Witch is How To Lose Big

by Adele Abbott

  “What did you expect? She’s been worried sick ever since you vanished.”

  “Poor Lorraine. I never intended to hurt her. I’m such an idiot. What about Sandra? Is she looking for me too?”

  “Your wife? I don’t think so.”

  “Why aren’t I surprised? Still, good riddance. I don’t know why I ever married that woman. Has anyone else been after me?”

  “If by anyone else you mean Sylvia Long, then yes, she has.”

  “You know about Sylvia?”

  “Yes, I do. I’ve spoken to her.”

  “Our marriage was more or less over. Sylvia made me happy.”

  “Not happy enough to leave Sandra, apparently.”

  “I was an idiot. I should have left her long before then. That’s what caused the argument that night. Sylvia was fed up of waiting for me to leave Sandra.”

  “She told me all about it. I’ve also seen the CCTV footage from the night in question.”

  “I’m so ashamed of what I did. I was drunk, and I lost my head, but I should never have used magic. I deserve to be in here.”

  “How much longer do you have to serve?”

  “Provided that I behave myself, I have another year inside. Then a further year before I’m allowed to go back to the human world. What will you tell Lorraine?”

  “I’m not sure. I can hardly say you’re in prison in the paranormal world, can I?”

  “I guess not.”

  “Look, I’ve had an idea. Let me run it by you and see what you think.”

  ***

  After I’d left Candlefield Prison, I magicked myself back to the office where I expected to find Winky and Freddy still playing cards, but Winky was on the sofa glaring at Freddy, who was sitting on my desk.

  You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.

  “What’s wrong with you two?”

  “It’s him,” Winky pointed. “He’s a card cheat.”

  “I did not cheat,” Freddy said. “I don’t need to cheat to beat you.”

  “He’s taken all of my money, and I want it back.”

  “I won that money fair and square, but you’ll get a chance to win it back the next time I come here.”

  “What do you mean, next time?” Winky scowled. “I don’t ever want to see you back here again.”

  “It’s too late for that, Winky,” I said. “I’ve already told Freddy that he can come in every now and then.” I checked my watch. “It’s time you and I were going, Freddy. You’d better get back in my bag.”

  “Do I have to go in there again? It’s dark and it smells.”

  “If you want to come here occasionally, you’re going to have to put up with being in the bag for a few minutes. Now, are you going to get in or do I have to put you in there?”

  Reluctantly, he climbed inside. “See you, Winky.”

  “See you, cheat.”

  “I’m going to call it a day, Mrs V.”

  “Okay, dear. Have a nice weekend.”

  “You too.”

  Just then she glanced down at my bag. “What have you got in there?”

  “Sorry?”

  “I saw something move in your bag.”

  “You must be mistaken. I’d better get going, bye.”

  When I got out onto the landing, I collared Freddy. “I told you to keep still.”

  “That’s easier said than done. The lining makes me itch.”

  “Tough. If you don’t keep still, I won’t bring you here again.”

  ***

  Back home, I went straight across the road and knocked on the Normals’ door. Norm answered, looking particularly sorry for himself.

  “Hello, Jill. What can I do for you?”

  “Actually, Norman, it’s more a question of what I can do for you.” I reached into my bag and pulled out the ferret.

  “Freddy!” Norm’s face lit up, and he shouted, “Naomi, come and see. Jill has found our little boy.”

  Naomi came running to the door and snatched Freddy out of my hands. “Where did you find this little fellow?”

  “He was in our back garden. He seems to be okay.”

  “He does, doesn’t he? Thank you so much, Jill. Freddy, you’re a naughty boy. You had Mummy and Daddy really worried. Where have you been all day?”

  “Thanks again, Jill,” Norm said.

  “Don’t mention it. Consider it my good deed of the day.”

  ***

  “I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you regarding the Restart case,” Jack said.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve solved the case anyway.”

  “How come? I thought that had set you back to square one.”

  “It did, but when I went through my notes again, I spotted a connection between the last place Sylvia Long had seen Eddie, and an article I’d read in The Bugle about a disturbance that took place on the same night at the Lakeside Tavern. Luckily for me, the restaurant still had the CCTV footage from that night. It was Eddie; he was drunk, throwing things around and fighting. And it was obvious to me that he was using magic.”

  “So, he’s a wizard?”

  “That’s right. He was adopted by human parents.”

  “I thought you were the only one that had happened to.”

  “Apparently not. The rogue retrievers arrived at the Lakeside Tavern and took him away.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “Serving time in Candlefield Prison. I went to see him this afternoon.”

  “How did you wangle that?”

  “I have friends in high places. He’s full of remorse for what he did.”

  “How much longer will he be in there?”

  “He has another year to serve, and then it’ll be a further year before he can return to the human world.”

  “What have you told your client?”

  “Nothing yet. I figured I’d take tonight to work out exactly what I’m going to say. Obviously, I can’t tell her the truth.”

  “Rather you than me.”

  “By the way, I saw Yvonne today.”

  “How is she? Are she and dad still arguing?”

  “It sounds like they’ve both realised how stupid they were being, and they’ve managed to reach some kind of compromise.”

  “Thank goodness for that.”

  “I also found the Normals’ ferret.”

  “I didn’t know they had one.”

  “He’s called Freddy. He sneaked into my car and spent the day at work with me.”

  “What did Winky make of that?”

  “He wasn’t very happy at first, but then they got playing cards, and everything seemed to be okay. Until Freddy won, that is.”

  Chapter 25

  “Some Saturday this turned out to be,” Jack moaned.

  We were still at the kitchen table, having just finished breakfast. He and I both had to work today. I was hoping I’d be done by lunchtime because the only thing I needed to do was to go and see Lorraine Cross, but Jack was expecting to be at work all day.

  “Yeah, it sucks,” I said. “How come we’re the only people in all of Washbridge who have to work weekends?”

  “I’m pretty sure we’re not the only ones. Look, I tell you what, Jill, why don’t we go away next weekend?”

  “Can we afford to?”

  “No, but even we’re allowed to indulge ourselves occasionally. Where do you fancy?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We could go to the seaside. Or what about London? We could take in a show.”

  “Yeah, that sounds great.”

  “If I get the chance later today, I’ll take a look online and see if there are any bargains to be had.”

  Jack had left for work and I was just about to do the same when I heard a noise coming from the back of the house. I glanced out the front window and noticed that there was a white van parked on the road. On the side of it was printed:

  Hart of Glass

  I could see our new window cleaner sitting in the driver’s seat, so who
was that at the back of the house? I went through to the kitchen, and got the shock of my life; a robot was staring in at me while he cleaned the window.

  I grabbed my bag, locked the door on my way out of the house, walked over to the van, and knocked on the side window.

  He lowered the window. “You made me jump, love.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I hope we didn’t wake you up just now.”

  “No, we’ve been up for a while. What’s that thing cleaning the windows?”

  “That’s Robbie. Robbie the robot.”

  “I’ve never heard of a robot cleaning windows before.”

  “That’s because this is cutting edge stuff. There’s only three of them in the country so far, and I’ve got one of them.”

  “How does it work, exactly?”

  “It’s all quite simple.” He picked up what looked like a controller for a games console. “I use this to control Robbie.”

  “Is it safe?”

  “Perfectly. It’s all been thoroughly tested. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your windows will be spotless.”

  “Okay, well, I’d better get going. I’ll leave you and Robbie to it.”

  I was just about to get into the car when Norm Normal came running across the road.

  “Hold on, Jill!”

  “I was just on my way to work.”

  “I won’t keep you for more than a minute. I just wanted to give you this.” He handed me a soft toy: a ferret. “It’s just our way of saying thank you for returning Freddy to us.”

  “Err, thanks, but you really shouldn’t have bought me anything.”

  “We didn’t. We have dozens of these in the house.”

  Of course they did.

  “Right. Thanks very much, Norm.”

  ***

  When I’d called ahead to tell Lorraine Cross that I was coming over, she’d done her best to try to get me to tell her what I knew over the phone, but I’d insisted that we needed to speak face-to-face.

  I didn’t even get a chance to knock on the door before she answered it.

  “Jill, just tell me, is he dead? Is Eddie dead?”

  “No, he’s not. He’s alive and well.”

  “Thank goodness.” She broke down and began to cry. “I really thought I’d lost him.”

  I took her by the arm, led her through to the lounge, and helped her onto the sofa. “Sit there for a while and catch your breath.”

  “I’m okay, honestly. Now that I know he’s alive, I’ll be fine. Where is he?”

  “It’s all a bit complicated, I’m afraid.”

  “I don’t care, just as long as he’s okay. Please tell me where he is.”

  “I don’t actually know.”

  “But you just said he was okay. How can you know that if you don’t know where he is?”

  “I’ll try to explain as best I can. In the course of my investigations, I came across a company called Restart.”

  “What does that have to do with Eddie?”

  “The company specialises in providing people with new identities, and then relocating them. People who want to vanish.”

  “Are you saying that Eddie used this company’s services to help him disappear?”

  “That’s right. Most of their customers are in the same position as Eddie.”

  “I don’t know what you mean. What position?”

  “People, mainly men, who are in unhappy marriages, and who want to vanish to avoid messy and costly divorces.”

  “I knew that he and Sandra had been having problems, but I didn’t think he’d resort to something as drastic as this. Why didn’t he just get a divorce?”

  “I don’t know the ins and outs, or why he made the decision that he did. I just know that Eddie availed himself of this company’s services.”

  “How did you manage to get in touch with him?”

  “It wasn’t easy, but I was able to speak to him on the phone. He couldn’t, or wouldn’t, tell me where he is, but he did ask me to convey a message to you. He wanted me to tell you that he’s happy and well, and that he’s very sorry for all the upset he’s caused you.”

  “How could he do something like this? How could he vanish without a word to me? I don’t understand. We were so close.”

  “If it’s any consolation, I can tell that he regrets his decision now. In fact, he was close to tears when he was talking to me.”

  “Is that it, then? Will I never see him again?”

  “Don’t give up hope yet. There’s still a possibility you might see him again.”

  “How?”

  “The last thing I want to do is to get your hopes up, but I got the feeling that Eddie would like to contact you.”

  “So why doesn’t he? What’s stopping him? He spoke to you, why can’t he speak to me?”

  “He said it was something to do with having to fulfil his part of the contract first.”

  “What contract?”

  “The one he made with Restart. Anyone who uses their services has to agree not to return, or make contact with anyone from their past life, within a certain period of time. If they do, it would undermine the company’s operations, and would result in a massive fine for the person who reneged on the contract. He seemed to suggest that he might be in a position to make contact with you in two years’ time.”

  “So, I’ll be able to see him in two years?”

  “Possibly, but don’t go pinning all your hopes on that.”

  “How do I know you’re not just making all of this up, Jill? You have to admit that it sounds kind of farfetched.”

  “It does, I agree, but I promise you, he’s alive and well. I anticipated that you might be sceptical, so I asked Eddie to tell me something that only you and he would know. He said to say poor Hicky.”

  She broke down again.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Hicky was Eddie’s pet mouse. He wasn’t supposed to let it out of the cage, but one day when Mum was out, he did, and next-door’s cat got it.”

  “Poor Hicky.”

  Although Lorraine Cross had been grateful for the work I’d done, she’d been left feeling rather hollow. On the one hand, she now knew that her brother was alive and well. On the other, she was clearly devastated that Eddie had chosen to leave without a word. And, of course, she still didn’t know if she’d ever see him again. It wasn’t the ideal outcome, but I consoled myself that it was the best I could have hoped for under the circumstances.

  When I’d run my plan past Eddie, he hadn’t been happy that Lorraine would think he’d deliberately left without a word, but as I pointed out to him, what else could I say? I certainly couldn’t tell her the truth: That he was a wizard locked up in a jail in the paranormal world. And, if she decided to double check the Restart angle, she would find that such a company did exist.

  ***

  As Jack was going to be working all day, I thought I might as well pop into town. I would grab lunch, and then have a mosey around the shops for a couple of hours.

  After I’d eaten (just a sandwich because I wasn’t particularly hungry), I decided to check out some of the side streets, which I rarely visited.

  “Jill!” It was Kathy; she was with Peter and the kids.

  “Hey there, you four.”

  “Where’s Jack?”

  “He had to work. I’ve been working too, but I’ve finished now, so I thought I’d do a bit of shopping before I go home. I’ll tag along with you guys if you don’t mind.”

  “Sorry, Jill, but we have to leave in a few minutes. Mikey and Pete are going fishing, and Lizzie’s friend and her mum are coming over. You’re welcome to join us if you like.”

  “No, thanks. When I’ve done here, I’m going to go home and put my feet up.”

  “Come on, Dad.” Mikey pulled at his father’s sleeve. “Let’s go inside.”

  “Sorry, Jill,” Peter said. “I’ll have to take him in here or my life won’t be worth living.”

  They both disa
ppeared into a fishing tackle shop.

  “Pete promised to buy him a new rod,” Kathy said.

  “I didn’t realise this shop was here.”

  “It only opened a couple of weeks ago. Have you seen the name?” She grinned.

  “Tommy’s Tackle?” I laughed. “Brilliant.”

  “Would you mind staying with Lizzie for a couple of minutes while I nip to the loo?”

  “Sure.” Kathy shot off up the street.

  “Mummy bought me a unicorn kit, Auntie Jill.”

  “Wow, that sounds great.”

  “It is. You have to put it together.”

  “How have you been, Lizzie? You were a little under the weather the last time I saw you.”

  “I’m okay, but I’ve had a few nasty dreams.”

  “Oh dear. What kind of nasty dreams?”

  “I dreamt that some red mist was following me around, and I couldn’t get away from it.”

  “That doesn’t sound very nice.”

  “Mummy said they were only dreams, and I should forget about them.”

  “That sounds like good advice.”

  Not long after Kathy had returned, Peter and Mikey came out of the shop. Mikey was carrying the longest fishing rod I’d ever seen.

  “How on earth are we supposed to get that in the car?” Kathy said.

  “Don’t panic,” Peter reassured her. “It comes apart. Mikey just wanted to show it to you.”

  “Right. Well, it’s very nice, but you’d better take it to pieces before it has someone’s eye out.”

  I was troubled by what Lizzie had told me about her dreams. Red mist? Was that in some way connected to red grave? I needed to get to the bottom of this once and for all, and the only way to do that was to speak to Martin, so I gave him a call.

  “Martin, it’s me. I need to see you right now.”

  “I’m sorry, Jill, but like I told you yesterday, I’m really busy at the moment.”

  “I don’t care how busy you are. I’m going to my office now, and I expect you to be there within the next fifteen minutes. If you’re not, then you and I are done, and I never want to see or hear from you again.”

  “But, Jill, please let me explain.”