The Hero Within

by Bec McMaster

  CJ leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. "This is a bad idea, Edie. It sounded good at the start, but the closer we get to the Divide...."

  "Bad situations make for the best possible solution. If we don't get to Cortez City, then we don't get a cure for the plague."

  "You don't think I know that? If we don't get a cure, then Lily dies." His voice choked off a little. "I will do anything—anything—to make sure she survives. But crossing the Divide by ourselves is a death wish."

  "You're a warg and you were trained by my brother. So was I. We'll watch each other’s backs."

  "We don't even know what we're walking into," he exploded, flinging an arm out. Today's moment in the alley had bothered him; he'd been surly ever since Colton made him kneel. "Dealing with the Confederacy is a virtual gold mine. They have medicines, tech and equipment we Wastelanders can only dream of. And this town is full of people who'd cut their own mother's throats for a bag of gold pieces. But they're not rushing to cross the Great Divide to get to the spoils. That makes me think they know something we don't."

  Eden yanked her bag closed and pulled the buckles tight, pressing her lips firmly together. He was right. It was a bad idea and she knew it, but what other option did they have? If she let herself stop moving for a second, she could still feel Black Tom's hands on her belt. Still feel the weight of him pressing her down. Eden choked the thoughts down, swallowing them whole. No time for that.

  She'd learned her lesson. Being able to defend herself didn't mean much if she hesitated. She was going to shoot first from now on.

  "I've been through every shithole bar in this town. The only man who volunteered to help had other plans in mind. And from where I'm standing, no guide is better than one who wants to slit our throats, rape me, or steal everything he thinks we own. We're running out of time. If you've got a better idea, then spit it out."

  Silence.

  Worse. A lingering silence.

  "There is one man who knows the Divide. He said so hims—"

  "No." Eden felt a flush of heat run through her. "Are you insane? Johnny Colton played a part in destroying my life—"

  "And then two years ago he saved your brother's life. Adam admitted as much himself. Said something about a debt being repaid between them," CJ replied. "And I'm not entirely certain what I walked into today, but he saved you from that bastard, Eden. And when you tore into him, he simply took it. He didn't even bother to defend himself."

  A tremor went through her. She sank onto the edge of the bed. "You don't know what you're asking of me." Heat seared her eyes. "They used me to force my brother to betray his best friend. Colton used me. He promised I wouldn't be hurt, he made me think we were riding to rescue Adam, and then he used me to blackmail Adam into betraying Luc to the same fate. Do you know how many years I've watched my brother try to put the pieces of his life back together? Adam used to keep a silver bullet in his pocket, just in case he ever lost control." She was shaking. Violently. "Because of me."

  The world vanished in a haze of tears.

  A dark shadow swallowed up what was left of her vision, and as water lashed down her cheeks, she found CJ on his knees in front of her.

  "Hey," he murmured, resting his hands on her forearms. "None of this happened because of you. Adam was already inflicted with the warg curse before they even got to you. You were merely an innocent pawn meant to help them get a hold of Luc. Adam's never blamed you."

  "I know," she said fiercely, scrubbing the wet from her eyes.

  Adam didn't have to blame her.

  He'd spent years hating himself for betraying his best friend to the monsters. Years trying to put his life back together. Drinking too much, all his emotions locked down tight, but sometimes she saw the look in her brother's eyes when the moon rose and the local chorus of wargsong lit the air.

  And it had scared her, because she knew he had that bullet in his pocket.

  Just in case.

  "If we were in other circumstances," CJ murmured, rubbing her hand, "I'd never ask you to do this."

  Eden lifted her eyes to his.

  "But here's the thing: Colton owes you a debt and he knows it. I know nothing can take away the pain of what happened, but why not use him back? I felt him do something to those warg dogs. I don't know what it was, but he cowed them somehow. Forced them to show him their bellies—and these dogs were bred to rip people like me apart. He's not just a warg trying to leash his inner beast, Edie, he controls it. He's a bounty hunter. And he knows the Divide." A hint of something dark flashed through CJ's blue eyes. "I've been in your surgery enough times to know if you cut through the emotion of the situation and start considering your options in a logical manner, sometimes the answer you need is not the one you want."

  He was throwing her own words back in her face?

  "I think Colton can get us safely across the Divide," he said, pressing on determinedly. "In fact, I think he's the only chance we have of crossing it. And if you say no, Eden, then this ends right here. Because as much as I care for Lily I know she'd never forgive me for leading you into danger. So, if your final word on this is no, then we turn around now and head back to Haven. Luc said there are other options to save her."

  Other options? Turn Lily into a warg and give her an amulet? "She'll lose her father."

  CJ's expression shuttered. "She doesn't have to."

  And another flush of hot-cold swept through Eden. Because there was another warg who could hand his amulet over to Lily, if they couldn't stop the plague.

  This time, she caught his wrist when he moved to withdraw it. "No."

  CJ looked up from beneath dark lashes and for a moment, it wasn't a man she was looking at, but a boy. "She loves her father. Luc's everything to her. And if I can't save her...."

  "No." CJ's words finally reached her where nothing else would. Eden stood, and swallowed down the thick press of conflict in her throat. This wasn't just about Lily. Her townspeople were dying too.

  They needed a cure.

  To get the cure they needed to cross the Rim.

  To do so, they needed a guide.

  It was as simple as that.

  "Stay here," she said, wiping her face dry and fixing her hair, putting herself back together as best she knew how. "You're right. Johnny Colton owes me one. And that bastard better be prepared to pay."

  Chapter Five

  He smelled her before he saw her.

  Mierda.

  Johnny looked up as Eden swung herself into his booth, a shock of stillness running through him. She looked cold and prepped for battle, her hair knotted back into a no-nonsense braid.

  He hadn't expected to see her again.

  He might not have made his peace with that thought—a strange sense of unfulfillment twisted inside him still—but he'd been certain of it. Eden McClain was a chapter of his life he needed to close.

  Instead, she slammed back into it with narrowed eyes, her fingers tense as she gripped the table. The black tank she was wearing contrasted sharply with her golden skin... but he was not going to think about her skin, tanned or otherwise.

  That way dragons lay.

  "What the fuck do you want?" Johnny growled out, still off-balance. Facing her twisted him into little knots he'd long thought he conquered. Guilt. "I thought you were leaving?"

  He was the last person she'd be interested in spending time with. Which meant she wasn't here out of the goodness of her heart.

  An itch of premonition trailed cold fingers down his spine.

  "Mind your language. And you're right," Eden said. "The Divide's a dangerous place for CJ and me."

  She reached across the table, snagged the small shot glass he'd filled with liquor, and tipped it to her lips, her mouth resting exactly where his had been.

  The muscles in her throat worked and when she slammed the glass on the table, her lips were wet and slick with whiskey. Tempting. A droplet of sweat slid down between her breasts, and—

  She'
d said something.

  Johnny blinked back into the here and now, finding her knowing gaze locked upon him. "Eyes up here," she said in a scathing manner. "I kissed you once, before all this mess begun. It's never happening again, so get that look out of your eyes."

  He wasn't usually this slow to react. "What were you saying about going home?"

  "I said you're right. It's a bad idea for CJ and me to cross the Divide. We don't know the lay of the land or the monsters that lurk within. Then there's the Confederacy and their walled cities. They're not very keen on strangers breaking into their territory."

  "So you're going home?"

  "I didn't say that."

  Here it was. The catch. And his brain had finally started working again. "Go home, Eden."

  "If I go home without a cure for the plague, then the people I love will die. Hell, there's no telling whether I'll die myself. I've been careful but we don't know how virulent this thing is. And if you think I haven't considered the risk, then you don't know me very well, Colton."

  He didn't know her at all. But he recognized the look of a woman about to try and sell him something.

  Johnny took the shot glass from her and poured himself a drink, tasting her lips on the rim of the glass as he sipped it. Fuck. Instinctively he looked toward the exits, but Eden slammed a hand over his as if she knew he was about to bolt.

  "We need a guide. One who knows the Divide. One who won't slit our throats in our sleep."

  "No."

  "You didn't even hear me out."

  "I don't need to. I know what you want." Shoving his chair back with a squeal, he reached for his hat and tossed a few coins on the table to cover his bill. It was one thing to help her brother escape, but there was something about Eden that had him running scared.

  "You promised me."

  It haunted his dreams at night. Her name was only one on a long, long list. He'd thought himself free of Cane after he killed the bastard, but seeing her again brought the truth to the surface.

  How could he ever be free?

  Eden didn't move, simply licked the whiskey from her finger. "Then why don't you tell me what you want?"

  Johnny slammed to a halt as she slowly looked up at him. He didn't dare breathe. Didn't dare look away. "What I want?"

  The devil in front of him merely smiled.

  Oh, that did it.

  He rested his knuckles on the table and leaned toward her. "What I want," he said, in a soft menacing tone, "is to see the dust of your bike heading back west and to know our paths are never going to cross ever again. I want to forget you, Eden."

  "Do you think you can?" Those dark lashes fluttered and the hot, direct gaze she shot him almost disemboweled him. "Because I can't forget. No matter how hard I try."

  His breath caught as the past rose between them.

  A young, innocent girl.

  His uncle's vicious demands.

  And Eden McClain screaming and writhing in his arms as he tried to lock down all the choking feelings inside him, as he did his uncle's bidding and forced her inside the hut where her brother was chained.

  Eden rose to her feet and glared back at him, face-to-face. Fearless. "If you don't help me, Colton, then I will never forgive you for what you did to me."

  He could breathe again, but it didn't help remove the weight on his shoulders. This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. "What makes you think I want your forgiveness?"

  "CJ has a theory you won't hurt me," she said slowly, as she watched him tense. "He thinks you owe me a debt."

  "You're betting an awful lot on a kid's presumption."

  "Maybe. Why did you save Adam? He told me everything that happened between the two of you in Rust City." Eden's lashes obscured her dangerous green eyes. "You risked your own life to rescue him."

  Fuck. Colton reached for the bottle and swallowed fiercely. He needed time to think. "McClain and I were locked in warg cages. We needed each other to escape. It had shit-all to do with owing him a debt. I was trying to get out of there myself."

  "You're lying."

  He slammed the bottle down. "Why do you even want to cross the Divide? No sane person would attempt it. Even the fucking reivers do their best to avoid it."

  "Because I'm desperate! My niece has the salt plague. She's got around twelve days before it takes her life. You might remember the girl. You kidnapped her for Bartholomew Cane a few years ago to use as bait to draw Luc into Cane's trap. It's Luc's daughter. The one that sang your praises when Luc and Riley rescued her, and told everyone who'd listen how you'd promised her she wouldn't be hurt. At least that was one promise you seemed to be able to keep."

  Lily Wade. Shit. All he could see was a little girl with blonde hair and big, scared eyes. He'd never been able to stop Cane when the psychopath set upon a course of action, but sometimes he'd been able to soften the blow and protect the ones Cane meant to crush.

  Sometimes.

  "If I can't find a cure to save her then Luc intends to infect her with the warg curse," Eden continued in a hard voice. "That kid out there—the one that presumes too much—just told me if they have to infect Lily, then he'll give her his amulet to stop her from turning into a monster. And so her father doesn't have to."

  A virtual fucking death sentence for the boy. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from turning without it, and then he'd be the monster in the night every human sought to kill. The boy wouldn't be able to stop himself from craving the death of everyone he loved, and somebody would put a bullet in his head before he made it two steps. A muscle jumped in Johnny's jaw. "Kid's a hero."

  "That makes one of you."

  "It does."

  "Fine. You won't help me? Then let's play it your way. All I have to do is tell the men in this bar exactly what they have in their midst," Eden continued in a low voice. "The whole town's full of bounty hunters who are used to hunting wargs. How far do you think you'd get if I stand up and start shouting you're a warg?"

  Puta madre— He sat back down with thump, and leaned closer to her. "That's a dangerous threat to make, angel. Considering who you're traveling with."

  "CJ's no longer in town. He's waiting for me on the outskirts, and he knows what to do if he starts hearing gunshots."

  "Well, you have thought of everything. Except this...." Johnny captured her wrist with lightning efficiency and hauled her forward, until their faces almost touched. "If he's not here, then what's to save you from me? Think I can shut you up before you get a chance to even draw breath?" He let himself smirk. "Because I do."

  "This."

  Something nudged against his upper thigh beneath the table. A little electric whine began to hum.

  The Taser.

  It was a hairsbreadth from his balls.

  He met those fierce green eyes.

  Eden dared him to do it.

  His balls felt like they hitched right into his gut, as if to try and protect themselves.

  "You won't hurt me," she said with soft assurance. "That's the other thing that stands out from the night you dragged me from my bed. You went to great lengths to make sure I wasn't scared."

  Oh, so the little witch thought she knew him? Thought she could control him?

  Time to turn the tables on her.

  "I was a little younger." And you were an angel, taunting me with thoughts of everything I knew I'd never have. He flashed back to the night their lives took a dangerous turn, when Eden McClain sat up in bed, clad in a thin linen nightshirt, and for the first time in his life a young Johnny Colton knew what it was to feel longing for something he couldn't quite explain. "Maybe I'm not that man anymore."

  "Maybe." She leaned closer, her breath stirring against his lips. "But maybe you want to be."

  "You're going to get him killed. You're going to get yourself killed."

  "He's dead either way. But there's a chance we might make it if we had you."

  He thought about it. He actually thought about it.

  Eden reached across the table and cap
tured his hand. "Please."

  The word cut through him like a fileting knife. But it was the action that disemboweled him. For the first time in years, Johnny felt a woman's touch stroke across the smooth webbing between his forefinger and thumb, almost as if she intended to comfort him.

  And worse, it was this woman.

  "Blackmail and a shitty attempt at seduction? You trying to pull out the big guns?"

  "Please," she repeated.

  Fuck.

  He had this horrible breathless feeling inside him. Don't get involved. That was his modus operandi. He'd been there, tried to step into the light after he finally broke Cane's hold on him, and what had happened?

  He'd ended up sold to fucking slavers and sent into an endless cage match.

  Lesson learned.

  There was no place in this world for a man like him. Nobody wanted a monster in their midst and it didn't matter how much he tried, there would never be any sense of redemption to find.

  But....

  Green eyes haunted him, the please whispering in his veins. In his chest. Johnny withdrew his hand, though the ghostly caress lingered on his skin. He could watch her walk out of here. He could. But how was he ever going to forget her? Would he always wonder if he could have saved her when she met her inevitable fate?

  A rash of images seared his brain.

  Shadow cats gnawing on bleached bones.

  Blood sprayed across the desert sands.

  Eden's lifeless eyes staring endlessly at nothing as the predators finished what they'd started.

  No. A spear of ice went right through him. She was determined to do this. She wouldn't take no for an answer.

  Which meant he didn't have any fucking option.

  His breath eased out of him with a shudder. Eden had called his bluff. The only thing left to do was try and salvage some of this. "I don't give a shit about redemption, but I will take you across the Divide on one condition...."

  Relief burst over her expression like a sun rising and that was when he knew he was in serious trouble.

  "What?" Eden breathed.

  Johnny kicked his chair back again. "I'm in charge of this expedition. You do what I say, when I say, and you don't argue or I swear to God I'll hog-tie you and go sit in a fucking cave somewhere with you until this is all over."