Until the Sun Burns Out

by Amber Garza

  Leaning forward, Austin gently fanned his lips over my cheek. It felt like gratitude, and I was glad I’d decided to back off. If it kept earning me kisses, I could learn to be less competitive. Ah, who was I kidding? I’d never be less competitive, but I could pretend to be for Austin’s sake.

  “I gotta say, I didn’t think it was possible for you to play any better than you did last year, but you proved me wrong.”

  My heart soared at his compliment. “Thanks.”

  He snaked an arm over my shoulder as we walked forward, stamping our footprints across the green grass. “I’m glad you didn’t give up on soccer.”

  “Me too,” I agreed.

  “What changed your mind?”

  The grass ended, and our feet hit the concrete. Somehow it seemed hotter over here. The hair hanging down from my ponytail stuck to my neck. I lifted it, enjoying the glorious breeze as it skated over my dampened skin.

  “I don’t know.” I thought about it for a second. “I mean, Dad and I had worked through most of our differences by the time I went back home. But I guess I was still on the fence because I thought it would be hard to play without him there. Ultimately it was the love of the game that convinced me. The thought of not playing killed me.”

  He nodded as if mulling over my words. For a few minutes we walked in silence, his grip on my shoulder tightening. Several times I wanted to ask him what he was thinking about. It was clear that something was going on inside his head. But then I was hit with a memory.

  It was right after Dad left, and I was in a really bad place. I was angry all the time, at everyone and everything. All rationale had flown out the window. Mom kept pressing me to talk, kept hounding me night and day. And I was getting sick of it. Plus, it’s not like it helped. It only made me angrier. Mainly because she wasn’t the person I was mad at. Therefore, she wasn’t the person who could fix it. So every time she forced me to talk, it only agitated me more.

  At some point she must have realized this.

  One night she came into my room, and without saying a word she gently drew me into an embrace. Then she held me for awhile. Neither of us said anything. We didn’t need to. Our hug had conveyed what we felt. I knew Mom loved me, and she knew I loved her.

  After that, I knew she would be there for me no matter what. No matter if I was being a childish brat or an upstanding daughter. She wasn’t walking out on me. She wasn’t giving up. That was all I really needed to know.

  And perhaps that was all Austin needed from me right now. So I pressed my lips together and leaned into him as we continued to walk in utter silence, his arm hooking us together.

  SEVENTEEN

  “Thanks for coming over.” Grabbing Austin by the wrist, I tugged him inside. Then I slammed the front door behind us. Whirling around, I pasted on the same fake smile I’d been wearing for the last hour. “Austin’s here!” I announced, my tone revealing more relief than I meant it to.

  Austin’s eyebrows knitted together as he stood awkwardly beside me. Leaning over, he whispered in my ear, “Subtle.”

  I tossed him a glare, and then pushed my lips back up into the fake grin. Luca shook his head at me. Dad appeared slightly unnerved, but Penny wasn’t ruffled at all. Then again, she didn’t know me well enough to read my moods. I’d always been weird around her, so I was sure she thought this was my normal behavior.

  She’d already been here an hour, and I wasn’t sure I could endure another minute alone with the three of them. It’s not like Penny wasn’t nice. She was. And, even if I didn’t like the idea of Dad dating, I’d come to grips with it. But that didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t my mom. And when it was just us four, it felt suspiciously like we were a family. It made me itchy all over as if I’d rolled in the grass for the last hour.

  But Austin’s presence calmed the itchiness. Actually, it calmed everything.

  One touch of his hand and my chest expanded, my nerves vanishing. As his fingers closed around mine, I knew I’d make it through the remainder of the night.

  “Nice to have you here, Austin,” Dad said, smiling.

  “Yes, it’s great to see you,” Penny added. “How is your mom?”

  Austin stiffened by my side. “She’s fine.” He barely opened his mouth when he spoke, and it reminded me of a ventriloquist. I would’ve laughed if it were anyone else. But the situation with Austin’s parents made me sad. I didn’t fully understand it. There were obviously deep-rooted issues there, but even what I saw on the surface was ugly.

  “Great. I’ve been meaning to get over to your house to see her,” Penny gushed, clearly oblivious to the tension arising inside of Austin.

  “I’m sure she’d like that,” he responded politely, but his hand gripped mine so tightly I almost cried out in pain.

  Dad must have noticed something was off, because he cocked one brow and then said, “Hey, Austin, wanna help me with the grill? I’m about to put the chicken on.”

  “Sure.” Austin exhaled, his grip on my hand loosening. Gratitude swept over me as the feeling returned to my fingers.

  “I wanna help too!” Luca shouted, bounding toward Dad.

  Austin gave me a small smile before untangling his fingers from mine. It wasn’t until he trailed Luca and my dad that the reality of the situation crashed over me. I’d been so worried about Austin that I hadn’t stopped to think about the fact that if the boys went outside, I’d be stuck in here with Penny.

  “What do you say we throw together the salad?” Penny asked in that high-pitched cheery voice of hers while she ambled into the kitchen. When I first met Penny, I had hoped the screechy voice was an act. As if she thought kids liked that or something. But the longer she’d been around, the more convinced I had become that she actually did talk that way. My mom had a nice low timbre. Dad used to say that he found it sexy. That it was one of the first things that attracted him. I had no idea how Penny’s voice didn’t drive him batty. It bothered the crap out of me.

  Penny spread lettuce and vegetables out on the counter. When she bent down and pulled a bowl out of the cabinet, my stomach tightened. She sure knew her way around Dad’s kitchen. It shouldn’t shock me. She’d probably been in this kitchen more times than I had. Still, it was weird.

  “Here.” She slid the lettuce and a bowl in my direction. “Why don’t you tear the lettuce? I’ll chop up the vegetables.”

  Robotically, I nodded. Then I headed over to the sink. As I turned on the faucet, I could hear the thump of the knife blade against the cutting board. After thoroughly rinsing off the lettuce, I began to tear off pieces and toss them into the bowl.

  “Your dad said you did great in soccer this year,” Penny said as she continued to chop, the rhythmic sound filling the kitchen. “He was so proud of you.”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. Glancing up, I caught my reflection in the mirror above the sink. It was eerie in the glass, almost like I was a floating head. Looking through it, I spotted the guys on the patio. Austin was laughing about something Luca said, while Dad flipped the chicken over. Steam rose from the barbecue, swirling around Dad’s head. I longed to be out there with them. When we used to go on vacation with my parents, Mom always encouraged me to go out and help Dad man the grill. If Mom needed help in the kitchen, it was usually Luca who offered. He’d always been a momma’s boy, although he took offense to me calling him that.

  “Do you enjoy playing?” Penny’s voice cut into my thoughts.

  I peered over my shoulder. “What?”

  “Soccer,” she reminded me. “Do you like playing?”

  “Oh. Yeah. I like it.” I knew she was trying, but for some reason every time we’d had a conversation I felt like I was on a really bad first date.

  “Good.” She nodded. “That’s really great.” This time I noticed how forced her smile seemed, and it made me wonder if this whole super cheery lady thing she had going was all an act. Most likely she hated being around Luca and me as much as we hated being around her. She had Dad to herself for
nine whole months of the year. Then in the summer we came and took over. I wanted to feel bad for her, but I didn’t. If anything, I felt bad for us. He was our dad long before he was her boyfriend. It seemed childish to say that we had him first, but it was the truth.

  “I’m done with the lettuce.” I plopped the bowl on the counter next to the cutting board.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “Chicken’s all done,” Dad said, entering through the sliding door, holding a platter of chicken.

  About time.

  When my gaze caught Penny’s, I saw the same relief that I felt mirrored in her eyes.

  Dad set the platter of blackened chicken on the counter. He always overcooked it. “I thought we could eat outside.”

  “I’ll set the table,” I practically hollered, grateful that I found my way out of here.

  “Okay,” Dad said, the word riding on a nervous laugh like a surfer as he glided atop a wave. I was sure he knew what was going on, but I didn’t feel bad. He’s the one who made me hang out with Penny even though he knew I preferred when she wasn’t around. Thank goodness it wasn’t an everyday thing. Even Austin’s presence wouldn’t be able to fix that.

  As I dragged some plates down out of the cupboard, Dad leaned down and kissed Penny on the cheek. My stomach lurched. Hurriedly scooping the plates into my arms, I raced outside. I didn’t think I could stay in here another minute. Ocean-scented air fanned over my face when I stepped out onto the deck. The wooden slabs chafed my bare feet as I moved forward. Austin caught my eye, offering me a slight bob of his head from where he stood against the railing listening to Luca talk a mile a minute.

  “Wanna help me set the table?” I asked him, interrupting Luca. When Luca threw me a look of betrayal, I said, “Sorry, bud. But dinner’s ready, and I need some help.”

  He nodded with understanding. “Okay. I’ll help too.”

  Smiling, I set the plates down on the patio table. Austin sidled up next to me as Luca headed inside. “How’s it going?” Austin asked.

  I groaned.

  He chuckled, placing his hand on the small of my back. It felt good, and I didn’t want to move an inch. “That good, huh?”

  “She’s so annoying. I can’t believe he makes me hang out with her.”

  “I’ve spent a lot more time with her than you have, and she’s not that bad.”

  “That’s because she’s not dating your dad.”

  Austin’s chuckle turned into a full-fledged laugh. “I don’t know. That might be interesting. It would definitely liven things up for my family. In fact, maybe she’d bring out a better side of my dad than my mom does.” The chuckle died, his face sobering as if realizing what he’d said.

  His words and expression cut to my heart. Before I could say something comforting, Luca stepped outside carrying several condiments in his arms.

  “Dad burnt the chicken again,” he announced, giving me an accusatory stare.

  “Don’t blame me,” I told him. “You two were supposed to be helping him.”

  “That one was too busy yapping,” Austin said, pointing to Luca.

  “I wanted to tell you about my new game,” Luca explained, dumping the condiments on the table. The barbecue sauce fell over, and he quickly righted it.

  Dad came out with the platter of chicken, Penny behind him with the salad. Austin grabbed a couple of the plates and dispersed them at the empty spaces.

  “I’ll go grab the forks and napkins,” Luca said before scurrying inside.

  After Dad and Penny sat down, Austin and I did too. Luca returned with the forks and napkins, and we all took one. There was a slight breeze in the air, and it trickled over our bodies. It felt nice since it was still pretty hot out. I always liked eating outside. Even back home, Mom and Luca and I often ate on the back patio on warm evenings. It was weird to think that Mom had never been here. She’d never seen Dad’s house or sat on this patio. She’d never even met Austin.

  It didn’t seem right. Austin was such a big part of my life. He was my first kiss, my first substantial crush, the first boy who’d reciprocated my feelings. He owned a piece of my heart, and it was unfathomable that my mom hadn’t met him. I wasn’t sure she ever would, and that saddened me even further.

  From across the table, Dad leaned over and whispered something in Penny’s ear causing a giggle to escape from her lips. Swallowing hard, I shoved down the irritation that rose in me. I didn’t know why Penny bothered me so much. Austin was right. She was nice. And clearly she made Dad happy. Definitely more than Mom had. Maybe it was simply because she wasn’t Mom. The fact that Dad chose Penny over the woman who gave birth to me, the woman whose blood ran through my veins, felt like a slam on me somehow. Plus, it bothered me when she was around because I only got three months a year with my dad. Therefore, when I was here, I wanted to have him all to myself. Not share him with his girlfriend.

  Austin reached for the salad in the center of the table, and his arm brushed mine. Glancing over at him, I felt like a hypocrite. How was Austin any different from Penny? I spent more time with him than I did with Dad. He was here practically every day, and when he wasn’t we were exploring around town together. Actually, Austin was around more than Penny was in the summer. And yet, Dad treated him like part of the family. More so than I’d ever done with Penny.

  Taking a deep breath, I made a vow to myself to try harder with her. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but I’d do my best to make her feel more welcome. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel guilty about Austin being around, because there was no way I was giving up my time with him.

  For me, summer was all about my summer boy.

  EIGHTEEN

  There’s a hill that overlooks Inland Cove. A winding road weaves up the hill, and at the top there’s a groove to park and get out, even a bench to sit on. Years ago, teenaged tourists had dubbed it “make-out point” or “lover’s point.” Many of them had gotten in trouble for using it as a place to get it on. But locals called it “Serenity Point.” They said that up on top of that hill was the most serene place in the city. It’s the place you would go to clear your head, to find peace. There was no noise to distract you, and the lights shining down on the ocean were breathtakingly beautiful.

  Dad took Luca and me there twice last summer. Once at night, and once during the day. It was the prettiest at night, but both times it was stunning. And I agreed with the locals. It was peaceful. Almost eerily so.

  That’s why I took Austin up there. It was because he needed peace.

  Our original plan had been to go into town for a movie. The sun had dipped, and the sky began to darken. That was always my favorite time of the evening. I loved when the sky was an array of pinks and purples, meshing in the sky like an impressionist painting.

  Since it was getting dark, Dad let me take his car. On the drive to Austin’s, giddiness filled me. My insides quivered with excitement. It’s not like Austin and I had never gone to a movie together. We saw several last summer, but that was different. Back then we’d gone as nothing more than friends. The closest we’d come to intimacy was when we both reached for popcorn at the same moment and our fingertips skimmed. However, I had yanked my hand back so fast popcorn kernels rained down on us like we were in the middle of a popcorn downpour. It took me weeks to live that one down.

  This time I was sure our hands would touch for more reasons than reaching for popcorn. I imagined we might even do some kissing. At least I hoped we would.

  Pulling up to Austin’s house, I parked along the curb and got out of the car. Hurrying up the walkway, I rubbed my lips together, my lip-gloss soft and silky. Tonight I was wearing a little more makeup than usual. A fact Dad and Luca couldn’t let go of. They teased me shamelessly before I left. But whatever. I wasn’t wearing it for them anyway.

  “I can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being!”

  I froze at the sound of Austin’s voice from inside the house.

  “You watch your tone, young man,” his dad bell
owed.

  My feet stayed rooted in place. I had almost made it to the front door, but now I was scared to keep going.

  “You two never give me the benefit of the doubt. Ever,” Austin said.

  “Give us one good reason why we should,” his mom interjected. Even though I couldn’t see her, I was sure her lips were pursed.

  Stomping sounded. “You two are unbelievable.”

  “Where are you going?” his dad asked.

  “Away from the two of you,” Austin growled, and stomping neared me. Biting my lip, I stood still. Austin shot through the front door with such force I worried it would come unhinged. When he slammed it shut, the windows rattled. A stream of expletives left his mouth as he stormed down the walkway.

  “Austin?” I breathed out, my chest tight. “What’s going on?” Glancing up at the house, I expected his parents to exit the house at any minute, but they didn’t. For some reason that scared me more than if they had come out with guns blazing. No way would my mom or dad let me storm out of the house like that.

  “Nothing,” he snapped angrily. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

  I flinched. He’d never spoken to me like that before, and I didn’t like it one bit. “I know you’re mad at your parents, but I’m not them,” I spoke gently, yet firmly. I had no desire to be mean to him, but I wasn’t going to let him treat me poorly. My parents had taught me better than that.

  His head swung toward me, his eyes softening. Reaching out, he grabbed my hand. “I know. I didn’t mean to be rude.” His eyes pleaded with me. “I just need to go somewhere. Anywhere that’s not here.”

  “Then let’s go.” Hand in hand we made our way to Dad’s car.

  After getting inside, I turned on the engine and pulled away from the curb. I wanted to ask him what happened. The question lingered on my tongue, coating it, thick, like peanut butter. But I thought better of it. Clearly, he was upset, and in my experience it was best not to push people when they were like this. I was sure he’d share when he was ready. So instead, I gripped tightly to the steering wheel and drove forward.