Xavier

by Reina Torres

  “Images?” She tried to understand and then ‘got’ the gist of his words. “You mean like a cow?”

  His gaze narrowed on her, his cool green eyes shining with warning. “Don’t say those things about yourself.”

  “It’s just a joke.” She waved it off as he found a pot and rinsed it out in the sink.

  “It’s a joke that I think you’ve come to believe over time.”

  She tried to ignore the anguished twist she felt in her gut. “It’s not hard to see the truth.”

  His look never left her as he set the pot on the stove top. “You only see a version of the truth, like a warped mirror or the cruel words of others. You don’t allow yourself to see the truth.”

  With amazing speed and dexterity, he found the cutting board and an onion, reducing it to a pile of diced pieces as he continued to talk.

  “When I came by, I didn’t intend to maul you like that.”

  The word conjured up some delicious images in her head. “I’m not arguing. I just don’t know what changed between the time you shouted me down off of your mountain and now. But really, if you’re trying to tell me that you like the way I look and then say how you weren’t going to kiss me like that, it makes it hard to believe both.”

  The sound she heard was laughter and she almost didn’t believe the sound came from him until he turned to look at her.

  “You’re not hearing me.” The onions sizzled into the saucepan. “Just because I didn’t intend to maul you, True, didn’t mean I wasn’t going to kiss you.” He set to work washing some mushrooms in the sink. “I was planning on the kiss and more, but you deserve more than just my mouth against your skin.”

  She felt heat course through her veins again. “Oh, I wouldn’t argue with that either. More of that would be good.”

  His eyes darkened as he looked at her and she shivered, knowing that his panther was just under the surface.

  True didn’t feel fear at that realization, she felt protected somehow.

  Cherished, if that was possible.

  “I hurt you, pushing you away. I doubt my panther will ever let me forget the lapse in judgement.”

  “You mean, he’s not going to let you remember that you wasted time when he knew what was right.”

  There was a moment when Xavier’s own emerald-green gaze returned, but his gaze and focus were somehow turned… inward. As if he was listening to something inside of himself.

  When he smiled and lifted his gaze to her, she saw an odd blend of both entities in his eyes. “He says you’re right and to thank you,” his teeth ground together as he forced the words out, “for reminding him.”

  “I am curious how you changed your mind. I was beginning to think that we’d never have a civil conversation.” Leaning her elbow on the table, she rested her cheek on her palm as he continued to make something that smelled like heaven… and garlic.

  “You should know,” she could hear the odd whispered tone of his voice, almost wistful in nature, “my parents passed on when I was young. It doesn’t happen often with shifters. Our healing abilities are formidable, but even our preternatural DNA doesn’t protect us from every kind of injury. My uncle took me in.”

  She wanted to ask him questions about his uncle but decided it would be better to do that later. When all she’d heard up until that moment were snarls and growls, hearing him speak whole sentences with a warmer tone was going to become some kind of an addiction for her.

  “He found it hard to care for me. The loss of his brother cut deep.”

  “It was the same for you,” she felt an ache in her chest and couldn’t help the feeling that it was his pain that she felt. “You lost your parents.”

  He stared into the saucepot for a long moment. “My father and his brother had been very close, and he missed the support, the council that my father gave him.”

  True was struggling to keep her focus on his words. The last few days had yielded little sleep with the frequency of her dreams and the desperate fear that came along with them. Under the table she jammed her bare toe into the floor to keep her focus and her eyes alert.

  “My uncle was lost trying to care for me, and if it wasn’t for the people in Mystic, I probably would have gone mad and feral.”

  True’s eyes prickled with tears at the edge of his voice, sadness and loss.

  “Things changed for a while. He remembered to take care of me. He smiled. He even started to cook, not that it tasted like anything I wanted to eat.”

  She laughed, but the sound didn’t make it past her lips. She wanted to soothe the ache she heard in his voice.

  “He’d found his mate, but I didn’t understand it at the time.” He covered the sauce pot and lowered the temperature while he emptied the box of pasta into the boiling water. “All I knew was that he smiled and saw a future for our family back then.”

  True felt as if a hand squeezed her heart. She was waiting to find out what had gone wrong. Exhaustion was pulling at her, and she leaned heavily on her hand, but she was determined to stay awake. There was no way she was going to miss what he had to say. It had taken something extraordinary to get him to open up and she wasn’t going to get in the way of this new connection between them.

  She heard the long wooden spoon bump against the side of the big pot a time or two as he watched the dry pasta soak up the boiling water.

  “His mate died before he could mark her,” he explained and set the spoon aside, “and I don’t know which would have been worse. To lose her when they weren’t marked, or if they had done it before she passed. Either way, all that was left after she died, was my uncle’s broken heart.”

  True fought even harder to stay awake, pinching her leg under the table to keep her focus on him.

  She must not have done a really good job, because the next thing she heard was the burners click off, making her sit straight up on her chair. When he moved to the table she stood up and blinked at him, angry at herself. “I’m… I’m sorry,” the words rushed out of her. “I want to know. I want to know what happened… I-”

  Xavier swept her up easily in his arms, even as she struggled to take her place at the table. “It’s okay.”

  “No,” she tried to shake her head, but instead her cheek leaned against his shoulder, “I’m… I’m awake…” She knew her yawn said otherwise. “Please don’t think I don’t care.”

  Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt him kiss her forehead.

  “I know you care, True.”

  She felt the bed give under his knee.

  “But we can talk about this later when you’re rested.”

  She must have done something. She didn’t think she had said anything, but she heard the concern in his voice.

  “What’s wrong, True? Is this because of us? Because of the way I’ve been acting?”

  True tilted her head back and looked up at him, wanting… needing him to see the truth in her eyes. “It’s my dreams. I’ve always had these crazy scary dreams, but as I got older I hardly,” she paused for a yawn, and it was harder to fight back from it than the last time, “I hardly remember getting them. Coming here,” she had to swallow the urge to yawn again, “everything is worse. I barely sleep, and when I try to sleep again, it just comes back. I’m so exhausted.”

  “I can tell.”

  She heard a bit of humor in his voice, but it was soothing and gentle, making her feel worse for missing out on this time with him. “I’m sorry for this.”

  “Don’t be. You’re not like a shifter. Your body needs sleep to function. I could probably go for a few days before I start feeling the real effects.”

  He set her down on the closest side of the bed and took his time lifting his hands off of her body. “You should try to get some sleep and catch up.”

  Xavier didn’t move away, and she didn’t want him to.

  “Could you,” she gave him a hopeful smile, “could you tell me the rest of your story before I fall asleep.”

  When he set his knee back
on the bed, she moved toward the middle to give him the space he needed to lay down beside her and look into her eyes.

  How had I not noticed how dark the smudges under her eyes were?

  Because you hid from her.

  I didn’t ask you.

  Then stop thinking it because that’s how we communicate.

  He couldn’t argue with his panther. He might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he was right almost all the time.

  And that included keeping quiet to bask in the glory of his admission.

  Watching True valiantly struggling to stay awake, he shook his head. Fighting against this connection had only done them both harm, but he should tell her why.

  “There’s not much more to the story. My uncle was trying his best to raise an orphan, and he had his own grief to deal with.” Xavier reached out and brushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear. “When he lost his mate, I think he felt it as another deep cut into his soul. He warned me, True. Told me to never allow myself to find a mate.”

  He could see her tense at the very idea. Did she really understand more than he might have been giving her credit for?

  “My uncle was trying so desperately to save me the same heartache. He didn’t want me to feel the pain of loss.”

  She was moments from sleep, her eyes very nearly closed, and her body was sinking lower and lower into sleep. Still, she lifted her hand and touched his cheek with her palm and offered him a gentle smile. “He didn’t realize that you were going to be left with all of the grief. And no outlet, really, to share the burden.” She blinked a few times and a lone tear coursed down her cheek. “I wish I could have been there for you, Xavier. No one should have to go through that kind of loss in such a short time without people who care about them.”

  Her eyes closed, and he was fairly sure she was out like a light.

  Without people who care about them.

  Had she really said that?

  You know she did.

  Do you think she meant it?

  Instead of the normal sarcastic purr of words in his head, he heard a softer sound whispering inside of him.

  You know she does. You care about her.

  Xavier nodded and trailed the backs of his fingers over her cheekbone. She barely reacted to his touch, except to relax even more into sleep.

  Was this what it was like? Having a mate? Caring for her well-being and her caring for his?

  His panther sighed. I love it when you answer your own questions, it saves me time and the effort to fight with you.

  If she wanted to talk more when she awoke, they’d talk. If she was hungry, he’d feed her. And if she needed his touch, all over her body, he’d be more than happy to provide that too.

  He’d been only too happy to follow his uncle’s advice when he’d seen the way the man had fallen to pieces and then ended his own life. Xavier had wanted to learn from the misfortunes of his family, and perhaps he had.

  In the morning, they would decide what comes next.

  And then he’d make sure to fight for what he wanted instead of turning his back on the very idea.

  He’d learned one lesson, and there were more ahead. Of that, he was absolutely certain.

  Ten

  She came awake in the middle of the night, gasping and struggling. His instinct was to hold her tight and soothe her, but the instant he pulled her into his arms, she fought.

  Kicking with all of her might, her hands slapped at his arms and then she dug her fingers into the backs of his hands and then his arms.

  “True, wake up.”

  “Let me go!”

  She tore his flesh, digging deep, but that didn’t concern him. She was still under, her breathing ragged and her screams only got louder as he tried to reach her.

  “True. True, baby, wake up!”

  She wiggled in his grasp and managed to turn an inch or two before she nailed him in the ribs with her elbow.

  He had to loosen his hold or chance hurting her. So, he took his hands off of her body, but kept them near her in case she showed any signs of falling from the bed.

  “True?”

  Her whole body stilled.

  Before he could decide what to do, she took a breath.

  And then another.

  “True, talk to me.”

  Her eyes opened and fixed on him. The flood of relief never came. The person that looked at him wasn’t True. There was something different in her eyes. She recognized him, but that didn’t mean he recognized her.

  Brown eyes.

  He had to remind himself that her eyes were supposed to be brown. Brown and warm and brilliant with fire when she was het up, but the eyes looking back at him were green like his own. Green and confused.

  He was sure his eyes looked the same.

  “True?”

  The skin between her brows furrowed with confusion.

  “True? I need you to come back to me.”

  Her expression changed, washed away one emotion, and replaced it with another. Loss.

  He swore he saw the green in her eyes shatter like glass and then, only then, was True looking out at him from her beautiful face.

  “Xavier?”

  He didn’t wait for answers.

  He didn’t wait to understand.

  He held out his hand to her and without hesitation, she put her hand in his.

  She fit against him.

  That was the only thought in his mind as he pulled her close.

  Kneeling on her bed, he held her tight, her legs straddling his lap, her arms winding around his neck.

  He smelled water. Felt it in her hair, on her skin, as if she’d just been outside in the rain, but he knew that wasn’t true. Wasn’t possible.

  He’d fallen asleep beside her and that’s where she had stayed.

  “Xavier?”

  He felt her breathe, the rough push of her chest against his. Ribs, breasts, she felt like temptation and comfort. Sin and salvation.

  She sank down on his thighs and pulled him tight against her body.

  “It’s you,” her voice was a ragged whisper in his ear, “you pulled me out of the water.”

  He didn’t understand her words, but he felt it in her hair as his fingers combed through her curls. He tasted it on her lips as she trailed them across his in a movement that was too hesitant to be a kiss, but he felt it down deep. Felt his body ache for hers as if he’d lost her, even though she was in his arms.

  “What happened, True?” His teeth ground together as she rose up on her knees, dragging the tight points of her nipples against his chest. “What-”

  “Don’t,” the word came out like an order, but the way she pressed herself against him made Xavier think of the word in different ways.

  Don’t stop. Don’t let me go.

  He’d gone stark raving mad with her in his arms and splayed across his lap. The only clear thought he had wasn’t in his head, it was the way her body pressed against his cock.

  And that was clouding everything else.

  He wanted her. Wanted her panting and sweating against him. Wanted her wrapped around his body in so many ways. Wanted to chase away the fears he’d seen her fighting against, but it wasn’t going to happen if he got her naked right then.

  “True.” He fought for control of the raging fire inside of him and the thunderous beat of his heart. “Baby, look at me.”

  He felt her grow still against him and the rough scratch of her breath through her throat eased enough that it didn’t sound like she was sobbing with each breath.

  “True?”

  One last, heavy, breath pushed from her lungs and she leaned her body back until her forehead touched his shoulder.

  “What happened while you were sleeping?”

  She started to shake her head and he stopped her, touching the side of his cheek to her head. Knowing that she’d have to speak to answer him.

  When she did, it was so soft, he wasn’t sure he’d heard her right.

  “You call that a drea
m?”

  She turned her head, bringing their lips less than an inch apart, but her eyes looked up at him with that same warm brown that was becoming his favorite color. “What would you call it?”

  “A nightmare at the least,” he lowered his chin to look her straight in the eyes, “but the look on your face, True. The way you struggled against me, was more like terror.”

  She sank into herself, her eyelids falling slowly until he was sure she’d shut out the light.

  “A nightmare.”

  And, as if saying the word had summoned up the feelings again, True shook. Xavier wound his arms loosely around her, setting his hands on her lower back.

  “Tell me.”

  She held her breath for a moment. He felt the tension through her spine. “I don’t want to think about it.”

  “Is it always this bad?” He hoped to heaven it wasn’t.

  She swallowed and rubbed her face against his shoulder. “It’s getting stronger and stronger, especially since I got here.” True turned her head away from him. “I was kind of hoping that getting away from my… from Sylvan City, would lessen it somehow.”

  “From Sylvan City and… what else were you going to say?”

  Xavier had a feeling she was ready to shut down.

  No, shut him out.

  Reaching inside of him, he wanted to know what his panther thought. And for once, the beast didn’t make fun of him for the thought.

  Gently. Be gentle with her.

  Xavier trailed a hand up along her spine, coaxing her to both relax and be at ease.

  She arched her back into his touch and his panther purred.

  Just like that.

  “My family isn’t like yours,” she began, and he tried not to think about the tragedy that the Salazars represented, “my family has its own supernatural lineage, but we’re what your average, every day mundane person on the street would call witches.”

  She paused, and he could feel her waiting.

  Waiting for his reaction.

  And he didn’t have one. He was just waiting for her to continue.

  “I guess you know we’re a thing. Hmm?”

  “When you can shift from a human form to that of an animal,” he leaned closer and placed a kiss on her cheek, “believing in other kinds of… magic, well, that all seems doable.”