by Mimi Barbour
“I want to see you again,” he blurted. The way he put it out there though, made him flinch. After yesterday's random comment about not wanting a relationship, this came out all wrong. And he didn't want a relationship, but he did like the idea of seeing Cara again- with her kids, and maybe one time without. How that one would work, he didn't know, because he only spent a few hours away from Tamara every day. He used that time to catch up on work, shower, and grab a real bite to eat. Now he found himself wanting to check up on Cara, Alex and Shelly.
“I'd like that sometime,” Cara replied softly, moving to climb in on the driver's side. She nodded her head at the long line of cars behind her. “I'd better get a move on. I appreciate your help once again.”
“Since you have my number, call me so I have yours!” he called out as she ducked her head and climbed in her car, then drove away. With her reservations, he wondered if she would. As her car disappeared from his line of view, Lance headed back inside, eager to see Tamara and find out any news. She progressed for the better each day.
“Morning, Lance!” His mother sat by Tamara's bedside. In her lap was a partially knitted scarf with an array of purples and blue. She was probably working her way through her Christmas list for friends.
“Hi, Ma.” He kissed her cheek, then his daughter's. “Ooh, whatcha reading?” He peeked at the book in Tamara's hands.
“Grandma brought me a new picture book with more words!” Tamara held it up proudly. She'd been learning to read and picked up more words every day.
“Found a few of them at a yard sale, so I thought she'd enjoy them,” his mother explained.
“Hey, she's reading, and that makes me happy.” Lance smiled, grateful for his family's help.
“Where were you? When you called twenty minutes ago, you said you were in the lobby.”
“Remember how I told you about the boy who locked himself in the bathroom the other day?”
She nodded, curiously watching him.
“I've been running into his mother here and there. In fact, they've seen our missing friend.” He slid a glance at his daughter, hoping she wasn't paying attention to the conversation. Since Cara hadn't seen Frenzy in a while, he didn't want to get Tamara's hopes up. “Anyway, I bumped into them on the way out. Her son had to get stitches and since he's wary about strangers, I drove her car up to the curb so she didn't have to leave her son's side.”
“I raised my boys right.” Mom grinned in satisfaction. “You should invite them to dinner sometime.”
Oh no, his mother had her matchmaking hat on. “Nothing's going on that way, Mom. She's a widow, and we connect in that sense, but that's it. I'm not looking to date.” Except he couldn't stop thinking about her. He wanted to touch her all the time, just a simple hand hold, or a hug or... things he needed to stop thinking about.
“Who said anything about dating? I just said bring them to dinner.” She shook her finger at him. “You're the one who brought up dating. Which means you're thinking about it but don't want to admit to it.”
“I know how you get, Ma,” Lance shot back, half playfully. She had it right on the money, but he wouldn't admit defeat yet. Not to his mother, the matchmaking queen. Dating. Who would have thought at thirty four he'd be considered back in the dating pool. Well, not that he considered himself in the dating pool, but Lance noticed women checking him out sometimes, then they'd stare at his hand looking for a ring. The smiles, the flirting, the ever so hopeful way some women hinted that they were available.
“You know how I get? How is that? Wanting the best for my son and granddaughter?” Mom challenged, her eyes narrowed.
Great. Another reminder of how he couldn't give Tamara what she needed. Lance shouldn't take the comment personally, but he did. He let out a sigh. “When Tamara's out of the hospital, name the time and I'll see if Cara and her family would be interested. But again, I'm telling you- no matchmaking ideas. She's got enough on her plate.”
“Yes, you've told me on both accounts. I like kids. I bet her son will warm up to me.” Her smile grew, and Lance knew the seeds had already been planted in his sweet mother's mind. He loved her, but Ma had a way of getting what she wanted. He still hadn't told her about the letters he found in Lauren's box. He hadn't meant to snoop. Even though she'd died, it sure felt like snooping to him. The first time he read one, he felt horrible for invading her privacy. Then the anger hit him. How had Lance never seen the signs? His wife had been carrying on an affair! He'd found them about two weeks ago, right after Tamara's accident when searching for phone numbers, There were countless letters to her from another man.
No, dating wasn't on his agenda. He never wanted to go through those feelings of loss and insecurities again.
*****
“You forgot about my game.” Shelly stood in the doorway of Cara's room, folding her arms across her chest.
Cara blinked, startled at her daughter's voice and sudden appearance. What time was it? What in the world happened? She glanced at Shelly, then the time and gasped as the fogginess lifted from her head. “Shelly, I'm so sorry! Alex and I fell asleep after the hospital visit, and-”
She'd just forgotten about her daughter's freaking volleyball game. There went Mother of the year award. In fact, someone should award her with worst mom of the year.
“What happened to Alex?” Shelly approached the bed. Her tone changed to concern, but anger still remained in her eyes.
“He needed stitches because he fell at school,” Cara explained, hoping Shelly wouldn't be too upset now.
“Oh.” That was it? Oh? Was she off the hook? Not that she deserved to be.
Beside her, Alex still slept. He barely stirred. Cara should wake him up, otherwise he'd never sleep tonight and he needed to return to school tomorrow so she could go back to work.
“But still! I didn't even get a call. I sat there waiting for you guys. This was the big game!” Shelly flopped on the bed, her cheeks red. Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.
“Honey, it's not like I meant to not go-” Cara started. No, definitely not off the hook. Wow, how could she have forgotten Shelly's game! Regret dug a mammoth hole in her heart.
“It's always about Alex! I know he has different needs and he's not like everyone else, but for once can't I have a day in the sun? Can't I get your attention?” Shelly jumped up and ran off, slamming the door. “This sucks!”
Great. Lay on the guilt. And there were reasons to have plenty of it. Fighting the queasiness, Cara shook her sleeping son. “Alex, get up. You won't sleep tonight otherwise. We'll go hang out in the living room with cartoons and I'll make some dinner.”
He stirred again, mumbled, then sat up. “Tired.”
“Yeah, me too, buddy. But if we sleep now, we won't sleep tonight,” Cara repeated, then peeled back the covers. She inspected his knee. Still stitched and bandaged. She didn't think he'd pulled any out, but had to check. Then she looked over the bump on his head. The swelling came down, and it wasn't as dark. Good.
Loud bass and thumping blared from Shelly's room when Cara and Alex passed by. She hesitated, wanting to make things right with her daughter. She hated that Shelly felt slighted and jealous of Alex. It wasn't like Cara meant to ignore her! She didn't even remember falling asleep, honestly.
Cara started dinner with a heavy heart, unsure how to balance the time between her son and daughter, plus regular life. It was something she struggled with for a while, but even more so after losing Ethan. Once the pot was on the stove waiting for the water to boil, Cara made her first attempt to talk to Shelly. Alex sat in his rocking chair, content with cartoons.
Music still blaring from Shelly's room, Cara treaded carefully across the worn linoleum tile and knocked on her door. She played a lot of scenarios and conversations in her mind, completely unsure how to smooth things over. Seconds later, the door burst open. Shelly glared at her. “What do you want?”
“Can you turn the music down, please? We need to talk about this.” Cara gestured at
the stereo. She ignored the tone in her voice for the moment. It was the least of her concerns.
With a huff, her daughter did as asked.
Cara entered the room, looking around. Shelly's room was full of typical pre-teen clutter. Clothes strewn on the bed and floor. CDs and books scattered on the desk. Her purple backpack laid on the floor by her bed.
Shelly stood in the middle of her room in a go-ahead-let's-get-this-over-with stance. “I feel like I can't compete with Alex sometimes,” she said. “I get that he has needs. I get that he's not always fine on his own, but I wonder where I fit in. I feel alone.”
The words stung. Cara should have seen this long before. She tried, she really did. “I'm sorry you feel that way.” It was a start.
“This game was important to me! I was so excited to show off how well I've been doing, and you weren't there. It's bad enough I get picked on sometimes about our family situation, but to have you not show when all the other girls' family made it, well...” Shelly covered her face with her hands. “You don't get how hard middle school is.”
Cara moved towards her daughter. Yes, she did get how hard middle school was. She'd been there with her own set of problems, but things were far different in today's world. They were worse in some ways.
“You're so wrapped up in him sometimes. And just for the record, he's hiding that stupid ferret in the house. That's why you haven't seen him. Alex doesn't want to let him go.” Shelly's smug tone irked her. “I'm surprised you haven't smelled him. He has a weird odor.”
“Hold on, what?” Cara froze. Forgetting the attitude for the moment, she registered her daughter's words.
“He's been in the house.” Shelly shrugged. “And once again, you react more to Alex.” She frowned and shoved at her chair.
“You're the one who changed the subject! How do you want me to respond?” Frustration coursed through her veins. Time out. She should not be getting so irritable with her twelve year old. “I'm going to check on the water, but this conversation is far from over.” She caught Shelly's eye roll before turning away.
In the kitchen, Cara poured the box of pasta in the pot, stirred it, then went back to try and make peace with Shelly.
“What can I do?”
Shelly faced her, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?”
“I guess I want to know what you want from me. It's not easy balancing life with the two of you, plus work. You're right. Alex has his needs, but so do you. You're growing up. Sometimes you act like you need me, and other times you act embarrassed to be around me. I get twelve is a hard age-”
“Right, because you were there once? Maybe in the old days you thought it was hard, but it's more than that now, Mom. People are mean. I get tired of being asked if I'm going to catch my brother's disease. It's like I'm in his shadow or something. I go out and if Alex is with me, he gets picked on and I have to chose between my friends or their friends. Don't get me wrong, they shouldn't pick on Alex, but I hate being in the middle of this stuff! When he gets all panicked and freaked out, I don't know what to do. Everyone looks at us funny. I'm just tired of it!” In a dramatic flair, Shelly threw her hands up in the air.
Cara winced, understanding some of Shelly's feelings, but actually hearing them slip from her mouth was a swift kick in the gut. “It's not easy on me, either. I'm his mother- your mother! I'm supposed to protect my kids from the world, and I can't even understand either of you! I worry about the meltdowns. I worry about how it affects you, because guess what? I'm affected, too! We all have to do the best we can. I can apologize over and over for missing your game, but it's apparent you're angry at more than just that. So tell me what I can do to make this better!” Tears filled her eyes. Oh, no no. Come on tears, don't do this now! Be strong. Be SuperMom strong! She'd been using that as her mantra ever since Lance came around and had called her that.
The smoke alarm went off, loud and shrill in her ears. Dinner! She'd completely forgotten about the pasta on the stove. The smell of burning food filled the air. Alex started to shout because he hated the loud beeping noises. Cara darted off to the kitchen, shut off the stove, and watched in horror as the noodles blackened, sizzling with more steam and smoke. Shelly's bass and music returned, and Alex's cries could be heard over it.
I feel so alone sometimes!
Cara sank to the floor, curled her knees to her chest and let out her own frustration.
Chapter Seven
That night, Lance's mother insisted he take a night off, go home, and sleep in his bed. All night, with no coming back after a few hours. She said she'd stay with Tamara the entire time. When his daughter squealed with excitement and said she'd love a slumber party with Grandma, he reluctantly agreed. He made his mother promise that if anything happened or changed to call him.
When Tamara came home, he'd probably be... wait, no probably about it. He'd be overly cautious. She'd no doubt get annoyed that he was hovering, but the accident became a wake up call. He needed to focus on life and his daughter, instead of burying himself in work to forget his pain and heartache. Why did it have to take an accident for him to realize all of this?
While sitting alone looking over work papers hours later, his phone rang. Lance's pulse quickened, thinking the worst. A number he didn't recognize flashed on the caller ID. “Hello?” he answered, his tone tentative.
“Hi, Lance. This is Cara McLean. I have good news for you. Frenzy is here. Apparently-” She let out a rush of air before continuing. “Alex had him hidden in his room and didn't admit it. It took my daughter being mad at both of us to tell me.” Then she muttered under her breath. “Why I'm telling you my life story when all you need to know is Frenzy is here, I don't know.”
A mix of feelings slammed him. Relief for his daughter who wanted her pet back. Uncertainty for him because he didn't know how he felt about having Frenzy back, but he'd have to get over his blame and anger over a pet's part in Tamara's accident. The other feeling that surprised him was how much he looked forward to seeing Cara again. She got under his skin. He'd actually gone an hour without thinking about her, which hadn't happened since the second meeting when she bumped into him at the store.
“Lance? You there?” Cara asked. “Great, I scared him off with my endless chatter.” Something clattered in the background.
He held back a laugh. “I'm here. You didn't scare me off. Sorry, I got lost in thought.” For sure. Thoughts about having to pick up Frenzy, but Tamara would be ecstatic. Thoughts about seeing Cara and getting to know her. Thoughts about Christmas. Thoughts about- All right, that's enough thinking!
“So, Alex and Shelly are with my neighbor for the night. It might be best if you come get Frenzy now while Alex isn't around. I know he's going to notice. When he does he will be upset, but...”
“I can be over there to get him in ten minutes,” Did he sound way too eager? Lance wouldn't mind company. He wasn't meant to go home and work. If Ma knew, she'd have a conniption fit!
“Okay. Great.” She sounded nervous. “See you soon.”
Lance took a quick look in the mirror. He brushed off his shirt, ran a comb through his hair, and then stared. He laughed at himself. “I'm acting like I'm going on a date! I'm just picking up Frenzy!” Shaking his head, he moved away from the mirror, grabbed his keys, and headed off to Cara's.
He wasn't ready for the reunion with Frenzy. Tamara wasn't even home from the hospital. He'd have to take him home, feed him, and make sure he was taken care of. Lance didn't have time, nor did he want to make time for that.
It's for your daughter. Do it for her. Stop being so bitter.
With that thought, he rang the doorbell and made himself suck it up.
Cara opened it seconds later. He took in the sight of her frazzled expression. She'd been crying. Or allergies, but he doubted that one.. “Come on in.” She cleared her throat and took a step back.
When he walked in, Lance sniffed. Something smelled off.
“Yeah, don't mind that. Who would have thought t
he smell of burnt dinner would still linger?” She heaved a sigh as she closed the door.
“Not your day, huh?” he asked softly, remembering this morning.
“Not at all. I fell asleep with Alex after getting him home and missed my daughter's volleyball game. She's upset, understandably so, but I feel like I failed. Again. I can't make anyone happy lately. If Alex is content, it's Shelly who's mad.” She covered her face with her hands.
So her day hadn't gotten any better. “Are you hungry? I'll buy dinner. Open up a window in your kitchen and air out the house, and once we get back, I bet it'll smell much better. Then I'll take Frenzy and let you have some quiet time.” Lance had to wonder if he'd offered this up because he wasn't ready to take Frenzy, but he shook it off fast. No doubt he'd love to spend time with Cara and this became a perfect opportunity, since her kids were elsewhere. He'd get a good chance to get to know her more.
“You don't have to get back to your daughter? I don't want to take time away from you being with her.” Cara removed her hands, letting them fall to her side. Lance wanted to make it his mission to cheer her up so he could see her smile again.
“My mom and Tamara are having a slumber party of sorts. I'm to take the night off. I was working when you called me, so this is the perfect distraction. Come on, what do you say?” Hope faded as her answer didn't come right away.
“I say that's the best suggestion I've heard all day. Let me get cleaned up. By the way, Frenzy is hiding out in my bathroom if you want to say hi.”
Lance didn't. But he would have to warm up to the animal somehow.
*****
Lance hadn't moved from the spot she'd left him in when Cara returned to the living room. In fact, he stared off at the hallway with this total look of... she couldn't even describe it. Terror? Nah, something milder than that. “Lance?”
He snapped out of it and faced her. “I should be happy Frenzy has been found.”