by S. J. Sylvis
I continued to stare at him in the wee hours of the night, waiting for the regret to set in, but it never came. I didn’t regret anything when it came to Emmett, even though I was probably supposed to.
I kept telling myself to stay away, to distance myself, to push away all the deeper feelings I’d been pushing at. And that was simply to avoid all the consequences I’d have to pay when it came time to break it off—when we went our separate ways.
But I was so damn thankful for every single moment I’d spent with Emmett, because he taught me how to be myself. He taught me how to laugh, how to smile, how to let loose.
Emmett taught me love.
He didn’t know that—of course not—because I wasn’t going to tell him I loved him. I wouldn’t even admit that out loud because that was too much.
And it wasn’t fair to say those things to him.
But lying there, I knew I did. Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was something.
I loved the way he made me. I would always cherish that, and I would always remember this feeling right here, the one that was overtaking my body, making my heart bubble up with so much happiness and love that it was almost hard to breathe.
I’d never regret him.
Sighing, I rolled over to my back and stared at the darkened ceiling. What was I going to do with myself? Marry someone that I didn’t truly love, all to please my parents? To be the daughter they had always wanted?
I swallowed, feeling tears well up in my eyes. A harsh dose of reality just fell on top of my head, like an egg being cracked. It was seeping everywhere, into every little crevice of my body. No. No. NO. I started to get worked up. I was acting like a dramatic five-year-old whose balloon just floated into the sky. I knew this was coming.
I just didn’t expect to be this brokenhearted.
My phone buzzed from beside the bed. It’d been there since before Emmett came over, because I was actually about to go to sleep before he’d shown up to watch The Sandlot. I gingerly reached over and snagged it, squinting my eyes at the text.
Derek: I’m sorry it’s late, Fallon. Our hours are vastly different. I wanted to let you know that I’ll be coming home in the next week or so. Sorry we haven’t talked much over the last couple of weeks. We can catch up when I’m back, and we can also decide what kind of ring you would like. During a business call with your father, a few days ago, he said you were getting antsy about the wedding. No worries, we will get it all settled when I’m back. Glad you’re on board. Talk soon.
And just like that, my heart cracked inside my chest. I made a wretched sound, trying to hold back my tears. I felt an entire range of emotions in less than a second: anger, sorrow, disappointment, hopelessness.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Emmett asked groggily as he sat up in bed. The sheet fell over his lap, and when I looked over at his sleepy face, I was hit with even more emotion. I shook my head harshly, unable to speak. “Hey, come here. Stop that.” Emmett pulled me over to his chest, my phone still clutched in my hand.
Salty, warm tears tumbled down my cheeks, landing on his chest as he rubbed my bare back until I evened out my breathing.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Fallon,” he whispered into my hair. I gulped and handed him my phone. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to think about it.
I didn’t want to do anything other than lie there in his arms, because touching Emmett made things better. He was like my own personal Band-Aid.
Emmett scanned my phone for what seemed like an eternity, and then he clicked it off. I could hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The longer he held onto my phone, the faster it thumped. His grip was tightening, his knuckles turning red and then white. I slowly reached over and placed my warm hand on his and unhooked his fingers. I grabbed the phone, sat up a little taller in my bed, reached my arm back, and chucked it across the room.
It clanked to the ground and skidded a few feet down the hallway.
I sighed out a heavy breath and then turned my attention back to Emmett. We stared at one another for a long time. A harsh silence passed between us. Neither one of us knew what to say.
We knew what this meant, and we knew that whatever it was that we were doing was going to have to stop… soon.
“Well…” he started, looking a little less angry than before. He leaned back onto my wrought-iron headboard and sighed. He ran his hand through his unruly hair and flicked his eyes up to mine. The moonlight was pouring through my window and onto his body. I almost wanted to get up and grab my phone to take a picture. At least I could look at that for years to come and remember how I felt when I’d stared at him.
“We have one more thing on the bucket list, yeah?”
My eyebrows furrowed for a second, but I knew exactly what he was doing. He was using the one thing that pulled us together, the one thing that distracted us from this. We were going to avoid it, and I was okay with that.
“Yes,” I whispered, pulling the blanket up to cover my cool skin. “To travel.”
He nodded. “Then let’s go on this road trip before we can’t.”
A small laugh escaped my lips. “A road trip? Now? It’s two in the morning.”
He chuckled. “Well, we can go in the morning.”
I grinned, ignoring reality like it was my personal job. “Where are we going?”
He shrugged, lifting up one toned shoulder. “Where is the one place—in the U.S.—that you’d like to go… for you?”
“What do you mean… for me?”
Emmett tilted his head to the side, eyeing me. “Surely there is somewhere you’d like to go because you want to go. Not some stupid vacation your friends drag you to because there’s a beach or something. Somewhere you want to go. Somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.”
“Well…” I paused, biting my lip.
“Don’t do that.”
I looked over at him. “Do what?”
“Hide yourself from me. Tell me where you want to go, even if you think it’s dumb. Fallon, I’d take you down to Wills Creek if that was where you wanted to go. I don’t care.”
Confused, I asked, “What’s Wills Creek?”
He laughed. “It’s a small creek in Oak Hill. Nothing special. I used to fish there with Dawson when we were younger. I was just making a point that no matter where you say you want to go, it’s not going to be stupid.”
My heart softened, and a smile weaseled its way onto my face. “Okay… well, there’s more than one place I want to go, actually,” I said thoughtfully, looking up to the ceiling. “And it would probably make sense for a road trip.”
Emmett shifted beside me. “Well, get on with it. Where are we going?”
I giggled, pulling the blanket up a little tighter. “Well, you know how I like interior design, right?” He nodded. “Well, I have this old notebook of places that I’ve always wanted to go to admire their interior design ideas. I mean, the architects and interior designers were just amazing in the places that I’ve researched. I’ve basically obsessed over them. I have magazine after magazine of these amazing homes all over the U.S. I narrowed it down to five that I promised myself I’d visit sometime in my life. They are all so beautiful, and they each give me so much inspiration. In fact, I have a bajillion sketches in my notebook from all the inspiration.” I laughed and then shrugged. All of a sudden, I felt embarrassed, so I put my hand over my face. “I’m totally rambling. Sorry.”
Emmett’s cheek lifted more and more as the words spilled out of my mouth. “That sounds like the perfect road trip.”
My chest expanded as I whipped my attention over to his. “Really?”
He looked appalled. “Yes, Fallon. Really. When are you going to start getting it through your head that I don’t think anything you say or do is stupid? I think you’re amazing. Perfect. I think it’s badass that you’re completely enthralled with interior design.” He paused. “Do you still sketch stuff?”
I smiled. “I do. I didn’t for a long time, but over the last
few weeks, I’ve started to get into it again.”
“Why?”
I pushed a strand of hair out of my face. “Why what?”
“Why have you just started to get into it again? What made you stop?”
“Oh, um.” I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “Because my parents make me feel like it’s stupid, and they don’t really approve of me ‘sketching my life away.’ I didn’t see a point in it anymore. It’s not like I’m going to get to start up my own business doing interior design after…”
Silence passed between us, and I suddenly felt even more stupid, but then Emmett spoke up. “Look at me, Fallon.”
I turned my head slowly, meeting those midnight eyes. He reached his hand up and cupped my chin. “Promise me something.” I barely nodded my head. “Don’t lose yourself along the way while you’re busy pleasing everyone else, okay?”
I swallowed, just staring into his eyes.
He opened his mouth once more, but then shut it and released his hand. His broad shoulders relaxed after a few seconds, and he looked back over at me. “Can I see your sketches?”
The smile was stretching on my face before I even nodded my head. I felt like a little kid on Christmas, my heart bursting with joy and excitement at the thought of someone actually wanting to see my work. I nodded my head vigorously, causing Emmett to chuckle. Right as I was crawling out of bed to grab my book, Emmett’s hand snagged onto my arm, and he dragged me back over the sheet and pulled me on top of him. I laughed because we were completely tangled up in the blankets together, but he kissed me anyway.
He kissed me senseless, stealing my breath with every peck. “We’re leaving first thing in the morning, okay? No second thoughts.”
I swallowed, inching my body closer to his, my bare breasts resting on the tangled sheet in between us. “What about the shop?”
He slid his hands up my back, goosebumps covering my entire body. “They can handle it without me for a few days. For as long as we need.”
I smiled along his lips. “Okay.” Then I leaned in and kissed him like my life depended on it.
◆◆◆
“Got the snacks?” Emmett asked, sliding into the driver’s seat of his car. We decided to take his car instead of mine, just to be inconspicuous. We left early that morning, after only getting a few hours of sleep after making love again.
I was in a blissful state, totally snubbing reality in the face. I didn’t text Derek back, and I knew that was probably a mistake, because he tried to reach me again, but that wasn’t going to work because I’d turned my phone off. Hopefully he didn’t contact my parents, especially my father. I hadn’t spoken one single word to him since he’d stormed into the guesthouse and acted as if I were the worst daughter in the world. My mother hadn’t said a word about the incident either, which was odd. I was sure things would explode sooner or later, but I’d worry about that when the time came.
“Hot Fries?” Emmett pulled the bag off my lap. I made a “duh” face, and he shook his head. “You really are the girl of my dreams, Fallon.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You like them, too?”
“I fucking love them. They’re my favorite.”
He handed the bag back to me, and I quickly opened it, sticking my fingers inside to pull a handful out. Emmett leaned his head over and opened his mouth wide. I giggled as I shoved some into his mouth. He chewed them quickly and then put the car into drive and started off down the road.
A few minutes later, we were on the highway, the yellow line blurring on the side of the road, blooming trees swaying with the spring wind. I reached over and pushed the button on the side of the window. The barely cool air floated throughout, causing my hair to fly in every direction, but I didn’t care. I inhaled the sweet scent of freedom and closed my eyes. I lost myself in the music on the radio and the tapping of Emmett’s fingers on the steering wheel.
Before I knew it, I felt a soft nudge on my arm. My eyes clenched and my face scrunched. I moaned, but then I heard a chuckle.
My eyes quickly sprang open, and Emmett was looking at me like he wanted to devour me. “Moan like that again, and I’ll take you right into that dirty gas station bathroom.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and I groggily laughed.
“Ew. I will NOT do it in a gas station bathroom, Emmett. Even with you.”
He took that as a challenge, running his fingers down my arm and landing on my jean-covered thigh. I felt tingles rapidly shooting down my legs. “Are you sure?”
I sighed and tried to glare at him. My look didn’t come out as a glare at all. I was absolutely certain that my look was portrayed more as a you-win-fuck-me-anywhere kind of look.
“You’re…” I whispered, basking in the feel of his soft fingertips on my leg, even through my sleepy state.
“I’m what?” he asked deliberately.
“You’re just… you,” I answered, letting out a held breath. Emmett smiled at me and then winked. He removed his hand, and my mouth dropped. No! What are you doing? Put it back!
“I’m going to take a leak and grab some more essentials. You zonked out for so long that I ate all the snacks.”
My mouth gaped even further. “You ate all the snacks?!”
Emmett cheesed at me and threw his hands up in innocence. “What? I got bored!”
I held back a laugh and shook my head as he exited the car. I watched him walk through the gas station door wearing those jeans that looked just right on his behind. He was tall and lanky, but I knew how toned he was underneath his attire. He was perfectly defined.
I sighed, deciding that I needed to go splash some cold water on my face or something to wake myself up. An excited thrill traveled through my body as I spotted the “Virginia is for Lovers” sticker on the gas station door. That meant we were super close to our first destination. I wanted to jump up and down with eagerness.
I snagged my bag out from under my seat and climbed out of the passenger door. My phone fell out of my bag, along with a few tampons and a lipstick. Nice. I bent down and started to throw it all back in my bag, but for some reason, I held on to my phone.
The black screen stared up at me, taunting me, causing a million negative thoughts to flow through my head.
Anxiety was slowly crawling up my body, ready to make itself known in my head.
My fingers became jittery; my heart started to beat quicker.
I decided that I just needed to turn it on to make sure I didn’t have any missed calls.
I had never just up and left before.
And one of two things was possible. Number one was that no one even tried to reach me. My mom would be at her daily tennis match, acting as if her life was amazing. And Derek would be busy in Guam doing whatever it was that he was doing, too busy to call my father to ask where I was. Option number two would be that someone was trying to get a hold of me because they somehow knew I’d left with Emmett.
I rolled my eyes at the thought. How would anyone know? It wasn’t like I had a secret agent following me around or something. I laughed but then briefly paused. That was when the thoughts started to roll.
But… that doesn’t sound too far off from something my father would do. He probably hired some snobby PI to follow you to make sure you didn’t run off before the wedding. Ha!
My neck broke out in a sweat as I thought back to the other night when someone had known that Emmett and I were in Oak Hill. What was it the policeman said? Someone was with a young, pretty girl and up to no good?
I shook my head harshly. No, if my father knew I was with Emmett, he would have snatched me up by the arm and dragged me back home.
Relax.
My hand shook as I turned my phone back on. I leaned back on the car, waiting for Emmett to return to help subside this ridiculous bout of anxiety I was having.
My heart squeezed in my chest as my phone came back to life, the multicolored background displaying all the pretty colors. I exhaled loudly. Whew. Nothing.
Then my stomach fel
l to the ground. My hand was vibrating from the constant notifications.
Text after text, voicemail after voicemail. They were coming through my phone one after another. There were so many that I couldn’t even get to the dial pad.
It finally stopped, and instead of looking at the texts, I pressed play on the voicemail from my father.
His voice was hoarse, demeaning. “Fallon, get your ass home right now!” There was a bit of shuffling on the other end as if he were pacing. Typical. “Your mother… your mother saw some guy going into the guesthouse last night. You better not be with that man I warned you to stay away from. You get yourself home right this instant. I already searched the guesthouse—nothing but messy sheets and empty condom wrappers, which is completely appalling.” Then I heard my mom’s shrill voice in the background. My eyes widened. “Condom wrappers? What?! You said there was nothing!”
Then the voicemail stopped.
I felt like I was bleeding and I couldn’t get it to stop. There were two more voicemails. My heart was beating so fast I felt woozy, dizzy. I pressed myself even further onto the side of the car. I glanced up and saw Emmett paying for something at the register but hurriedly went back to my voicemails.
My father’s voice was even more belittling. “Fallon, you need to call me back this instant. Your mother is in hysterics! This is so typical of you. We finally find someone suitable for you, and you go off and run away with some schmuck.”
I choked back my fear and listened to the last voicemail. It was an hour after the last.
This time, my father not only had anger laced in his voice, but he also sounded ruthless, conniving. I almost puked. “I know who he is, Fallon. I’ll ruin him and that poor excuse of a business of his if you don’t get your ass back home right now and make this right. I said it was the final straw, and I wasn’t lying. I stick to my word. You know that.”
Emmett came out of the gas station, but I couldn’t even conjure up words. He wore a smile that was quickly replaced with a furrowing frown. He rushed over to me, worry clear on his face. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? You look like you’re about to puke or something. Was it the Hot Fries?”