Eyes on the Stars

by Lynn Ames

If Claudia was flustered, Jessie sure couldn’t detect it. Apparently, neither could the nurse, who seemed to accept the explanation without question.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “My head only hurts when I’m awake,” Jessie muttered.

  “Okay. Well, I’ll go see about getting you something for your headache. Be back in a jiff.”

  When the nurse was gone, Claudia reached over and kissed Jessie softly on the mouth. “You have got to learn not to blush, sugar. You look guilty even when there’s no reason to be.”

  “I was about to put my arms around you. What if we’d gotten caught?”

  “I would’ve talked our way out of it.” Claudia waved a hand dismissively. “You were overcome—distraught over the accident. I needed to console you.”

  “You treat everything so cavalierly.”

  “Not everything,” Claudia said.

  Jessie noted that her eyes were wet again. “What’s the matter?”

  “When you were out cold, I couldn’t stop thinking how I would feel if I lost you. It would’ve been unbearable.” Claudia ran her fingertips over the back of Jessie’s hand.

  “As you said, it didn’t happen. I’m going to be fine—you said so yourself.”

  “So I did.” Claudia sniffled once, dabbed at her eyes, and straightened her shoulders. “Right. So let’s see about getting you out of here.”

  As it turned out, it was two days before the doctor released Jessie from the hospital. Claudia already had spoken with Jackie Cochran, who was spitting nails about the obvious sabotage and the danger to “her girls.” Jessie and Claudia weren’t under any pressure to get back before they were physically ready.

  And then there was the issue of the plane, itself. After what had happened in Palm Springs, neither Jessie nor Claudia was willing to trust anyone to work on repairing the plane without supervision. So while the mechanics drained the fuel tanks, cleaned out the fuel lines, and changed the fuel pump and carburetor, Jessie and Claudia stood a silent vigil.

  “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Jessie pushed the sunglasses up higher on the bridge of her nose. Even in the shade of the open hangar, her head throbbed. Still, that was less disconcerting than the dizziness and the blurriness at the edges of her vision. She didn’t dare say anything, because she didn’t want to worry Claudia, who was already hovering protectively.

  Claudia was fixing her with that pinpoint-laser gaze, and Jessie made a conscious effort not to squirm.

  “Remember when I said I wanted to play poker with you?”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “You’re a terrible liar, that’s what.” Claudia bumped Jessie gently with her hip. “You need to go lie down.”

  “No.” Jessie didn’t budge when Claudia tugged on her arm.

  “Jessie Keaton. Don’t be stubborn. You’re clearly hurting and you need rest.”

  Jessie spread her feet a little wider to stabilize herself. She stared meaningfully at the group of flyboys who had been eyeballing Claudia for the last forty-five minutes. Then she shifted her gaze to her lover. “There is no way on God’s green earth that I’m leaving you alone with that bunch.”

  Claudia huffed out a breath and put her hands on her hips. “Surely you know that I can take care of myself.”

  “I’m sure you can. But I’m not chancing it.”

  Claudia held her indignant pose. “I don’t know whether to be insulted or grateful.”

  “Um, let’s stick with grateful? Besides, I think they’re almost done.” Jessie gave a barely perceptible nod toward the young mechanic headed in their direction.

  “Ma’ams. She’s all set to be checked out.” He ducked his head and fiddled with the cap in his hands. “I’m real sorry for what happened to y’all. That was a bad business. I give you my word, I’ll personally guard her,” he gestured at the Valiant, “until you’re ready to go.”

  Claudia gave him her most brilliant smile, the one that melted Jessie’s heart every time. “Well, aren’t you sweet?”

  For a terrified heartbeat, Jessie thought Claudia would kiss him on the cheek.

  “How about I take her for a checkout ride, and then we’ll take you up on your offer.”

  “Claude—” Jessie started to protest.

  “You aren’t in any shape to take her out, and we need to be sure she’s air-worthy.”

  “I don’t like you going up there alone.”

  Claudia raised her eyebrows. “I’m sure one of those nice flyboys over there would go up with me if I asked.” She blinked disingenuously.

  Jessie was sure the mechanic heard her growl. “You can go by yourself, but don’t showboat up there. Check the instruments, check the handling, and get back down here.”

  “As if I need your permission.” Claudia laughed and patted her on the cheek. “Be back in a jiff.”

  Jessie watched as Claudia jogged off to don her gear, wishing that she were going with her.

  Ten minutes later, Jessie was shielding her eyes and watching as the Valiant climbed. When Claudia took her into a slow roll and stalled the engines, Jessie clenched her fists at her sides. She’d never felt more ineffectual. Although it seemed like hours, it was really a matter of seconds when Claudia restarted the engines as she completed the maneuver. Several minutes after that, she landed the plane and taxied back to the hangar. Jessie stood at the wing to greet her.

  “Fancy meeting you here.” Claudia hopped down off the wing as Jessie took her hand to steady her.

  “Speaking of fancy, what the hell was that?”

  “What?”

  “You know what.”

  “The roll? I had to do that. You know we needed to know if the engines would re-engage.”

  “And you needed to flip over to see that.” Jessie’s nostrils flared. “That was irresponsible.”

  “Pfft.” Claudia waved her hand dismissively, which only added to Jessie’s anger.

  Claudia must have realized her mistake, because she stopped short and turned to face Jessie fully. “I wanted to know that we could trust her. Are you angry because of what I did, or because you felt helpless down here?”

  Jessie opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again. Claudia was right. Standing on the ground, knowing there was a possibility that the plane wouldn’t respond and Claudia would be in peril, was horrifying. Jessie was shocked to feel a single tear track down her cheek.

  “Aw, sugar. It’s okay.” Claudia wiped the moisture away with her fingertip and drew Jessie into a hug. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  Jessie stiffened in Claudia’s embrace. Cognizant that there were many eyes on them, she disentangled herself. “Let’s get going.”

  “In a sec.” Claudia moved over to where the mechanic was standing in the shadows, said something to him, laughed, then returned to Jessie. She looped her arm through Jessie’s in a now-familiar gesture as they walked away.

  Jessie flinched, but did not pull away. She didn’t have the energy.

  Jessie and Claudia’s footfalls echoed off the barren walls in the empty barracks where they’d been assigned to stay for the night. The building was on the other side of the base from the male pilots and mechanics.

  Claudia spun in place. “It isn’t the Ritz, but at least we’ll have our privacy.”

  “Mmm.” Jessie leaned over and tested the bed with her hand. It was as unforgiving as the beds at Avenger Field. “It’ll do, I guess. Nothing we’re not used to.”

  Claudia grabbed one corner of the bed closest to the bathroom and dragged it toward the bed next to it.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m pushing two beds together.”

  Jessie looked back at the door.

  “There’s nobody here but us. Relax.” Claudia came over, wrapped her arms around Jessie’s waist, leaned up on her tiptoes, and kissed her briefly on the mouth. “Gosh, I’ve been dying to do that for days.”

&n
bsp; Jessie jumped back as if she’d been bitten by a snake. As wonderful as it was to be close to Claudia, she couldn’t shake the feeling that someone could come walking through the door.

  “Good Lord, Jess. It’s our last night alone together, and this is how you want to spend it? Avoiding me like I’m the plague?” Claudia plopped down unceremoniously on the bed she hadn’t quite finished moving. She hid her face behind her hands and began to sob.

  Jessie stood motionless for several heartbeats, but the sight of Claudia’s misery trumped whatever misgivings she had about being discovered in a compromising position.

  “Hey.” Jessie sat down and put her arm around Claudia’s shaking shoulders. “Hey, now. None of that.” She pried one of Claudia’s hands away from her face and captured a tear on her fingertip. With a little goading, she managed to get Claudia to drop her other hand, as well, and pulled her fully into an embrace.

  They silently rocked together, until Claudia’s sobs became sniffles and then an occasional hiccup. She straightened up and patted Jessie’s shirt where her face had been resting. “Sorry about that. I got you all wet.”

  “S’okay. It’ll dry. I’m the one who’s sorry. You wouldn’t be crying if I hadn’t hurt your feelings.”

  Claudia slowly shook her head. “It wasn’t just that.” She played with a button on Jessie’s shirt. “It’s like I said in the hospital room—when…” She stopped to clear her throat. Her haunted gaze came to rest on Jessie’s eyes.

  “What is it, Claude?”

  “When you were lying there, so still and pale, I-I didn’t know if I’d ever get a chance to make love to you again. What if I couldn’t tell you I loved you? What if you couldn’t hear me? I cut you off when you tried to tell me before we crashed. I thought we’d always have time later. What if I’d been wrong?”

  Claudia began to sob anew. Jessie pulled her against her chest and kissed the top of her head. “Shh. But you weren’t wrong.”

  “I c-could have b-been. I nearly was.”

  “As I said before, we can’t worry about things that didn’t happen. I’m here, you’re here, and we’re both fine.”

  “You’re…not…f-fine,” she managed between sniffles.

  “Sure I am, honey.”

  “N-no, you’re n-not. I can tell your head still hurts, you’re not all that steady on your feet, and you were squeamish about me doing a routine slow roll.”

  “I’m feeling much better now that we’re inside and sitting, and my symptoms are just temporary. I’ll be good as new in no time flat.” Jessie intentionally ignored the comment about flying, since she still hadn’t processed what happened on the tarmac as she watched Claudia intentionally stall the engine. She knew her evasion wouldn’t fool Claudia for long, but for right now, she just wanted to restore Claudia’s good humor. “C’mon, let’s finish getting these beds moved.”

  “Not if you’re going to be jumping like a cat at every sound.”

  “I’ve got a solution for that.” She stood and pulled Claudia up with her. “Help me out.” Jessie led them across the room and over to the bed closest to the only exterior door. She grabbed one end of the bed.

  “What’re you up to?”

  “Take hold of the other end, will you?”

  Claudia’s mouth fell open. “You want to barricade the door?”

  Jessie, who was already lifting her end of the bed, said, “Yeah. You want to get cozy and not have me be jumpy. The only way that’s going to work is if I know no one can get in.”

  “But isn’t that a fire hazard?”

  “You, who are always so willing to take a risk—you’re going to worry about something as unlikely as a fire? Are you planning to smoke in here?”

  “No.”

  “Light any matches?”

  “No.”

  “Then pick up your end and help me move this thing.”

  Claudia grumbled something Jessie couldn’t quite make out, but she did hear the words, pig-headed, unreasonable, and ridiculous.

  After the bed was in place, Jessie added two empty foot lockers on top of the mattress for good measure.

  “Are you satisfied, yet, Miss Paranoid?”

  Jessie pulled on the door knob. The door only moved a fraction of an inch. She closed it again. “Yep.”

  “Are you going to wake up in time for morning muster to undo all of this?”

  “Yep.”

  “Even if I keep you up all night?” Claudia’s voice took on a sultry tone as she snuck her hand underneath the collar of Jessie’s uniform shirt.

  Jessie glanced one more time at the door before giving in. “Be gentle with me. As you said, I’m not in tip top shape at the moment.”

  “I promise to go easy on you.”

  Jessie thought that the sound of Claudia’s laughter might just be all the medicine she needed.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “I can’t get her restarted. Brace for—” Jessie awoke in mid-sentence and shot straight up in bed, dislodging Claudia and the covers. She was drenched in sweat. Her heart and head were pounding in a quick, staccato rhythm. She looked around wild-eyed, half expecting to find herself mid-flight and in a nosedive.

  Claudia, having been tossed aside, scrambled to her knees on the bed and put her hand against Jessie’s heaving chest. “Shh. Hey, sugar. What’s going on?”

  “I-I couldn’t get us out in time. We were going down and there was nothing I could do about it.” Jessie wiped angrily at the tears now falling freely from her eyes. She didn’t want Claudia to see her like this. When Claudia tried to wrap her arms around her, Jessie twisted away. She threw her legs over the side of the bed. “I’m going to get a glass of water.”

  “O-okay.”

  Jessie could hear the uncertainty in Claudia’s voice, but she kept walking. Once she was in the bathroom, she shut the door behind her, leaned her back against it, and slid to the floor. The images from the nightmare still were vivid in her mind—the sound of the engine choking and dying, the whine of the wind as the plane picked up speed in a free fall.

  Jessie clasped her shaking hands together. How could she possibly fly again? There was no place for fear in the cockpit—only certainty and the ability to stay calm under pressure. What if she couldn’t do that anymore? What if—

  “Hey. You okay in there?” The door standing between them muffled Claudia’s voice.

  “Fine.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “No. I’ll be out in a minute.” The words came out harshly, and Jessie knew that Claudia deserved better. But she felt so lost and out of her depth, and she had no idea what to do about it. Flying was her life. Up until she met Claudia, it was the only thing that mattered to her. Now, without flying, not only would she lose the one thing she was good at, but she likely would lose Claudia too.

  Jessie pushed herself up until she was standing and looked at her face in the mirror. Claudia was right—she should never play poker. Fear and anxiety were writ large in her eyes. She turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face.

  She opened the door expecting to find Claudia standing just outside. Instead, Claudia was visible only as a lump in the bed, facing the other way. Jessie felt miserable. She slid carefully under the covers. “Claude?” She brushed her fingers over the smooth skin of Claudia’s exposed shoulder. Claudia didn’t answer. “Claude?” Jessie tried one more time. When she received no reply, Jessie whispered, “I love you, Claude. I’m sorry.”

  She was relatively certain that Claudia wasn’t asleep, and she hoped that in the light of day, Claudia would forgive her for being so rude.

  “We’d better get going.”

  Jessie stared bleary-eyed at Claudia, who was partially dressed and shifting from foot to foot at the side of the bed. “Surely it’s not time for muster yet.”

  “No. But we have to move everything back to its place. That’s going to take time.”

  Jessie couldn’t stand to hear the coolness that was so foreign to the Claudia she knew.
“Claude,” Jessie sat up in the bed, “I’m sorry about last night.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Claudia bustled to the other end of the room and lifted one of the footlockers off the mattress blocking the door.

  Jessie got up, threw on her uniform shirt without buttoning it, and followed. “Wait.”

  Claudia grabbed for the second footlocker, her back still to Jessie.

  “Wait a cotton-picking second.” Jessie reached around and stilled Claudia’s hands. She pulled Claudia against her chest. The scent of their lovemaking permeated the air. That had been before the nightmare, before Jessie’s panic. She swallowed hard. “I lost it, and I didn’t want you to know. I was afraid you would see it in my eyes.”

  Claudia turned slowly to face Jessie. “Of course I would see it in your eyes. What of it?”

  “I didn’t want you to think less of me.” Jessie looked at a point over Claudia’s shoulder.

  “What makes you think I would think less of you? Because you had a nightmare that frightened you?” Before Jessie could answer, Claudia pushed on. “Because you’re not infallible? Because you crash-landed a plane three days ago and it’s haunting you?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “News flash, sugar, I know all those things and I love you anyway.”

  “You do?”

  “I do. But if you insist on shoving me away and shutting down every time something emotional or uncomfortable comes up, this is never going to work out.”

  “I’m sorry, Claude. I’ve never done this relationship thing before. I’m no good at it.”

  “How can you know if you’re any good at it if you’ve never done it before? And what makes you think I’ve got so much practice?”

  “You’re more worldly than me. You’ve dated before.”

  “Not like this.” Claudia indicated the two of them. “Never like this.”

  Claudia’s voice was thick with emotion, and it cut right through Jessie’s armor.

  “I’ve never given myself to anyone before you, Jess. Never. I never wanted to. Now I’m desperately in love with you, and I’m afraid you’ll cut and run at the slightest hint of trouble.”