by S. J. Sylvis
I balked. “What? Wait!”
“You picked the wrong path, but no one can help you now. You made your bed. Now you need to lie in it.” Then it was like I was pushed into reality. I shot up out of my bed, the barely-there sun coming through my bedroom window.
My body was covered with sweat, tears were pouring down my face, and my heart was beating faster than I’d ever felt before. I hurriedly looked down at my finger and saw that it was still bare. A small sigh escaped my mouth but doom washed over me seconds later because I knew that my finger would soon have a ring on it.
That was what led me here, sitting by the pool, wrapped in my robe with a warm cup of coffee nestled in between my hands, contemplating why I kept having these dreams.
They were nonstop.
I felt like I was going crazy. Going back and forth with my decision. Constantly looking up at the big house, wondering how I got myself into this position.
It’d been an entire month since I told Emmett that I couldn’t be with him, and nothing had really changed at my house. We were still doing some planning for the wedding. I had to get my dress checked one more time, and we needed to send the actual invitations out.
Derek bought my ring and plans to give it to me next week when he gets back from his latest business trip.
Things with my parents were back to how they were before, my mother acting as if nothing had happened with the whole Emmett thing, and my father checking in on me constantly. I was pretty sure someone was following me the last time I went to the club.
He probably still had a PI on me, making sure I didn’t run off with Emmett or some other guy who could ruin his perfect little daughter and her life.
I was thankful I still had Lupe for some company – even if I didn’t really share what I was feeling with her. She was worried, considering I’d been avoiding my parents and their house for the last month.
She brought me breakfast every morning—after she finished cooking for my mother and father, of course. She continued to poke and prod me, wanting—begging—me to talk to her, to get whatever it was that was bothering me off my chest, but I would only shake my head.
I didn’t want to talk about it, because it only made my heart feel like it was that much more void.
The more I stared at the ripples in the pool, the more I wondered if my mother knew that my father had threatened to throw me out of the family. I wondered if she knew that he hired a PI to follow me around just as he had done to my brother, Samuel, years ago.
My heart was skipping a beat with every thought in my head.
Was she as cold as him?
It was almost as if she knew I was thinking about her. As soon as the thought left my head, I watched her exit the side door of the house, ready to round the corner to climb into her Mercedes for tennis. Her blue eyes caught mine within a second and she grimaced.
“Fallon, you’ve been moping around here for a month. I don’t know what has gotten into you but if Derek sees you acting like a depressed elephant instead of the poised woman that you truly are, he’ll become concerned and question this marriage. Why can’t you just snap out of it?”
I could feel a cold sweat breaking out along my forehead. My ears started to burn. My hands were trembling.
A depressed elephant? Why can’t I just snap out of it?
That was my breaking point.
I stood up quickly, placing my coffee mug on the table beside me.
“Why can’t I snap out of it? Do you really want to know the answer to that question, Mother?”
She stuttered. “I’m about to be late for tennis, Fallon. Why don’t we put this conversation on hold until brunch? I’m sure you’re going to be dramatic.”
I crossed my arms over my silky robe. “No. I don’t want to put this conversation on hold until some stupid fucking brunch.”
My mother gasped, and her rosy cheeks turned bright red. So red they would have matched Santa’s suit.
“Fallon! What has gotten into you?!”
I looked her dead in the eyes. I could see right through her tough exterior. She was worried and confused. “Did you know?”
She fidgeted with her tennis skirt. “Did I know what?”
“Did you know that Dad threatened to kick me out of the family if I didn’t marry Derek?”
My mom’s eye twitched just as she moved her head slightly to the right. I wasn’t sure if that meant she was about to lie or if she was trying to keep her face even to hide the disbelief. “What do you mean?”
I took a deep breath. “Don’t you remember when Samuel had told Dad he didn’t want to work in the family business, and Dad flipped out and took everything away from him? He kicked him out of the house and took his college tuition away.”
She swallowed and roamed her eyes all around the sparkling pool. “Yes, I remember that.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Well, he said he’d do the same to me. He said I’d be homeless if I didn’t marry Derek. He’d rip everything away from me if I didn’t live up to the Addington name. Basically, I either marry someone you two approve of or I won’t be considered an Addington to him.”
My mother didn’t say anything, so I continued on.
“Then, he hired a PI to follow me around to see who I was with.” That had my mother’s attention flinging to mine. “He told me if I didn’t break it off with… Emmett, then he’d ruin him. He’d dig up enough to take his livelihood away. He’d destroy his business. Everything.”
My mother’s mouth opened but then closed, as if she didn’t know what to say.
I could feel tears burning behind my eyes, because I was so sick of feeling the way I did. I felt trapped and suffocated.
Words were flying out of my mouth at a rapid pace to the point that I could barely understand myself.
“I’m done, Mom. I’m not marrying Derek. I’m going to go pack my bags right now, and I’ll leave so you don’t have to watch Dad kick me out of the guesthouse. My car is paid for and was a gift, so I’ll take that and get insurance in my name as soon as I find somewhere to stay.” I took a deep breath, feeling like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. “I’m not sure if you’re in on this—I sure hope you’re not.” One lone tear fell over my cheek. “But if you ever loved me at all in your life, keep Dad away from Emmett. He doesn’t deserve this. He didn’t do anything wrong, and if Dad thinks destroying Emmett’s life is going to get me back under his thumb, he’s wrong. I’ll be on my own. I’ll figure it out by myself. This isn’t me running off to be with him. He can check for all he wants. I’m doing this for me.”
My mother was at a loss for words. Her mouth was parted, her eyes blinking rapidly. She was shocked. Speechless. I wasn’t sure if I was waiting for her to protest, or if I was waiting for her to say that she didn’t know about my father’s plan, but nothing ever came out of her mouth, so I turned around on my heel and walked over to the gate, leaving her to stand all alone.
I could see Lupe standing near the side door, smiling at me through the small window. She mouthed, “I’m proud of you.”
I nodded, keeping my tears at bay, and walked the rest of the way to the guesthouse.
I may have lost Emmett, but I wasn’t going to lose me, too.
Emmett was right. I should have been choosing me all along.
And leaving here was exactly what I needed. I needed to be on my own. I needed to make my own decisions. If my parents couldn’t get behind that, if they couldn’t be proud of the person I was, then that was on them.
Their loss.
Not mine.
◆◆◆
I had finally gotten all that I could get into my suitcase when I heard the guest door open and shut. I paused, still sitting on top of my suitcase, trying to get it to zip, when the footsteps got closer.
My entire body broke out in goosebumps at the thought of my father storming in here to reprimand me or threaten me with something else. I let out a held breath when I saw that it was my mother, still dress
ed in her purple tennis skirt, sporting her bright white shoes.
I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I was pretty sure I was all talked out, so I went back to trying to zip up the suitcase as she stared at me from the doorway. Once I got it zipped, I stood up triumphantly, almost having to wipe the sweat off my brow from the exertion I’d just put into doing that task, and walked into my bathroom to grab the toiletries that I had also packed. I hadn’t packed much: some clothes, shoes, my hair products. I didn’t want to take anything from the guesthouse itself, because my father would probably send the police after me, accusing me of stealing from him.
I lugged the suitcase upright, holding the pink toiletry bag in my mouth, and started to wheel it past my mother, who was still standing in the same spot, staring at me.
“Fallon.”
“What?” I mumbled, still rolling my suitcase through the house.
“Stop.”
I huffed out a laugh, ignoring her.
“Fallon,” she said again, following closely behind me. “I didn’t know.”
That had me pausing. I dropped the bag from my mouth and slowly spun around to face her. My mother looked down at her feet, her chestnut hair still pinned in her bun. When she looked back up, I raised my eyebrows, urging her to say whatever it was that she wanted to say before I left.
“I talked to your father. He’s on his way. Let’s all just sit down and talk about this.”
I shook my head harshly as my blood pressure started to rise. “No, because he’ll do what he does best: control me. I’m not a child anymore. I’m twenty-three years old. You two can’t force me to be someone I’m not. So, for the love of God, just stop!”
My mother gasped, and it looked as if I’d just smacked her across the face. It sent a line of guilt through my chest.
“Mom.” I dropped the suitcase and walked over to her, grabbing her by the hands. “I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you pictured I’d be. I really am.” I paused, looking deep into her glistening eyes. “I feel like I’ve led you on for most of my life, especially these last few months… trying to please you, to do what you wanted of me, to actually get you and Dad to be proud of me for once in my life, but…” I took a deep breath. “The only thing that has done is made me miserable. I know Dad thinks this is all about Emmett, the guy that I’ve been spending time with behind everyone’s back… behind Derek’s back, but that’s not it. Not entirely. Sure, he kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I have been living my life for someone else, but this is about me. I just need to be me without someone looking down on me, and if Dad wants me out of the family because of that, then so be it.”
My mother squeezed my hands tightly, so tightly I thought they were going to fall off. Tears were rapidly approaching the brim of her eyelids, so I slowly started to squeeze her hands back.
“He’ll cut you off, Fallon. You’ll fail. You’ll fall flat on your face, and no one will be there to pick you up.”
“I’m fully prepared for him to cut me off, Mom.” I shrugged, brushing off the sting of her words. “I may fail, but I’ll never know if I don’t try. You can be upset with me; I understand. You can stand behind Dad’s decision and go on with your frivolous lifestyle like nothing has changed in the world. But I’m throwing in the towel.”
My mother’s face crumbled. “Just stay and talk to your father. We can work this out! If Derek isn’t the guy for you, we’ll keep looking. There are plenty of young bachelors that would die to be with you.”
I shook my head again, fighting the urge to grab her by the shoulders to shake her. “You’re not listening to me. You’ve never listened to me, not once!”
“That’s not true!”
I clenched my teeth, backing away from her. “I’ve gotten my first real taste of happiness, and who knows if I’ll ever get it again. What I do know is that I’ll never find it if I stay here and abide by the criteria that you and Dad want me to follow. So, I’m sorry, but I’m leaving, and there is nothing you can say to stop me.”
My mother’s mouth opened once again, but nothing came out. I was certain she’d repeat herself and ask me to stay to talk to my father, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. So, I slowly walked back over to my suitcase, took one last look at my mother and the house I’d been living in for the last year, and turned on my heel, walking out the door.
I was seconds away from leaving my childhood house in the dust, my heart tugging in my chest. Regret wasn’t something that was filling my body up, but just because I wasn’t regretting my choice to leave didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. I think every child—young or grown—wants their parents to love them and be proud of them, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever receive the kind of love and fulfillment that I knew I deserved.
But leaving here was difficult. It was empowering, but difficult.
This was my life.
This was my home.
This was where I grew up.
I sighed and started the ignition, trying to bask in the revitalizing feeling instead of the grief. I had no idea where I was going to go.
I left all the credit cards my parents had given me on the countertop. I left my bank card. I left everything but the seventy-six dollars I had in cash.
My father would freeze my accounts soon—if he hadn’t already—so I didn’t see the point in taking my bank cards.
It was their money, not mine.
I’d find somewhere to stay. Or I’d stay in my car.
Emmett was out of the question. I didn’t trust my father one bit.
In fact…
I swung open my car door and ran back inside, just for a second. My mother was still standing in the same spot that I left her in.
“Make sure he leaves Emmett alone, okay? Please.”
My mother inhaled.
“I’ll never forgive him if he does something to him.”
My mother smashed her lips together and nodded her head. I turned around and started to walk out the door, praying that my father would listen to her and just leave things be.
Now… to figure out what the hell I was going to do.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Emmett
“Well, that was a fun game of poker… bitchesssss!” I shouted, flashing the money I’d made. I smirked, and Axe threw an empty beer can at my head. I ducked and it hit the wall behind me, causing it to go crashing to the floor.
“You guys are too rowdy for me,” my father said, chuckling to himself.
“Can’t hang with the big dawgs, Dad. We get it.”
He laughed again. “Big dawgs? Didn’t you continue to wet the bed until you were… oh, gosh, I can’t remember… were you thirteen?”
Dawson laughed from beside me, as did Axe and Jake—one of Dawson’s linemen. “No, that was Dawson, Dad. Jeez, old age already gettin’ to ya?”
Dawson smacked my head but then stood up and left the room. Axe and Jake started to gather their shit to head out for the night, clapping my dad on the shoulder and then nodding to me. “We’re glad you came back after the last game, Darrion.”
My dad smiled. “I bet you are; you guys took all my money again.”
They cackled as they walked through the door, saying goodbye one last time.
My father glanced up at me as soon as we were alone. “So, where’ve you been the last few games? And your mother said you missed the last lunch she had.”
“You and Mom are talking now?”
He gave me a look. “We’ve always talked, Emmett. You know that your mom and I worked through our divorce and moved on.”
I turned away. “I know. I was just trying to get the attention off me.”
He chuckled. “Diversions never work on me. You know this.”
I shrugged and then nodded. “I’ve just been…”
“Mending yet another broken heart.”
“Another?”
“Your mother said something about that last girlfriend of yours putting you through the ringer—some hothead.”
I barked ou
t a laugh. “A hothead? You mean redhead?”
He chuckled a raspy laugh and dragged his hand over his graying facial hair. “I meant hothead, but yes, her.”
I shook my head, my laughter fading. “Carrie didn’t break my heart.”
Silence stretched between us before he spoke again. “But… someone just did.”
“How do you know that?” I questioned, leaning back on my chair.
“Father’s intuition.”
“I’ll be fine. I am fine. I’ve moved on.”
Just then, my brother walked back in the room. “Correction… moving. You’re moving on. You haven’t moved on yet.”
“Who says I haven’t moved on yet?”
He snickered. “Every turned-down girl at Ships in the last month, every excuse you’ve given us that you’re busy and can’t come to poker night, and every sad, lost puppy look on your face. You haven’t moved on from Fallon.”
I winced.
I was doing so good not thinking about her tonight.
“What’s in your hand?”
My brother took my bait in changing the subject. “Well, I thought you’d never ask.”
Just then, Dawson opened his hand, and a little velvet box was lying in his palm. A smile stretched on both my face and my father’s.
“Well… let’s see it, son.”
Dawson was cheesing like a fool. He opened the box and placed it in the center of the table. My eyes flew open. “Jesus, Dawson. That’s huge.”
He snickered. “That’s what she said.”
“That’s what who said?” My father’s eyebrows drew together.
Dawson and I both laughed and ignored him.
“Do you think she’ll like it?”
My father and I exchanged looks across the table and shrugged at the same time. What did we know about jewelry and what women liked?
“Her sister said she would, so I’m hoping she’s not messing with me.”
I laughed. “Mia would be the one to mess around with something this serious, but I’m betting that Ivy will like it, bro. She’d like anything you gave her.”