Witchful Thinking (Jolie Wilkins #3)

by H. P. Mallory

  “I’m lonely,” I said in a small voice and realized how absolutely true my words were. I was lonely in the depths of my soul, missing Pelham Manor, missing 1878 Rand and my present-day Rand, whom I’d grown to love so well.

  “Why are you lonely, love?”

  “I feel as if I’m living in a place I don’t recognize and becoming something I don’t know. I never wanted to be a Queen and yet, here I am, with a crown stuck to my head.”

  “I see.” Sinjin took a step closer to me until I could feel his thighs brushing against my butt. He wrapped his arms around me and I relaxed into the strength of his chest, realizing I needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. I needed a friend.

  “I miss Pelham Manor and Christa,” I continued, my voice sounding hollow.

  “And the warlock, no doubt?”

  I nodded but said nothing more. I didn’t want to think about Rand or I might just turn into a blubbering, ridiculous mess.

  “This is all new to you, poppet,” Sinjin whispered. His breath raised goose bumps along my neck.

  “Yes it’s new, but I don’t think that’s the problem.” I paused as I felt his fingers tracing my stomach, underneath my shirt. “Behave please.”

  He chuckled and dropped his hand, taking mine captive instead.

  “It is difficult now but it will not always be so. Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim.”

  I turned around and looked at him askance, wondering where the hell he came up with this stuff.

  He chuckled again. “It is Latin, from Ovid. Translated, it means: Be patient and tough, someday this pain will be useful to you.”

  I shook my head, suddenly amused by the fact that Sinjin was a complete enigma. I never knew what he was going to say or do. “Let me guess, you used to be a monk or something?”

  “Not quite, love, although I did and still do have an appreciation for ancient Latin.”

  I nodded but remained quiet as I enjoyed the feel of his immense hands when they returned to my shoulders and started massaging me again. I was suddenly struck by the thought that Sinjin could break me like a twig if he wanted to, and yet his touch could also be so comforting, so caring …

  “Sinjin?”

  “Yes, poppet?”

  “Do you think I’m meant to be Queen?”

  “Of course.” There was no hesitation on his part.

  “What I mean is, do you think I can be the Queen that Mercedes needs me to be and the Queen that everyone is counting on?”

  Sinjin stopped massaging me and took hold of my arms, turning me around to face him, a look of consternation on his face. It was an expression I didn’t recall him ever wearing. “Jolie, it is human nature to doubt oneself. That is one of the reasons I appreciate the fact that I am no longer human.”

  I laughed as he stared down at me and traced the outline of my face. I closed my eyes at the feel of his touch; when I realized what I was doing, I immediately opened them again. Sinjin was so incredibly handsome, so incredibly sexy. I was suddenly shocked that I’d never really considered him as a front-runner in the race for my affections. Of course, I suppose I had in a way, but he’d always been overshadowed by Rand.

  Even now he was overshadowed by Rand.

  “You are a novice and have much to learn,” he continued.

  I pried my thoughts away from Rand and back to the question at hand. “I’m afraid I’ll never learn everything I need to.”

  He glanced down at me with a smile. “Will your path be difficult? Most probably. Do I believe you can handle it? Most definitely.” He smiled again and leaned into me until I thought he might kiss me. I took a step backward.

  “Sinjin,” I warned.

  He seemed to ignore me and brought his face to my ear, whispering. “You must trust in yourself, love.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed and felt my heart flutter when Sinjin didn’t pull away from me. He was so close, his breath sent shivers up my shoulders. I closed my eyes again. I couldn’t help it.

  “You shape the monarchy as you see fit, poppet. Do not be afraid to imprint it with your stamp. Make it your own.”

  He pulled away from me and clapped his hands together as if his job here was now done. I suddenly felt cold by his absence—which was strange considering he, himself, was cold. I wrapped my arms around myself and offered him a smile.

  “I have news for you,” he said, facing the balcony amid the sound of the crashing waves as they kissed the rocks below Kinloch Kirk.

  “News?”

  He turned to me and nodded. “Bella has agreed to assist us in reanimating her legion. She will be delivering the names of her dead shortly.”

  “Is there anything you can’t do?” I asked with a laugh. “How in the heck did you manage that?”

  He arched his brow at the question. “I can be … persuasive.”

  I frowned. “Care to enlighten me?”

  “I offered her two options—assist us or die.”

  I just shook my head, actually feeling sorry for Bella. I knew she’d harbored a definite attraction to Sinjin—that much had been more than obvious when she’d kidnapped me and I’d watched her interact with him. Of course, it was hard to be female and not fall for Sinjin …

  “When did you manage that?” I asked. Bella had only been relocated from Pelham Manor to Kinloch Kirk two days before. She was being held in a guest house set away from the main property—still confined by magic and guards.

  “Earlier this eve,” Sinjin answered.

  “I’m impressed.”

  “I only aim to please, poppet.” He paused. “I will never fail you.”

  “Sinjin,” I began and then was at a loss for words as I thought about the fact that this man had always been there for me. Whenever I needed Sinjin, he showed up at my beck and call. “Thank you.”

  He bowed slightly and turned to leave. “I must feed, love.”

  I nodded, swallowing down my reaction to the thought of him feeding. Feeding for a vampire could and usually was a very sensual experience. Sinjin was no different. Once he asked if it bothered me when he fed from women and joined them in bed and I had to admit it did. I just prayed he wouldn’t ask me that question again.

  I escorted him to the door. As he opened it, and stepped outside, I found myself grabbing hold of his arm. He turned around in surprise and glanced down at me with a furrowed brow.

  “I think you have a bad rap,” I said and released him. “What’s more, I think you like having a bad rap.” I swallowed hard, wondering how to say what I wanted to say, wondering if I could get it out. “I just want you to know, I don’t believe it—I don’t believe any of the bad things anyone has ever said about you.”

  “Love …”

  “No, you’ve always been nothing but kind to me and you’ve always protected me and stood up for me.” I caught my breath, trying to understand where I was going with all of this. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that your friendship means a lot to me, Sinjin.”

  He arched a brow and studied me in a very detached way, as if my words didn’t please him. “You view the world through rose-colored lenses.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, taken aback. “When someone thanks you for your friendship, Sinjin, it’s only courteous to acknowledge it,” I finished with a nervous laugh.

  He shook his head, and his gaze was piercing as he stared down at me. “Do not paint me into what you wish me to be.”

  “I haven’t and I don’t,” I answered even though I was confused by his response. Why would he fight the notion of being a good person? What was he trying to hide?

  “Very good,” he said, but his jaw was tight. He turned to leave but I gripped his arm again, nervously moving my hold down to his wrist.

  “Explain what you mean.”

  He licked his lips and glanced away from me for a few seconds. When he faced me again, his eyes seemed to have darkened in color, seemingly drenched in something that looked like anger or passion.

  “I
am a creature motivated by my own self-interest.”

  I shook my head. When he attempted to step away from me, I tightened my fingers around his wrist. “That’s what you want me to believe. That’s what you want everyone to believe but I know it isn’t true.”

  He shook his head but said nothing for a few moments. “The truth can be painful.”

  “If that’s the case, then why are you my friend? What do you want from me?” I demanded and released his wrist, allowing him to retreat, if he so chose. He made no motion to leave and instead eyed me again with his intense expression.

  “I do not believe I must make that more clear than I already have, poppet. You already know.”

  I shook my head and stood my ground. “No, I don’t. I know what you want me to think of you and the image you try to project, but as I said before, I don’t believe you.”

  In an instant Sinjin threw the door closed and pushed me against the wall inside my room. He was suddenly in my face. And he didn’t look happy. His hand was around my throat, his fangs protruding.

  “I want you,” he seethed and I hadn’t even realized his hand was cupping my butt until he squeezed it. “I want this.”

  “Sinjin,” I breathed, then promptly forgot what I was going to say.

  “I want all of you,” he continued and his eyes were hard as they stared down at me.

  Before I could respond, he released me and instantly seemed to regain control of himself again. He opened the door and disappeared into the hallway. It took me a second to catch my breath. Even then, my heartbeat continued to pound inside my breast until I thought for sure I’d pass out.

  After Sinjin’s visit, I couldn’t fall back asleep. In the morning I found myself replaying the events of the night over and over in my head, trying to make sense of them. I couldn’t deny the fact that there was something about Sinjin that drove me wild. He was just so unpredictable and sexy. But at the same time, he was a wild card. And that threw me off—I was Jolie Wilkins, someone who thrived on routine and preparation. And Sinjin was the opposite of that. He was spontaneous chaos dressed in impulse with just a touch of anarchy. And as if that weren’t enough to steer me away from him, there was always Rand.

  Rand.

  Just thinking of him caused the figurative dark clouds to hover over my head. A macabre feeling had been bubbling up within me like a disease, a feeling that said everything with Rand was over and dead. Any love he had for me had been trampled by my own cloven hooves.

  Thoughts of Rand led to thoughts of my 1878 Rand, and I wanted to cry. I’d failed him, failed in the one promise he’d asked of me—that he and I would be reunited in the here and now. Suddenly the desire to return to that time when Rand freely and totally loved me and I him suffocated me. I just wanted—no, needed—to go back to how things had been … way less complicated and love was all that mattered.

  But now that love was dead. I didn’t know why, but there was an absolute surety within me—as if there were no question on the subject. Maybe it was because I’d never seen Rand so upset, so hurt. But I’d also imagined he’d see the positive—that I had been the only woman he ever loved. And what about the stupid idea that love outweighed everything else?

  Whoever came up with that lie deserved to be shot.

  I closed my eyes against the onslaught of sadness that overtook me and fisted my hands as I swore to myself I would shelve this guilt. The situation remained what it was and there was nothing I could do to control or change it. I had to let it go.

  Rand would live the way he wanted to live and if that meant he wouldn’t support me, wouldn’t love me, and wouldn’t be with me, then so be it. My responsibilities now were more important than my personal relationships. It was time I stood up and became the Queen I knew I could be. Sinjin was right—I had strength enough.

  At the sound of a knock on my door, I reached over from my stance against the wall and opened it. Mercedes poked her head in and smiled warmly as she entered and closed the door behind her.

  “How do you like Kinloch Kirk?” she asked.

  I glanced around my room, with its matching poster bed, armoire, writing desk, and vanity. All of the furniture was made of a light-colored knotty pine, which gave it a natural, rustic sort of feel. But the room was anything but rustic. Its plush white carpet, whitewashed brick fireplace, and the translucent curtains, which danced in the ocean breeze, made it pristine and lovely. It was altogether stunning in its simplicity.

  “I love it,” I said. “You did a great job furnishing it too.”

  Mercedes beamed and her green eyes seemed to take center stage in her pretty face. She looked like she was twelve years old and had just exceeded her teacher’s expectations. It was an expression I’d never seen on her before—something that didn’t seem to jibe with the centuries-old prophetess. But if anything, it made me fonder of her.

  “I am in the process of hiring live-in help to assist in the daily management of your estate,” she said.

  “What, like a housekeeper?”

  Mercedes nodded. “Numerous housekeepers, a cook, and a butler. And of course all those hired will be creatures among your kingdom rather than humans.”

  “Yeah, that makes sense,” I said, thinking about the fact that human help probably wouldn’t be okay with the fact that they were living among witches, wolves, vampires, and the fae.

  Mercedes cleared her throat as if to say we were now moving on to heavier topics.

  “Mathilda informed me of the magical shield that was put on you. We believe your gift should have returned. Would you be available to try again this evening?”

  I nodded, but my thoughts weren’t on reanimations at the moment. Instead I reflected back to my conversation with Sinjin. I now felt absolutely sure that I would make this monarchy my own. I was the Queen and as the Queen, I would run my domain as I saw fit. First things first: I needed to make a few announcements.

  “Mercedes?”

  She glanced up at me curiously.

  “I wish to call a meeting, and it is a very important one. Will you please tell everyone in our kingdom to be here in one week’s time?”

  “Of course. I will deliver your summons by way of magic.”

  “I must address my people as their Queen, and I would like you to make my introduction.”

  Mercedes nodded. “Will you require any help in preparation for this … meeting?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I have it covered.”

  She glanced at me curiously but her expression could not hide her satisfaction—as if she was pleased I’d finally stood up to embrace my calling.

  “It is imperative that all creatures are present. Not just their representatives,” I continued.

  “You must have news of some importance?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I have announcements that everyone in our union will need to hear.”

  Mercedes beamed at me. “It seems you have finally accepted your destiny?”

  “I feel I need to take the so-called monarchy reins and now I’m doing just that,” I answered furtively, doubting Mercedes would still be happy once she knew what I was going to say. Well, even she had to wait until our entire kingdom was in attendance. That gave me a week to smooth out my thoughts and write my very first speech as Queen of the Underworld.

  “Where would you like your subjects to assemble?”

  I shrugged and glanced out my window at the open miles of Scottish moors. “Wherever they will all fit. I’ll leave the particulars to you.”

  Mercedes nodded and, with a humble bow, smiled. “I remain at your service.”

  “Thank you.” Instantly I felt like the strong Jolie I knew I could be. It was as if something had evolved inside me—something tough and angry. Without even verbalizing it in my head, I made a vow to myself to stop being a vacillating monarch. Now I was in it all the way, and I planned to make the throne mine.

  “Jules?” It was Christa’s voice coming from the hallway. I faced Mercedes with surprise.
<
br />   “Ah, yes, I forgot to mention you have a visitor.”

  “In here, Chris!” I yelled just as Christa poked her head into my room and glanced around curiously. It was the first time she’d been to Kinloch since Mercedes had finished furnishing it.

  “This place is the bomb!” Christa said with a big smile.

  Mercedes nodded with a quick curtsy to me and a smile to Christa, and then she left the room, closing the door behind her.

  “I’m so glad you came to see me!” I embraced my closest friend, who hugged me back, then pulled away and took a look around the room, before throwing herself on my bed.

  “Are you loving it here?” she asked.

  I thought about the question momentarily before deciding to shelve the negative. I wasn’t going to focus on it anymore. From here on out, I intended to be so positive, people might accuse me of taking Prozac.

  “I’m very happy,” I said, smiling. Then it occurred to me that Christa might like to move from Pelham Manor. “You know, you can move in with me. You don’t have to stay at Pelham Manor with Rand anymore. I know you’re his assistant but … you could always be my assistant again?”

  She nodded but it was a half-assed nod and by the look on her face, there was something she wanted to tell me. “I’m, uh, I’m actually moving in with John.”

  “Oh, wow,” I said, shocked. “When did he ask you to do that?”

  She hesitated for a moment or two, then beamed. “Last night. The same time he asked me to do this.” She held up her left hand, where a diamond engagement ring gleamed at me.

  “Chris!” I screamed, as bolts of surprise and happiness rampaged through me. I flung my arms around her. “You’re getting married?!”

  “Yes,” she said with tears in her eyes. “We haven’t set a date yet.”

  “I’m so happy for you,” I said, tears already streaming down my face. It was the truth, even though I was also envious—wishing my life could be as picture perfect as Christa’s seemed to be. But I was beyond ecstatic for my best friend … And John was a good guy—well, wolf. “Are you … okay with wolf babies?” I asked, not really sure how to phrase the question.