Facing the World

by Grace Thompson

  ‘Eric?’

  ‘Yes, he’s the one you called the tramp.’

  Amy looked ashamed. And when she had gone Sally felt guilty. How could she have been so rude to the woman? She hoped she and Rick would still come on Sunday.

  A cold wind was rising with the end of the day, and she wrapped Sadie up in her warmest coat and a thick scarf and went to put an invitation through Eric’s door and another through Valmai’s without interrupting Gwilym. Perhaps she had better make amends and do the same for David. He might have ruined the wallpapering but he had tried to help and he had done many kindnesses before. She felt happy with her day. She was badly shocked by Milly’s remarks but it had resulted in a Sunday lunch party to plan and at least a slight thawing of her acquaintanceship with Amy Seaton-Jones. She was excited at the prospect of welcoming friends to the house for the first time.

  The following morning the invitation to David was sticking out of her letterbox with the invitation scored through and the words ‘No thanks!’ added.

  She had obviously offended him and she determined to make amends. After collecting Sadie from nursery she went to where David lived with his mother. Mrs Gorse opened the door and greeted her with a smile.

  ‘Sally! Come in, come in, dear. Lovely to see you and this pretty little girl. Let’s see if I can find a chocolate.’ Taking Sadie’s hand, she led them into the living room.

  The house was dark and filled with clutter and the windowsills were so covered with ornaments and greenery that hardly any light entered. The living room was cosy with a fire burning brightly, sending patterns of brightness over the dark walls.

  ‘It’s David I’ve called to see,’ Sally explained, as Mrs Gorse searched among several tins for some chocolate.

  After giving Sadie the promised chocolate, she said, ‘David’s asleep. Keeps strange hours, he does, wandering around all hours of the night unable to sleep, then dozes for much of the day. Ever since the factory closed and he couldn’t find another job. I keep asking him to see the doctor – he needs help adjusting his sleep pattern – but will he listen?’

  ‘I owe him an apology. As a surprise, he very kindly helped me with some decorating and I – well – it wasn’t as good as I’d hoped and I was rude to him. He was only trying to help.’

  Mrs Gorse frowned. ‘Are you sure it was my David? He’s wonderful at wallpapering and the like. Look at this room – did it on his own, he did. Made the shelves and that glass-fronted cupboard. Clever with things like that, he is.’

  Sally looked more closely at the small amount of wallpaper still visible among the confusion of pictures and shelves covered with ornaments. She prepared for the worst but in fact the papering was neat and perfectly matched. If he had done this, then why had he made such a mess of the bedroom?

  ‘I must have got it wrong, Mrs Gorse. It must have been someone else who messed up the bedroom. Will you tell him I’m very sorry and I would really like him to come to lunch on Sunday?’

  ‘Sundays we always eat together – he’s always up and dressed ready for lunch on Sundays – but I’m sure he’ll accept if I assure him I won’t mind.’

  ‘Thank you. You’re very kind.’ She hesitated then said, ‘I’d be more than happy if you come as well.’

  She hurried from the house, not wanting to see David and have to grovel. There hadn’t been a mistake. David had told her the work was his. Yet it was impossible for him to have made such a disaster of the bedroom and yet be capable of doing a perfectly acceptable job in his mother’s living room. What was going on?

  On Sunday, Sally woke very early and with Sadie still peacefully sleeping, she began her preparations for lunch. She had some qualms having invited so many into a house that looked more like an abandoned building than a home, but once both fires were alight and the place was warm she knew people wouldn’t be disappointed. There were some early daffodils in the shops and she filled a few vases and added some branches with leaf buds and some ivy trails. The rooms looked as good as she could make them.

  David and his mother were the first to arrive and she stifled a sigh. Too early could be as difficult as people who were always late, she mused, as she took their coats. She still had a lot to do. Mrs Gorse followed her into the kitchen. David didn’t say a word or even look at her.

  As it happened she was glad they were there half an hour before anyone else as Mrs Gorse had brought flowers to add to the displays and also some cakes and mince pies. ‘Handy they’ll be to offer with a cup of tea before your guests leave,’ she said, unpacking them on to plates, which she had also brought.

  Sally planned to use two rooms and with the extra flowers and foliage the place looked surprisingly festive. The bustle of people arriving filled the silence and the ill will emanating from David was lost in an atmosphere that was friendly and lively.

  She happened to be looking at David when Rick walked in with Amy and was startled to see his expression change to dislike. Oh dear, she thought. I’d better keep those two apart. She sat the new arrivals down beside Eric and was relieved to see Amy talking to the man, stiffly at first but thawing as minutes passed. David had disappeared. Valmai sat on a sofa with a chatting Sadie on her lap.

  As the food was consumed and cups of tea were replenished, the group rearranged itself and the conversations grew louder, interspersed with laughter. Sally looked around and smiled. It had been a success despite the lack of a formal setting. They consumed more of Mrs Gorse’s mince pies and the conversations became low and easy. She saw David get up and at almost the same time, Rick also rose and left the room. He came back with a coal scuttle to add fuel to the fire and David snatched the tongs from him and muttered, ‘Thank you but I’ll do this.’

  ‘As you wish,’ Rick said, and turning to look at Sally he shrugged as though puzzled.

  The slight action changed the mood. Amy stood and reached for her handbag, preparing to leave, and others followed suit. Within ten minutes everyone except David, his mother and Valmai had gone. Wordlessly Valmai stood Sadie on her feet and came to hug Sally. Then she went into the kitchen with a few dishes, where Mrs Gorse was starting to wash up. Sadly, wondering what had gone wrong, Sally followed.

  ‘It’s been a lovely day, thank you, Sally,’ Mrs Gorse said. ‘Strange isn’t it that when someone leaves it’s like a signal for all the rest to do the same.’

  ‘I had hoped they’d stay to finish the cakes you brought,’ Sally replied.

  ‘Never mind, they’ll keep for a day or so.’

  When everyone had gone Sally sat and hugged Sadie and wondered what it was about David that he managed to spoil things. Alone he was a kind, thoughtful man but when anyone else was present he ruined the occasion with a hint of – jealousy? But why? There was nothing between them that could cause such a destructive feeling.

  She went for a walk to the park and in the fading light she saw David watching the house. He didn’t acknowledge her and turned a corner before she could speak. She gave an involuntary shiver. Was he a friend, or an enemy? That was a dramatic thought and she walked faster as though to run away from it, but it remained. She had the feeling that with David Gorse, she had to be either friend or enemy; with him there was no middle ground. The thought played on her mind as she drifted into sleep and caused troubled dreams.

  The landlord came back and fixed curtain rails in all the rooms and as he was leaving he brought in a very large Christmas tree.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said politely, wondering what she would find to fill it. He went to the car again and came back with an assortment of tinsel. ‘This will make a start,’ he said as though reading her thoughts.

  In fact the tree was fun to decorate. Sally made stars which Sadie helped to colour and place among the branches and hair ribbons were used too, much to Sadie’s amusement.

  Amy called while the work was in progress and advised uselessly on the position of some of the better of Sadie’s efforts. Sally smiled in relief that at least one problem had been eased. Amy w
as certainly more friendly.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind, Sally, but Rick and I have talked over this problem of yours. He told me about your not knowing where Rhys is living. I have to go to Bristol to buy some special material and I wondered if you and Sadie would like to come? I can leave you in the area you need to search and pick you up later.’ Once they had decided on the most suitable day for them both, Sally agreed.

  The journey was pleasant and they talked mostly about the forthcoming wedding. As they drew closer to their destination, Sally went quiet, afraid of what she would learn. Amy went to deal with her business, having arranged a meeting place for later, and Sally took Sadie in her pushchair to the café.

  It was with some trepidation that she approached the place to which she had posted her letters and the monthly sum of money. The man behind the counter was not the same as before. He was young and obviously new as he had difficulty finding what was needed when Sally asked for cheese on toast.

  ‘I’m just filling in for my uncle,’ he explained, having found the cheese in a second fridge.

  ‘You wouldn’t know anything about the man who used to collect his post here, would you?’ Sally asked, with little hope. To her surprise the young man looked away as though embarrassed.

  ‘I don’t know anything about post, Mrs. Now, cheese on toast, a pot of tea and orange juice for the little girl. Will that be all?’

  Since she had asked her question he hadn’t looked at her. Softly she asked, ‘Can’t you tell me where to find him? I really need to talk to him. Please?’

  ‘Sorry, Mrs, I don’t know him.’

  ‘Does he live near here? At least tell me in which direction to look. I don’t wish him any harm. I just need to see him.’

  Lowering his head, the young man said, ‘I didn’t tell you, all right? But if you watch at the school gates when the children leave you might see him.’ Paying for the food which she didn’t stop to eat, she thanked him and left.

  After buying a couple of currant buns to compensate for missing their lunch, she played with Sadie for a while then found the school. She stood in sight of the gates and prepared to wait. Thankfully, Sadie had fallen asleep.

  Her heart was racing as mothers began to arrive, some with pushchairs, some rattling car keys, some loaded with cheerfully patterned bags of Christmas shopping. Of Rhys there was no sign. She moved further along the road and stood once again watching the arrivals. Then the doors opened and the children ran out, searching the group at the gate then running to hug their mothers. Then she saw Rhys.

  She moved towards him, about to speak, words racing through her mind as she tried to decide on the best thing to say to him. Then a girl aged about seven approached him and he picked her up and hugged her before moving away from the diminishing crowd. Her mind in complete confusion, Sally followed him.

  He didn’t go far, just walked around a corner and up some steps leading to the front of a neat terraced house. As he and the little girl reached the door it opened and a smartly dressed woman came out, smiled at Rhys and kissed him on the cheek. Sally could hear them laughing as she stood, undecided, a few houses away. Then Rhys went inside.

  She continued to stand watching the door, wondering whether to knock or walk away. If she did knock, what could she say to him? She gasped as the door reopened and he came out and ran lightly down the steps, turning to wave as he reached the pavement. She remained frozen to the ground wondering which way he would turn. He was whistling as he turned towards her and he was staring down at a piece of paper in his hand. She said, ‘Hello, Rhys.’

  ‘Sally!’

  ‘You haven’t forgotten my name. That’s nice. And your daughter? D’you remember her?’

  ‘This isn’t what you think.’

  ‘You mean this isn’t you living with someone else, meeting their daughter from school? That is a shopping list in your hand, isn’t it? Very domestic, meeting the daughter, shopping for your evening meal.’

  ‘It isn’t like that. I can explain, but not yet. Please, Sally, you’ve been so patient, just a few more weeks and I’ll tell you everything.’

  She shook her head. ‘You’ve just run out of time.’ She turned and hurried away, pride and anger preventing tears, and went back to where Amy had arranged to meet her and take her home.

  When Amy asked if she had learned anything, she replied, ‘Yes. I’ve learnt that it’s time to restart my life. That’s a good lesson to learn, don’t you think?’

  The mystery of what Rhys had been doing all this time deepened, but later that day another mystery was cleared up. She went to the post office. Walter was standing nearby and he called to her, ‘I hear you didn’t think much of my wallpapering, then,’ he said.

  ‘What d’you mean? Your wallpapering? You can’t mean the work in Greenways, David Gorse did that.’

  ‘No, it was me. Paid me to do it he did. Trouble is, my back isn’t up to it. I couldn’t get it finished in time.’

  ‘Just as well. There was enough of a mess to put right as it was!’

  A bad back was just an excuse for laziness. Someone had once told her that a lazy man is the worst. Even a drunkard would work even if only for his drink. The thought brought her thoughts back to Rhys. What was he if not lazy? There was no evidence of him doing anything for all the months he’d been away.

  Christmas came and went and at least Sadie enjoyed the thrills and even Sally got caught up in the excitement. It had been Valmai who carefully asked her if she realized it was the day before Christmas Eve and asked if she’d done anything towards Sadie’s stocking. The misery of finding out about Rhys’s dishonesty had left her in a daze into which Christmas hadn’t entered. All the plans and excitements were for other people, not for her and Sadie.

  The memory of her second child wouldn’t leave her at this time, the loss of Samuel overlaying every happy thought. She hadn’t the right to enjoy the family celebration. Then she watched her daughter’s face as she stood near the school children singing carols near the shops and with a shock reminded herself that Sadie was the important one. Sadie was her wonderful daughter, the most precious gift. She was alive and deserved all she could give her. Samuel would remain in her heart as a sad and beautiful memory.

  Leaving Sadie with the kindly Mrs Glover, she had dashed into town and bought a few toys and colouring pencils as well as wrapping paper and gifts for Valmai and Gwilym.

  Next year she’d do better. She and Sadie would have a proper home and they’d prepare properly and have the very best Christmas ever. She firmly built a picture of the two of them, just Sadie and herself sitting beside a tree very like the one in their room, but properly decorated with a fairy, some coloured lights and lots of glitter. They didn’t need anyone else. ‘Just you and me,’ she whispered to her sleeping child. ‘That’s all I want. No one else.’

  Chapter Seven

  SALLY HADN’T TOLD Valmai and Gwilym about her visit to Bristol and seeing Rhys with the woman and the child. She was hurt and humiliated and needed time to nurse her wounded pride before revealing the truth to them. Partly it was her own realization that she had been foolish to just walk away. She should have sat on the steps and waited until he returned then demanded an explanation.

  She also realized she had been foolish by not making a note of the address. It was as though she had been searching for an excuse to go there again, and, without telling anyone, not even Amy, she went by train to Bristol.

  She dressed with care, choosing Sadie’s newest clothes, and set off with the pushchair and all that was necessary for the day, determined to stay until she had faced Rhys, and the woman he was obviously living with, and learn the truth.

  There was no reply to her knock on the door and after waiting a few minutes she asked a neighbour if she knew where they could be found.

  ‘They’ve gone away. A little holiday I believe.’

  ‘All of them? The man as well as the woman and the little girl?’

  ‘Yes. Little Erica was so exci
ted at going to stay with her grandmother.’

  There was no point in staying. Dejectedly she walked away and after a snack in a café near the railway station, they went home. Now she had to tell Valmai and Gwilym what she had learned. She would leave any further contact to them. Rhys was no longer anything to do with her or Sadie.

  She hesitated about talking to Rhys’s parents. She kept putting it off and when she had finally made up her mind to face them with it, Amy asked if she would like to go to Cardiff sales to buy bedding and towels for the new home, and she gladly accepted the reprieve.

  They had a successful spending spree and Sally managed to forget for a while the pain of losing Rhys and enjoy the atmosphere of busy shoppers searching for bargains.

  She said very little on the way home. Amy asked a few questions but quickly realized that her companion was not in the mood to discuss what had so obviously upset her. Instead she talked to the little girl, pointing out things she thought might interest her but after a while Sadie fell asleep and the journey continued in silence. ‘Would you like to stop and have a cup of tea?’ Sally asked eventually, aware of her rudeness in ignoring Amy, who had so kindly given her a lift. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet but I have a lot to think about. That’s no excuse for my rudeness though. A cup of tea and I’ll tell you a little of what has happened.’

  Smiling, Amy shook her head. ‘There’s no need for any explanations, but if you want to talk, can we talk about my wedding dress? It’s beautiful but I think the train might be a bit too much for little hands to manage.’

  They stopped in a small village where a row of shops boasted a café that advertised homemade scones. Sally carried Sadie and Amy went to find a table. Amy pulled a face when they saw the place was filled with men, whom she guessed were delivery men from their clothes and overalls. The tables were covered with plastic cloths and the steamy atmosphere didn’t auger well for a tasty snack. But Sally was already sitting down and she reluctantly followed.