far?

  Seth seemed to have a special talent for recognizing her distress. He appeared at her side from out of nowhere and gave her a warm smile, though deep concern smoldered in his eyes. “I hope you do not think me improper for saying so, but you look very pretty today.”

  Miriam merely nodded, knowing that if she tried to speak she would make a fool of herself in front of Ephraim and the entire district.

  Seth inclined his head toward the bishop’s wife. “Look.”

  Miriam turned. Barbara Schwartz wore a blue dress the color of the sky at noonday.