by S. J. Sylvis
I shook my head quickly and pushed the call back button on my phone. My heart was beating rapidly, banging against my chest so hard that it hurt. My hands were shaking; my head was pounding. I stared at Emmett’s gray t-shirt as my father’s voice rang through the phone.
“Where are you?”
I stuttered. “I’ll be home soon.” Then, I watched as Emmett moved closer to me. He put his hands on my arms and rubbed them up and down. It instantly grounded me. I cleared my throat. “I listened to your voicemail.”
My father stayed silent on the other end of the phone.
“Don’t do anything, please. I heard you. I’ll be back.”
I gulped as his voice hit my ears. “And say goodbye to Emmett. This ends now.”
I felt Emmett’s hands stiffen on my arms, realizing that he, too, heard my father.
My father ended the phone call before I could get another word in. I wasn’t sure what I’d say regardless. He wasn’t the type of man that negotiated. If he said he’d ruin Emmett and his business, I believed him.
He’d done it before—taken down someone he didn’t like for the mere fun of it.
He had money, and he knew how to pull strings. He wasn’t afraid in the least.
I quickly realized my chest was heaving, and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was gasping for air, wheezing. Tears were streaming down my face, and my teeth were clenched so tight I thought they might crack. The second Emmett’s hands left my arms, I pulled my arm back and chucked my phone across the gas station pavement. It bounced several times and skidded so far that it hit the dumpster.
I ran my hands through my wavy hair. I almost wanted to pull my hair out—that was how overcome I was with emotion. I sunk down onto my bottom and curled my legs up to my face, burying it into my knees. I wrapped my arms around my shins and continued to let the tears fall.
I knew what I wanted: Emmett.
But that meant I had to give up my entire life. And not only that, if I were to stay with Emmett, my father would probably come after him. Destroy his business one way or another.
I couldn’t do that to him.
Having my life flipped upside down… I could probably handle that. It’d be hard, and being shunned from my family would be devastating, but now Emmett would get hurt, too?
I couldn’t do that.
The crack in my heart was growing larger each day that I covered up reality with a fantasy. I knew it would come to an end, and yet, every time it got close or I started to feel that ending creeping up, Emmett and I would make a run for it. We’d cover it up and pretend it wasn’t happening. And now here it was.
Sure, I may have had some hope lingering around that, somehow, I’d grow enough balls and say fuck it. I could figure my life out without my parents. Every day I spent with Emmett I found that little thought edging its way into my brain, but now that thought was gone. Vanished. There was no hope.
I no longer had a choice, and that hurt worse than anything.
All along I didn’t feel I had a choice, but now I knew that I did.
You never know what you have until it’s gone.
The truth settled down on my shoulders like a harsh rain in the middle of April. I was able to calm my breathing as I wiped my face. I glanced over to my right and saw that Emmett was sitting right beside me, in the same position, with his knees pulled up and his head dropped down low. When his eyes shuffled to mine, I felt even worse.
This wasn’t just affecting me.
It was affecting him, too.
He looked… broken.
Silence passed between us, unspoken words, feelings.
I was the first to break the tension. “I need to go back home.”
Emmett only stared at me. His jaw locked, and then he turned his attention to the gas station. “But do you really?”
Great. He’s going to make this so much harder.
“I do. I really do.”
He shook his head slightly. “No you don’t, Fallon. This entire thing is fucked up. You get that, right? Your life is like a game to them.”
I pulled back. “What? What do you mean, ‘a game to them’?”
He scoffed, glaring at me. “They’re playing with your life like it doesn’t matter. Like you don’t matter. Do you know how crazy it is that you’re literally about to marry a man you don’t love? That you don’t even like? All for what?”
It’s not even about that anymore! “Because—”
He held up a hand. “I know, Fallon. Because you want to be the daughter that they’ve always wanted, but I think it’s bullshit. Don’t you see that?”
I threw my hands up and shouted, “Of course I see that, Emmett!” I got up from the ground and stood straight, putting my hands on my hips. “I know it’s stupid! But what do you want me to do?! Just take your attitude and say fuck it?” I huffed. “Ugh! You don’t even know what just happened!”
Emmett stood up, too, brushing off the dirt from his jeans. He walked over and put his face right in front of mine. “I want you to do what you want!”
I bit my lip and felt like I’d been smacked in the face. “I…” I looked all around, ignoring the way Emmett’s face was broken, yet hopeful. “What?”
“What do you want, Fallon? Do you really want to throw away your life and marry Derek? All for your parents? So what if you tell them you’re not marrying Derek and they throw you out on your ass?! So what if your father throws you out?! You have people who care about you. I care about you!”
I shook my head at him, tears welling up in my eyes. “That’s not even it anymore, Emmett!”
“What isn’t it anymore?”
My entire heart and mind were being torn in two different directions. It was unforgiving. I knew I had to do what my parents wanted—not for me, but for him.
“What do you want, Fallon?” Emmett repeated, bringing my tear-filled eyes up to look at him. My lip trembled, and he put his thumb on it to stop.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, my voice so low he had to dip in farther to hear me. “Why are you making this hard? You knew that this was coming. Now it’s like you’re asking me to choose between two things I can’t! No matter what I choose… you’re going to be the one getting hurt, Emmett. Don’t you see that?”
Emmett’s eyes closed for a second, and when they opened back up, I swore I could see into his soul. “For once in your life, stop thinking about others. Stop trying to decide what you should choose for your parents, or Derek, or even me. I’m asking you to choose for you.”
That was when the rest of the unshed tears traveled down my face. They landed right on his hand still resting on my chin, but he didn’t dare move it.
“If marrying Derek is what you want… and if that makes you happy, then I’ll walk away right now.” Emmett’s eyes were shining with the harsh truth, even if the words killed him to say. He took my chin and angled it up even more, his lips so close I could almost touch him. “But my God, Fallon, if being with me is what you want, then just do it. Do it for you. No one else.”
I said nothing. I couldn’t speak, because either way, I was going to break.
We both knew this was unavoidable. We both knew my life was complicated. We both knew we were getting too close, falling too deep. And now look at us.
We were both shattered.
I sniffed and closed my eyes. For a moment, I almost shut the world out and pressed my lips to his, but the only thing that would have done is put off reality for another minute.
My words were shaky. My world felt like it was crumbling.
My heart felt void.
“I can’t, Emmett.” And in that instant, Emmett’s hand left my chin. I gasped and felt my world go dark.
He said nothing. He turned around and walked over to the driver’s side door of his car and slid inside. It was that quick. No protesting. No asking me why I couldn’t be with him. He just took my answer and walked away.
So I did the same. I climbed in the passenger seat, unable to ev
en look in his direction. My heart hurt. My head was spinning. My eyes were leaking. Everything felt out of control, but I knew that I’d made the right decision.
We didn’t speak another word to each other the entire three-hour drive back to Chestnut Springs.
Once we got to my house, Emmett put the car into park and looked out the window. The atmosphere in the car could have frozen all of Hell in an instant. I swear it.
I placed my hand on the doorknob, but before I slid out of the car, I couldn’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth.
“Emmett. My father said if—”
Emmett’s dark eyes cut over to me in an instant. He put his hand up and shook his head before his gravelly voice floated throughout. “Don’t call me when you’re lonely and depressed in years to come, Fallon.” Tears sprang to my eyes so fast I was honestly surprised. “I told you in the very beginning that the moment we were done… we were truly done. I gave you a chance, and you decided not to take it. So don’t call me when you need a reminder that you were once happy and full of life, okay?”
The sad thing was, I couldn’t even be angry at what he was saying. He wasn’t being mean or spiteful. The tone in his voice wasn’t laced with anger. His words were pained, his eyes darker than normal, his shoulders tense.
He was hurting, and I knew I had to leave it that way. I’d planned to tell him what my father said. That he’d destroy him one way or another. That he’d somehow find a way to end Emmett’s business, his livelihood. So that way, maybe he’d understand that I wasn’t choosing Derek over him. I wasn’t choosing my parents over him. I wasn’t even choosing me over him. I was choosing him and only him. It just wasn’t the way he wanted.
But instead of saying any of those things, I grabbed my bag and slid out of the car.
If he hated me, that was better.
It’d maybe make it a little less hard.
For him, at least.
Chapter Twenty
Emmett
I watched the minutes on the clock tick by.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Time was moving slow but fast at the same time. It had been several days since the most unforgettable—and shortest—road trip of my life. I gave Fallon an ultimatum. One that we both knew was going to happen eventually.
Who the hell was I kidding when I started this shit with her? Telling myself that it was fine. That I could play it cool. That I wouldn’t get lost in her.
Emmett Lanning? He wasn’t in the market for love. Hell, he wasn’t even in the market for a relationship.
And yet, here I was, mending a broken heart, feeling as if I’d been broken up with.
It hurt to breathe. Everything irritated me in the worst ways.
Any touch that wasn’t Fallon’s felt like pins and needles on my skin.
Every girly laugh I heard felt like a punch to the gut.
My gaze roamed around Ships, all but snarling at all the happy couples dancing along the dance floor like drunken fools.
I bet Derek would never take Fallon to a bar to dance like a crazy, full-of-life idiot. The kind of idiot that Fallon made me act like.
Derek was all wrong for her.
I snickered, throwing back another swig of beer. Of course he was wrong for her—he wasn’t me.
And the shitty thing was, she fucking knew it! She knew he was wrong. She knew the situation was completely warped, fucked-up beyond repair. Wrong. All wrong. Yet she still turned her back on me.
On us.
We weren’t even an us. I’m pretty damn pathetic.
I grabbed the tall neck again with much more force and downed the entire thing.
“You better take it easy, Em.”
I glared over at my brother. When the fuck did he get here?
“I do what I want, Daws.”
He looked remorseful, guilty even.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that? Where’s Ivy? Go be with her and leave me be.”
“Ivy’s with Mia and Becca tonight, doing some sip-and-craft thing.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I tried calling you.”
I looked ahead at all the alcohol bottles lining the wall behind the bar. Mmm. Fireball. That sounded like a great idea. I raised my hand to get Guy’s attention and then turned toward Dawson.
“I broke it.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “You broke your phone? How?”
“I threw it at the wall.”
A harsh chuckle fell out of his mouth, and I rolled my eyes, feeling more agitated and… drunker by the second.
“Alright, let’s go.” Dawson snagged me by the collar of my jacket. I tried pushing his hand off, feeling anger run through my veins to the point that my blood was boiling, but his grip only hardened. I was drunk. Too drunk. I hadn’t been this drunk in a long time.
I almost wanted to laugh.
In fact, I did.
My laughter subsided as my brother all but threw me out the bar door. I stumbled a bit but was able to right myself at the last second.
Dawson grabbed me by the shirt and threw me up against the brick building.
“What the fuck, Dawson! Get your hands off me—”
“Look at yourself!” he shouted in my face, a small vein popping out in his forehead. I almost laughed again, because I got that same vein when I was angry. Why the fuck was he angry?
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Dawson let go of my shirt. “Emmett, look at yourself! You’re falling back into old habits, drinking when someone breaks your heart. I thought we were done with this shit after Carrie. But here we are, in the same goddamn situation. I knew this little thing with Fallon would turn ugly. I fucking knew it.”
I pushed him hard. He flew across the pavement and glared at me from down below.
That was when the realization hit me.
Jesus Christ. No wonder she left. Look at me!
I huffed out several breaths, squeezing my fists and eyes together simultaneously. I let the calm take over my body and pushed away the anger—the anger that I held for myself and no one else.
I had no one to blame but myself.
I slowly walked over to Dawson, making sure to keep myself steady so I didn’t appear as drunk as I felt, and reached my hand down to him. He was still glaring, his jaw set in a firm line, but he took my hand anyway and got to his feet.
“Sorry.” I looked out into the parking lot, feeling as useless as an elephant in a minefield. I was a fucking mess, and it was absolutely pitiful, but I couldn’t stop replaying Fallon’s and my conversation. The devastation on her face, the internal battle she was clearly having with herself, trying to decide what was right and what was wrong… it almost brought me to my knees.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Wondering if she was okay.
If Derek had given her a ring yet.
“So what happened?” Dawson leaned back on the brick, hiking a leg up behind him.
“She’s gone,” I said matter-of-factly. Maybe if I acted as if it didn’t bother me any longer, I’d start to believe it.
“Well… you two weren’t a forever thing, right? From what I remember you telling me.”
“But…” I started, feeling my heart grow colder in my chest. “I think I wanted it to be.” Not think, you knew.
“Did you tell her that?”
I shrugged. “It was complicated. But I think she knew. I gave her an out, and she didn’t take it. She turned her back on me, and I can’t blame anyone but myself for feeling like this.”
Silence passed between us. The door of the bar opened and closed several times, laughter from sloppy drunks filtering through the air. Dawson pushed away from the building, and I glanced up at him.
“Let me ask you something, Emmett. Does the heartbreak outweigh the feeling you had when you were with her?”
I paused, my mind focusing on his words. I thought to myself long and hard, repeating his question. Does the heartbreak outweigh the
feeling you had when you were with her?
Not even a chance.
Did this hurt?
Yes.
But what I felt for her went deeper than I had ever even thought possible. I didn’t just feel her inside my chest, I felt her everywhere.
My brother slapped me on the back, guiding me to his truck. “That means she was worth it, bro.”
That… she was.
Chapter Twenty-One
Fallon
One Month Later
I stared at the sparkling blue water from the pool, glistening with every ripple of movement. I hated that it made me think of Emmett’s eyes. I hated it but loved it at the same time.
It seemed to be a recurring feeling whenever my mind drifted to him.
Everything reminded me of him. No matter how small, my mind somehow always found him. Especially late at night, when I was left alone in the darkness of my room. That was when reality always snuck up on me and whispered, “Boo!” It caused me to jump in my skin, every single time.
Last night, I had a dream. Emmett and I were back in the hayfield. The same hayfield we were in the night we stole that ridiculous flag. We were laughing and running around like idiots. He picked me up around the waist, causing me to let out a high-pitched squeal before he plopped me back on my feet and backed away. I was confused, so I stepped toward him, twigs breaking underneath my feet. I asked him what was wrong, and he motioned to my left hand. I pulled it out in front of me slowly, and my eyes almost fell out of their sockets. My ring finger had a rock on it the size of Texas. It was huge. Heavy. Unnecessary.
I rapidly tried pulling it off, not wanting it there, because I knew what that meant. That meant I was married to Derek—or soon-to-be—and that meant that this moment with Emmett was going to disappear. Forever.
My heart was beating rapidly, and the world felt like it was tilted on its axis.
I looked up at Emmett as he stood in front of me. His charismatic smile and playful attitude were long gone. “Goodbye, Fallon.”