My Favorite Mistake

by R. L. Kenderson

  He gently pulled his hand out from under mine, and I thought he was going to put it on top. I actually thought he was going to reassure me that he would clean up his act and be a better boss.

  “Get out.”

  “Excuse me?” I said, taken aback.

  “Get out, Madeline. I don’t want or need your help.”

  “But, Griffin…I love you. I want to help.”

  He jumped up from the couch and pointed to the door. “I said, get out,” he said through clenched teeth. “Now.”

  I sluggishly stood as I tried not to cry. “Please, Griff.”

  He marched over to his door and opened it. “Leave. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

  I was taken aback. “Do you mean…”

  “It’s over.”

  “But why?”

  “I don’t have to tell you that. It’s part of our deal, remember?”

  Maybe he wasn’t as drunk as I’d thought he was because he remembered the terms of our agreement.

  I nodded. “Okay. I’ll leave. But I know you’ll regret this when you sober up,” I said as I stepped outside his door.

  “Don’t count on it,” he said and slammed the door in my face.

  Thirty-Five

  Griffin

  “Get your fucking ass up. Now,” someone yelled as they kicked my bed.

  I turned my head and opened one eye. “Blake?”

  “No. The fucking tooth fairy. Yes, it’s Blake.”

  I slowly sat up. “What are you doing here?”

  “Dragging your drunk ass out of bed.”

  “I’m not drunk.”

  Blake sighed. “I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s five o’clock in the evening, and you’re still in bed.” He eyed me. “When’s the last time you drank?”

  “Not since Madeline left.”

  “You mean, not since you broke her heart and kicked her out.”

  I winced. I felt bad about that, but things were better this way.

  “So, you haven’t been drinking every night while your friends and family bust their asses, keeping your bar afloat?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “While you’ve been neglecting your bar, the people who care about you have been making sure you don’t lose your business.”

  I rubbed my forehead. “I had no idea.”

  “And why would you? We haven’t seen you in weeks.”

  I looked up. “Weeks? Madeline was just here a couple of days ago.”

  Blake got down on his haunches. “Griffin, it’s been over a month since your dad died.”

  I hung my head in shame. “But I haven’t gone grocery shopping or paid any bills.” I didn’t eat much, but I knew I had been eating every day.

  “Your mom brings you food while you’re sleeping. Or passed out. And we’ve been paying your bills.”

  I didn’t like his accusation that I had been passed out. “I told you that I haven’t been drinking.”

  “Sleeping then. Whatever.” He shrugged. “Either way, something has to change.”

  I didn’t want anything to change. I wanted things to go back to exactly the way they had been. My dad alive and my life back to normal.

  Blake pulled out his phone and pointed to the date, shoving the phone into my line of sight. “It’s January, man. You missed Christmas and New Year’s. You left your widowed mom to spend Christmas alone.”

  “Oh my God.” I broke out in a sweat and felt like I might puke.

  “Not to mention, you pushed away one of the best women in the world. You’re lucky she loves you enough to make sure someone is around to cover your ass.”

  Love. The word vibrated in my head until my ears rang.

  “I love you, Griffin Davis. I love you more than just a best friend. I’m in love with you.”

  “Oh, fuck. I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Blake quickly dragged me off my bed and hauled me into the bathroom before I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. After I was doing nothing but dry-heaving, Blake turned on the water in my shower and shoved me inside.

  He handed me a toothbrush and toothpaste on the side of the curtain. “Scrub up and brush your teeth. We have somewhere to be.”

  “You’re taking me to church? On a…” Shit. I didn’t even know what day of the week it was.

  “It’s Thursday,” Blake said.

  “It doesn’t matter if it’s Sunday; you are the last person I thought would bring me to church.”

  “Just get out of the car.”

  I sighed and pushed open the door to get out.

  I followed Blake through the back door of the church and down a flight of stairs into a room full of people sitting in a circle.

  A middle-aged woman smiled and stood. “Good to see you, Blake. And I see you’ve brought a friend.” She pointed to the wall. “Please, grab a chair and take a seat.”

  “Dude,” I hissed in Blake’s ear. It looked like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I was not an alcoholic. And I had seen Blake drink plenty of times. He was a hypocrite, bringing me to AA. “Why did you bring me here?”

  He ignored me.

  The leader of the group waved her hands out. “Group, can we make room for Blake and…” She looked at me.

  “Griffin,” I admitted.

  “Hello, Griffin. I’m Lennon.”

  The group scooted their chairs around while Blake and I grabbed our own.

  After we were all seated, Lennon said, “Would anyone like to start today?”

  Blake put his hand up. “I’ll go first.”

  I sat back in surprise and with some judgment. If he gave the group some spiel about being on the wagon, I was going to call bullshit. He was the one who had given me the flask at my father’s funeral reception.

  He stood and cleared his throat. “I’m Blake.”

  “Hi, Blake,” the group said.

  “It’s been eleven years, three months, and twenty-one days since my mother died, and I still think about her every day.”

  My jaw dropped open.

  “Just four years earlier, we had lost my grandma—my mom’s mom—to breast cancer. They hadn’t caught it until it was stage four.” He smiled sadly. “Grandma was one of those women who refused to go to the doctor for anything, and so by the time my mom and my uncle could convince her, it was too late.”

  I’d known that his grandmother and mother had passed away years ago, but I’d had no idea it still affected him. I had been in college at the time. I had come home for his mother’s funeral, but Blake and I never talked about it. Not once. I suddenly felt like a piece-of-shit friend for never asking.

  He sighed. “So, two years later, when my mom was diagnosed, I didn’t worry because they’d caught it early. But I was wrong. And this might sound bad, but to this day, I can’t figure out if it was better to go fast like my grandma or slow like my mom.” He looked down at his hands. “I guess it doesn’t matter when you die from the same thing, huh?”

  He looked over at me, and despite my guilt, I met his eyes.

  “Anyway”—Blake turned his attention back to the group—“I did some stupid things, pushed some people away because I didn’t want to get hurt again, and made a mess of my life for a while. I know everyone has to go through their own journey, but if I can help anyone who feels like I did eleven years ago, I have to try. Because you might regret throwing everything away. While I still miss my mom and would do just about anything to have her back, I know she wouldn’t want me throwing away my future.” He smiled one more time and sat.

  Neither of us said anything to each other as we listened to others speak. There were people who had lost spouses and some who had lost children. There was even a couple who had lost close friends.

  Not everyone talked. Some just listened. I liked that it felt like it was a safe space to connect with people who understood what I was going through.

  When we circl
ed the complete group and it got around to me, Lennon asked, “Would you like to share, Griffin?”

  I shook my head, but then I stopped myself and stood up. “Hi, I’m Griffin.”

  “Hi, Griffin.”

  Even though I had known everyone was going to say hi back, it still kind of startled me, and I jumped a bit.

  “I lost my dad a month ago. Heart attack. We hadn’t even known he was sick.” I was getting choked up, and I really didn’t want to cry, so I paused and took a breath. “I miss him. I miss him a lot. But since this is all new to me, I’m still taking things one day at a time.” I looked at Blake. “And I hope that it’s not too late to keep some of the people that I pushed away.”

  He smiled at me and nodded once.

  I didn’t know what else to say, so I put my hand up awkwardly and said, “Thanks,” before sitting down.

  Blake slapped me on the shoulder, and I knew that was his guy way of giving me a hug.

  Thirty-Six

  Madeline

  I pulled up to the church for Christina and Troy’s wedding rehearsal, grabbed my dress and toiletries, and quickly ran inside. I’d been told to bring all of my stuff because, tomorrow, we were going to get dressed and do our hair and our makeup together as a group.

  And while I was looking forward to Christina’s big day, I hoped all the busywork and excitement would help keep me from worrying about Griffin. Of course, it would be hard to forget that he was the person I was supposed to be walking down the aisle with. Troy’s cousin was Griffin’s replacement. I could only hope that Troy’s cousin was handsome and rich and would make me forget all about falling in love with my best friend.

  The first person I saw when I got in the building was Hope.

  “Remind me to never get married in the middle of winter,” I said to her. “Brr. It’s so cold.”

  “Tell me about it.” She waved her hand. “Come on. I’ll show you where you can put your stuff.”

  I followed her down the hall to a room with tables and mirrors lined up against the wall and a rack with other bridesmaid dresses hanging on it.

  “You can put your things wherever. The pastor promised me that the room and the church will be locked tonight.”

  “I’m not too worried. If someone wants to steal used makeup and a bunch of bridesmaid dresses, then they have bigger problems than I do.”

  Hope laughed.

  I was glad someone found me humorous because, lately, I had been feeling like shit. I had lost my best friend and the man I loved all in one day. I had known it would be a risk, telling Griffin how I felt. I’d stupidly thought that my love would pull him out of his grief enough for him to realize that he had something else to live for.

  Every day, I asked myself if I could have done something differently, and I still didn’t have an answer. I knew I couldn’t continue with him and the way things had been. I had been so exhausted, and I would have come to resent him if things had gone on.

  Thankfully, due to our mutual friends, I had heard that Griffin had plateaued for a while. Christina had told me that there hadn’t been any more fights, and just last week, Blake had gotten Griffin out of bed. It seemed Griffin was on the mend, although Christina had warned me it would probably be a slow process.

  Which was why I had decided not to contact him yet. I wanted so badly to let him know I was thinking about him, but part of me was worried that I would set him back. It was probably an irrational fear, but it was still a fear, and I couldn’t shake it.

  Besides, if he was doing so well, then he could contact me. After all, he was the one who had kicked me out of his apartment, never to be heard from again.

  “You okay, Madeline?” Hope asked.

  I blinked. “Wow. Sorry. I think I spaced out there for a minute.”

  She smiled sympathetically. “I heard things have been rough with Griffin.”

  “Yeah.” I nudged her and smiled. “Thanks for finding me a replacement though.”

  She frowned. “I didn’t find you a replacement.”

  “Oh. Well, I guess since I’m walking down with Troy’s cousin, Troy found the replacement.” I shrugged. “You still did most of the planning.”

  “Hope?” Christina called from the hallway. “Has Madeline arrived yet?” She stopped in the doorway when she saw me. “Oh, you’re already here.”

  I ran over to her and gave her a hug. “Happy wedding day eve.”

  I supposed now that Griffin was out of the picture, Christina was my best friend. I wondered if she knew she had large shoes to fill.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

  I laughed. “No reason. Just thinking about how glad I am to have you in my life.”

  Christina looked around me at her sister. “Hope, did you give Madeline something?”

  “Ha-ha. No, I’m not on anything. And shouldn’t we hurry before we’re late?” I stepped around Christina. “I’m looking forward to meeting some cousins.”

  Christina ran up behind me. “Cousins?”

  “Yeah.” I lowered my voice. “Your evil cousin, Chantel, and—”

  Christina groaned. “Oh. Her.”

  “Will I know who she is?”

  Christina and Hope laughed.

  “Oh, you’ll know,” Christina said.

  I rubbed my hands together. “I can’t wait. Don’t worry. I’ll do my best to make sure she doesn’t ruin anything.”

  “Aw, you’re so sweet.”

  “I’m also looking forward to meeting my new aisle mate. Please tell me Troy’s cousin is tall, dark, and handsome.”

  Christina’s smile slipped. “About that…”

  It was my turn to groan. “Oh God. So, you’re saying he’s short, pale, and ugly.” I waved my hand through the air. “That’s okay. It was wishful thinking.”

  “That’s not what I was going to say,” Christina said as we made our way to the foyer, right outside of the room where the services would be held, where the rest of the wedding party had gathered. “It’s about—”

  “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for being here. I know Troy and Christina appreciate it. I’m Pastor Lutz, and I am honored to officiate the wedding.”

  As Pastor Lutz talked, I felt someone come up behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see a beautiful blonde woman who was dressed up like she was going to a fashion show. The rest of the wedding party was wearing jeans, T-shirts, and sweatshirts. Even the pastor was wearing jeans. This woman had to be cousin Chantel.

  “Bridesmaids, maid of honor, best man, and groomsmen, can you line up?” Pastor Lutz asked, and Hope instructed us on the order we were assigned to stand in. “This is the door you will enter the sanctuary through. All the guests will be seated before you all line up. Once we get to the front, we’ll go through the next steps. Troy, you can go inside. Christina, you and your dad get behind the bridesmaids.”

  “I’m last?” a high-pitched female voice whined. It was the blonde woman. “But Aunt Deedee said I was second.”

  Now, I knew it was Chantel. Deedee was Christina’s mom.

  “There must have been a mix-up, Chantel,” Hope said. “Madeline and Griffin are second because they introduced Christina and Troy.”

  I flinched at hearing Griffin’s name, but I figured Chantel was not the person to explain to that it originally was going to be Griffin but that he had needed to be replaced. Best to stick with basic facts with someone like her.

  Chantel looked at Christina, who shrugged. Christina’s father was next to her, and he rolled his eyes. Apparently, everyone felt the same way about this particular cousin.

  I turned away to hide my laughter. It was just a wedding. Who cared what order people walked in? I would volunteer to switch, except Christina didn’t want me to.

  The groomsmen lined up next to the bridesmaids, and the best man stood next to the maid of honor, but I was all alone. Chantel had distracted me, and I had forgotten to watch for an unfamiliar face.

  Everyone was starting to
quiet down now that we were all in place.

  I leaned forward and whispered, “Hope, what happened to Troy’s cousin?”

  She turned around. “Oh, Madeline, I think you’re confused. You’re not walking with Troy’s cousin.”

  I frowned. “I’m not? Who am I walking with?”

  A cold gust blew around us as the door to the church opened from outside.

  A deep voice that I would know anywhere said, “I’m here. I’m here.” Griffin jogged up to me and smiled. “Sorry I’m late.”

  Meanwhile, I could only stare.

  Thirty-Seven

  Madeline

  I didn’t even have a chance to say anything to Griffin because as soon as he arrived at my side, Pastor Lutz began directing the group to their places.

  When we reached the front of the church, Griffin went to the groom’s side while I went to the bride’s.

  I tried to focus on Christina and the pastor, but my mind was going a hundred miles a minute.

  What is Griffin doing here? Why didn’t anyone tell me he was going to be here? Why hadn’t I heard from him? Why didn’t anyone tell me he was going to be here? How does he look so healthy, like nothing happened? Why didn’t anyone tell me he was going to be here!

  I knew I’d kept thinking the same thing on repeat, but it was an important question.

  As Pastor Lutz went over how things were going to work, I kept glancing at Griffin out of the corner of my eye. He caught me once and smiled like the last few months hadn’t happened.

  I quickly darted my eyes away.

  “Okay, let’s run through this one more time from the beginning,” Pastor Lutz said. “But before we do that, we’re going to practice walking out. Troy and Christina, lead the way, and, Troy, you’ll come back in here once you reach the foyer.”