“I need to touch you, Mac.” She whispered into his mouth. “Let me touch you.”
He fell back, and surrender washed through him. He wanted her like he’d wanted no one since Jilly. Kate had come into his life at a time when he battled emotions so fierce, so ugly, yet she’d broken through to him. The real him.
Now, lying with her like this, knowing she knew everything about him and still wanted to make love with him, he wondered if he’d really come to the Cove to find Kate. And no one else.
She smiled, the happiness and desire in her eyes increasing his urgency to feel her wrapped around him. Her hand moved over his chest, his stomach and then slipped into his boxers.
He closed his eyes as she curled her fingers around him, her movements purposely slow and intensely sexual. He gritted his teeth and pressed his hand to her back. She massaged him until his whole body ached with need. He moved his fingers to her bra clasp and released it with practiced ease.
Her hand halted and he opened his eyes.
She raised her eyebrows. “Kind of an expert at that, aren’t you?”
He smiled. “One of my many talents.”
She slipped her hand from his boxers and shimmied out of her bra, flinging it over her shoulder, her gaze dancing. “Then I’m looking forward to discovering the others.”
She dipped her head and kissed him, moving her body over his until she lay on top of him, her perfect figure naked but for a tiny pair of panties. As they kissed and touched, their breathing became harried and their urgency more intense.
Just when he thought he wouldn’t be able to resist taking her, she pulled away from him. Her gaze was dark with arousal, her pretty lips reddened. “Don’t move.”
She slid off the bed and walked to her purse. Fumbling inside, she took out a condom packet and ripped it open. As she came to the side of the bed, she removed her panties. Mac’s gaze roamed over the entire, beautiful sight of her. God, she was something else.
She crawled on to the bed and sheathed him with the condom.
Eye to eye, body to body, she lifted above him before clasping his hands and lowering to his erection. He slipped inside her, and the breath rushed from his lungs.
She softly moaned and closed her eyes. With their fingers entwined, they moved, discovering one another’s rhythm until they were in sync. She opened her eyes and Mac sat up, wanting to feel her in his arms, have her breaths merge with his.
The sensations built as their bodies heated. With each gentle thrust, his previous doubt of love ever appearing in his life again abated; with each of Kate’s murmurs, more his old self re-emerged. He urged her on, wanting her to take the pleasure he so desperately needed to give her.
“Oh, God, Mac.” She gritted her teeth. “I’m going to—”
She dropped her head back, her mouth open, and convulsed around him, her body shuddering and writhing. He thrust his hips forward and joined her, their hands dropping as they held each other tightly, as though both were afraid the other might not be real.
Second by sexy second, their bodies relaxed, and Mac opened his eyes. She stared at him, her glazed focus soft and loving.
He smiled. “You’re...”
“So are you.”
He kissed her and gently rolled her over until they lay side by side, his arms wrapped around her. “Whatever happens next—”
“We’ll deal with it. For now, let’s just be. Okay?”
He nodded and brushed some hair from her face. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy, this complete. So entirely certain he was supposed to be nowhere else on earth but here, with Kate.
* * *
KATE STARED AT Mac as he dozed beside her, her heart filled with want of him but also a little foreboding. Until he told her what he planned to say to Marian, her whole heart would not be open to him. She had to be sure she could fully trust him with the hearts of the people she loved.
She’d been witness to too much pain, too much neglect and disregard for others’ happiness. And so had he. Was it even possible that the two of them could be together when so much fear burned deep inside their hearts? Nothing less than a man who was good, true and considerate would be enough for her now. She needed someone who could comfort her when she was scared, support her when she wavered...and until Mac proved himself those things, she wouldn’t be convinced Mac was that man.
No matter how much she increasingly longed for him to be.
She would spend her life alone before she lessened her resolve or risked her integrity.
She turned and ran her gaze over the stubble at his jaw, her fingers yearning to touch him. They’d made love, and that would naturally change things between them. By touching each other, holding one another and making love, their intimacy and expectations would almost certainly heighten.
She wanted him to know her on every level. The feeling was so alien, considering the fragmented relationship she had with her parents and sister. She wanted to trust Mac. Wanted him to know the good, the bad and the ugly about her, and wanted to know the same about him.
Life didn’t come with guarantees. There could be no certainty they wouldn’t hurt each other in the future, but this was now. So much was still left to be done as far as Marian was concerned, and Marian was her friend and confidant, and a woman she would have to see day after day, regardless of whether Mac stayed.
She swiped at her tears. It was no good. She needed to wake him so they could talk. She gently touched his face, lower to his neck and then his shoulder. He murmured something unintelligible before opening his eyes.
“Hey.”
Her heart stumbled to see such tenderness in his gaze. “Hey.”
His brow furrowed. “You okay?”
“Uh-huh.” She nodded. “But we need to talk.”
Concern immediately clouded his eyes. “About what?”
Her heart picked up speed. “Firstly, about me.”
He shifted on to his elbow. “Tell me.”
Her years-old confession stuck in her throat, yet if she wanted his honesty, his trust, she needed to share her secret with him as a way of showing him what he could mean to her. She took a deep breath. “I lost a baby, Mac.”
Shock flashed across his face. “What?”
She briefly closed her eyes, drawing on every ounce of her inner strength before meeting his steady gaze once more. “I’d been seeing a guy casually and fell pregnant. My—” she sighed, tears burning her eyes “—relationship with my mother was worse then than it even is now. She thought me scatterbrained, too interested in people rather than money. My diploma in social care and philosophy a total waste of time.” She stared into his eyes. “If I’d told her I was pregnant, any modicum of respect she might have had for me would have vanished. I needed her back then, Mac. Even if I don’t now, but I lost the baby...and I still didn’t have the courage to confide in her.”
“You dealt with a miscarriage alone? God, Kate.” Slowly, he sat up against the headboard and eased her against him, wrapping his arms around her. “Has telling me this been worrying you?”
She nodded, tears sliding over her cheeks. “Yes, but I wasn’t alone. I had Marian.”
“Marian was with you when you lost your baby?”
“I was with her and George at their house when it happened. She stayed with me while George called the ambulance. They came to the hospital, and Marian didn’t leave my side for the two nights I was there. Afterward...” She drew in a shaky breath and released it. “I didn’t want to be alone. Didn’t want to come home. So Marian opened her home to me. I stayed there for a lot longer than I intended. She cared for me like no one else ever has before or since.”
“Which is why you’re so afraid I’ll hurt her.”
“Yes.”
He squeezed her tighter. “You lost a baby and I...”
“Lost one, too. B
ut not in the same way. What happened to you was so much worse than—”
“Hey.” He eased her around to face him. “You lost a child. Whether that be through a miscarriage, adoption or death, you lost a child. Just as Marian and I have. No more blame, okay? No more.”
Relief and, dare she think it, love swelled her heart, and her tears flowed faster. “I was so afraid you’d think my grief silly when compared to what happened to your girlfriend and baby.”
“Why? You lost a child, Kate. It seems to me you would’ve kept your baby, right?”
“Yes, despite everything, I was in a position to do that. No matter what my mother might have said, I would’ve kept my baby.”
“Then that’s all I need to know to understand the sort of woman you are. All I need to know to understand the unbreakable bond between you and Marian.” He smiled gently. “You’ll have kids, Kate, and you’ll be an amazing mother.”
“Maybe, but it’s today that matters. Not next week, month or year. It matters what happens next with you and me...and with you and Marian.”
An overwhelming liberty coursed through her, and Kate pulled his face to hers and kissed him. She poured all the anguish, pain and fear that she’d carried around with her for all these years into the kiss.
Eventually, she leaned back and rested her head against his chest, intertwining her fingers with his. “I can’t go on any longer keeping who you are from her.”
“I’ll speak with Marian tomorrow.” He touched his finger to her chin, lifting her head so their gazes met. His burned with determination and passion. “When people die, their lives don’t end with them. I see that now. Jilly and my child still live on in my thoughts. Your baby does in yours. If there was anything I thought Jilly needed to do for closure before she passed, I would do it for her. The entries in my dad’s diary reveal more than just words. They reveal his soul, too. Meeting Marian mattered to him, Kate. He just didn’t have the courage to see it through. I think knowing that will matter to Marian, too.”
“Of course, it will.”
Yet, her worry lingered. She had seen too much heartbreak and desperation not to learn that, despite people’s best intentions, their actions were almost always about what they needed, not the person they believed they were acting for. How did she share that with Mac without sounding accusatory?
She dropped her gaze to her hands and nervously picked at a nail. “You know, I’m still coming to terms with my ex cheating with my sister, but I can feel something shifting.” She looked at him, praying he understood her and wouldn’t take offense. “But when I called my sister to tell her I wanted to help with her wedding, that wasn’t for Ali or my mum, it was for me. I need to see her to get past this horrible loathing of what she did. I have to say what I need to say, have her look at me and accept completely that her actions changed me forever. That’s all for me, not her.”
“From what I’ve seen you do since I met you, your main concern is always for others.”
“No, Mac. It’s not.”
“But—”
“Listen to me.” She gripped his hand, tears pricking her eyes. “People often don’t accept that everything they do, everything they say, has some kind of personal intention behind it. For example, with the fund-raiser the other week, my intention was to raise money for the mother and baby unit, but it was also about proving my worth as an employee, showing the town just how effective my ideas were, to help me believe I’m not worthless even though my sister and boyfriend disregarded my feelings.”
His blue eyes darkened with uncertainty. “Why are you telling me this?”
She quelled her nervousness. “Because I think you need to be honest with yourself. You must accept that your need to find Marian is also most likely about the need to fill a void in you. Why keep your search from your family unless subconsciously you knew it was serving a purpose for you? Maybe only you.”
The longer he stared at her, the colder his gaze grew. He abruptly moved away from her and stood from the bed. “You’re wrong.” He grabbed his boxers from the floor and put them on. “There’s a part of me that wanted to find Marian for me, but the biggest part was for Dad.”
“Is that true?”
He hesitated, two spots of color appearing on his cheeks.
Kate moved forward on the bed to close a little of the sudden distance between them. If he didn’t understand her need for honesty in everything now that she’d told him about the miscarriage, she feared they had no chance of their relationship working out.
She spoke past the sickness churning in her stomach. “I’m saying this so that when you speak to Marian, you can tell her about you as well as your Dad. He’s gone, Mac. You’re here. Marian might be sad she’ll never meet her son, but that also means he can no longer affect her. You can. She deserves to see you. The real you. That’s all I’m saying.”
He huffed a laugh as he buttoned his jeans. “All you’re saying? I think you’ve said an awful lot.”
Heat burned her cheeks as she slipped from the bed. There was no way he was going to dress through his irritation and leave her naked in hers. She whipped her panties and bra from the floor. “I should go.”
“Fine.” He pulled on his jeans. “I’ll see Dana in the morning and call you as soon as I can after.”
Tears burned as she slipped on her jeans and grabbed her shirt from the floor. “You’ll speak with Marian tomorrow?”
“I’ll call you.”
Kate’s heart thundered. “I only told you what you know is true, Mac. I didn’t mean to be spiteful or change your mind. I just want you to speak with Marian and be fully aware of why so you can be honest with her. Don’t take the opportunity to know her family away from her.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw. “I won’t.”
She shrugged into her shirt, silently pleading for him to understand her intentions. She didn’t want him to regret any lack of honesty with a woman who could become such a big part of his life. She buttoned her shirt, her gaze on his. “You know I only want to support you, right?”
He raised his eyebrows. “This is support?”
She turned and snatched her purse up from the floor. “Yes. I like you, Mac. A lot. Do you think I’d reveal my failings, my occasional selfishness to someone I don’t like, someone I don’t believe I can trust?”
He stared, his jaw tight.
She lifted her hands in surrender. “Have it your way. Do what you have to do.” She strode to the door and pulled it open. “But if you leave without speaking to Marian, or speak to her with anything less than love and care, don’t expect me to keep my mouth shut after you’ve gone. Honesty, Mac. It matters.”
Chapter Sixteen
MAC TOPPED OFF Dana’s orange juice and replenished his own before glancing toward the Oceanside’s windows where his niece and nephew looked out across the water, their hands most likely marking the once-spotless glass. “I’m glad you brought the kids with you on this trip. They certainly make you realize what’s important in life.”
“Yeah, but with Jamie away as often as he is, they also run me ragged. So...” She raised her eyebrows. “Now you’ve told me what the new woman in your life said about being honest with Marian, how are you feeling? I think Kate has a point, you know.”
He watched the light snow falling outside. “She certainly made me take a long look at myself, and I can’t say I liked what I saw.”
“How so?”
He met Dana’s concerned gaze. “I need to figure out what made me run headlong into finding Marian, all the while knowing Mum wouldn’t like it and keeping my trip here secret from you.”
“Have you come to any conclusions?”
“Yeah, some.”
“Want to share them with me?”
He massaged the bridge of his nose. “Kate thinks we all do things with a personal intention, whether we realize it or no
t. If she’s right, the reason I came here was so I wouldn’t have to deal with everyone else’s grief over Dad, only mine.” He clenched his jaw against the shame of his selfishness. “Dad dying brought it all back.”
“Jilly?”
He nodded. “It was as though I was flung back to the day she died. All the pain and grief came rushing back and evolved into this uncontrollable fury. I needed to lash out, and Marian Ball became my target.”
“Oh, Mac.” She squeezed his hand, her gaze sad. “That’s totally understandable. You loved Jilly so much. To lose a baby, too...”
He tightened his grip on his glass. “Kate also made me think I need to take some time away from here before deciding if, or when, I speak with Marian.”
“You’re coming home?” She smiled, her blue eyes lighting with relief. “I think that’s a sensible idea. You need some perspective. Now you’ve found Marian, there’s no need for you to rush into telling her who you are. Years have passed, a few more weeks isn’t going to make any difference.”
“Maybe.”
Dana raised her eyebrows. “We are talking about Marian being the only reason behind your decision to leave Templeton, right?”
Mac tried not to squirm under the weight of his sister’s wily gaze, hating that his leaving the Cove had so much more to do with Kate than Marian. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, your leaving hasn’t got something to do with Kate, too, has it?”
He slid his gaze to Lily and little Mac as they chatted with two people dining at a table alongside them. The delighted older couple smiled and clapped as his niece and nephew executed hops and jumps in some kind of absurd off-the-cuff ballet performance.
“It could have a little to do with her.” He looked at Dana, unease for what he was about to say clawing uncomfortably at his chest. “I like her, Dana. A lot. She could be...” He swallowed. “Someone pretty special.”
“Well, that’s great...” She frowned. “Isn’t it?”
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