Miriam's Quilt

by Jennifer Beckstrand

Miriam glanced at the doll cradled in the crook of Laura’s elbow. “Does Priscilla want her doll back?”

  “It is very special to Scilla. Someone who doesn’t care about it shouldn’t think she has a right to have it.”

  Miriam tried to ignore the hurt that grew inside her, as well as the nagging feeling that she deserved every word. “I do care about it. Priscilla gave it to me when I was very low. Her sacrifice was the sign of a true friend.”

  “She gave it to you after Ephraim embarrassed you that night at the gathering. So you don’t really need it anymore.”

  “I—I guess not.”

  “I brought your quilt back. Seth doesn’t need it anymore.”

  Miriam felt dizzy. “He gave it back?”

  Bitterness tinged Laura’s words. “He doesn’t even know I took it. It was stuffed in the top of his closet at home. He doesn’t need to be reminded of you every time he sees it. You’ve hurt him enough, don’t you think?”

  Mutinous tears stung Miriam’s eyes. “How is he?”

  “Seth does not want your pity.”

  Miriam remembered one of the first conversations she and Seth had. “I hope I am past my own pity, but I cannot abide yours.”

  Laura pursed her lips, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Tell me something. Why did you push yourself into our lives like that? Were we the only ones who were nice to you after Yost’s arrest? Or were we a charity project? Did you want Seth to feel blessed that you paid attention to him?”

  “Nae, you are my friends. My true friends.”

  Laura laughed, but there was no happiness in it. “This is why, before you, Seth hadn’t so much as looked at a girl since Mamm’s death. He thinks people will always disappoint him. And you have proved him right. I haven’t ever seen him this bad, even when Mamm died. He won’t eat, he won’t sleep, and he doesn’t put two words together to save his life. He spends hours at the stable trying to work himself to death.”

  Miriam wanted to apologize, to express concern, to be Laura’s friend, but she didn’t know how to do it without being accused of pity. “I’m sorry,” was all she could say.

  “The last thing Seth needs is for you to feel sorry for him. Go have a perfect life with your perfect boyfriend. It’s exactly what you deserve.” With the doll still firmly in her arm, she turned her back on Miriam and trudged away in the deep snow.

  Miriam’s legs felt like rubber as she silently mourned the death of another friendship.

  Laura was wrong. Miriam didn’t feel sorry for Seth. She felt sorry for herself.

  * * * * *

  “I will be back to get you after group therapy,” Yost said. He stopped the buggy in front of Ephraim’s house. “Will that give you enough time yet?”

  “Plenty. We are eating supper and having cake.” Miriam anxiously fingered the corners of the box in her lap.

  “He will like it, Miriam,” Yost said. “Your quilts are famous.”

  “Ach, not famous.” She fluffed the bow on top for the tenth time. “I am afraid he will think it is too fancy.”

  “Seth…Seth loved his quilt.”

  “He gave it back.”

  Yost turned pale. “Miriam, I think I have made a terrible mistake.”

  Miriam narrowed her eyes and prepared herself for whatever Yost had to confess. “What happened?”

  “I visited Ephraim and asked him to give you another chance. Three times. I thought it was the right thing.”

  “It is all right. Ephraim told me.”

  “I hoped being back together with Ephraim would make you happy, but it hasn’t. You act as if the sun will never shine again.”

  The hollow space in Miriam’s chest grew bigger. “Things with Ephraim will get better. They are new yet. So much has changed since the summer. I think I seem sad because—”

  “Because Seth loves you.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “Anyone can see it plain enough.”

  Miriam rubbed her forehead. “I miss him. He is the only person who ever seemed interested in what I had to say.”

  Yost waved a hand dismissively. “I’ve been to group therapy. You can pay someone to listen to you.”

  “You are right. It is selfish to think of him like that. I like being with him, and he liked being with me. He was my friend.”

  “Maybe you love him.”

  Miriam couldn’t focus on Yost hard enough to make sense of that comment. Right now she was working on loving Ephraim. It wouldn’t be fair to him to think on another boy. Even Seth. With no idea how to respond to her brother, she jumped out of the buggy.

  “I don’t want you to pay for my mistake for the rest of your life,” Yost said.

  “You have done nothing wrong. I am grateful that you cared enough about me to try with Ephraim. It must have been humiliating.”

  “It was.”

  Miriam blew her brother a kiss and trudged up the path to Ephraim’s house with a nagging feeling that Ephraim wasn’t going to like her quilt. She’d chosen the yellow and burgundy to brighten up the drab tan, but somewhere deep in her heart, she harbored a bit of spite that day for his rejection of the fabric she wanted to buy. If he didn’t appreciate the quilt, it would be her own fault.

  Ephraim threw open the door before she even knocked. “Presents! More presents.” He took the box from Miriam and laid it on the table next to his plate.

  “Welcome,” Ephraim’s mamm called while pulling a pan of hot rolls from the cookstove. “We are almost ready for supper, if these boys would wash up.”

  “Gute day?” Miriam said to Ephraim.

  “Mamm made me German apple pancakes for breakfast, and Dat gave me some cash.” He leaned close to Miriam’s ear. “A hundred dollars to add to our wedding savings.” He winked and smiled.

  Knowing what Ephraim expected of her, Miriam smiled back.

  “I want to take him camping for his birthday,” Freeman said.

  Ephraim shook his head. “Winter camping? No, thank you. Too cold.”

  “Nae,” Freeman said. “There is a wonderful-gute spot at Baker’s Lake. A place where the boulders almost form a cave. It is sheltered and nobody can find it unless they know exactly where it is.”

  Ephraim glanced at Miriam. “It doesn’t matter where it is. You are not right in the head to think that sounds fun in the winter.”

  Ephraim’s mamm placed the steaming rolls on the table. “Wash up, or you’ll get no pudding.”

  She must have spent all day cooking. In addition to fresh rolls, there were candied yams, corn, pork chops, pickled cucumbers, and pudding in individual bowls with whipped cream on top.

  At supper, the four boys were loud and obnoxious, but no one got the wooden spoon. Nothing would be allowed to dampen the mood of the festive evening.

  Before he started in on the pudding, Freeman said, “Open your present, Ephraim. I want to see what Miriam got you.”

  Miriam’s heart beat faster. Ephraim’s dat was more conservative than Ephraim was. Would any of the family like it?

  Ephraim scooted his chair from the table and reached under his seat, where he had deposited Miriam’s gift. Miriam ignored the breathless feeling that came over her.

  “For me?” Ephraim teased as he lifted the quilt from the box.

  “Hold it up,” his mamm said.

  Ephraim spread the quilt and held it high so his family could look at it. She had designed each Nine-Patch either burgundy-and-tan or yellow-and-tan. The patterned squares alternated with the plain tan that Miriam thought gave it a simple charm.

  “That is quite an eyeful,” Ephraim’s dat said.

  “A Nine-Patch. How pretty.” His mamm grabbed one corner and examined the stitching. “Look at how she stitched the squares. A small heart in the middle of each one.”

  Ephraim shaped his lips into a funny little twist. “Men don’t notice things like that, Mamm. But I like the tan. I picked it out myself, you know.”

  Miriam’s throat sank to her toes. Ephraim’s
tempered enthusiasm was obvious.

  “It has the perfect country look to it,” his mamm said. “That is the kind of quilt that tourists are looking for. Very typical Amish. And skillfully stitched, Miriam.”

  Ephraim studied his mamm’s face, and Miriam could see the wheels in his head turning. He folded the quilt in his lap and ran his fingers over the stitches. In a matter of seconds, he seemed to like it better. “It must have taken you hours.”

  “Susie helped me with the quilting even though her time is almost at hand.”

  Ephraim cleared his throat. “Thank you. This is a fine birthday gift. Now I am doubly curious to see what you will bring me for Christmas.”

  Since it was Ephraim’s birthday, he got to pick the after-supper game. Miriam hated his favorite game, “Life on the Farm,” but she feigned enthusiasm. Besides, Yost would be here soon and save her from having to play a whole game that could last for hours. She glanced out the window as they sat down to play in hopes that simply watching for him would inspire Yost to hurry up.

  Miriam slid onto the sofa, confused at her own discontent. Why were her emotions so jumbled? Six months ago she would have willingly played any game Ephraim wanted just for the chance to sit next to him and gaze into his handsome face. She had jealously spent every moment she could with him and rearranged her life to fit his. How could feelings that deep ever die?

  They couldn’t. Surely she wasn’t that shallow.

  So why was the thought of spending more time in this house unappealing to her?

  Miriam rolled the dice.

  “How many cattle do you want to buy, Miri?” Ephraim said.

  “Oh, um, how much money do I have?”

  “We just started, silly. You have ten thousand dollars and no cattle.”

  Too much noise here. How could she reason through such questions when Freeman bragged about how many girls liked him and Ephraim’s dat insisted that they pay attention to the game?

  She wondered what Seth’s opinion would be. Although he would never in a million years believe it, he was very smart. He had an exceptional understanding of human nature and why people did what they did. He’d be able to tell her what went on inside her own head.

  The urge to cry took Miriam by surprise. Seth would never share his wisdom with her again.

  Ephraim drew a card for her. “Miri, one of your cows just got shot by a hunter. At this rate, you’ll never get to sixty cows.”

  Miriam smiled weakly, trying to pretend she was having the time of her life.

  Freeman held out his hand. “I just passed the barn. Give me a milk check.”

  Two hours later, Miriam had never longed so badly for a telephone. Had Yost’s group therapy session gone that late? Her only hope for deliverance was that Freeman would win two more cows and the game would mercifully end. Ephraim laughed when she went broke paying taxes, but she merely laid down her money and fell back into the sofa.

  He furrowed his brow. “You feeling okay? You’re not one to get upset when you lose.”

  “I suppose I am tired. It is almost ten.”

  “I thought Yost was coming to pick you up.”

  “He is very late. Maybe he forgot.”

  Ephraim counted his money. “I think I can beat Freeman with two more times around the board. Let us finish and I’ll take you home.”

  Her unhappiness made Miriam feel sleepy. She did not want to figure out why she was unhappy. She wanted to go home. She couldn’t even rest her head on Ephraim’s shoulder or tuck herself under his arm while he finished the game. Touching was strictly forbidden. She rested her head on the plump arm of the sofa and nodded off to sleep.

  It seemed like three seconds later that Ephraim shook her. “Wake up. Yost is here.”

  “What time is it?”

  Ephraim grinned sheepishly. “After eleven. The game went longer than I expected. But I retired first. Yost says your sister had her baby.”

  Miriam sat up with a start. “She did? Boy or girl? Is everything okay?”

  “I don’t know. Yost is waiting in the buggy.”

  Miriam grabbed her scarf from the chair and hooked up her coat. “Will you come tomorrow to see the baby?”

  Ephraim rubbed the late-night whiskers on his chin. “We have a big shipment coming in.”

  “Come after work.”

  “I can’t make it tomorrow.”

  Miriam was in too much of a hurry to make sense of him. If he didn’t want to see Susie’s baby, she would have to argue with him about it later.

  Chapter 31

  “Four hours,” Mamm said, cuddling her new granddaughter in her arms. “Four hours of labor is short for your sixth child. Unheard of for the first. What a blessing.”

  Miriam reached out and stroked the fuzz on top of the baby’s head. There wasn’t much, but what hair she had glowed the color of Miriam’s, light, golden brown. Mamm had wrapped her in a receiving blanket with her arms pinned tightly to her side, just the way babies liked it. Little Rose Lynn’s eyes were closed and her pink rosebud lips twitched slightly as if she were in the middle of a pleasant dream. Miriam marveled at a newborn’s ability to sleep. This baby wouldn’t have been awakened by a crack of thunder directly over the house.

  The local midwife, Miriam King, their cousin Kate’s mother-in-law, had delivered Rose Lynn right there in the dawdi house at nine thirty last night. Yost had been sent to fetch the midwife and hadn’t picked up Miriam from Ephraim’s until the baby came.

  Susie lay on her pillow as if her head were too heavy to lift. She shifted uncomfortably in bed and rested her forearm over her eyes. “Miriam King says next time I must send for her at the first labor pain or she might not get here in time. She said my time was very easy for a first one. Oh Mamm, if that was easy, I hope I never know what hard is. I thought I would die.”

  Mamm handed Rose Lynn to Miriam and pulled the covers tight around Susie’s shoulders. “Cum, we will care for the baby and let you sleep.”

  They tiptoed into the little sitting room of the dawdi house outside Susie’s bedroom and shut the door. Hollow stood at the sink washing dishes. The baby seemed to draw him like a magnet. He wiped his hands and stood at Miriam’s side instantly, caressing the baby’s cheek with the back of his finger.

  “She is so beautiful. Like her mother.”

  Mamm gave Rose Lynn a kiss and went to the front door. “I must see to that mountain of laundry from last night. Let me know if you need help with the baby.”

  Miriam turned the baby from the cold air as Mamm opened the outside door. Once Mamm shut the door, Miriam sat on the sofa with the baby cuddled tightly in her arms.

  Hollow sat next to her and placed the quilt Miriam had made for them over the already-bundled baby. “I didn’t think I could ever love anyone the way I love this baby.”

  “She is a precious gift from heaven, to be sure.”

  “I want you to know it makes no difference to me that I am not the man who got Susie with child. I will be the true father. A true father loves the child’s mother. And I love Susie with all my heart.”

  “I can’t imagine the boy who did this loved her at all, but he must have convinced her he did.”

  Hollow watched Miriam’s face before looking away. “She told me it happened in a cave.”

  “A cave?”

  “At Baker’s Lake. They met there secretly several times before the boy, whoever he was, convinced her that he loved her and talked her into it. I haven’t even told Susie this, but I went to Baker’s Lake and found the place and filled it with rocks. Seven wheelbarrows full.” Hollow stood and turned his gaze out the window. “I am still grieved about what happened to my Susie. But I am trying hard to forgive the man who did it. I want you to know that I am trying very hard.”

  So am I, thought Miriam.

  Someone knocked softly on the door, and Hollow opened it. Seth Lambright stood on the threshold as tall and handsome as ever. Miriam thought her heart would dance out of her chest and skip down the l
ane.

  Hollow threw out his arms and pulled Seth in for a bone-crushing hug. Seth laughed, actually laughed, before he and Hollow let go of each other.

  “I came to see the new dat,” Seth said before catching sight of Miriam. His guard immediately went up upon spotting her, and his face lost all hint of happiness. “I am sorry to bother you.”

  His reaction pained her, but sitting with Rose Lynn in her arms, she had nowhere to hide. She kept her moist gaze firmly glued to the baby.

  With halting steps, Seth came to her. He held two brown gift bags, one tied with a pink ribbon. He handed the pink one to Hollow before sitting next to Miriam and cooing at the baby. “She is beautiful. What did you name her?”

  “Rose Lynn,” Hollow said. “Seven pounds, three ounces.”

  Miriam found her voice, low and scratchy. “Would you like to hold her? Or are you uncomfortable?”

  Seth put down his bag and held out his arms. “I took care of Scilla every day.”

  When his mother died.

  Seth was seventeen years old when Priscilla became his baby, his responsibility. That was one of the things she treasured about him. He had a heart for the children.

  As she gently passed the baby to Seth, her hands brushed across his arms. She suddenly became very aware of his warmth, his strength. As she expected, he cradled Rose Lynn in his arms as naturally as any seasoned mother.

  Miriam studied his face. His eyes filled with unmistakable tenderness as he stroked Rose Lynn’s cheek. Loosening the blanket, he nudged one of her tiny arms out of the folds. He placed his pinky in her hand, and she immediately wrapped her fingers around it.

  “I love how every part is perfectly formed,” he said to Hollow. “There is nothing more beautiful than a baby.” He inclined his head to the bag. “Open it.”

  Hollow sat down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. “You needn’t have brought a gift.”

  “Priscilla and I have been looking forward to this baby for a long time.”

  Hollow reached into the bag and pulled out a baby blanket almost an exact duplicate of the one Miriam and Priscilla had made for Priscilla’s doll, except that this one measured larger and had four Nine-Patch squares instead of one.