Never Enough

by Lauren Dane

  Gillian ducked her head, blushing as Jules hooted laughter. “That is awesome! You deserve this, Gillian. Don’t second-guess it. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself fall a little crazy in love with someone. Go a little wild.”

  “I’m someone’s mother! I can’t go wild.”

  Jules only rolled her eyes. “Oh, for poodle’s sake, of course you can. For you wild is how other people stay sane. Eh? I mean Gillian wild, not Daisy wild.” Daisy was another friend, a total wild-child artist. Gillian absolutely adored her, but they were very different.

  “Well. Maybe. He”—she licked her lips, trying to find a way to say it—“I feel like I can let go with him.”

  Jules moved closer, though the place was nearly empty at the moment. “Then do it. Baby, how often do you let go? Really? If he rings your bell and he’s doing it in a way that is not hurting you or Miles, ring it like it’s dinnertime.”

  “I’ve got to go before you talk me into those strip-aerobics classes or something. I have a lesson in an hour and a thousand e-mails to deal with. I shall be taking this pear tart with me.” She grabbed the pink box on the counter. “And give you proper credit with Miles, though he’ll know everything baked and sweet comes from you, as I am such a disaster with a baking sheet.”

  “I’ll see you both Thursday, if not before. And Friday night is club night. I know Mary told you to bring Adrian, so be sure you invite him or I will pester you until you do anyway.”

  Gillian tossed some money on the counter just as she turned to go and headed to the door, not stopping when she heard Jules exclaim when she saw the money.

  “Bye, Juliet Lamprey, goddess of pastry. I will see you anon.”

  Miles had gone to bed, and as had been their little ritual, Gillian and Adrian headed outside. Her back deck had become one of his favorite places, he had to admit. Even as winter approached, it was still lush and the fire pit kept them both comfortably warm, but they still used a blanket as an excuse to sit close.

  She’d taken the time to let him know Miles’s jazz band was having a performance and he’d rushed back from a quick trip to San Francisco so he wouldn’t miss it.

  “Our kid is a damned good musician.”

  Gillian nodded and sipped her tea. “He is. I used to always think he got it from me, but apparently not so much.”

  “Why not from both of us? You’re an incredibly talented piano player. You have a design business, which is also very creative. The boy gets all sorts of artsy stuff from each of us.”

  He liked when she revealed these small bits about herself. She was so reserved and guarded about her past that it was often a trial to get her to share things about her past.

  “Tell me something about yourself. Something I don’t know.”

  “Like what?”

  The firelight on her skin only made her more beautiful as she turned to smile up at him.

  “Anything.”

  “Miles didn’t walk until he was fifteen months old and I was so freaked out that I’d messed up and he was delayed that my gran and Miles’s doctor both had to shake some sense into me and tell me he was just fine. About three weeks later, he took his first step and was pretty much climbing, running and giving me a heart attack with all the new danger he could get into.”

  He laughed, imagining this buttoned-up woman in a panic about something like that.

  “When did you walk? I mean, were you an early or a late walker? Apparently I was super early. Brody says it was to keep up with Erin, which is probably the truth.”

  “I believe it. You and your sister are partners in crime. I can only imagine what you two were like as children. I like that you’re all three northwesterners, born and bred. This is my favorite part of the country out here with the trees and the water.”

  “I lived in L.A. for a decade. I’m there enough still, to deal with business stuff. I love the beach and the sun, but Seattle always calls me back. I can be quiet here, you know?”

  She nodded. “I do. This is the place I decided to raise my baby. On purpose. I’ve just always felt at home here.”

  “Do you miss England?”

  She shrugged. “There are things I do miss, yes. But this has been my home for longer than England was. I’m British at heart in many ways, but Miles is so much more American than I am.”

  “You never thought of going back?”

  She blew out a long breath and he knew they were reaching that place where she got more and more stingy with her past.

  “For the first little while I used to imagine going back when I was an adult. But really? Everyone I care about is here. My child. At the time my grandmother, and then school. I haven’t been back since we left.”

  “We should take Miles. He should see that part of his roots.”

  “That has nothing to do with him. His roots are here. With me and with you.” Her voice had tautened, gotten clipped, and he knew she’d be less and less willing to share after this point.

  “You can trust me, you know. I understand enough that you didn’t always have the best childhood. But how can I know you if you don’t let me in?”

  “None of that has anything to do with Miles. Or with you and me. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with me not wanting to talk about or give it any more time and emotion. I’m done with that part of my life.”

  And how could he argue with that, really? She’d told him about Miles, some about herself, and in doing that, she’d exposed herself to him, made herself vulnerable.

  “Fair enough.” He put an arm around her, pulling her closer. “Just, you know, don’t stop sharing. I like getting to know you. I’m not going to judge you. You’re safe telling me things.”

  13

  Several days later, Adrian sat in his car on the ferry. He’d seen them only a few days before, but he wanted to see them today too. Wanted to see how Miles’s day had gone at school. Wanted to know how his math test went.

  Craved the sight of Gillian, the smooth tones of her words and then the sharp burr when she got agitated or pissed off.

  And she most likely would be when he told her what he’d done. But it was his right as a father, for fuck’s sake! He wanted to do for his son. Wanted to do for Gillian too, damn it.

  Maybe he’d call first. Yeah. That would be better. Butter her up. He called her cell and she answered right away.

  “Hey there, English. Busy?”

  “Hello there, yourself. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I have to call you back, I’m in the middle of something just now.”

  He heard people talking in the background about a carburetor. “Can I help? I’m actually calling you from the ferry.” He’d wait to tell her in person; she sounded agitated and he wanted to fix it.

  “No. No. I’ll meet you at the house. You have a key.”

  “Gillian, are you having car trouble again?”

  “I’ll see you shortly.” And then she hung up!

  He considered calling her back, but thought better of it. He already pushed the lines as it was. However, if her car was broken down, he’d be damned if she thought she would walk home or get a ride from some stranger when he was already on his way.

  Though, he realized as he drove off the ferry and headed toward town, he didn’t know where the mechanic was. It was only ten in the morning, so he drove toward Tart.

  Jules Lamprey was a nice woman. He liked her and he really liked how protective she was of Miles and Gillian. He’d met her a few times, including a rather amazing dinner the Friday before hosted by another one of Gillian’s friends.

  She looked surprised when he came in, and then wary.

  “You looking for Gillian?” Jules wrapped up something pretty delicious-looking and handed the bag to a customer, who thanked her and turned to leave. Halting dead in her tracks when she recognized him.

  “Oh my god. You’re Adrian Brown. Wow. Just wow! Can I get a picture with you?”

  Jules looked to him and then back to the woman. “No. Sorry. No pictures
with the customers. Let’s respect his privacy.”

  Adrian sent her a look of thanks and then smiled back to the customer. “I’m happy to sign something, if you’d like.”

  Then she pulled her shirt back, exposing her breasts. Like she whipped them out in public on a regular basis. Chances were she didn’t, but people did crazy shit around him all the time.

  “Do you have a pen? I have a few at my place.” She fluttered her lashes, making it clear just what she was inviting him for.

  Jules came from around the counter so fast Adrian had to jump from the way. “Get out. This is a family place. My god, girl, put your boobs away.”

  The woman looked back to Adrian. “You sure? I’m just—” But whatever she’d planned to say he missed as Jules literally shoved her out the door and onto the sidewalk.

  “You’re banned.”

  Adrian sighed as the other customers finally turned back to their coffee and pastry.

  Jules washed her hands quickly and turned back to him. “I’m so sorry about that. I’m so embarrassed.”

  He shrugged. “Happens all the time. Thanks for getting my back.” “This is my place. I won’t have any of that crap in here. Dumb hooker.” She shook her head and he tried not to laugh. “Anyway, Gillian would have my head if I let some skeezeball shove her knockers at you like that.”

  He did smile then. “Yeah?”

  “Stop fishing.”

  “She says that too. Speaking of Gillian, do you know where her mechanic is? I was on the phone with her and I know she’s there. Or she was about half an hour ago.”

  Jules sent him a raised brow. “Normally, I’d let you suffer through her wrath for doing something you and I both know she told you not to. But she’s not having a good week. Back off.”

  “What’s going on? Why doesn’t she tell me this stuff herself?”

  “You’re really quite pretty, but Miles clearly got his smarts from his mother. I’m not telling you where the mechanic’s shop is. But I will tell you that Gillian has boundaries for a reason and if you don’t respect them, this thing between you two will be over before you can really get started. She likes to take care of things herself, in her own way.”

  “It would help if she told me why she says and does the things she does.” Frustrated, he sighed and sought patience.

  “Oh, aren’t you special. Have you shared all your history with Gillian then? All your bad moments and the things that fill you with shame even though it’s not your responsibility?”

  See, the thing about falling for a woman for the first time ever was all this stuff was new to him. He wasn’t used to uncertainty in his personal life.

  “You can tell me and I’ll understand.”

  Jules sent him a raised brow, crossing her arms over her chest. “Oh, you will? What about Gillian? Does she matter at all? Are you unfamiliar with how getting to know someone works? This isn’t her sister.” Jules leaned in and lowered her voice. “Gillian is a very private person. I wouldn’t betray her confidences to anyone. I love her and she trusts me and I’d never do anything to mess that up. Also, do your own work. She cares a lot about you, Adrian. Don’t be a dick and fuck it all up.”

  He exhaled hard, mainly because she was right.

  “Fine. If you see her, tell her I was looking for her.” He headed to the door.

  “She’s worth it, you know.”

  He did.

  Turns out he didn’t have to look too far because he caught sight of her walking, phone to her ear, not very far from Tart.

  He pulled alongside and she ignored him until he rolled the window down and called her name. Startled, she turned and nearly fell, dropping her phone with a snarled curse.

  He pulled over and got out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spook you.”

  She picked her phone up. “Still there?”

  She paused a moment.

  “Yes. Yes. I understand. I’m heading home now and I’ll e-mail it to you for approval.” She hung up and looked to him.

  “Are you all right?” He took a long look at her. Rosy cheeks from the walk only made her prettier.

  “I told you I’d meet you at the house.”

  “And you mistakenly hung up before I could tell you I’d come get you. But none of that matters because here I am and here’s my car, which is warm inside unlike out there.”

  She did that thing that made him crazy about her. One brow slid up as if it could not believe his audacity. Which only made him more audacious just to poke at her and bring out her English.

  “You know how hot that makes me,” he said, moving close and catching her face in his hands to hold her still enough for a kiss.

  “Everything makes you hot, Adrian. You’re a menace with a penis.” She tried not to smile. He saw her struggle against it and then give in.

  “Not everything. I just got accosted with breasts at Tart. Don’t worry, Jules threw said possessor of breasts right out.”

  “A random woman showed you her breasts in Tart? What for, and why were you in Tart?”

  “Get in the car and I’ll tell you.”

  She groaned and allowed him to help her in.

  “Are these seats heated? Also, is this a new car?” She looked around at the interior.

  “Yes, heated seats. I know it’s ridiculous and yet, I love them anyway. Not a new car. I bought it a few years ago. But I drive the SUV more often when I’m in town to tote kids around.”

  He headed toward her house. “Why were you walking just now?”

  “Why were you in Tart just now?”

  “You’re a difficult woman.”

  “You’re a spoiled man.”

  He shot her a grin and liked how it made her blush. “I am spoiled and I like it that way. I was in Tart asking Jules where your mechanic was located so I could go pick you up. She wouldn’t tell me so don’t get that face.”

  “I told you I’d meet you at the house.”

  “Why? Why won’t you let me help you?”

  “Because I don’t need help! I can get home from the auto repair shop. I had to stop by a client’s on the way back anyway. Which I did. Believe it or not, I am capable of managing my life.”

  “I don’t know why you’re always so eager to refuse my help.” He pulled up her drive and she bounced from the car before he got the keys from the ignition.

  “You’re right. You don’t know me.”

  “Because you won’t share!”

  “Share what?” She opened her front door and went through; he closed and locked it after himself.

  “Anything! I hear you had a hard week. And not because you told me, no, that would be too easy. But you didn’t tell me. I want to help you, make your life better!”

  She spun, hanging her bag and coat up. “You have some cheek, you know that?”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  She heaved a sigh. “I run a business. A successful one. I had a client to see and I don’t think having you wait for me in the car would have screamed able professional, do you?”

  “All you had to do was tell me that. We could have met after and I’d have given you a ride. Or, even better, if you’d let me know your car was still having trouble I could have loaned you mine. Which I’ll be doing anyway. You can give me a ride home tomorrow or whenever.”

  “No, Adrian, I didn’t have to tell you that. You don’t tell me what you do all day long. I trust that you handle your career in a way that works best for you and that if you need my help you’ll ask. It infantilizes me that you’d assume I need to fill you in when I was just managing my damned job.”

  “That’s not the same!”

  She blinked at him and he was so annoyed he decided to just forge ahead with the rest. “And in the interest of full disclosure, I came over today not only to see Miles but to let you know a few things. It gave me an excuse to see you.”

  “You don’t need an excuse to see your son. You know that.”

  “I’m talking about you. Anyway, I set up a co
llege fund for Miles. And I paid off his orthodontist.”

  Her brows flew up even higher and she made a noise that would not bode well for him. Though he had to curse his cock because it knew they’d be burning up the sheets after they worked things through.

  “I have a right to pay for his education. In fact, he can go to private school now if he likes. A friend of mine went to the Northwest School in Seattle. It’s an excellent school. I spoke with their admissions people and if Miles wanted to apply, we could put him there in the fall.”

  “Oh, we could, could we? And how much would this little program cost?”

  “I’ll pay for it. Look, Gillian, I know you’re doing a great job with him, but your resources are limited. Why do you have such a problem with my helping him? I shouldn’t have to ask permission to do things for my son.”

  “You promised me we’d talk about this stuff first. That’s how important this is to you? You’d just go do all this without even talking to me, and then you try to make it my fault. I’m not going to play this game with you. I have too much to do.”

  “And I won’t let you make me feel guilty for having money.”

  “Wha’ are you on about?”

  Uh-oh, dangerous ground when she started losing the end of certain words.

  “You act like it’s poison when I offer to help. Like my money is dirty. I earned it, Gillian. I can provide for the people I love. And now you don’t have to pay the orthodontist. It’s nothing to me and a lot to you so why fight me?”

  “It’s not about that and you know it. For the record, I appreciate the help and I’m glad you set up a college account for him. I think that’s marvelous.” She shot him a look that dared him to try interrupting so he didn’t. “When you do these things you promised to discuss with me first, you’re not respecting me as his mother.”

  “Then you respect me!”

  “I risked everything to bring him to you, so don’t belittle it.”

  He heard the tears then and stepped back, looking at the situation more carefully. She was not the kind of woman who’d manipulate with tears. If she was this close to losing it, she must be really stressed out. And damn it, he wanted to fix it for her.