Tommy’s Baby

by Rose, Annie J.

  I resisted the urge to rush after him, to ask what time and where and if he had a girlfriend that would be there too. I didn’t want to meet his gracious gesture with awkward pushiness, so I kept working. But I worked with a smile on my face that I couldn’t stop if I’d wanted to. Because I was going to a bonfire tomorrow night, and Tommy would be there. I felt so excited, so much like I had something to look forward to for the first time in way too long.

  When I got off work, I figured the time difference and went ahead and called Sam. I had to share this with her, even if I couldn’t tell her who it was or where I was. I missed my best friend so much, and there was no way I could miss the chance to tell her when something good finally happened to me.

  “Hey, girl, what’s up?” she said.

  “I miss you,” I said. “How’s work?”

  “It’s about the same. I miss doing yoga with you. Giving you crap about those pretzel shapes you can twist into. Nobody at class jokes around with me.”

  “Well,” I said, pushing down the sadness, “maybe that’ll be good for you and you’ll get better at yoga without me there to goof around with,” I said. “Maybe I was the bad influence all this time.”

  “We both know better than that,” she said. “Are you really doing okay?”

  “Yeah, I am,” I said. “There’s this guy at work. He’s gorgeous, and he asked me to go to a bonfire with him tomorrow night.”

  “Good! I’m so glad. You go, and you look hot and have a great time. You deserve it. You haven’t really been happy since… well, it’s been a while.”

  “You mean since before all my financial problems,” I sighed.

  “No, way before that. The last time I really saw you happy, we were barely out of high school. You’ve never been happy since Tommy left. And that’s a hell of a long time to be miserable.”

  “I have not been miserable since I was twenty years old,” I said.

  “See, you even know how long it’s been exactly. I rest my case,” she crowed triumphantly.

  I rolled my eyes before I remembered she couldn’t see me on a phone call. I wanted so much to tell her it was him. That I’d taken the risk and charged back into his life. That I worked with him and saw him every day and now he’d invited me someplace after hours. It wasn’t exactly a wild plan to seduce him or anything, but I felt better knowing I was near him, felt more like myself than I had in years. I wanted him in my life, in whatever capacity I could have him. I wanted Tommy O’Shea and I’d never stopped wanting him.

  More than anything, I wanted to tell Sam, knowing how happy it would make her. But I couldn’t. It was more important to keep her safe, to protect my best friend. I couldn’t have her knowing too much. It was time to get a new burner phone anyway. She had to have no way to reach me, no number to give out that could be located. So I switched phones often and blocked my number from showing up on her screen. It felt excessive and unnecessary at times, but I would never forgive myself if she were in danger because of me. I wasn’t about to hazard telling her the truth of where I was and who I was with. So I told her goodbye and went back to the motel to get some sleep.

  Not that I slept, not knowing I’d be seeing Tommy at a non-work event he’d invited me to. I had nothing decent to wear, no cute sundress and sandals. I had a few shorts and tanks, a t-shirt, a pair of sneakers and the sunglasses I’d bought from the vendor the other day. I used to dress up for him, a short skirt or a cute off-the-shoulder top because he loved to be able to kiss my shoulders when we were out together. God, it hurt to think about it. I dug in my duffel and found my favorite purple sleeveless yoga top with the om symbol on it. It was the only article of clothing I hadn’t replaced besides my underwear when I left. I didn’t want anything distinctive or identifiable on me. The purple top was the only thing I’d held onto from my old life, except for the memory of Tommy. As I went to sleep, I rehearsed saying, ‘thanks for inviting me’ with the proper amount of casualness. I didn’t want it to sound thirsty. I didn’t want it to sound too formal, like I’d only come there for ten minutes because my boss asked me to. I wanted him to know that I was excited, but not too excited.

  Jesus, I needed to get a grip.

  Chapter 15

  Tommy

  The fire was crackling. I had a cold longneck in my hand, and I had been talking shit with Billy and a couple of our friends for half an hour. Where was she? And, more to the point, why was I wasting my night off wondering where she was? I had one damn night off a week, and I was looking up every time headlights sliced across the ground, wondering if it was Liza.

  I got up to get some food. Brandi had seen a nacho table on Pinterest while looking for ideas for her classroom and decided that was what we had to have tonight. So Connor and I had covered a long table with foil, and Billy had picked up the groceries. Layer after layer of tortilla chips and toppings were piled in a long column down the middle of the table. Connor had held Lilly up so she could sprinkle cheese over the top when they were done. Karin had stacked up plates and forks at one end of the table, and Lucas was trying to help hand out paper towels. Mainly he tried to toddle away with them, and she had to chase him back toward the table laughing. I piled some food on my plate, tried and failed to get a paper towel from my little nephew and ended up chasing him around the table a few times and then jogging around with him over my shoulder in a fireman’s hold while he laughed and shrieked. When I put him down, I saw her.

  Liza walked into the courtyard of the O’Shea family compound, the old resort we were fixing up and living in. She was carrying a pan of something she’d brought to contribute to the feast and Elise went up and greeted her and took the pan. I paused and waited to watch the interaction. In about two seconds, she was on her knees beside my niece Olivia, admiring her light-up shoes. Olivia took her finger out of her mouth and pointed at the pan Liza had carried in. The pan was opened, and Olivia was allowed to take out what she wanted which looked like a brownie or some kind of sweet. She tried to cram it in her mouth all at once and dropped it. She took a long breath, face turning red, about to howl and cry. Liza swiftly produced another brownie and offered it to her, making gestures that it was no big deal and giving Olivia the new treat. Olivia collapsed into Liza’s arms like Liza had just rescued her from certain death. Olivia got the drama gene for sure. It was incredibly cute.

  When Liza squeezed my niece, something in my chest squeezed at the same time. I wanted a family so bad it hurt. Elise took the pan and then Liza was talking to Morgan, Billy’s wife, who was holding baby Amelia. Liza admired the baby, was given the baby to hold. Her whole body seemed to curl around Amelia protectively, snuggling her close and bending her head low, kissing her forehead. I felt the pull then, of wanting to be there beside her, to put my arm around her as she held the baby. As she held our baby, I thought, my truant brain obviously trying to make me crazy. I wanted to say it was my brain. It could have been my heart. Because I didn’t just want a family. I wanted a family with her. Only with her. Liza or nothing at all.

  Billy came over and threw an arm around my shoulder, “Go get her, man.”

  I shrugged him off and took his advice without backtalk, without teasing. I was out of words. I was pure instinct, moving across the flagstone courtyard with one goal in mind. When I reached her, talking with my sisters-in-law, I cleared my throat.

  “Could I borrow Liza for a minute?” I asked, not even attempting an approximation of my usual easygoing smile.

  I knew I looked grim, serious as a massive stroke. They nodded and peeled off one by one, leafing away into the party unnoticed by me. My eyes were trained on Liza. Her hair was down, those honey waves falling around her shoulders. Her hair was darker than I had remembered, or maybe it was the firelight or faulty memory. I knew it wasn’t faulty memory though. I remembered every single thing about her like it was branded on my skin.

  “Would you like a tour of the resort?” I managed, flailing around for the only excuse I could think of. She narrowed her e
yes at me, probably suspicious of my motives.

  “Well, that depends,” she said. “Are you, like, selling timeshares?”

  “You’re gonna get salty with me?” I asked, feeling the easy rhythm with her.

  “Didn’t I always?” she replied archly. “If you wanna show me your resort, I’ll walk with you. But I didn’t come here for the grand tour.”

  “I’m not ready to know why you came here,” I shot, not meaning to be that blatant about it.

  “Then I won’t push you. I’ve pushed enough, I think. So let’s just imagine we’re strangers and I just started working at the bar. You’re being nice, showing me around.”

  “I’m Tommy,” I said jokingly.

  “Adriana,” she answered.

  “Goddamn,” I said, feeling the air rush out of me in a whoosh. “Why’d you tell my brother that was your name?”

  “Because it’s the name on my passport.”

  “Why? Why is that name on your passport? It’s what we were going to name our kid,” I hissed. She shook her head.

  “It’s just the first thing that came to mind.”

  “Do I want to know why?”

  “I’m gonna say no,” she said, hesitating.

  “Adriana Thomas?”

  “It’s not like I planned for you to hear the name, or that I thought you’d even remember,” she said, squirming a little.

  “You brought that name to my door, you showed up here—"

  “I thought we were pretending to be strangers. Being friendly,” Liza interrupted.

  I let out a long breath and grabbed her hand. I even managed to pretend that it didn’t shock me, touching her after all this time, how electric it was to feel her hand in mine.

  “There’s the cabins, the hot tub that, thanks to Connor in protective daddy mode, is protected by a childproof fence that is accessible only with a nine-digit code and a pin number.”

  “No retinal scan?”

  “Lilly might con someone into using their retinas for entry. He knows none of us can be coaxed to give up secrets. SEAL training.”

  “But a little kid can make you submit to a retinal scan?”

  “Are you kidding? Lilly could make us do anything. She’s sweet as she can be, but we all, like, swore allegiance to her the day she was born. There’s no way any of us can say no to her. She’s irresistible.”

  I led her over to the cabins nearest the shore so she could hear the surf and see the moonlight on the water. It didn’t occur to me till I got there, to the shadowy spot between cabins with waves pounding the shore that I had taken her to see a romantic view. That this might as well be the designated make-out spot of the entire Caribbean. Private, secluded, almost magical. I felt her proximity, the way her fingers laced through mine. I drew her up beside me to listen to the water.

  “This is unbelievable,” she breathed.

  Then she leaned into me. Just enough, just her head tipped against my arm, her side pressed into me, a line of warmth where our bodies met. My mouth watered from that slight contact. I felt my pulse get faster and wondered if she could feel my heart hammering. Part of me wanted her to feel it, to know the effect she still had on me. Every word we had exchanged felt dangerous, like we were walking a tightrope, alligators beneath us, flaming arrows aimed our way on all sides. I stood there for a minute while she looked at the view. Then I turned and went toward the main building to show her the improvements we’d made since the hurricane.

  “We reclaimed a lot of the original materials and sourced the rest locally. If you look at the mantelpiece here, that was cut from a tree that fell and damn near killed Billy and Morgan. We didn’t waste anything.”

  “That’s amazing,” she said. “And I like that you and Billy used some wood from the cabin that couldn’t be salvaged to make the shelving there. I think when you open up to guests, they’re gonna love that. And the fact that your kids’ pictures are on the shelves.”

  “Their kids. Not mine,” I corrected stonily.

  “You never got married?” she asked tentatively. “Never settled down?”

  “No.”

  “I didn’t either. I was working eighteen hours a day, and I guess if the right man had come along, I would’ve made room in my life for him. But he didn’t.”

  “The right man didn’t come along?”

  “The right man never came back,” she said, meeting my eyes brazenly. I felt that like a spear to my chest.

  “Why are you here, Liza?” I finally demanded.

  “I came here for you. I found out where you were, and I came,” she said, bold as could be.

  Everything darkened and narrowed to that single point, to the curve of her upper lip, right where my mouth met hers. I leaned in and caught that lip between mine, tugging, locking our lips. The jolt of contact, of our lips meeting again, was potent and real. It shook me, and I felt her start to tremble when I cupped her face in my palm, when I slid my arm around her and pulled her flush against me.

  Chapter 16

  Liza

  He was kissing me. After all this time. Finally. Tommy had finally put his mouth on mine again. I wanted to fall on my knees with gratitude to the universe. But more than that, I wanted to keep kissing him. The contact was tentative at first. His eyes had gone dark on me, and a thrill of wicked pleasure ran through me. Then he had captured my top lip, giving me a split second to pull away if I didn’t want this. As if there were a world in which I wouldn’t want this with him. Impossible.

  He hauled me against him, fierce and possessive. Tommy deepened the kiss, his tongue breaching my lips. I gasped when his tongue touched mine, hot and invasive. A sound came out of me, raw and undignified, desperate. My arms wound around his neck, fingers threading in his hair. God, I’d missed his hair, his mouth, his everything. It felt so right, so good. He was claiming me. Licking the roof of my mouth, turning my legs weak, and my core hot and wet so quickly. He held me fast, big arms pinning me to him. I didn’t want to get away, not even close, but knowing that he held me there, that I was essentially trapped gave me a little thrill, too. Every nerve in my body raged and I wanted to say so many things to him. But I couldn’t have said a word right then, not if someone had offered me three million dollars. I was all sensation, all feeling, primitive and speechless.

  He lifted his head and looked me in the face, his eyes feverish and drugged looking from the kiss. I touched his face just like I had that first day. I reached out, fingertips grazing the stubble along his jaw.

  “Tommy,” I said, my voice husky. I lifted on my toes to kiss him again. He met me halfway. He rubbed his lips against mine, sensuous and lush. I responded to him instantly, body rising to press myself to the muscular wall of his chest. A rush of arousal rippled through me when my nipples, hard from his kiss, came in contact with the hardness of his chest. I ran my hands over his pecs, relishing the strength I felt, the way his body seemed to wrap around me, cocoon me as we kissed. His arms enfolded me, one hand palming the curve of my ass. No one had ever grabbed my butt during a kiss and turned me on except him. Anyone else and I’d thought they were crass and groping me. With Tommy it was different. He was just reaching out for a handful of what was his all along, tracing every curve of my body like he wanted to memorize me. Because his hand belonged to me anyway. His hand was mine, the same way my body was his and always had been. I tipped my chin up to give him better access to my lips. His thumb brushed over the pulse in my throat and I shivered.

  My hands roamed his chest and I nearly wept with the exquisite torment of his kiss. “Please,” I whispered into his hot mouth.

  Tommy broke the kiss and crushed me in his arms. He cradled me against his chest. “God, Liza—" he broke off, breathing hard.

  “I know,” I said shakily. “It’s not supposed to be like that. Not after all this time. It should be awkward and—it shouldn’t feel like I’m coming home. Tommy, I have to tell you. I came here to find you. To have a chance at least to apologize. Because I was young, and I w
as confused and I didn’t have the patience or the maturity to hold on and wait for you. Those are bad excuses. I loved you enough, goddamn I swear I did—but there it is. I made the wrong choice and I hurt you so much. I owe you an apology. Nothing turned out the way I thought. Even if it had, even if we both had all our dreams come true, I’d still be so damn sorry. I’ve missed you so much. Tommy—"

  I broke off, urgent, wishing he’d say something. Like that maybe he’d missed me or he’d never stopped thinking of me either. He stepped back from me then, not touching me any longer. Probably not an encouraging sign for me. Still, I didn’t exactly have a lot to lose at this point. In for a penny, in for a pound, I thought. He might as well know.

  “I never found anyone else like you. I never found anyone I felt even a fraction of that for. And by the time I wised up and realized I’d had the real, actual thing with you, it was too late. I’d left you. I’d given that up. And nothing I wanted or thought I wanted could ever make up for what I’d walked away from. There’s no way to ask for you to forgive me, because I don’t deserve it. Just know that I’ve been sorry. I always will be,” I said.

  “I never found anyone else quite like you either,” he said, and he lifted my hand in his and kissed my knuckles. I felt my knees go weak like a storybook princess when he kissed my hand and held it.

  “Thank you,” I said, “You didn’t have to say that to me.”

  “It’s true. I’ve never told you anything but the truth. Why would I start lying now?”

  “You mean when there’s nothing at stake,” I said, finishing for him. “When we’re not together and there’s no argument to avoid or anything. You might as well tell me whatever you want.”