by Mimi Barbour
“You blame yourself,” he stated. Boy, did he know that one well. A normal, typical response would be to tell her not to do that, but he wouldn't. It was easy for someone to say not to blame yourself, but when it came down to it, that one hit home for him.
“Yeah. I do. I feel like he is the way he is because maybe I did something wrong. Or I didn't do enough. Or- I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. I don't even know you.” Cara broke the physical contact, and abruptly, as if she'd just realized they were still touching. She stepped back, her eyes full of confusion as she studied him.
“True. You don't know me, and I don't know you. But we share a connection as widowed parents struggling. I guess that's why I'm so drawn to making sure Alex handles the situation with Frenzy better. Even if-”
Once again, he'd almost said it out loud. Cara didn't need to know his dislike toward the pet. No one needed to. He'd have to get over it, especially since Tamara was fine.
“That's the second time you've done that,” she said softly. This time, Cara initiated the contact. Her long nails brushed his palm, sending a wave of awareness through him.
“I know.” Lance blew out a breath, stepped back and plopped on the couch. He decided to put it out there. Maybe if he told someone else who understood a lot of what he felt already, he could get an idea of how to deal with it. “I have mixed feelings about Frenzy because Tamara chased him in the street when she was hit.” There. He'd said it. No turning back now, and it surprised him how easy and comfortable it was to tell this to Cara.
With a sympathetic nod, she moved to sit beside him. “You blame Frenzy, and yourself.”
“He sighed. “Exactly. See? You get it.” He'd made the right choice. How could she get him so well?
“Of course I do.”
“I really shouldn't blame an animal. Not like Frenzy knew running out in the street would cause Tamara to chase him. No one knew that car was coming. Not me, not my baby sitter, not Tamara. Yet somehow, laying blame makes me feel better. When it comes down to it, the whole thing is wrong. How is it talking to you is this easy?” He blurted the last sentence out of nowhere. “I have friends who are parents, but I can't seem to get this stuff out to them the way I just did with you.”
“Let me guess. They're married or at least have a partner around,” Cara said.
On the dot. “Good point.”
“Do you want something to drink?” Cara jumped up, moving away from him all of a sudden. Did their conversation make her uncomfortable? Did he make her feel that way? Lance didn't expect a connection, but they understood each other and very well. “Hot tea? Water?”
“Don't go to any trouble on my account. I probably should go.” But he wanted to talk more with her, get to know Cara a little bit. Who was he kidding? More than a little bit, he wanted to know so much more! He wanted to know her as a woman, not just as a mother and a parent raising kids on her own.
“Do you ever feel like you aren't enough for Tamara?” With a gasp, she immediately clapped a hand to her mouth. “Forget I asked that-”
“I can't forget, because yes, I do feel that way,” Lance said softly, climbing to his feet. If he stayed here much longer, he didn't know what he'd do. The more they talked and found other things they both felt that were deep and personal, the more he wanted to delve into other conversations. “Her mother and I were having a hard time before she died, and Tamara knew it. For the longest time, my daughter thought I wanted her mom to go away, like I wanted her to-” He couldn't say it. Tamara had blamed him for a few months, thinking Lance was the reason her mother died. What a crummy thing for a young, terrified mind to feel. Even though he'd never wished that on his wife, this was the reason he'd done everything he could for Tamara, like he was trying to redeem himself in her eyes. Things he'd never said out loud. While he still hadn't directly said it, telling Cara about his daughter's feelings was the closest thing to spilling his own. “It's why I got her the ferret when she wanted him. I made sure we got a trainer to help, so that Frenzy would be used to her and vice versa. They've been good together so far. She's careful with Frenzy, and he is playful around her. No harm done.” Not everyone approved of having a ferret for a pet, especially around a young child. He'd taken a big chance, but it worked out.
“Sounds like me.” Cara stopped in her tracks, not making it to the kitchen. “Shelly blamed me for Ethan's death. Alex didn't fully understand it. Is it bad that I actually felt relief about that? It kills me inside that I can't always understand my son. When he has a meltdown, half the time I want to as well. When it happens in public is the hardest.”
This woman, she had so much of the inner struggles that he could relate to. This connection quickly escalated from comfortable to uncomfortable, because it shouldn't be this easy to talk to a stranger. They were having conversations good friends didn't even have sometimes. He needed to get out of here before anything else came from his mouth he didn't want to talk about. Lance checked his watch. Wow, it was after eight already. They'd been here talking much longer than he realized. “I should get back to Tamara. I don't like leaving her side, but I need a break from the hospital every once in awhile. I... Cara, I'd really like to see you again. I'm not looking for a relationship by any means, but I feel like I can really talk to you.”
She blanched. “Well I'm not looking for a relationship either.” He'd put her on the defense again. Did she think he'd figured she would want a relationship? Really, Lance had no idea why he'd added that in. Maybe just to be clear. Just because his urge to kiss her spread like a wildfire didn't mean he wanted anything more. He wasn't ready.
“I didn't meant to imply you were. I guess... I connect with you and feel right talking to you about things I never imagined I'd tell anyone.” Understatement of the century!
“Yeah, I get that.” She stared at him with a strange look. “For what it's worth, I'm not looking for one, either. I've got my children to think about. I've got my life to get on track. So friends it is.”
Friends. Yeah, he'd take it. More than friendly thoughts floated around, but he wasn't going to act on them. Not after what he'd just said. All right, his head and body needed to come to a mutual agreement and pronto!
“See you later, friend.” He waved, sounding lame. What else was there to say?
“Lance, thanks again for bringing Alex the animal. It means a lot to him, as does to me. Not everyone understands him, and it's hard.”
“You're welcome. As you said before, he's a good kid. You're doing fine with him.” He said goodbye. Back outside in the December air, Lance let out a deep breath. He had no idea what to do with his mixed feelings.
*****
Alex was excited this morning for his class show and tell. He'd originally thought to take something else, but ever since Lance brought him the stuffed ferret, her son hadn't let go of the thing. Last night after checking in on him, she discovered the furry stuffed creature had found its way to the bed next to her son. He'd looked so content curled up with his blanket and animal. She'd snapped a photo, turned off the light, and closed the door.
Dropping him off this morning, Alex had been in good spirits. She hoped he'd stay that way all day.
Just after lunch time, she got a call.
“Cara, Alex is...”
She lost it in the middle of the office. “If you guys call me every time Alex has a meltdown, how is he ever going to get a proper education? This might be frustrating on your end- I know it is on mine, but what about Alex?”
Faces stared at her in shock and she clamped her mouth shut. As for Jean, she was silent on the other end. “Umm, it's not about a meltdown this time, Cara. He fell a while ago, and I think he's going to need stitches.”
Heat rushed to her cheeks at her outburst now. “Oh. Oh! Geez. I'll be right there!” She'd make apologies later. Cara hung up the phone and shot to her feet, heading towards her supervisor's desk. “Umm..” Guilt settled in her gut, forcing bile to rise. She hated this part.
&
nbsp; Audra raised a hand. “Let me guess. You have to go.”
“Yeah.” Cara's voice came out small. She'd been pushing it lately and she knew it, but how do you not go to your child when they need help?
A sigh escaped her boss's full, red lips. “This can't keep happening, Cara. I know your kids are important, but somehow you've got to stop running to the school every time your son has his little crisis.” Her voice dripped with frustration.
Cara's anger surged. “You don't get it. And this time, it has nothing to do with Alex's meltdowns. He needs stitches!”
“Go on to him, then. But heed my warning. Next time I'm going to have to write you up. Don't take it personally.” The rest of her words went unheard due to the blood pounding in her ears.
Fury spiked. Don't take it personally? Seriously?
Instead of making a retort like she wanted to, Cara marched away, snatched her purse from her desk cabinet, and headed for the car to go to Alex's school.
Nearly a half hour later, they were in the hospital's emergency room waiting area. Alex definitely needed stitches. He'd hit his knee pretty good and while it was bandaged up for the moment, he kept swiping at it and moaning. He also had a bump on his forehead they wanted to check for a concussion. He'd fallen from the playground pretty high up.
After an hour- which sucked- but for an emergency room wasn't actually horrible, they were called back and Alex freaked. Cringing at the sound of his ear piercing wails, Cara checked his backpack for anything to comfort him. The ferret rested at the bottom of the bag and she pulled it out to give to him. To her surprise and relief, his wails quieted down to muffled sniffles as the doctor worked on putting in the stitches.
“Almost good as new.” The young man smiled at Alex, who wouldn't look his way at all. Instead, he focused on the stuffed animal clutched in his hands. “So Mom, is this the first of many visits to the emergency room with boys' roughhousing, or are you a veteran?” he asked, eyes twinkling a bit. He was calm and cool, helping to ease the frustration of being in the hospital.
“Oh, I'm a veteran. Alex has had quite a few visits, and my daughter used to be a tomboy,” Cara replied, smiling back. Her nerves eased while having this conversation with the doctor.
“Knee is all stitched up, little guy. Now it's time to check that bump on your head here. Can you look up at me?”
Cara's breath hitched, wondering how this would go. She couldn't tell the doctor not to say that to Alex, because it was necessary!
Alex rocked back and forth, ignoring the doctor. Cara scooted closer to her son, hoping for no fits and that the doctor's attitude wouldn't change all of a sudden because of Alex's lack of cooperation. She hated how she had to wonder what everyone would think or feel. Really, it shouldn't matter. After a lifetime of people always pointing, laughing, and making fun of her, she'd hoped for the best for her kids. This was probably why she she took Alex's diagnoses so hard. She'd been in similar shoes before and as much as Cara tried to put the past behind her, situations somehow brought back painful memories.
“Alex,” Cara soothed. “Look at the pretty picture of the tree there on the wall. Can you imagine your new friend climbing that tree with you?”
That did the trick. Alex paid attention to the tree and Cara continued to talk to him about it. He didn't flinch or cry.
“Good news! No concussion.” The doctor held up a hand for a high five. “You're a tough kid. Good job. You too, Mom. Great teamwork. I'll be back in a little bit to get your discharge papers and instructions.”
“Thanks for your help.” Cara waved as he darted out of the room. Over the intercom, a doctor's name continued to be paged over and over again. Somewhere in the distance, a baby's wail sliced through the air. A man yelling drowned that sound out. Alex continued to rock back and forth while holding the stuffed animal. At least he remained calm. Cara scoped his stitched and bandaged knee, then her gaze traveled to his head. Hopefully he wouldn't need to be out of school tomorrow, but she imagined today she wouldn't be going back to work. She dreaded tomorrow's return to her job.
It didn't take long for the doctor to come back. He handed some papers to Cara and a lollipop for Alex. “Take it easy today, slugger.”
“Thanks again.” Cara tucked the papers under her arm and reached out to help Alex down. Once his right leg hit the floor, he cried out.
“It hurts to walk on that leg right now? Tell you what, why don't we get a special chair for you. We'll let you ride around in it to get to your chariot.” Without batting an eye, the doctor left the room again, returning seconds later with a wheelchair.
Alex glanced at it warily at first, but then his eyes lit up. “For me?”
Cara nodded. “Yep. You get to ride in this.” With her guidance, Alex climbed up in the chair and settled in it. The smile on his face made her feel good. Sometimes, it was the simple things. She always celebrated little victories.
“Ready for the ride, little guy?” The doctor stood behind the wheelchair, poised to go. “Lead the way, Mom.”
Alex seemed to love the ride. They were almost at the exit when the doors slid open and in walked Lance. He jumped in slight surprise. “Hey! What's going on with my new friend?” He crouched down by Alex.
“He fell and needed stitches,” Cara explained. She hadn't even thought about the possibility of running into Lance. Warmth spread through her as it did every time she saw him. Each time, she thought it would be her last. Cara enjoyed talking with him and he was easy on the eyes, too.
“And you brought your new pet, huh?” Lance's eyes lit up. “Guess you like him a lot.”
“I do!” Alex exclaimed.
“He fell asleep with him last night and took him in for show and tell,” Cara told Lance. “We still haven't seen Frenzy, though.”
“I'm sure he'll turn up.” A dark shadow crossed his face. It faded fast. Lance was like her, wanting to hide some of the things he didn't want to feel.
“We'll keep you updated. I hope you have a good day with your daughter.” What else could she say? Her voice wavered at the awkwardness of the situation.
“Yeah, thanks. Can't wait to see her. You take care. take it easy, Alex. Your little guy needs you.” With a wave, Lance took off down the hall.
“We're parked way over there.” Cara pointed in the general direction after they'd made it outside.
“Do you want to bring your car up to the curb? I'll stay here with this brave guy,” the doctor suggested.
She hesitated. Would Alex be okay to wait with him for a few minutes while she went to get the car? Should she chance it? If he had a meltdown, she wouldn't be anywhere nearby.
Alex was content. He squinted in the bright sunlight, but as he rocked slightly, he continued to make noises and pet the stuffed animal.
It's just five minutes. He'll be fine.
“Okay. But be aware. Alex doesn't do well with strangers.”
“We'll just wheel around. You won't be long,” the doctor assured her, sounding confident. He'd probably seen it all and had no worries, unlike her.
Still...
Cara walked away slowly, but turned around at Alex's wail. As she approached her son and the startled doctor, she spotted Lance heading their way. What was he doing back? He stopped in front of Cara. “If you tell me which car is yours and hand me the keys, I'll go get it for you.”
The offer surprised her. This man was like a miracle or something! A knight in shining armor. Always there when she needed someone lately. Don't get used to it. Cara stumbled over her words. “I- thank you, Lance.” She pointed in the direction of her car and told him what she drove, then handed him the keys.
“Be right back with curbside service!” He saluted, taking off toward her car. Alex immediately calmed down. The doctor patiently wheeled him around. If Lance hadn't come back around, Cara wasn't sure what she would have done.
Chapter Six
Lance pulled Cara's Ford up to the curb. Relief flooded her eyes. She seemed flustered and uns
ure. It really pulled at him. Being a widowed parent had its difficulties, and she had her struggles for sure. He was still shocked at how easy it had been to talk to her, especially last night, but they shared a mutual understanding that not many did. He thought about her all night. What a surprise to see her today.
He climbed out of the driver's seat and pushed her chair forward again. With his long legs, Lance always found himself adjusting the seat in vehicles to fit his height. Cara was considerably shorter than him. Gesturing to the open door, he stepped back. “Your ride awaits.”
“Thank you so much.” Cara opened up the back passenger seat door to help Alex in. “You saved me today!”
“SuperMom doesn't need saving,” he assured her with a wink. Cara may not see herself as SuperMom, but Lance had a lot of respect and admiration for her already. The phrase originally started out as a joke, but he really did view her that way.
She laughed, which brightened Lance's mood, and held out her hands to Alex. Seeing him stumble, Lance moved behind the boy as the doctor pulled the wheelchair out of the way. Alex flinched a little at Lance's hands on his back, but he kept his focus on his mother as he settled in the backseat of the car. Cara made sure his seatbelt was buckled and closed the door, then faced him. “Thanks again.” Strands of her crazy reddish hair blew in her face. Before Lance could think, he brushed them away. Cara's eyes widened at his spontaneous gesture and he moved his hand away fast
“No need to thank me. I like rescuing pretty moms,” he teased, then turned serious. “I don't know what it is about you and your family, but I keep thinking about you.” Should he have said that? It was true, no doubt, but what did it all mean?
She blushed. She was a good mother to her kids, and he liked that about her. The few gestures he'd done seemed to really surprise her, and Lance didn't understand why.